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Partners in Grime

Summary: A short, dirty story, full of filth *g*. Unbetaed 'cause it's a shortie.

"Colonel O'Neill! What in tarnation happened to you?"

"Don't ask, Sir," Jack snapped back as he squelched through the gate and down the ramp, an equally wet and filthy Daniel at his miserable heels.

Only Carter and Teal'c returned home in the same state in which they'd left, but with faces obviously being kept straight with difficulty.

Hammond was down the stairs and into the gate room in moments, instantly regretting it when he smelt the guys as they neared the exit.

"Colonel..." he growled, impatiently wanting an explanation.

"Carter will report," came the equally abrupt reply. "Daniel and I have an urgent appointment with the shower."

"Should Doctor Frasier take a look at you?" Hammond suggested, amusement apparent in his voice now that he'd seen just how annoyed the others were.

"Would you go into the infirmary looking like this?" Daniel squealed.

"Probably not. I take it you're not hurt?"

"Just my pride," Daniel muttered, squishing his way directly to the showers.

When they left, Jack and Daniel heard laughter from behind them, moans when Hammond ordered a clean-up team and then, "Boy, have we got a story for you, Sir," from Sam. With their tails firmly ensconced between their legs, they retreated to get scrubbed up before anyone else could ask how they'd ended up in this situation.

As they arrived, Jack collared a passing airman.

"You! Stay here. Let no one in until we come out. No one. Not even General Hammond."

"Especially not Hammond," Daniel grouched.

With that, they entered the locker room and slammed the door shut behind them.

"So, why don't you tell me exactly what happened?" Hammond ordered with a smile.

Sam and Teal'c had had a quick check-up and were now in the briefing room. As Teal'c was smiling, Hammond knew he was in for a good time.

"Well, Sir, it started like this..." Sam began, resting back in her chair and still grinning fit to burst.

"We emerged from the gate and everything seemed to be quiet. No initial signs of life so we headed off to do the mineral survey as planned. For the first hour, there was nothing to say that things weren't quite what they seemed but then..."

"You said it was a midden," Jack grouched as he ripped off his clothes. "Old. Once used to dump household waste."

"That's what it looked like!" Daniel snapped back, dumping his own clothes into the laundry basket.

"I thought you could tell the difference."

"Dammit, Jack! Will you stop complaining?"

"Why should I? Look at me!"

Daniel turned and looked at Jack who was now naked. Despite the fact that he was brown from head to foot - and not in that sexy chocolate shade of Teal'c or that exotic bronze of Shau're - he still looked good. Daniel turned his head away, unwilling to react inappropriately. The mood Jack was in at the moment wasn't conducive to his health without adding to the problem.

"You're not the only one!" he barked. "What about me?"

Jack swallowed hard. Even filthy, Daniel was hot.

"I'm covered in it. And that's your fault."

"Colonel O'Neill stepped into a cesspit?" Hammond asked in surprise.

The airman taking notes failed to smother a snigger but a glare from Hammond quickly shut him up.

"Not intentionally, Sir," Sam replied, smothering a snigger of her own - but more successfully than the airman.

"Then how?"

"Well, Sir, it turned out that Daniel's assumption that the planet was never inhabited was incorrect. We could see how he came to that conclusion as there was no sign of life. But, we now think that the planet is used some of the time, or at least the area near the gate. You see, there was more than one midden."

"More than one?"

"Yes, Sir. It would seem that the way they work it is that they dig a pit, like when we dig a latrine on overnight missions. Then at the end of their stay, they cover them up with whatever rubbish they have left over, such as animal remains, broken pots and so on. Because there seem to be a lot of these travellers, there is a lot of solid waste put on top of the liquid waste, and some of it floats on the top. Eventually, grasses grow over the top, but the roots don't go far down. It's like walking on a swamp. Except where the pits are newer where there is no real firmness. One of the pits, for example, was old enough that you could put your foot on it and it would still hold you up, even as it started to give way. It gave us enough time to hop off it."

