Divergence

Eos

"My congratulations, Dr. Jackson."

Daniel looked over his shoulder and stared at Anise.

"The treaty between the Tok'ra and the Tauri," Anise prompted, recognizing Daniel's lack of comprehension. "Truly a momentous day for Earth. And you were the primary instrument of its success."

"Ah...no," Daniel demurred, turning back to the briefing room window. He looked down into the gate room where the decorous diplomatic trappings were being disassembled. "It took a lot of hard work and cooperation by a number of people to make the treaty happen. I was only doing my part."

"I look forward to more opportunities for contact between us."

"Um...yes," Daniel said vaguely. Given Freya's attempt to establish 'contact' with Jack earlier, he wasn't sure that providing the Tok'ra woman with more opportunities for interaction was the wisest course to follow.

Daniel made his way down the stairs to the gate room followed closely by Anise. He watched indifferently as Anise supervised the packing of her machine in preparation for taking it back to Vorash. Where, presumably, both Anise and her zatarc detector would be more welcome. Daniel grimaced, deciding his attitude was uncharitable. After all, despite her inexplicable stupidity in failing to test Martouf, Anise had freed Jack and Sam from the zatarc programming.

"I guess congratulations are in order for you, too," Daniel told Anise by way of salving his own conscience. "Your treatment worked."

"Unfortunately, that is not the case," Anise said, disgust distorting her features. "My theory continues to be unproven."

"B-but.... Jack and Sam?"

"They did not require treatment. They were never zatarcs."

"They weren't? Then the machine was wrong?"

"Not entirely. Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter were unconsciously concealing information," Anise said. "And under the circumstances it was reasonable to assume that the secrecy was related to zatarc programming."

"But it wasn't?" Daniel asked. He had the vague feeling he wasn't going to like where this conversation was going. That wasn't unusual. He rarely did like the end result of conversations with the Tok'ra.

"If Colonel O'Neill had told me the truth earlier about his loyalties I would have taken that into account while questioning both he and Major Carter," Anise continued. "I would still have needed to question them on the subject, but I could have possibly phrased the questions in such a way so that they would not have needed to admit to their feelings for one another in such an overt manner."

"Their feelings for each other?" Daniel repeated dumbly.

"Yes. It is a shame that your military does not allow relationships between comrades, is it not?"

Before Daniel could formulate a suitable answer, the gate room was suddenly much more crowded as the rest of the Tok'ra delegation joined them.

"Dr. Jackson." Per'sus bowed to Daniel. "You have truly earned the respect of the Tok'ra today."

Daniel's first impulse was to tell the High Counselor that the Tok'ra could show their respect by getting lost. Permanently.

"Thank you. I'm honored to have had a part in creating this new alliance," Daniel said, his better nature winning out over spite. "But Martouf played at least as big a role as I did."

"His loss will be keenly felt by all Tok'ra," Per'sus said solemnly.

"And by us as well," Hammond added as he stepped up beside Daniel. "We considered Martouf a good friend."

Daniel stood by silently, distracted by thoughts of Jack...and Sam, as all the pleasantries were observed and the Tok'ra finally departed.

"Dr. Jackson?"

"Sir?" Daniel said, wrenching his mind away from his confused musings.

"Go home, Dr. Jackson," Hammond said firmly. "You look exhausted. Understandably so. Given everything that's happened, we'll postpone any formal debriefing for a day or two. Consider yourself on 24 hour leave and get some well earned rest."

"Yes, sir. I've got a few...loose ends to tie up and then I think I will go home."

"Daniel Jackson."

"Hey, Teal'c," Daniel said, trying to smile despite his exhaustion as he shuffled down the hall. He stopped abruptly and turned back to Teal'c. "Oh, wait--Teal'c, do you know where Jack is?"

"O'Neill is in the infirmary with Major Carter." Teal'c said.

"Oh. Really?" Daniel said. He felt another shiver of unease at the idea of Jack and Sam together in any capacity, but he shook it off. Aside from the military regulations against fraternization, the fact was that Jack and Sam simply didn't have that kind of relationship--Anise's opinion not withstanding.

"Okay, well, I'm just going to check in with Jack before I leave."

