Settled Down 3
a day in the life...
Summary: It's a day in the life of the SGC. Things don't always go according to plan though. Just a light-hearted quickie after the two heavy ones. Thought you'd appreciate the break.
"Daniel, if you don't cut that out I'm cutting you off."
Damn, I don't know what's gotten into the man but he's driving me nuts this morning. I've got to get to work on time, it's already 0730 and he's as horny as a rampant bull.
"But Jack, just a quickie, huh hun?"
Those eyes of his should be registered as lethal weapons. It's taking every anti-mind-control technique that I know to resist him.
"Please Daniel, I can't be late. Not this morning. You know why. I've got the meeting with the new general on the JCS. I've got to show him around the SGC. I've been told that he knows nothing about the place. They're wanting to spring the whole fucking thing as a big surprise. I hope the guy's got a strong heart, that's all I can say. Please, babe, I need you to behave. Promise me?"
Hell, he's sulking. He does pout, I don't care how much he denies it, he fucking pouts.
"Have I ever let you down, Jack?" he asks.
"Never. Now come on, I'm going to be late."
FINALLY! He stops trying to undress me and we head for the door.
"Um Daniel? Shoes?"
It takes all my reserves of calm not to laugh my ass off as he hares off to find his shoes, blushing furiously as he does.
"Anyway, it's all your fault," he shouts from behind the sofa.
How many times have I told him to put things where he can find them? Oh, hang on, I think I had something to do with their current position. Last night when we got home and we, er...
"Whatd'ya mean 'it's my fault'?"
He slinks back to my position, his shoes on, runs his finger down my chest and, his mouth right next to mine, "You shouldn't have put your blues on, Jack. You know what they do to me. You make me so damned horny I can't think straight."
We made it out of the door without me embarrassing myself. I can only hope that I don't do that at all today. Daniel, to get his own back, is wearing his brand new midnight-blue Armani suit. We saw it when shopping together. My eyes popped out, he saw them going, figured out that I wanted to see him in it and he grabbed it and went and got changed. The look on my face was enough for him to not even sniff at the price tag. How he did that I don't know. I've got a pretty good idea how much that plane cost him to buy me.
In all my years I've never had a present like that. And it wasn't the price of it either. It was the fact that he knew what would mean the most to me. It would be like me sending him for a six month dig; no hassle, no worries, just go and discover. He knows what flying means to me, even if he's shit scared about sharing my passion. I'm only glad that occasionally I get a chance to share his, even if it bores me rigid. Actually, apart from my pilot friends, I think that Daniel is one of the few people that truly understands what flying means to me. He has never once complained about me going to the airfield to log some wing time. Not once. Not even when he's had other things planned and I surprise him with the announcement that I want to fly. He knows, he just freakin' knows that I have to do it.
Jeez, how much traffic is going to be on the roads this morning? I really need to get in early. Some generals will turn up before a meeting, just to throw you.
At last, we're here. We flash our IDs at the guards and they let us in. A quick check with them tells me that the general hasn't turned up yet. Just as well, I don't even know his name. I have to find Hammond - and fast!
"Give me a call when he comes, Jack," Daniel calls as he leaves me at the elevator.
"Sure thing, Daniel," I shout back and make my way to the General's office as quickly as dignity will allow.
"Ah, Colonel, I'm glad you're here," he says, "I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine. General Arthur Pinkerton, this is Colonel Jonathan Jackson-O'Neill, second-in-command of this base."
"Good morning, Sirs," I squeak while snapping off a salute. Fuck. I need to have words with the guys on the gate.
"Colonel, George here has been singing your praises. It would seem that you and your team are a little special, even if I still have no idea what you do. Would you please put me out of my misery?" He stands up and extends his hand. It's a strong, but friendly handshake. Perhaps he's going to be okay.
"It would give me great pleasure, General. If you'll come with me, I'll give you a tour of the facility. It will help explain our work here. General Hammond, with your permission, Sir?" Damn, I'm good.
"Of course, Colonel. Please bring Arthur back when you've finished. We have lots of catching up to do."
"Certainly, Sir." Another salute and we leave. I don't want General Pinkerton thinking that George runs a sloppy ship.
"Colonel, your name, it's a bit of a mouthful, do you have a shortened version?"