"Except for the one that Dr. Jackson and Colonel O'Neill... discovered?" he asked.

"Except for that one, Sir."

"I still can't believe you pulled me into it!" Daniel moaned as the hot water ran over his body.

He watched as a lot of muck started to run down his legs but he knew that he was going to have to scrub himself raw to get really clean.

"I didn't! You put your hand out to help me out and I..."

"Pulled me in!"

"Slipped! I slipped."

Daniel didn't answer; his hands were full of shampoo and he was rubbing his head hard. He wasn't admitting to anyone that the moment he'd ended up with his head under the murky... water was a polite description - that he'd been scared shitless. Almost literally.

Jack had been equally afraid. When his hand, covered in greasy slime had slipped from Daniel's grasp and Daniel had overbalanced and fallen head first into the pit alongside him, his heart had nearly stopped. Mercifully, he'd been able to find one of Daniel's arms in moments and had hauled him to stand upright next to him. It was at that point that Teal'c had managed to lasso him. Jack had loosened the noose and wrapped it around both of them, leaving it to Teal'c and Sam to pull them out with the help of the FRED.

"Doctor Jackson went under?" Hammond asked in horror.

"Just for a moment, Sir. He says he shut his mouth as he realised he was about to hit the water and that he didn't swallow anything."

"Doctor Frasier will have to know this," he insisted.

"I have already informed her," Teal'c assured him. "She said that when they are clean, she will give them many checks and vaccinations to be safe."

Hammond almost felt sorry for them. Having been subjected to Frasier's full battery of tests and injections himself, he knew what they were in for. Almost, but then O'Neill was both his second-in-command and his chief pain in the ass, so he didn't feel too sorry.

"Were they in the pit long?"

"Not too long, Sir," Sam sighed. "We managed to drag them out of it before they got too cold."


"What's wrong now?" Daniel snapped.

"There's something wrong with this shower. The hot water's just run out."

Tired now, and too tired to argue, Daniel called, "Come in here, Jack."


"Jack, my back needs scrubbing and I can't reach it. Yours undoubtedly needs the same. Come here. I'm sure we can be grown up about this."

Jack was reluctant to do this but knew that Daniel was just being sensible, so he grabbed his shower gel and shampoo and entered Daniel's cubicle.

"How are we going to do this?" he asked quietly.

He, too, was tired now and starting to feel sorry. It wasn't as if Daniel had deliberately set out to trap him in this pit and, he knew, Daniel was bound to be feeling bad about it. Blaming him further was counterproductive so he accepted Daniel's suggestion that he turn around.

He had to clamp his mouth shut when he felt Daniel start to clean his back. It felt good. The mix of hot water - lovely hot water - and soap being firmly but gently sponged down his back felt wonderful. Almost too good.

Daniel was obviously being thorough, taking his time as he started at Jack's shoulders, almost massaging them with the sponge as he cleaned him carefully. It took all of Jack's self-control to not moan with pleasure. It had been a long time since he'd been taken care of by anyone that wasn't a health care professional and he loved it. Not that he could admit it.

In his own mind, Daniel was loving this, too. He took his time, carefully cataloguing the sensations of touch he 'accidentally' got when he allowed his fingers to brush against Jack's skin. Fantasy time when he retired to bed would be a lot more real, that was for sure.

When he got down to the small of Jack's back, Jack couldn't help but let out a groan.

"You okay?" Daniel asked. "I'm not hurting you, am I? Did you get bruised?"

"No, it's okay," Jack murmured. "Just feels nice." He shook himself when he realised what he'd said and stammered, "You're good at massaging," trying to keep it neutral.

"I'm glad," Daniel replied. Then, having considered Jack's reaction, he figured he could maybe, just maybe, push things a little. "Look, if you're ever aching, I can always give you a proper massage. I've had plenty of practice. You know, if you've had a hard day or something."

"Yeah. Yeah... Maybe," Jack agreed, wanting Daniel to stop talking so he could enjoy this more. But when Daniel started to wash his ass, he froze.