"I believe it would be best to give them some privacy."

"Privacy?" Daniel prompted.

"It has been a difficult day for both O'Neill and Major Carter."

"Difficult. Yes, it's been a difficult day all round," Daniel observed. He turned to leave but Teal'c's large hand caught him by the arm.

"There were certain admissions made during the zatarc retesting," Teal'c said obliquely. "Difficult admissions."

"Ah. Yes, I know about that." Daniel managed a quick smile at Teal'c's raised eyebrow. "Anise kind of filled me in."

"Anise should not have spoken of it," Teal'c said with disapproval.

"Yeah, well, the Tok'ra are a little short on both tact and discretion," Daniel pointed out needlessly. "I'm not, though."

"Forgive me, Daniel Jackson. I did not mean to imply that you could not be trusted," Teal'c said. He glowered, obviously not feeling that the same could be said of a certain snake. "However, O'Neill and Major Carter both expressed the wish that this information not be shared any further."

"I don't intend to tell anyone," Daniel said emphatically. "But I really do need to see Jack for a sec. Then I'm out of here."

"You do appear to be need of rest," Teal'c said, his stern features softening.

"You have no idea, Teal'c," Daniel said, patting Teal'c on the shoulder and turning to resume his journey to the infirmary. "You have no idea."

Daniel slowed as he approached the infirmary, and it was only partly due to fatigue. That niggling unease was back again, eating at him. He had to trust in both Jack and Sam's sense of honor and their respect for all members of the team. And he did. Yet his feet continued to drag as he reached the door and peeked in.

Sam was sitting cross-legged on a bed, fully dressed in her BDUs. Daniel gave a small sigh of relief, taking that as a sign that she wasn't suffering any serious consequences from her 'zatarc' ordeal. Jack sat on a chair beside the bed, staring at his hands as he wove and unwove his fingers together. Daniel could see that he was talking although his voice was too quiet for Daniel to hear. Sam was listening intently but Daniel couldn't tell by her expression what the topic of conversation was. Or what her reaction to it might be.

Daniel backed away, out of sight, and thought. He knew that Teal'c was probably right. Jack and Sam probably needed to talk. Interrupting would only delay that. But at the same time, Daniel was bothered by the fact that Jack and Sam were having, or needed to have, a conversation that might involve the topic Anise had identified. It was ridiculous. Daniel knew better. He knew there was nothing to be concerned about. Yet he walked away feeling more uneasy than ever.

Daniel returned to wakefulness when a slight tilt of the mattress announced he was no longer alone in his bed. Warmth enveloped him from behind, and a lean, powerful arm wrapped around his waist.

"Hey," Jack said softly into the back of his neck.

"Hey."

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." Daniel rolled to his back. Jack's arm slid to maintain its position around his waist. "What happened?"

"What what happened?" Jack asked, propping his head on one hand and looking at Daniel with a question in his eyes.

"You and Sam were zatarcs. And then you weren't."

"That," Jack said, shaking his head with a scowl. "And people can't understand why I don't trust the Tok'ra."

"Oh, I understand. I've just learned to put it aside in the interest of our interests."

"Carter and I were never zatarcs," Jack said. "You know when we had those armband thingies and we went to blow up Apophis' ship?"

Daniel nodded.

"When Carter got caught behind that force field.... We kind of had a moment."

"A moment?"

"You know--like you and me on Apophis' ship after you got your lung blown out." Jack paused with a frown. "I sense a disturbing trend there."

Daniel understood exactly what Jack was saying. Back when they were still just friends to each other, he and Jack had had a 'moment'. A moment when they both thought Daniel was as good as dead. Daniel hadn't had any desire to die, and certainly not to die alone, but that was the hand he'd been dealt. He'd had no choice but to play it for whatever advantage he could find there.

"And?" Daniel said, trying to nudge Jack back on topic.

And Jack had not wanted to leave Daniel to die any more than Daniel had wanted to die. It went against everything Jack believed in. But he hadn't had a choice either. Daniel's life balanced against the fate of the Earth; it wasn't a contest. Not even for Jack.