"Yes, Sir. Everybody knows me as Jack O'Neill. The Jackson bit is a fairly recent addition."
"Oh? Are you going to elaborate?"
"I've settled with a new partner, Sir. We decided that the name swap would be a good idea, especially as everyone was teasing us about getting married. We did that too, but somewhere that the ceremony wouldn't be recognised back here. If you'll come with me, I'll take you to the heart of our operation."
He follows me to the gate room. Aw shit, Daniel and Sam are in here, arguing about some UAV footage.
A cry of 'attention!' goes up and all the military snap to it, and the civilians stand respectfully.
"Would you like some coffee, Sir?" one of the techs asks as she hands some around to the others in the room.
"Thank you, yes, milk no sugar, please."
She hands him one ready-made, obviously meant for someone else, and he thanks her. Yes, he seems like a nice guy.
Pinkerton hovers over the screen that the psycho-maestro-twins were bickering over.
"What's this, Colonel?" he asks, sipping his coffee.
"That, Sir, is another planet." Hell, he's good. His coffee stayed in his mouth.
"No, Sir. That's what the SGC does, we visit other planets."
He's studying me, hard, trying to figure out if I'm pulling his leg. I push it a bit.
"That is some sort of ruin that Daniel here wants to see, and that there is some sort of interesting sciency thing that the Major wants to see."
"Would you introduce us, Colonel?"
"Yes, Sir, of course. This is Major Doctor Samantha Carter. She's second-in-command of my team, SG-1. She's also head of the physics and engineering departments. And this," I say pointing to Daniel as she salutes again in greeting, "is the head of the anthropology department here, Dr. Daniel O'Neill-Jackson."
Pinkerton loses his coffee all over the monitor and keyboard, sending sparks and smoke everywhere as the liquid hits the electrics.
Oh boy, it's gonna be a long day and it's not even 0845 yet.
Poor Jack. I'm guessing the General was a touch surprised by the name thing. He just found out that the 2IC of this facility is gay. Whoo boy. There's smoke filling the area near the monitor. The techs are having kittens, running around unplugging everything they can get their hands on.
"Don't worry about it General," Jack's saying. "That's not the worst thing to be spilt on the equipment by a long way." He looks at me meaningfully as he says it.
"Dammit Jack, you're not going to let me forget that are you? It wasn't my fault. Alien viruses can strike when you least expect them." I turn my back on him and try not to flounce as I walk over to Sam to soothe her frazzled nerves.
I hear Jack explaining.
"Yes Sir, Exorcist sick - in technicolour. Not a pretty sight."
Huh. I nudge Sam and whisper, "Shall we keep an eye on Jack? I think that today just got a lot more interesting."
"Well, we can't check out the footages that we had planned, so why not?"
Yeah, evil twin vibes strike again.
"Kids? What are you two planning?" Jack's voice cuts across the room.
"Nothing, Sir," Sam calls back.
"Us Jack? Why would you say something like that?" I do my best to look innocent, baby-face plastered on and blinking eyes aimed at the General. Yep, seems he's susceptible too.
"Don't let their sweet faces fool you, Sir. Those two are dangerous, especially when they're planning something. And I know they are, I can feel it from here. Malevolence follows them around." He shivers dramatically as he says it.
"Us, Sir? Never! We're lovely," Sam asserts. Then we do the thing that scares Jack the most. We laugh, together, quietly.
Jack goes white, shoots me his 'behave Daniel or else' look and escorts the General out of the control room. Sam and I lose it. We have absolutely no intention of doing a single thing to upset the General. But Jack doesn't know this.
We leave the techs to fix everything and follow them at a distance.
"You're looking edible," Sam murmurs to me.
"Hands off wench, I'm spoken for... as are you," I warn, laughing at her. She's been taking lessons in minxiness from Janet.
Speaking of whom, the entourage is heading for the infirmary by the looks of it. Things should get interesting right about now.
9 a.m. and all's not well.
"IT'S COMING TO GET ME!"
I must have forgotten to warn Jack about Nyan. He's done it again. If he gets drunk and watches films he has a tendency to react violently. It lasts for a couple of days past the viewing too. Janet says it has something to do with the conditions on Bedrosia. Even though he's human he does have a slightly changed physiology.
Sam and I watch with amusement as the medical staff try to catch him. He's like a chimp on acid, bouncing across the beds and avoiding capture.