"Daniel? What the hell are you doing?"

"Jack, you're filthy here. Come on, you need it. God knows I'm going to need it and I'm hoping you're going to return the favour. Unless you're double-jointed, I doubt you can see when you're clean back here."

"Right, of course. Go ahead."

Jack dropped his hands over his crotch. No way was he going to let Daniel see his cock. To cover for his own movements, he picked up another cloth and started to scrub his front, concentrating mainly on his abdomen and groin. Absolutely under no circumstances was Daniel going to clean that!

Unfortunately, as Daniel dropped to his knees to scrub the backs of Jack's legs, Jack's own scrubbing was having the opposite effect to that which he had hoped. And when Daniel slapped his ass in an 'I'm done' manner, he jerked around in shock and gave Daniel a complete view of the effect it had had.

The atmosphere suddenly went very electric. Jack stood like a statue, Daniel stared at his crotch for a few minutes and then, to Jack's pleasure, as well as his chagrin, he rose slowly to his feet.

"My turn, I think," Daniel said, the water dripping down his face.

Jack said nothing but nodded slowly as he took the sponge from Daniel.

"Turn around. Put your hands on the wall," he growled quietly.

He didn't bother hiding his smile when Daniel physically shuddered while complying with the order. He continued to smile as he scrubbed Daniel's shoulders and back, pouring the shower gel onto him and letting it drip down his back and over his ass. When he aimed some onto the small of Daniel's back and watched as it rolled down the crack in his ass, he smiled even brighter, especially as Daniel let out a pleasured gasp.

"Remind you of something?" he teased, speaking lowly into Daniel's ear.

Daniel answered by nodding.

"Want more of that memory?"

Again, Daniel nodded, but this time he grabbed the conditioner from the little shelf in the shower and pushed it into Jack's hand. When he heard the pop of the lid and felt a finger push inside him, he bent more, thrusting his ass towards Jack.

Jack teased him with another finger, stretching him wide even though he got the feeling that Daniel didn't need it.

That was proved when Daniel snarled, "Fucking do it, O'Neill!"

With pleasure, Jack did.

More conditioner, this time on his cock, and Jack pushed inside him harshly, not stopping but burying himself in his ass, somewhere he had wanted to be for a very long time.

"About time too," Daniel whispered.

With another push, Jack whispered back, "Whoo ya. Definitely about time."

"Less talking, more fucking," came the order, so Jack obeyed, speeding up and slamming in as hard as he could.

A brief thought that he was glad to have put a guard on the door and then Jack forgot where he was, forgot who he was, and just carried on doing what he'd dreamed of.

Daniel figured he'd died on the planet and this was just one of those light at the end of the tunnel thoughts, where instead of his life flashing in front of his eyes, his most secret fantasy came into play. He only hoped that when he was eventually fished out of the pit, he wouldn't have a hard-on, as even if he really was dead, he'd die of embarrassment and that would knock any thought of resurrection on the head.

However, when Jack reached around and grabbed at his cock, he re-evaluated his thoughts and realised he was already in heaven.

"You like this," Jack grunted.

"What the fuck do you think?" Daniel growled.

Jack held back a laugh and concentrated on the job in hand.

He couldn't believe that he had Daniel's cock in his hand at last. Many nights had been spent wondering just what it would feel like, each one ending the same way, with a mess on his stomach and a feeling of depression hitting him when he'd remembered he was on his own. But now it was real. He wanted more.

Slamming into Daniel, Jack watched as he writhed under his touch. He was so damned responsive that Jack was fascinated by him. He wanted to kiss him, but the muck was still around his shoulders and he didn't dare.

"Turn your head," he ordered, pushing into Daniel as close as he could get.

Daniel did as ordered and found his - fortunately clean - mouth being captured with Jack's. That one act relaxed him totally. This wasn't going to be a one-off and he knew it. He gave as good as he got, and letting Jack's tongue into his mouth, he fought back, plunging his own into Jack's mouth, rasping his teeth, gasping for breath in short bursts.

