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Tongue Tied!

Summary: My answer to the 'Tied' private challenge on the FDAS site. Once again, thanks to Joy for the beta.

Daniel groaned with frustration as Jack failed, yet again, to pronounce the words of greeting. They had been given a very specific phrase to say for when they met the Xzgrells. It was hard enough to say the name of the race, let alone this greeting.

It was Jacob's idea. The Tok'ra had connections with these nice and technologically advanced people - but they were, er, odd to say the least. A transplanted human race... or rather, human races. Many people from many areas had been taken, named as one people by the snake that had kidnapped them, forced to turn themselves into one race for protection and to finally get rid of the long-forgotten snake. They actually looked very nice. Their skin was a pale coffee colour, their eyes almond-shaped and hazel; they were of medium build and medium height. Sort of what you'd think would happen if you mixed all the genetic traits from all over the world. That wasn't what made them odd, in fact it was kind of comforting to look at them. They all had the sort of face that reminded you of people you'd known over the years.

What was odd about them was the fact that their language was like nothing on Earth, and neither were their customs. They could speak English and Goa'uld - at least their most important people could - but their language was something all their own. What little Daniel had been presented with was more than unfamiliar to him. The nearest language that he could connect it to, at least in its transcripted state, was Xhosa, with all of the clicks and throat noises being treated as a separate letter. However, none of the words were Xhosa. If they had been, Daniel would have been fine. One of his department was an expert in Southern African languages.

There was only the one phrase to learn. And if Jack didn't get it right, they were in trouble. It was considered an insult to not get it right. Jacob had gone so far as to get his Tok'ra linguists to record the sound of the greeting, but it was very difficult.

"Jack, please, listen to the recording. You know you can do it. If you can learn Ancient's Latin well enough to have a damned conversation in less than three months, you can say one bloody phrase!"

"Daniel, I'm trying!"

"I know."

Jack scowled. The truth of the matter was that he was trying. But it was hard.

"K'txriska, gresmgrin prhstohn; frhisto jmja prhstohi." The recording played yet again and yet again Jack failed to get it precisely right.

"Daniel, why can't you say it?"

"Jack, we've been through this. You are the leader. You are the one they're expecting to greet them. It's one phrase, Jack. Just one phrase. Once you speak that they'll honour us by speaking English. But you have to honour them first. If you get it wrong you'll insult them. Please, try again."

Jack tried. He was getting close, but he wasn't quite there. Linguistics just wasn't his cup of tea. Stripping down a P90 in the dark with one hand tied behind his back; flying an F-15 under enemy fire; covert surveillance and if necessary an extraction from behind enemy lines - he could DO that. He could lead. He could plan attacks. He could fucking cook, clean and do pottery, for crying out loud. He wasn't stupid, he knew he wasn't stupid. But he couldn't roll his Rs. It was a problem that he never liked to admit to, but there it was. He was physically incapable of rolling his Rs. His tongue would end up sliding over the roof of his mouth and it would come out with a breathy 'H'. Much as Daniel loved his breathy aitches, he really needed him to get over this disability and now. Unfortunately, Jack wasn't letting on that he couldn't roll his Rs. All he was conceding was that it was difficult.

There was a knock on the door. Daniel opened it and saw Hammond and Jacob.

"Gentlemen," said Hammond jovially, "how goes it?"

"Jack's almost there," said Daniel with a sigh. "He's learned the order of the words okay. It's just a matter of fine tuning his pronunciation."

"What he said," Jack muttered in agreement.

"Good, good. Just as well," Hammond replied to them, making them both highly suspicious.

"Um, General?" Daniel wanted to know what he meant by that.

"The mission's been bumped up," Hammond announced. "Sorry, but as soon as you're ready, you'll have to go. They're expecting you now. Some mix up over dates and equinoxes or something. It won't be a good time if you turn up tomorrow as we'd previously thought."

"Er, why not?" Jack was exceedingly suspicious now.

Jacob replied. "Ah, some private ceremony to which outsiders are definitely not invited."

Daniel got a fluttering stomach and Jack's blood ran cold.

"Sir, I'm not sure that we should go then, just in case something goes wrong," Jack said. His warning signals were off - as were Daniel's. They didn't want to do this.

Hammond informed them that this was not an option. All they had to do was go, make nice for a couple of hours and then come home. In a few weeks' time, SG-9 would be able to go and negotiate for technology. BUT, Hammond pointed out, they wanted the première team to greet them first. With reservations, Daniel and Jack left for the gear up room. They had been told that they were not to take any weapons with them, something that Jack wasn't too happy with. What both men weren't happy with was that Sam and Teal'c were being left behind. No Jaffa were welcome (they had a strict policy on this one) and women - well, it wasn't what you'd call an enlightened society as far as the fairer sex was concerned.

Muttering to themselves, the guys got ready and headed off to the gate room. Jack was running the phrase through his head. He could do this, he could. He was sure that he could do it. After all, what was a missed rolled R between friends?