Janet's yelling at Teal'c. "This is all your fault, Teal'c. I'm all for you aliens sticking together but I told you before that this sort of bonding has to stop!"
Teal'c's staring at his feet looking well and truly put out and told off. This is funny, watching six foot four inches of brick wall be cut down to size by a five foot and a spit imp.
"Hey Jan, what film did he watch this time?" I call out. Pinkerton is standing to one side, his mouth open wide. Jack's trying to look unconcerned as if this sort of thing happens all the time. It doesn't. Not all the time.
"Ghostbusters," she spits, shooting daggers at Teal'c. He wisely shrinks into the background.
Meanwhile Nyan is going loopy, screaming that he's going to be suffocated by an overgrown mutant marshmallow.
"Mr. Stay Puft?" I ask. Janet nods and sighs.
"Nyan," I call, "come on, calm down."
"NO, IT'S COMING - LOOK!"
"Nyan, that's Jack, not a marshmallow, though I can see how you could make the mistake. Come down from the cabinet now, please? You don't want me to have to shoot you down again, do you?"
Pinkerton asks Jack, "Again? This has happened before?"
"Yes, Sir," Jack sighs. "This time it's not so bad. Last time it was 'Mars Attacks' that set him off. He kept seeing heads in jars and weird-looking aliens everywhere. Which was quite amusing at the time; the Asgard were visiting."
"Yes, Sir; small aliens, grey, big eyes, blink a lot. Sweet really but you don't want to tick them off."
Teal'c has sneaked in with a zat.
"You do it, big fella," I say. "Seeing as you started it, you can get it in the neck when he wakes up."
Teal'c nods and takes his penance. He zats Nyan and we catch him as he falls off the filing cabinet.
Tee hee. Today is getting better and better. All hell has broken loose, I haven't done a thing wrong and it's nearly nine thirty. Time for a coffee, methinks.
The creepy couple leave the infirmary when Daniel calls to Carter something about coffee. I now have damage limitation to do with Pinkerton.
"Nyan is an alien, Sir, this is something we get used to around here. Aliens don't always react the same way as us to things. He's fine watching films, fine drinking alcohol, but put the two together and his brain chemistry goes out of whack for a day or two. He'll be fine."
"What was that ray gun thing?"
"It's a zat. Don't ask me how it works or what it does, all I know is it's not fun to be on the receiving end of a blast. One blast hurts and knocks you out, two blasts kills you and the third disintegrates. Very handy if you don't have anywhere to hide the body," I joke. Damn, he doesn't laugh.
Ok-ay, tough audience.
"Would you like to see the gate in action, Sir?"
"Oh of course, silly me. I'm so used to it now I forget. The stargate. It's how we travel to other planets. On the receiving end is a gate identical to the one we have. A set of co-ordinates is dialled, like a phone number. If the other gate isn't being used a connection is established. If the other gate is in use it doesn't, a bit like a busy tone. When we get a connection a wormhole is formed, we step through, get turned into molecules, whizz through and reintegrate as we step through the other side. That's the simple version. If you want a more technical explanation we should track down Major Carter again. She's a doctor of astrophysics and the resident expert in wormhole theory."
He looks stunned. Just nodding and shaking his head as I explain.
"Molecules?" he asks, not being able to get past that image.
"Yes, Sir. Molecules."
"Does it hurt?"
"Oh no, Sir. The first dozen or so times you get so cold you feel like your, um, extremities will fall off, but after a while your body gets used to it."
"How many times have you been through the gate, Colonel?"
I puff out a long breath as I think. "Not exactly sure, Sir, over three hundred that's for sure. I can ask someone to find out the exact number if you'd like."
"No need, Colonel, the estimate will suffice. Can I see the gate?"
"Of course, Sir, follow me please."
I haven't been so damned polite for years. It's freakin' killing me.
"This is it, Sir. The stargate."
He looks up at the ring and looks distinctly unimpressed.
"It doesn't do much, does it?"
"That's because it's not in use at the moment, Sir. Just a sec, I'll find out the schedule." I signal to the techs that we're coming back up.
"If you come back to the control room, Sir, we'll find out what's planned."
He follows me like a lamb, looking more and more bewildered by the moment.
"Sergeant, when is the next scheduled activation?"