When Jack plastered himself to Daniel's back, coming hard inside him, Daniel felt Jack's hand hold his cock tightly and it pushed him over the edge.

"Oh fuck," Daniel moaned as Jack pulled out.

He turned around and grabbed Jack's head, laying a glass-melting kiss on him. Finally, they broke away and stared into each other's eyes.

"Wow," Jack muttered, not letting Daniel go.

"Yeah," Daniel agreed with a smile.

They stood and looked at each other for a bit longer and then Daniel said, "We'd better finish off here."

Jack nodded and they got on with it, scrubbing themselves and each other, saying little but both trying to stand on wobbly legs.

"You're good to go, Colonel," Janet announced.

"Thanks, Doc," Jack replied, still watching Daniel who was standing at the other end of the infirmary. His tests and vaccinations had already happened.

They hadn't been able to stop grinning and each man prayed that everyone would think their amusement was purely down to relief at cleaning up after such a traumatic event.

"Ready to go see the General?" Jack asked as he approached Daniel.

"Guess we have to," Daniel sighed.

They turned together and walked slowly up to the briefing room, hands in pockets and both looking a little thoughtful.

"Jack." "Daniel."

"You go first," Daniel insisted.

"Nah, it's all right," Jack shrugged.


"Okay, okay. Look, I was wondering. Do you want to come over and, er, watch a game tonight?"

Daniel stopped, looked down and scuffed the toe of one of his boots against his other boot.

"I guess. Who's playing?" He looked up with a wicked grin hiding under his straight face, but Jack knew him well enough to see it.

Jack shrugged. "Oh, it's a military team against a bunch of geeks," he said casually.

Daniel sniggered.

"Okay. My money's on the geeks."

"Well, duh. Mine's on the military."

"Surprise, surprise," Daniel drawled. They continued walking to the briefing room and trying to hide their amusement. "You know, you should never underestimate geeks. They have a habit on coming out on top."

"Don't I know it," Jack groaned. Then he looked at Daniel and with a sly wink, he said, "You may find that the military go down with dignity."

Daniel had to stop himself from shuddering at that thought.

"I can't wait to see it," he murmured.

"Neither can I. Come on, let's get this over with." Jack opened the door and led the way in, Daniel hot on his heels.

"Colonel. Doctor Jackson. Are you both fully recovered?" Hammond asked as they sat at the table.

"We're fine," Daniel replied for them both.

"I'm glad to hear it. Major Carter and Teal'c have already given me the details of your little adventure, so we don't have much to go over. Unless you have anything to add?"

They looked at each other and grinned, then looked back at the General and shook their heads.

"No, Sir," Jack replied definitely. "Nothing to add. We went, we fell in, we got out, we came home, we got clean. Pretty much it."

"I'd like to send an archaeological team back there, er, fully briefed as to what to watch out for, naturally," Daniel added. "There was a lot of cultural information in the middens."

"I'll take that under advisement," Hammond muttered. "Give me a full report as and when you've written it. In the meantime, I think you should go home and rest. It must have been pretty traumatic, going under all that... mess," he said, addressing Daniel.

Daniel was about to deny that when Jack kicked him.

"It wasn't nice," he admitted.

"I think he's going to have a little bit of difficulty sleeping," Jack put in.

Daniel was about to kick Jack back when Jack continued. "I'm advising him to come over to my house. We'll eat, watch a game..."

Daniel had a coughing fit at that.

"Sorry! Not sure where that came from," he said quickly when he saw a worried look on Hammond's face.

"As I was saying," Jack put in, trying to deflect the attention away from Daniel. "We'll do that and he'll stay over with me. I'm sure that we'll be back on form tomorrow."

Hammond seemed to agree with him and dismissed them, the men escaping as quickly as they could.

"Watch a game?" Daniel howled when they entered the locker room.

Mercifully, they were on their own again.

"Well... we had to look innocent."