The gate dialled up, Hammond wished them well, Jacob was at least accompanying them, and they stepped through the gate.

There was a reception committee. Jacob prodded Jack to say the phrase. He nervously gave it his best shot.

"K'trhiska, grhesmgin prhistohn; frhitso jamjar prhstohi."

"You can't roll your Rs," Daniel growled as the door to the cell shut, leaving them both alone. "Now you tell me you can't roll your Rs. Why didn't you tell me before, Jack?"

"I thought you'd have guessed!"

Daniel would have smacked him for that one. It was bad enough that he'd not rolled his Rs. But the mispronunciation of the other words formed a completely new phrase. Not only had the change from rrrr to rhhhh turned 'k'txriska' from 'I abase myself' to 'I play with myself' but the other words had ended up him saying, 'I play with myself and the chief's daughter. His son's ass is mine.'

Not subtle.

Daniel couldn't smack him, however, as they were tied up. Not content with throwing them in a cell to rot, the angry chief had ordered Jack tied to his linguist until he could learn to say the words 'I'm really, really, really sorry for what I said.' In Xzgrell. It would have helped if they'd told Daniel what the phrase was.

They were facing each other, Daniel's left wrist tied to Jack's right, his right to Jack's left. Somehow, they had to live like this.

Daniel was tempted to knee Jack in the nuts, but that was his entertainment centre. He may be pissed off with his lover, but he wasn't stupid.

"Look on the bright side," Jack tried.

"Bright side?!"

"Yeah. You've been trying to tie me up for ages. I'm not putting up a fight this time," Jack grinned.

"The idea is that you get tied up, naked, writhing about... wanting me." Daniel moved in close and murmured in Jack's ear. "And then I do a very slow strip for you,"... Jack gasped..."then I get out the chocolate sauce,"... Jack moaned... "and then I drizzle it all over your very hard dick and lick it off."

Jack let out a low, hungry growl. Daniel grinned.

"And when I've licked you clean, I'll follow it up with some very cold cream,"... Jack winced... "I'll suck and suck till you come howling my name." Jack's wince diminished. But something else was growing.

"While you're still panting I'll push your legs over my shoulders and slide on in there, moving slowly at first, in - out - in - out - till you're starting to get hard again. I'll change my position, hit your happy button time after time. You'll scream, Jack. You'll call my name over and over again, begging me to go harder, faster, make you come again. And I will. But not yet. I'll pull out, flip you over and get you up on your knees. You'll present that beautiful ass of yours to me and I'll go back to work - with my tongue."

Jack was panting now, hard as nails, wanting to get home NOW. If not sooner.

"When you can take no more I'll go back to my original task. I'll enter you in one swift stroke and fuck you harder and deeper than you've ever been fucked before. You will come again Jack, and I won't even have to touch you. All I'll have to do is come myself and that will set you off."

"Promise?" Jack squeaked.

"Abso-fuckin'-lutely," Daniel's voice was low, seductive and sexy.

Jack's IQ was low, in his groin and aching to do something, anything, just do it now. Please?

"Danny," he gasped, "you bastard. I fuckin' hate you. Get on your knees now, please. I need to get off. If I don't I'm going to burst."

"Burst then," Daniel replied with a sneer, desperately trying to ignore his own descended IQ. "This will teach you to tell me everything in future, Jack."

"I want to lie down," Daniel sighed after a couple of hours standing nose to nose; then sitting, carefully, arranging their legs so that their booted feet didn't clout anything they shouldn't.

Jack was bored too. And hungry.

"Do you think they're going to feed us today?" he asked. He'd deliberately skipped lunch as they'd been promised a nosh up to end all nosh ups once he'd said that damned phrase.

"I have no idea. I wouldn't blame them if they didn't."

"No, but you'll blame me," Jack replied with a growl.

Daniel just raised and eyebrow in a 'duh!' manner.

"Can we lie down please, Jack, I'm getting a cramp."

"And how are we going to do that, Daniel? The arms we lay on are going to be dead in no time. And when we sleep together you usually face away from me." Jack's voice dropped to a whisper as he remembered waking up with Daniel that morning. His face had been in its customary position, nuzzling into Daniel's neck, his top arm was comfortably around Daniel's waist, his bottom arm pillowing Daniel's neck, their legs entwined... and his dick hard and poking in Daniel's butt - its favourite place. He shook himself out of his reverie, basically because it was making him hard as hell. Again.

"Lie on your back, Jack, I'll lie by your side with my head on your chest. Hopefully we'll find somewhere to put our hands and arms," he added with a sad sigh. He was too tired to be snarky.

They tried various positions and ended up lying together on the single cot. Daniel had twisted himself around so that he was facing away from Jack, his arms wrapped around him as if he was in a straightjacket. Carefully and awkwardly they'd laid themselves down. Daniel was still in a bad mood with Jack, and Jack's current actions weren't helping.

"Jack, if you don't stop with the nuzzling I'm not going to be held responsible for my actions when we finally do get out of this."