"Anytime now, Sir, we're just rebooting the system. There's a UAV launch being prepared."
Well, that would explain the launch pad, wouldn't it?
"General, you really want to stay for this. We've modified standard spy UAVs. We launch them from here and send them through the gate. When they go through they send back images of the other planet. That way we can tell whether the place is full of snakes."
"That's what we call the Goa'uld, Sir. They're the bad guys. Look, General, you're going to find this hard to believe but Earth has been at war with them for the last - ooh let me think, nearly eight years. You have no idea how many times the planet has come close to being wiped out."
"The Colonel and his team have saved us loads of times," a voice comes from behind us.
"Paul, I should have known you'd be here. Is Josh with you?"
"Fraid not, Colonel, he's had to do some constituency work for a change."
I introduce Paul to the General.
"Major Davis is our liaison with the Pentagon. You'll see a lot more of him in the future, Sir."
Pinkerton shakes his hand, recognising career military and therefore - in his eyes - a measure of sanity. I think he's grateful.
"Major, could you explain to me a bit about this operation?" Oh dear, I don't think he has much faith in me.
"Certainly, Sir." Paul takes him to one side and gives him a quick rundown of the history of the SGC.
It takes all our powers of self-control not to fall about laughing as the techs and I hear the voice of the General punctuating the air as he plainly disbelieves what he's being told.
"My God man, how on earth does this work?"
"You are kidding me!"
"I don't believe it!"
What the fuck is Paul telling him?
Pinkerton comes back over to me, pale and shaking a little.
"Colonel, please tell me that this is one big hoax, please? It sounds like the premise for a particularly bad sci-fi show."
"Um, General Sir, it is. Well, it's not that bad - I acted as advisor on one of the shows in fact."
Pinkerton has regained his colour, in fact he's going quite red.
Ah, the gate is dialling. Good, it's distracted him from his current state.
"W.w.what's it doing?"
"Dialling, Sir," I say. "Sergeant, which planet are you dialling?" As if I'd recognise it - duh.
"I'm not, Sir, it's incoming. Unscheduled."
"Who have we got out there?"
"SGs-3, 5, 13, 21 and 29, Sir."
"Put the infirmary on standby." I ignore the General for a moment, procedure has to come first.
The gate engages, I turn to take a brief look at him. His mouth's wide open. Sweet.
"Receiving IDC, Sir. It's the Tok'ra."
"Crap, that's never good news."
I leave Paul to look after the General, yell at Sergeant Davis to get Carter and leg it down to the gate room.
Jacob comes tumbling through the gate, quickly followed by Anise and Qabil.
"Close the iris!" Jacob yells. It shuts immediately.
"Hi Jake, how's it hangin'?"
Anise looks at her robes, and then Jacob's and gives up trying to understand.
"Not well. We were ambushed, had to get out quickly. Thought we'd be safest coming here, what with the iris and all."
"Good thinking. Come on, infirmary, let's get you all checked out."
I can see a few minor-looking injuries, nothing that can't be patched up, I'm sure.
"What's with the uniform, Jack?
"Showing a new general around. Do you know him? Arthur Pinkerton."
"Yeah, sure, one of George's buddies. Good guy."
"Seems it, he's currently losing the plot though. They didn't brief him before he got here."
Jacob cracks up. "Oh dear, he's a bit of a stick-in-the-mud. Has he found out about you and Daniel?"
"In a manner of speaking. I used his full name to introduce him. It cost the SGC a new computer system when he spat his coffee over it."
Jacob howls with laughter. He tells me that this new guy is okay, decent, but very old-fashioned. Oops.
He bows his head and Selmac appears.
Jack, she says, quite fondly I imagine. How are you? Last time we saw you, you were in a bad way with the amnesia.
"I'm fine, Selmac, thank you. I can remember everything now. Daniel was amazing. Thanks for helping out, by the way."
I was not really able to do much. I am sorry.
"Hey, you turned up and tried. Can't ask more than that. Oh, look, here's General Pinkerton. General, Sir, you know Jacob Carter, you haven't met Selmac though, have you?"
Pinkerton's eyes look like they're going to pop out of his head.
Hello General, Jacob is telling me lots of things about you. He wants to know whether you ever really recovered from the, er, R'n'R in Bangkok? Oh, sorry, was I not supposed to mention that? Oh dear. I think I'd better go now.