Daniel moved right next to Jack and batted his eyelashes deliberately, running the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip.

"But I am innocent," he said sweetly.

Jack burst out laughing. "Yeah, and I'm the King of Siam."

It didn't help when Daniel dropped to his knees and bowed deeply, saying, "Your Highness. I am at your command."

A noise at the door had Daniel back up on his feet before Jack could react to that, and Daniel saw a look of both shock and lust in his eyes.

"Home," he whispered to Jack. "Now."


They finished getting changed rapidly and were out of the base in record time.

Somehow Jack avoided a speeding ticket. Somehow, they kept their hands off each other all the way home. Somehow, they looked like two pals getting beer in for a night in front of a game on the TV. Somehow, they made it into Jack's cabin without giving the game away.

As the door shut behind them, however, the bags were dropped to the floor and Jack soon found himself being propelled backwards towards the sofa with a mouth attached to his, hands almost tearing his clothes off and noticed the instant hard-on which felt like it had been sprayed with quick setting concrete. He returned the favour, getting Daniel's clothes off him as quickly as he could. By the time they reached the sofa, shirts were gone, jeans were undone and pushed down, shoes were kicked off, Daniel's glasses had disappeared and nothing else stood in their way. Jack flopped backwards onto the sofa, Daniel landing on top of him moments later.

They didn't stop for any preliminaries. This was just about getting off and they knew it. They could take their time later on.

Jack pushed up as Daniel pushed down. Their cocks clashed and Daniel thought that the heat being generated might result in spontaneous combustion. He didn't care. What a way to go!

They didn't talk. They couldn't. Their mouths were either attached to each other or involved in biting or kissing the other's neck. Daniel pumped harder, Jack gave him something to pump against by pushing his hips up as high as he could. When Jack grabbed Daniel's ass and rather ruthlessly pushed a finger inside him, Daniel spilled, Jack following him soon after.

They lay there, gasping for breath, holding each other tightly.



"You're heavy."

"Tough. You're comfortable."

Jack laughed a little then pushed Daniel so that he lay on his side instead.

"Hey," he said, a little goofily.

Daniel looked at him with an equally dumb look.

"Hey," he replied.

"Um..." Jack muttered, getting Daniel's attention straight away.


Jack didn't say anything straight away but finally, he said, "We're good. Aren't we?"

Daniel smiled back at him.

"Oh yeah. We're great. Why? Do you have a problem with this?"

"No. No problem. I can deal with the secrecy and all that sort of shit," Jack shrugged. "I just don't want to mess things up between us."

Daniel looked at their abdomens which were rapidly sticking together as the semen cooled. He laughed.

"I think that's already happened. Look at us, we're a real mess! Again!"

The tone of his voice told Jack all he needed to know. With gratitude in his eyes, he hugged Daniel tighter.

Feeling Jack relax gave Daniel his own final reassurance.

"Come on," he said. "Let's shower."

"Aw, do we have to?"

"Well, remember what happened last time we showered together?"

Jack thought for a moment. "You're right. We do need to clean up further."

He rolled off the sofa and pulled Daniel up. When they were both upright, he looked for some final confirmation.

"Daniel, we're really going to do this?"

"What, shower?"

"No. The relationship thing."

"Ah. That."


Daniel thought the doubt in Jack was sweet. He held him close.

"Partners, Jack. We've always been partners. But now, we have a different element to contend with, that's all."

"Always been partners?" Jack asked as they started to make their way to the shower.

"Sure. Partners in grime," he grinned. "Boldly seeking out new life-forms in strange places."

"I get you," Jack replied. "Brown-nosing it with the natives, having close encounters of the turd kind..."

Daniel groaned and led him into the shower.

"You have a filthy mind," he accused.

"You have a dirty mouth," Jack countered.

A grin from Daniel was followed by, "But you love it when I talk dirty."

"I haven't heard you talk dirty."

They stood under the water.

"Okay, you asked for it."

And Daniel showed him just how dirty his mouth could get.