Jack sighed as he shuffled through the old magazines littering the waiting room. Daniel sat in the chair next to him, his gaze unfocused as his mind was as far from the drab little room as it could get. Jack sighed again. It was time for their routine group session with Dr. MacKenzie-better known as Mac the Quack-something none of them looked forward to even at the best of times. This time Teal'c had been mysteriously delayed from returning from the training session he was conducting and Carter had some bug. Not an evil alien type bug she had hastened to assure her CO, but "just a touch of some *cough cough* garden variety earth virus, you understand, sir. *Sniff* Please explain to Dr. MacKenzie and I'll *cough* be there next time. I promise. *Sniff*." Jack snorted. He believed that like he would believe Apophis showing up and claiming to be born again. Actually, now that he thought about it, Apophis being born again was a lot more likely than Carter actually having the flu on this particular day.
"Shouldn't we just reschedule this?" Daniel suddenly asked, startling Jack from his own internal musings.
"You'd think," Jack said agreeably. "Apparently we're having couples therapy today." Jack shrugged off the odd look Daniel gave him following that statement. He picked up a battered copy of Cosmo and idly flipped through it. "Why do they put magazines like this here? This is a military base, for crying out loud."
"There are women here," Daniel said, frowning automatically at Jack's macho flyboy attitude.
"Not the kind who read this crap," Jack said authoritatively. "I mean, can you see Carter reading this? Or Fraiser?"
"Yes, actually," Daniel replied. "They're women, not airmen in drag. I imagine they go home and do all kinds of…women stuff." Daniel grimaced slightly as he failed to find the words to convey his colleagues' femininity.
"That's scary," Jack said bluntly. Daniel just scowled at him, but Jack's face lit up as he came across something in the magazine. Something that…Jack glanced at Daniel. Yep, something that just might give Jack the opening he needed. "What's the most sensitive part of your body?" he asked.
"I beg your pardon," Daniel exclaimed indignantly.
"It's a quiz," Jack explained, waving the magazine. "You take it with your partner and it's supposed to help you satisfy each other in the sack."
"You're not my partner," Daniel pointed out logically. Not yet, was Jack's thought.
"Come on, we're supposed to be mature, sensitive guys," Jack prodded. Daniel's look indicated that he had serious doubts as to Jack's sensitivity or maturity. "Okay, so we read these things to try to understand how women think."
"We'll never understand women," Daniel said honestly. Which was pretty much how Jack saw it, but that was beside the point since he was more concerned with understanding Daniel at the moment. Jack plowed on hopefully.
"During foreplay, which part of your body do you most like to have touched?" Jack snorted. "That's a no-brainer!"
"Nipples," Daniel said quietly, looking anywhere but at Jack.
"What?" Jack asked curiously. "Really?"
"Yes," Daniel said after ascertaining that Jack was genuinely interested and not just looking for a hook to make fun of Daniel. "It's very…stimulating." Jack just nodded and scored one for Cosmo.
"Cool," Jack said with feigned nonchalance as part of his mind was busy imagining sucking and nipping at Daniel's nipples. "Which part of your body do you least want to have touched during foreplay?"
"Feet."
"Feet?"
"They're extremely ticklish," Daniel said defensively. "What about you?"
"No, I'm pretty easy," Jack said, shaking his head at Daniel's amused look. "Although I don't want you touching my dick unless you mean business."
"I'll keep that in mind," Daniel said dryly. Jack shot an appraising look at Daniel.
"Do you prefer to be on top or bottom?" Jack said, continuing the quiz.
"Either."
"Top," Jack said.
"There's a shock," Daniel replied.
"It's got nothing to do with male bravado," Jack said defensively. "There's just…more freedom of movement." This time Daniel shot Jack an appraising look. "I like to, um, I, uh…." Jack found himself getting flustered under the weight of Daniel's gaze. "I'm an enthusiastic participant. Athletic even," Jack continued defiantly.
"Really?" Daniel's voice was low. Sultry even-which was confusing the hell out of Jack. Daniel expressing academic interest or even teasing Jack was perfectly normal and expected. Daniel sounding sultry whilst having a conversation about sexual techniques was unexpected. Actually, Daniel sounding sultry in any conversation with Jack was unexpected. Furthermore it completely defeated Jack's purpose, which had been to throw Daniel a little off balance and, if he was lucky, get some tips for if and when he ever worked up the nerve to seduce Daniel.
"Do you like to experiment with new positions or do you prefer the tried and true missionary position?" Jack hurried on.
"Missionary position," Daniel snorted disdainfully.
"It's fine," Jack countered.
"Not with your knees," Daniel argued pragmatically. "Actually, with your knees a lot of positions are less than practical." Jack sputtered. "You really should try lying on your back. You can still be 'top'," Daniel hastened to assure him. "Just…be top on the bottom. Or, if you're worried about 'freedom of movement' you could be bottom on top." Daniel cocked his head, thinking. "Yeah, I think your knees could take that."
"We're…we're not talking about sex with women now, are we?" Jack asked with a dry mouth.
"I'm not," Daniel admitted.
"Okay," Jack said weakly, wondering when the oxygen levels in the room had dropped.
"Is that a problem?" Daniel asked. "I thought we were…I mean…."
"No, it's fine. We were," Jack agreed. "I just didn't know you knew we were…."
"Little innocent Danny?" Daniel questioned with a warning note in his voice.
"A long held fantasy," Jack admitted with a shrug.
"Big bad colonel seduces the unsuspecting archaeologist?" Daniel questioned. Jack nodded sheepishly. "How?" Daniel asked curiously.
"Oh, sometime when you're all bent over some rock or another I'd sneak up behind you. After admiring the view I'd reach out and stroke my hand down your ass and thigh, lean over and suck on your neck, and whisper all the things I want to do to you in your ear." Jack smiled at the shiver Daniel couldn't suppress. "I'd slide my hand between your thighs and massage your dick while my other hand slips under your shirt and…"
"What?" Daniel said breathlessly.
"Honestly? At that point in my fantasy you're so turned on you'll do anything I ask and I'm so far gone I need you to tell me what to tell you," Jack said ruefully. "Basically, that's the time when I run for the nearest bathroom and jerk off."
"Wouldn't it be better," Daniel suggested in a low voice. "If I turned around, stripped off your shirt and bit your nipples? Then I would unfasten your pants and lick my way down until I could suck the head of your cock into my mouth and rub my tongue against the slit."
"Oral fixation?" Jack groaned, shifting position to ease the sudden ache in his groin.
"My fantasy," Daniel said.
"I won't touch your feet," Jack promised.
"I won't touch your dick," Daniel said lightly, enjoying Jack's frown of consternation. "Unless I mean business," he assured him, licking his lower lip as if in anticipation. "What's your position on mission sex?"
"That's not in the quiz," Jack said, glancing down at the magazine just to be sure.
"No, it's not."
"Oh. In that case, I'm completely against mission sex," Jack said. "With aliens."
"What's your position on mission sex with archaeologists?" Daniel persisted.
"Any position my knees will allow," Jack admitted.
"Gentlemen?" Both Jack and Daniel turned on Dr. MacKenzie with similarly stunned looks. "If you're ready?"
"Bathroom," Daniel gasped as he rose from his seat, making sure his over shirt was hanging freely and obscuring his groin region. He exited the room without another word. MacKenzie looked quizzically at Jack.
"I should check on him," Jack said gruffly, hurrying after Daniel. MacKenzie picked up the battered magazine Jack had tossed on his seat and examined it, shaking his head with bemusement as he recognized the article.
"That happens every time someone reads that Cosmo quiz."
The End