Jake's head bows, not without a wink from Selmac, and he reappears.
"Arthur! Good to see you again old friend. Come to the infirmary with me, I'll explain Selmac in a minute. Jack, is Sam around?"
"She should be with you in a moment. In fact - look over there."
Pinkerton has to step back as the flying major does some major flying down the corridor and jumps into her dad's arms.
"Sammy, how are you baby?"
"Fine Dad, just fine. What's with the cuts? Come on, let's get you to the infirmary quickly."
She ushers him, holding on tightly to him. Pinkerton turns to me.
"That's Jacob's daughter?"
"Yes Sir. I'm afraid you'll find a lot of relatives at the SGC. This place is full of nepotism. Not a bad thing here, by the way, it keeps the secret better. In fact, my mother is one of the resident psychiatrists."
"Your mother? One of the psychiatrists? Why doesn't that surprise me?"
"Sir, we live and breathe aliens, interplanetary travel, unknown science, new civilisations and general weird shit. On a quiet day. Believe me, our counselling department is one of the busiest on base."
He looks me up and down and nods. He actually believes that. I escort him to the infirmary, explaining the difference between the Goa'uld and Tok'ra as we go. I think he's getting the hang of it now.
Jack appears in the doorway of the infirmary. Hammond's already down here, Pinkerton has gravitated to his side, much to Jack's relief. Paul's here, currently flirting with the nurses - as usual - in fact, pretty much everyone is - here that is, not flirting with the nurses. I came as soon as I heard who was here. Qabil/Kadim and I are chatting away in a three-way-two-mouth conversation in Abydonian as he gets his wounds dressed. I can't take my eyes off Jack though. He looks exhausted and it's only 11 a.m. Poor baby.
I put out my hand and beckon him over. I won't do anything to embarrass him in front of everyone though. I'll be restrained.
"Hey, how are you babe? You look shattered."
"I have no idea how I'm gonna get through this day Daniel, none at all."
"You'll do it, I have every faith in you."
"Aw," says Kadim. "Aren't you two so cute when you're not under fire. And Daniel's had enough coffee, of course."
"That's where you're wrong," I tell him. "I can never have enough coffee."
A scream from the iso lab sends us running. It's Nyan again.
"No, don't slime me please!"
Oh dear, it really is going to be one of those days, isn't it?
I'm off, I've got work to do.
Ah, back to the relative sanity of the anthro department. Music thunders through the air - Queen, Tie Your Mother Down. Yep, sounds like a good idea. Ever since I got myself an international staff, life here has gotten a bit more lively.
I'm quietly reading a translation done by one of the newcomers. Something doesn't look right. I take it back to him.
"Simon, tell me, which reference did you use to help you with this translation?" I ask, waving it in front of him.
"Budge of course," he says, smiling at me, his face saying 'didn't I do well?'. No you idiot, you didn't.
The old hands back off, they know what's coming.
"Budge? You used BUDGE? You even BROUGHT one of those... those... BOOKS here? What sort of idiot are you? We DON'T USE BUDGE! BUDGE IS A USELESS BASTARD, GET IT? NO BUDGE! You incompetent lorry load of wet pig's eyeballs! You retarded plethora of dissolving parrot gonads! You no-brained excuse for a deranged weasel!... Oh, hello, General. Nice weather we're having."
Oops, I don't think the blinky eyes thing is going to work this time.
Jack looks like he wants to kill me. Hammond's trying not to laugh. Jacob and Paul are failing - miserably. They're holding onto each other for support.
Pinkerton has just turned his back on me and walked out to the accompanying tune of "Another One Bites the Dust." Somehow, I find that oddly appropriate.
"Hiya," Sam comes into my office. I'm back here, trying to recover the damage done to the translation. "Heard you were venting a little while back. Simon Harrison is apparently being sedated in the infirmary. You made him cry you rotten thing. What did he do?"
"Um, used Budge," I say a little guiltily. Well, he had it coming.
"Ouch," she replies, putting her hand on my shoulder. See, she understands. "Come on, the brass are in the Officer's Mess. How do you feel like 'vibing' with me down there?"
"I'm not sure that I should even let the General see my face," I groan.
"Ah, it wasn't that bad, you weren't swearing."
