Summary: Xochiquetzl demands a sacrifice... we'd better give her one! Thanks as ever, to Joy.
"Daniel? Um, Daniel? What the fuck is going on?"
Oh crap - we're in trouble. Here on a planet of transplanted Aztecs for all of ten minutes and we're already tied up. It's not my fault. Not this time. I said we shouldn't come, just in case we ran into the giant white aliens and that bastard Nick. I let the others think I'd forgiven him - let him think I'd forgiven him. Uh, huh, bubba - I can hold a grudge a lot longer than they think. However, that's not helping.
"How the fuck should I know Jack?"
"Well, you are the expert here."
"I'm the cultural expert, Jack. You are the military expert as you keep pointing out. Now, seeing as I already told you we're among Aztecs - and cautioned about visiting them - and we're tied up, I'd say the ball's in your court."
Okay - I'm feeling pissy. But the bastard has had a 'headache' for the last couple of days and I'm not getting any. It's not fair. It wasn't my fault that on the last planet we were on we ended up partying with the natives. And I certainly didn't encourage the chief's daughter - no matter what he thinks.
Ho hum. I can see that if we get out of this and finally get home, I'm going to have to pull out the big guns. Maybe I'll cook him a steak - rare, full of blood and stuff. It usually turns him into NeanderJack and gets me carried off into the Jack Cave. Whoo momma. I may be as alpha as him when I want to be, but I have no objections to being ravished. None at all.
"You zoned on us, you okay?"
"Um, yes, just considering my, um, our position."
Flat on my stomach, having him pinning me down... no, stop it brain! I need to concentrate.
Okay, we're at some sort of temple. A quick look at the iconography tells me... we're in deep shit. Or rather, I'm going to be in deep shit. It's always me after all. Sex goddesses seem to have a thing for me for some reason.
"Uh, are any of you virgins?" I ask, looking at the guys.
"Why, Daniel?" Sam asks, blushing.
"Oh, no reason. Just if you are, don't admit to it."
"Daniel." Oh great, the growling Jack. Hmm, down boy.
"This is a temple to Xochiquetzl," I tell them.
"And, so, but, therefore?" Jack replies.
"Goddess of sustenance. Among other things."
"Yeah. Think Hathor."
The others do a double take and then get my meaning.
"They used to sacrifice virgins to her on Earth. I'm safe... how about you guys?"
Three malevolent looks and grunts. Okay, we're all safe from that then. Of course I didn't think for a moment that Teal'c was a virgin, and I know for a fact that Jack isn't - especially as I've personally been buried inside his sweet ass. Not that we can tell the others that. Jack was as surprised as anything to find out I wasn't a virgin - of any sort - when he finally made his move. And what a move that was. He'd gone all-out seduction, taken me out to dinner, back to his place, candles the lot. Then I jumped him, pointed out I was a guy, and much as I appreciated the effort I'd have been just as happy if he'd just asked to fuck me in the first place. He's never really recovered from that, poor dear. Still, I do my best to keep him happy, usually.
Sam's blushing. I wonder who she's thinking about? Perhaps we should sick Sam on the goddess? After all, anyone she goes for ends up dead. Could be our best way out of this.
"Sam? I'm not supposed to ask, and you're not supposed to tell, but it could be to our advantage if you were to be, um, bi."
"I'm just thinking, you know, Jonas, Nareem, Joe... if the goddess takes a fancy to you, well... OW! No need to hit me, you know."
She's blushing again. Seems I may need to have a talk with my big sister. Jack's sniggering and Teal'c's laughing his ass off. His lips have almost curled into a smile in other words.
"Don't worry about it, Carter, I won't tell anyone, I promise. And I know for a fact the guys won't say a thing."
She's now bright-red. Who knew? She's just smacked Jack though. Captivity isn't usually this much fun.
"Daniel, what more do you know about this goddess?" she asks, trying to change the subject.
"Oh, well, as was common then she had a male side, known as Macuilxochitl - duality was the norm for this pantheon."
Jack looks like he's about to make some sort of comment and I glare at him so he doesn't. I get enough from him as it is. I wish he'd had some male lovers before we got together. I mean, it's sweet that he was able to hang up his heterosexuality for me - incredible in fact. But he just doesn't get it when I point out the finer features of some guy on TV - and he constantly teases me. Hey ho, he's learning fast and he's good in bed, so I can forgive him that. Anyway, where was I?
"Xochiquetzl was also referred to as the 'Precious Feather Flower' and like Hathor was the goddess of song, dance, and sexual pleasure. Yes, Jack, sex, drugs and rock'n'roll."
"Sounds like a fun chick," he says.
"That's what you said about Hathor."
"You will be."
"Uh huh, it's always you Danny Boy. You're the babe magnet around here."
I wonder how much work I have to put into my 'eat shit and die' look? Teal'c and Sam are cringing, but it's completely lost on Jack. Why do I love this man?