Jack was in a quandary. Normally, brushing his lips over a certain spot just under Daniel's ear was enough to send his lover into paroxysms of rapture. Not today, obviously.

"Danny, I'm sorry. I promise I'll tell you everything in future," Jack sighed. "Do you still, er, you know?"

Daniel shook his head in amazement. Jack couldn't ever bring himself to say the words, not when he was sober anyway.

"Yes, Jack, I still love you, I always will. Doesn't stop me wanting to kill you at my earliest convenience, but then I'm used to being in mourning. I think I'd look rather good at your funeral. I'll even buy a new black suit."

While Jack spluttered, Daniel continued, "Do you still love me then?"

"You know I do." Jack's reply took on an indignant tone.

"You do? You never tell me," Daniel smirked.

"Aw hell, you're gonna make me say it?"

Daniel said nothing. Then he sighed and his shoulders dropped.

"It's okay," he said sadly, "you don't have to say anything you don't want to."

Ignoring the obvious retort I wish you'd said that before we got into this mess, Jack plucked up his courage.

"Danny, I love you more than anything, okay? You're more important to me than my job, my reputation, my life for crying out loud. Satisfied? Or do I have to do anything else to prove how nuts I am about you - and how nuts I am for even considering taking up with the universe's most insane linguist."

Swallowing down a snigger, Daniel snuggled as far back to Jack as he could, tipped his head back and rubbed it against the side of Jack's face.

"No, babe, you don't have to do a thing."

"Phew, I had visions of you wanting me to do stuff."


"Ya know, like holding your hand and stuff that Sara would want me to do."

"No, no, nothing like that," Daniel replied. Then, as he felt Jack's body relax he added, "Not anywhere we're known, of course."

The silence that followed that was deafening. In Daniel's mind he saw tumbleweed blowing across the dirt road of an abandoned town, the odd cricket chirruping... he started to giggle. Jack wanted to know what he was laughing about, but couldn't bring himself to ask. Sometimes it was better to not know what was going on in Daniel's mind. He started to laugh himself, setting Daniel off more. Before they knew it, they were both howling with hysteria.

The cell door opened and in marched a very red-faced General Hammond, accompanied by an angry-looking Xzgrell chief and a very amused Jacob.

"Well, gentlemen, I'm glad to see you are enjoying your stay in this cell," Hammond barked.

They stopped laughing suddenly and tried to get up, their long legs getting tangled in each other as they attempted to stand. They got up and Daniel took a step forward without thinking, jerking Jack to come with him. They stopped, Daniel untwisted himself and he ended up facing Jack again.

"General! Please tell us you're taking us home," Jack pleaded.

"You have to move now, the Xzgrell's ceremony is about to start and the gate will be out of bounds as soon as the sun sets. Any minute now, men, so move!"

Without being untied, it was difficult for them to move, but somehow they ran, crab-like, following the two generals to the gate. Jack puffed out a profound apology to the chief for the cock-up (in English), insisting that he would never have insulted him on purpose. The chief grunted, the gate was already dialled and the four men stepped through.

"We are never going to live that down, Danny," Jack complained as they got into bed that night. "I can't believe that Hammond had to learn that apology in such a short time."

"I think you're more annoyed that he was able to not only greet the chief in Xzgrell but make the apology," Daniel replied with a grin as he rifled through his bedside table drawer.

"It's okay for you! It's not you that is going to pay for it. Can you believe that he's got me doing all the paperwork for the yearly budget as punishment?"

Daniel made soothing noises as he found what he was looking for.

"Um, Danny? What are you doing?"

"I thought I'd do what I promised, Jack."

"Promised? You're gonna kill me? That's a bit rough, Daniel, we were only incarcerated for a couple of hours."

Daniel grinned, wrinkling his nose up in amusement.

"Uh huh, the other promise."

He showed a couple of strands of silk rope to Jack, his eyes twinkling with mischievousness.

"Uh, Danny? You're going to tie me up? I'd have thought you'd have had enough of that."

"You are going to be tied up, Jack, not me. Lie back, think of this as my punishment for you not trusting me with your difficulty."

Jack let out a low groan and raised his hands. He felt the soft rope bind his wrists and was more than a little worried by the look of delight on Daniel's face. It was kind of like the face on the wicked witch in fairy tales as she tied up the children she was about to eat, cackling wildly at the thought. Daniel wasn't cackling, but Jack knew it wasn't such a leap to get there.

Jack groaned again as he saw Daniel slowly peeling off the remainder of his clothes and then shivered as Daniel went to work...

"Danny," Jack whispered, "untie me, please."

An exhausted Daniel reached up and undid the knots, then half-heartedly rubbed Jack's shoulders.

"It was like a race to the finish at the end," Jack snorted, "who won?"

Daniel's head was currently on Jack's chest as he was sprawled over him. He looked up, his eyes tired, but still naughty. Jack smiled warmly at him as Daniel answered, "I think, Jack dear, that it was a tie."