"True, come on then, I'm hungry." It is lunchtime after all.
We walk in together and see Jack shudder the second he sees us. He excuses himself and comes over to me.
"You had to, didn't you Daniel, you fucking had to."
"He used Budge, Jack, I'm now going to be late home tonight because I have to redo the whole fucking thing. And I had plans," I add, moving a little closer to him now so that only he can hear. "You, me, blues, sunglasses, kitchen table, olive oil. Gone now, all because of Budge." I sigh, he whimpers and beats a hasty retreat.
"Daniel, you are a cruel bastard," Sam says. "I don't know what you said but he's walking with a limp." I just smile.
"Come on, creepy twin time." We grab our food and sit near the brass, right in front of Paul and Jack. They can see us, Pinkerton can't.
Sam and I flirt - obviously. We do this, it's fun. Means nothing, but it's lots of fun. And since Janet's been teaching Sam how to be really naughty it looks a lot worse than it is. Poor Jack. Poor Paul too. He's starting to look a little uncomfortable. Perhaps feeding Sam is going over-the-top? Nah, I'm having great fun.
We do our favourite thing. Talking about nothing in particular, but we keep looking over at the men and giggling when we do. Funnily enough, it's easy to giggle even when you're only talking about your latest purchases from the mall. Especially when said giggling worries the shit out of Jack.
I have no idea what those two are talking about but somehow I know I'm in deep shit. I covered for my awkward walk that Daniel left me with by complaining about my knee. Hammond's doing his best to soothe Pinkerton's ruffled feathers. He's slowly coming round to the idea that this place deals not only with aliens but the terminally insane. We keep trying to point out that in fact everybody started out sane, it's just the nature of the beast.
Uh oh, I do not like the look of this.
"Dr. Jackson, come quickly, the artefact brought from P385-7S5 has come to life!" Oh God, here we go again.
Daniel's taken off like a greyhound out of the traps, charging down the corridor. I excuse myself and follow. I think the others are coming too.
We arrive at the lab to hear him screaming the place down.
"GET THE FUCKING BIOLOGISTS. IT'S A FUCKING ANIMAL NOT AN ARTEFACT! OUCH! OWOWOWOWOW FUCKING OW IT FUCKING BIT ME!"
Daniel is not a happy camper.
Jacob takes a look at the snarling animal which now looks like some sort of Tasmanian Devil - the cartoon variety. It's whizzing around the lab, smashing things up, sending people scattering. Jake loses it.
"You didn't bring one of those back did you? Oh boy, now you've gone and done it!"
"Jacob!" I yell, while trying to catch Daniel who's now going absolutely nuts, pouring blood and cursing in about fifteen languages at once. "What the fuck is it?"
"It's a n'domian. They hibernate, and when they do they turn solid. It makes them look like statues. When they warm up they wake up. If they don't get their food they go loopy."
"What do they eat?" Carter yells at her dad, trying to catch it in a long net.
"Something very specific to its planet. You have to take it back."
Finally, I've got Daniel firmly in my grasp. He's still angry. Stuff it, I pull him close, hugging him hard, stroking the back of his neck. That usually calms him down. It's doing it again.
"Hey," I say. "Don't get blood on my uniform. Come on, back to the infirmary."
As we go past the infirmary we hear "FREEZE POTATO-FACE!" and "DON'T CROSS THE BEAMS!"
Whoo boy, Nyan has got it bad this time.
Frasier takes Daniel from me and cleans up his wound. He's been desperately trying not to get blood on his own suit too.
"DON'T YOU DARE! HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THIS FUCKING SUIT COST?" Oh dear, she's going at him with scissors.
"Daniel, darling, I have to get your jacket off you, your hand is a mess. I didn't think you'd want to drag it over the flapping skin and expose more bone than you already have. Oh, and by the way, WASH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH OUT, NO FUCKER SWEARS IN MY INFIRMARY EXCEPT ME, COMPRENDS?"
"Oui, oui. Je suis vraiment désolé. Je ne le farai jamais, jamais plus!"
Hell, I don't know what he said but it seems to be working, he was nearly on his knees as he says it. But he would have to speak French of all things, wouldn't he? He knows what that does to me.