"Yeah, well, she's going to be disappointed then, isn't she?"
OH CRAP! I didn't mean to say that out loud. Teal'c and Sam are now looking at me questioningly as Jack first blushes and then laughs himself sick.
"Daniel?" No, not the 'I'm your big sister so you'll tell me or I'll beat the crap out of you' glare.
"Let's just say that what we were teasing you about? It applies to me. Except that if I'm to be with a woman, she's got to be pretty special."
Teal'c shrugs. Well he would. I know about him and Bratac. Yeesh.
"Why didn't you tell me before, Daniel?"
"Hmm, didn't think it would matter, Sam. Does it?"
"Course not. Daft thing. But when we get home we're going to have a long talk."
"Okay. When we get home."
"Could explain why you haven't been dating," she teases.
"Oh, I have, just no one I can tell you about. To be honest, I haven't seen a woman that I would want to-o-o-o-o oh my goddess. Hel-lo. I'm Daniel. Peaceful explorer. And you are?"
"I am Xochiquetzl."
"The real thing? Or are you the priestess that takes on her persona. I only ask because we meet lots of gods and all and..."
"Do you always talk this much?"
"Oh no, he's usually much worse. I'm Jack, this is Teal'c, and Carter."
She ignores him. Best way really.
"I am Xochiquetzl."
"Yeah, you said that. What do you want with us?"
She doesn't say much - but I get her meaning.
"Will you let us go?"
She turns her head to one side and considers it.
The things I do for love. Ah well.
"DANNY!" "DANIEL!" "DANIEL JACKSON!"
Nope, I don't think the guys are going for this one.
"I don't think we've got much of a choice here, guys. Let me go with her, maybe I can negotiate something satisfactory to both sides, okay?"
They're not given a chance to answer as I'm taken away.
I'm following her to her bedchamber - at least that's where I usually get taken. It would be nice if for once they'd take me to a library or something. Still, a man's got to do what a man's got to do and all that clichéd crap.
Oh. It's a laboratory? Now I didn't expect that one.
"What do you want from me?" I must admit to feeling a touch nervous now. It was one thing committing the noble sacrifice and getting laid, but being a human guinea pig is not something I feel like doing.
"I want you, Daniel. Or rather, if you will give me of your essence freely, I will keep you and let you go."
I really hate it when the chicks get cryptic.
"Uh, what exactly do you mean by that?."
"I wish to make another of you. But one that doesn't talk so much. So, you will provide me with your essence and I will make another of you."
"You're going to clone me?"
"Just your body. I will provide a more suitable mind - one which is quieter. I have the spirit of my husband, Centeotl, and it needs a vessel. I like your body."
"Thanks. I think. What do you want me to do?" Well, if it gets us out of here. Jack's going to be as jealous as hell. If I play my cards right I might even turn it to my advantage and get laid.
SHIT. I wasn't expecting that! Her hand went straight to my groin. Okay, I get it. So does she. Woo. Yes, that's working.
"Wouldn't it be better if you, um, I undid my pants?"
She grins and hands me a test tube. Fucking marvellous. Daniel Jackson, double PhD, peaceful explorer - sperm donor. Still, she's pretty sweet about it and she's not Hathoring me. So, I can do this.
"Um, do you have somewhere private I can go?"
It's one thing if she's going to help me with this, but if I'm to do it myself, I'd rather I didn't have an audience.
"So, what did you have to do, Daniel?" Sam asks as we head back to the gate.
I'm going to have to tell them - the censored version of course.
"She wanted some of my DNA to make a clone of me. Poor woman wanted a body to put the spirit of her dead husband in. She misses him, I think. I can relate."
Sam puts her hand on me and squeezes my arm. Jack says nothing.
"I didn't sleep with her, Jack, it was all very clinical and scientific. And not in the slightest bit erotic."
I'm not telling him about her hand. She really knew how to get me up and running. He's still looking suspiciously at me.
"She didn't rape me, Jack. She asked for some of my DNA, explained why she wanted it and then when she got it she let us all go. I'm not going to have nightmares about this one. And the clone she's going to make won't know anything that I know. She just needed a body - a host if you will. But it's not going to be like the Goa'uld. After I did what I had to do, we actually talked for a while. She told me all about her reasons. I'm convinced she was genuine so I'm okay about it."
He lets it go, for now. Poor Jack, he's finding that being with me is hard work. Still, I love him to pieces so I'll try to make his life a little easier from now on.
It's always Daniel, isn't it? Still, he seems to be okay about it. And this goddess will have a clone of him, one that doesn't spout long and convoluted explanations about ancient history, one that isn't pissy, one that doesn't bite your head off if he doesn't have enough coffee. And still has a body to die for.
"Um, Jack? Where are you going? Jack! The gate's in the other direction. Come on, Jack, come back! You can't go and kill her. Please Jack, come back."
Kill her? Uh huh. I want a copy!