"And...everything worked out and we forgot about it," Jack said with shrug. "Only it seems that we didn't completely forget about it. When we didn't dig deep into our psyches and reveal all our innermost feelings, the damn machine read it as zatarc programming."

"Anise thinks the two of you are...in love," Daniel said.

"I suppose she's not the only one," Jack said. His hand began to make soothing strokes across Daniel's belly. Daniel was pretty certain that Jack wasn't even aware he was doing it. Jack had an almost intuitive understanding of what touch meant to Daniel. His fingers communicated with Daniel the things he couldn't find the words for.

"Well, what exactly did you say?"

"I said I cared for Carter more than I'm supposed to. And that I'd rather die than lose her."

"But...you'd rather die than lose any of us," Daniel said. The niggling doubt trying to undermine his confidence began to fade. Others might misinterpret Jack's words but Daniel understood. He knew Jack's feelings.

"I know," Jack said with mild exasperation. "I suppose I should just be grateful that it wasn't you behind that force shield. Then I'd really have a reason to hate Anise."

"Not necessarily," Daniel said. He looked up at Jack, leaning over him with head still resting on the heel of his hand. "If you'd said those things about me, or Teal'c, they might have been taken at face value."

"But because it was Carter, they automatically assumed more," Jack said, nodding his head in agreement. "Christ, even Carter got it wrong."

"Sam really thinks...?"

"Yeah," Jack said. "What really makes it bad is that she apparently does have those kinds of feelings for me."

"Really?" Daniel said, staring up at the ceiling, bemused. "Strange. I never got the feeling that Sam had any particularly romantic feelings for you."

"Neither did I."

"You did clear things up with her, didn't you?"

"I tried," Jack said, laying his head on Daniel's shoulder with a sigh. "But she's upset about Martouf and still a little fuzzy from the drugs. I didn't think it was the right time to get into it."

"I suppose not," Daniel said. He suspected that there was never a 'right' time to have that kind of conversation. Daniel wrapped his arm tightly around Jack's shoulders and hugged him close. He understood Jack's reluctance. Daniel couldn't be sure that he'd have handled it any differently.

"You can't let it go too long though," Daniel said.

"I know," Jack said. He urged Daniel to roll toward him so that they were facing each other, their bodies just inches apart. "Trust me, this is not something I want hanging over my head."

"All in all it was not what I would call a good day," Daniel said, wrapping his leg over Jack's hip and bringing their awakening cocks into contact.

"This day sucked on many levels," Jack agreed. The lines of tension radiating from his eyes smoothed out as his touch became more deliberate. "But I bet we can find a way to finish it on a less sucky note."

"And here I was just thinking that 'suck' would be the perfect way to end the day," Daniel said coyly.

"That's what I love about you, Daniel," Jack said. "Your ability to find the bright side to suckiness."

"Hmmpf, Jack, no. Still sleeping," Daniel protested. His voice was thick and rough as he tried to burrow deeper into the mattress and away from Jack's insistent touch.

"Go ahead and sleep," Jack offered graciously as he rolled an unresisting Daniel to his back. "I'll just help myself."

"Jaaaack," Daniel groaned. Jack just leaned in to steal a kiss as he pushed Daniel's thighs apart. "How come you're always so damn horny in the morning?"

"I'm horny all the time. It's just that mornings are the only time you stop moving long enough for me to do something about it," Jack said as he pushed into Daniel's body. Daniel moaned and pushed back...still without having opened his eyes. "Besides you love it."

"That's not the point," Daniel said, hooking one leg over Jack's shoulder.

"You love it," Jack said, his voice husky. "What more point do you need?"

Daniel squirmed at the almost painful pleasure. Jack loved morning quickies. Daniel...needed convincing. He sometimes complained about Jack's habit of waking him for a fast fuck before breakfast, but Jack was very persuasive. Very.

Daniel kept his eyes closed, concentrating on the feel of Jack's body against his: Jack's muscles, hard under Daniel's hands, the chest hair that bristled against Daniel's sensitive nipples, his teeth nipping sharply at Daniel's jaw. Each sensation created its own thread of arousal, and when Daniel finally focused on the feel of Jack's cock as it moved restlessly, filling and stretching him, it was one sensation too much.