I watch as Daniel winces in a great deal of pain as he takes his jacket off, his face white as a sheet as he hands it to me. Then he throws up. Damn, but he really is good at that. Janet's nickname for him, the Upchuck King of Cheyenne Mountain, is well-founded. That went at least two yards and all over Janet's feet. He really didn't want to do that.
He looks shit scared. He is shit scared - at least if he has any sense. He has, so he does the most sensible thing and faints.
Damn, but that was a good move. Janet yells at a nurse to get him gowned up. I pick him up off the floor and remove his pants for him, it's the least I can do. I don't want those pants damaged any more than he does. He looks to die for in them.
The nurse gets him into a gown with my help. I can't leave him, no matter what I'm supposed to be doing. Oh God, Hammond is here, along with the others.
"Hey Jacob, do you think you can do the healing thingy on his hand?"
"I could, but it's not recommended, Jack. Non-blended humans shouldn't have the healing device used unless they are really ill. He isn't. A tetanus booster and a couple of stitches should help him, along with a course of antibiotics. He'll be in a fair bit of pain though, the n'domian deposits a mild poison in its victim. It makes them sick and paralyses them with the pain for a while, usually long enough for them to kill and eat them. If the kill doesn't happen, the poison wears off. It doesn't take too long, but he should have some heavy-duty painkillers."
Janet's back, not looking very happy, but ready to take care of her patient.
"Jan, he's been poisoned," I tell her by way of mitigation for his earlier actions. Her face softens a little, but I still think that Daniel's got some extra intimate examinations in his near future.
Jacob explains what should be done and she organises it efficiently. His hand is cleaned and stitched in no time. Just as well, all the skin was flapping down along the palm and you could actually see his thumb bone. Yeauch.
"General, do you mind if I stay for a while? You know what he's like if he wakes up alone."
Hammond comes over and puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Of course, son, stay as long as you like. Should I call Mary?"
"Not for me, Sir, but you know what she'd be like if she wasn't told. It wouldn't be pretty."
George nods. He knows.
I hear him retreat to the other side of the infirmary. Jake's laughing it up with Sam, Teal'c's come in to check up on Daniel and Janet, Nyan can be heard yelling, "OKAY, WHO BROUGHT THE DOG?". Everything's normal. Janet's pumped Daniel full of stuff, what stuff I don't know, but he's starting to wake up.
"JACKIE BABY!" He flings his arms out to me, sending his IV lines scattering, the hanging thingy drops over the bed and one of his lines pops out of his hand. "You stayed for me. Aw, that's so sweet. I love you sweetie."
Aw fucking hell. He doesn't call me this when he's sober. I know I'm blushing.
"Hush Daniel, shh, keep it down, please." I try to cover his mouth with my hand but the little bugger bites me.
"JACOB! Is this desire to bite catching? 'Cause Daniel just bit me!"
"Nope, I'd say he just wanted your hand off his face, 'Jackie'."
I glare at him. My best 'I'm a special ops trained assassin so don't mess with me' look. It completely and utterly fails to make any impression on him. Damn, I'm losing my touch.
There's a sound of a slap, a yelp and Paul's voice screaming, "Which part of 'I'm gay' don't you understand, you idiotic silicon-enhanced excuse for a Barbie doll? Keep your hands off me in future."
Anise is looking very put out. Paul comes over to me, I think he really needs a friend right about now.
"I don't think the General is going to like me anymore," he says sadly.
"Don't sweat it, Paul, you have more than enough friends to cover for you." I pat his shoulder as he hits his head slowly on the bedside cupboard.
I hear Pinkerton talking to George. Well, not really talking, more of a raised volume diatribe.
"I don't know how you put up with this sort of behaviour, George, I really don't. Your premiere team for example. A grey-haired colonel with bad knees, who's also GAY, if you hadn't noticed; a major who's a woman and a scientist, a hulking great alien with a taste in bad science fiction and to cap it all another queer, who's not only a civilian but married to his male CO! On top of which he seems to have a temper bad enough to make him want to take on the entire Marine Corps. What else has happened? You have an alien screaming the place down because he's seen a movie; another alien creature biting people and another one trying to seduce yet another freaking fairy! This place is a centre for intergalactic insanity!"
You've gotta hand it to George. He takes everything Pinkerton throws at him and just says,
"And your point is?"