Daniel's hands dug into the muscles of Jack's back as he tried to bring Jack in closer, deeper. Daniel's breath caught in his throat as his cock jerked between them. He continued to cling as Jack grunted and pumped for several more minutes. When Jack sagged against him, Daniel kept his arms and legs wrapped around Jack, making a sweaty, sticky pretzel of their bodies. As far as Daniel was concerned, this time spent lingering together was second only to the moment of orgasm when it came to the depth of their connection.

Jack turned his head to the side, content to lay his head on Daniel's chest and listen to the slowing heartbeat beneath his ear. He was just starting to drift into a post coital doze when Daniel stirred.

"What?" Jack mumbled.

"Are you buzzing?"

"Buzz...? Ah, crap." Jack disengaged from Daniel and climbed off the bed. He dug his pager out of his pants pocket and muttered obscenely as he reached for the phone. Daniel rolled over, wrapping the sheet around him and breathing in the mingled scents of their bodies.

"Jack?" Daniel mumbled when he heard Jack's reluctant final "Yes, sir" and the sound of the phone being replaced with more force than strictly necessary. Daniel turned toward Jack as he sat on the other side of the bed. Jack glanced at him with an apologetic smile.

"I gotta go in."

"Now?" Daniel complained.

"Yeah," Jack said. He grimaced. "Hammond wants this treaty/zatarc/Tok'ra mess cleaned up ASAP."

"I don't have to go in, do I?" Daniel asked. He knew it sounded selfish...so okay, he was selfish. He was also warm and cozy and lazy.

"No." Jack looked away, silent. He took a deep breath. "I think Hammond's heard about the 'caring' thing."

Daniel sat up, concerned by Jack's unease. Jack turned when he felt Daniel moving. He tried to smile reassuringly but Daniel could see the worry shadowing Jack's eyes.

"Just tell him the truth," Daniel advised.

"The truth?"

"Well, not the whole truth, obviously," Daniel said. "Just tell him how your words, your feelings would've applied to anyone on your team. Hammond's a very loyal, very involved kind of leader. He'll understand."

"You may be right," Jack said, some of the tension easing from his shoulders.

"I'm always right," Daniel said lightly. "It's about damn time you realized that."

"Ya think?" Jack said, leering. He leaned over and kissed Daniel. Then Jack gave him a sharp swat on the ass and hopped off the bed before Daniel could untangle himself from the sheets and retaliate.

"You'd better get a move on unless you want that repaid with interest," Daniel threatened as he finally kicked free of the bedding. Jack's smug look said that he would be more than happy to collect all the interest he could. Daniel flopped back on the bed in a hedonistic sprawl.

"Jack?"

"Huh?" Jack swallowed hard, watching Daniel just lying there, naked, before him.

"Better go--now--or call Hammond and tell him you'll be a little late."

"Fuck," Jack muttered. He turned and left the room before he could no longer resist finishing what Daniel was trying to start.

Daniel just grinned at Jack's retreating back before wrapping himself in the sheet and burying his head in the pillow again.

"Daniel?"

Daniel looked up. Seeing Sam in the doorway of his office, he gave quick jerk of his head to indicate that she should come in.

"What're you up to?" she asked, pulling a chair to the side of his desk.

"Ah...." Daniel gestured with dismay at the crumbling scroll he was working with. "You know, we really need to get a full time preservationist on staff."

"I can see that," Sam sympathized. She looked around, looking a little uncomfortable. "If you're not too busy.... I was wondering if we could talk for a minute?"

"Sure," Daniel said. He already knew the discussion wouldn't be work related. Sam was definitely 'one of the guys' when it came to discussing personal matters. She had a tendency to sidle up to the topic as cautiously as the men on the team. "What's up?"

"Teal'c said you know about what happened in the zatarc testing," Sam said. She bit at her lip anxiously. "You know, when the colonel and I were retested."

"Yeah," Daniel admitted, suddenly feeling as awkward as Sam did. "Yeah, I got the gist of it anyway."

"Well, I just wanted you to know that nothing's going to change."

"No, of course not," Daniel said with a reassuring smile. He didn't want Sam to worry herself over what was obviously a difficult and embarrassing situation.

"I mean--regardless of what may happen in the future--right now nothing changes."

"The future...?" Daniel said slowly. He was beginning to suspect that Jack hadn't cleared things up with Sam yet. Not if she was talking about the future.

"Obviously, given our respective situations at the present time, we can't do anything about...you know. And that's the way we want it," Sam said earnestly. "I love being part of this command. Part of SG-1. And I know the colonel feels the same."

Daniel wondered how Sam could possibly think she knew what Jack felt. Then again, if Jack hadn't set her straight on the whole 'feelings' issue, she probably did think she knew.

"Who knows what'll happen in the future anyway," Sam admitted with a shy smile. "Who knows where any of us will be, or what we'll want."

"That's true."

Daniel was determined to not be the one to correct Sam's miscomprehension. Jack had to be the one to do that. Jack was probably the only one who could. Sam would have no reason to believe Daniel, not without knowing about Daniel and Jack's relationship. But maybe just a vague warning....

"Sam, isn't it possible...?"

"I just wanted you to know that no matter what happens it won't affect you or Teal'c."

Too late for that, Daniel thought. He was affected. Very affected.

It was insane for Sam to even think she could ever have a relationship with Jack. Daniel had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from asking about some very important issues. Like children. Sam wanted them. Daniel knew that. Jack didn't. Daniel knew that, too. And the fact that Sam didn't know that about Jack--that said it all right there. Sam and Jack's friendship wasn't even close enough for her to know that they wanted different things from a relationship.

"Daniel?" Sam's hand on his arm pulled Daniel out of his musings. "We're okay, aren't we?"

"Sure," Daniel said, patting her hand where it rested on his forearm. "We're fine, Sam."

"Good," Sam said, smiling. "I just thought I should clear things up."

"Clear things up," Daniel repeated. "Yes, that's a very good idea."

Eating breakfast together on mission days was an SG-1 tradition. Jack had insisted on it right from the very beginning. He claimed it strengthened the ties between the team members, got them thinking in a 'one for all, all for one' manner before going through the gate.

He also claimed that it decreased the likelihood that the team's C.O. would be cannibalized by his subordinates on the off chance that they were stranded immediately after gating.

"Do you think he's really afraid we'd eat him?" Sam asked, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. Daniel froze. Since he and Jack had become lovers, 'eating the colonel' had become a joke they mentally sniggered at when they were feeling especially juvenile. Sam had even made innocent jokes about it in the past, too, but that was...before. And without the glint in her eye.

"Hey," Jack said with mock disgust. "I've seen how you attack a steak."

"O'Neill would be much too tough and stringy," Teal'c said.

"I suppose you think you'd taste better?" Jack shot back.

"I would," Teal'c said before returning to his bowl of Lucky Charms.

"What about Daniel?" Sam prodded. Daniel found he couldn't meet Jack's eye. Not because he was afraid he'd lose himself in the knowing laughter in Jack's eyes, but because, suddenly, he was afraid he would find Jack's eyes empty of that shared humor.

"I suppose," Jack said drawled. "If you like your entrée java flavored."

"Major Carter would be the best choice," Teal'c said, jumping abruptly back into the conversation.

"Really? Why?" Jack asked.

"She has a higher percentage of body fat."

Daniel kept his head down as Sam bristled at his side. Only a fool messed with Sam. Daniel had never taken Teal'c to be a fool, but stranger things had happened. And usually to SG-1. In the meantime, Daniel intended to stay out of the line of fire.

"Carter's not fat," Jack said, defending his 2IC.

"I was not referring to Major Carter's physique. Nor to her fitness or beauty," Teal'c explained. "I was merely commenting on a basic difference between the sexes."

"There are a lot of differences between the sexes," Jack blurted out.

"One of which is that women have a higher percentage of body fat," Teal'c reiterated, apparently oblivious to Sam's ire.

"Yeah...so...how about them Cubs?" Jack said, desperate to escape a topic so fraught with danger.

Daniel could feel Sam's frustration as she sat rigidly beside him. Teal'c had merely stated a fact. And as a scientist, Sam had to accept the data without assigning it prejudice. But as a woman....

"They'll be in the cellar by the third week of June," Daniel told Jack as Teal'c got up from the table and made his way from the dining hall.