Yeah. Pinkerton may not be the sort to put up with this centre for intergalactic insanity, but George is, and he does it with style.
It's 1500 hours. I may not survive the day.
Woooo, headsspinnin, roomsspinnin, wanna hurl. Thas better. Not better? Jan? Baby? Sweetie? Whasrong? Second time? Second time wha'? Done loads o' things me, not much just once. You wanna try sumfink wiv me angel? Teal'cie baby, hiya. Did, um, didn't see you there what with you bein' so small an' all. Jack, where's Jack?
"I'm here, God help me. Come on Daniel, snap out of it please. God this is nearly as bad as that time in Washington."
"You're not wrong, Jack."
Paul, 'stha' you? Woo hoo. My friends're here. Yay! Wanna party.
"How did you sober him up then, Jack?" Jan sounds tired. Jan darlin' wanna come an' cuddle?
"Coffee. Sleep too, but mainly coffee. What's causing this?"
"Heaven only knows. At a guess, it's a mix of the poison, the drugs and his regular antihistamines. But that is just a guess, it's a freaking alien poison, I have NO fucking idea what it does. The bio guys are still trying to catch the bastard to get me a sample."
"How about sticking him on a coffee drip? Intravenous caffeine, it might just be what'll sober him up. If you do, leave the shunt in, I can hook him up in the mornings, it will save time and my ears."
Jack, tha's not nice. Love my coffee, tastes nice. Not as nice as you though Jackie Boy but still isss good.
"Shh, Daniel, we're in mixed company. Come on, babe, don't let me down, please."
"God no, can't, won't let you down Jack. No, non, niet, nein, nage, not gonna let you down Jack. Whatd'ya want me to do? Who needs shootin'? I can so do that now. Honest. Jussss gimme a gun an' point me at 'em. Don' know wha' you wan' me to hit, but I'll hit it. Won' let you down baby."
"Hush Daniel. I don't need you to shoot anyone. Come on, just go to sleep, huh? I know you won't let me down, you never do."
Tha's nice, he's stroking my hair. Not much there now. Can't play with it. Maybe I'll grow it again. Whatd'yathink?
Tired now, wanna sleep.
Mom came in to check on Daniel. She gave me a break so that I could get changed and have something to eat. I've changed into civvies. I'm technically off duty now, though I won't leave until I know Daniel's okay.
Pinkerton's gone. He never did see the UAV launch. Paul did what he could in the way of damage limitation, soothed his troubled mind etc., etc., etc. He wasn't so convinced that the international co-operation was working as he came across a three-way argument between a Brit, an Aussie and a Kiwi. Turns out they were arguing about cricket. And I thought it was a gentle sport. Shows what I know. Anyway, Janet says they only have minor bruising and are fit for duty, so no damage done.
Daniel's still out cold. He was running a temperature for a while. Janet says she'll keep him in overnight, just to make sure. Cassie's here. Pinkerton saw her as he was leaving, she was just coming into the infirmary.
"A child? What's a child doing in a top secret facility?"
Cassie is a Frasier. She may not be blood but she sure as hell is Janet's daughter. The guy is about six foot. She looked down her nose at him and said,
"I am not a child, I am a young woman. I'll thank you to remember that in future. I belong here. These people are my family."
"This place is top secret!" Pinkerton yelled. "It is not for young women, family or not to be walking around willy-nilly."
"Sir!" she spat. "I do not walk anywhere willy-nilly. Besides, I'm an alien, I'm not from Earth. If anything, I should be here and not hanging in the mall with my school friends. Now, if you'll excuse me?" And she stalked off to join me at Daniel's bedside. That's my girl.
It's 2100 hours. It's been a long day. I'm tired. Oh good, he's opening his eyes.
"Daniel? You with us?"
"Hey Jack. Oh God, I spoilt everything didn't I?"
"No babe, you didn't. It wasn't your fault."
"Gone home. Thinks this place is a mad house."
"Oh. Okay. Nothing we didn't already know."
I smile, stroke his hair and kiss his forehead.
"Love you Jack," he murmurs. "Now go home and get some rest. Come and see me in the morning. I'm guessing that Janet's keeping me in?"
"Got it in one, big fella. If you're sure?"
"I'm sure. Go home and sleep."
"Night then Daniel. Love you too."
He shuts his eyes and goes to sleep.