"Thank you, Pollyanna Jackson," Jack sniped. Daniel just shrugged.

"I don't know why you keep watching pro sports," Daniel said, his disdain evident as he picked at his waffles. "It's all just a corporate enterprise now. Big--really big--business. There's no loyalty to the players or--God forbid--the fans. It's all about markets and profitability and salary caps...."

"Oh, come on, Daniel."

"Two words, Jack. Dallas Stars."

Daniel paused to let his words hit home. Jack snarled and bit back his usual tirade with an effort.

"And the players--come on, have you seen the salaries? Nobody needs that kind of money. Whatever happened to playing for the love of the game?" Daniel continued, warming up to the subject. "And it's not just pro sports. Collegiate athletics are nearly as bad. Courses in the humanities get cut but the football team gets a new stadium. College players are being arrested for everything from public intox to rape but they're still playing, still on full scholarship. It's nuts."

Daniel shoved his fork in to a piece of waffle and looked earnestly at Jack.

"I'm sorry but that just happens to be how I feel about it. What do you think?"

"God, I'm exhausted," Jack groaned as he unlocked his front door. He tossed his jacket across the back of the sofa and headed straight for the bedroom.

"Really? Why?" Daniel asked, following Jack with a perplexed look.

"Three months with no sleep. Maybe more," Jack explained.

"But we didn't actually live those three months."

"You didn't. Teal'c and I did. Sort of."

"Really? That's...."

"Weird," Jack said firmly. "I don't get it myself but after a while Teal'c had to start kel-no-reeming and I had to sleep or I would've gone wacko." Jack paused at the side of the bed long enough to shove his clothes off. "And it wasn't easy. Each loop was only about ten hours long and we had to spend half of that convincing everyone that we were looping."

Jack climbed into bed and Daniel began his normal nightly routine. He tried to sort out everything Jack and Teal'c had told him about the multiple time loops and found he was just giving himself a headache. Daniel finished in the bathroom, stripped off his own clothing, tossed it in the hamper, and joined Jack in bed.

"Jack?" Daniel said quietly, nudging Jack's shoulder. Jack was obviously already on the brink of sleep.

"Not tonight, Daniel," Jack mumbled. "I just want to sleep."

"That's not what I.... I still have some questions about the loops."

"You mean you don't want sex?" Jack asked, staring at Daniel with one partially open eye.

"I pretty much always want sex, but no--that's not what I was thinking about."

"Oh." Jack seemed to think that over before opening both eyes. "I think I'd prefer sex to talking."

"Jack."

"I'll talk in exchange for sex," Jack offered.

"I thought you were too tired."

"I am," Jack admitted regretfully.

Daniel chuckled. He leaned over with a kiss for the dark circles under Jack's eyes, and one final one for his mouth.

"Sleep," Daniel urged.

"You sure?" Jack mumbled, reaching for Daniel's cock. Daniel squirmed at the touch of Jack's hand. His normal state when in bed with Jack was semi-hard. A touch was all it took to make him fully erect. Jack gripped him firmly, rubbing his thumb roughly over the head.

"Jack, stop. You said you were too tired," Daniel groaned, pushing into Jack's grip.

"I am, but I can just lay here while you use my body," Jack said with a sly grin.

"Nooooo," Daniel said as Jack pulled in long hard strokes.

"Or I could just finish this hand job," Jack offered. Daniel writhed against him, his breathing speeding up with the increased pace of Jack's hand.

"Oh yeah just like...Jack...oh God Jack," Daniel groaned as Jack's hand pulled the pleasure through and out of him. He clung to Jack and kissed him hungrily as the last waves of orgasm shook his body. After a moment he rolled to his back with a sigh.

"You sure you don't need anything?" Daniel mumbled as he felt himself drifting off.

"Sleep, Daniel." Jack's chuckle was low and warm in Daniel's ear. "I'll catch ya next time."

Daniel walked toward Jack's office, his pace brisk. He just needed to verify the.... Daniel stopped when he heard Teal'c's voice drifting out into the corridor.

"I have made my apologies to Airman Scott."

"What on Earth for?" Jack's disbelieving voice asked.

"I slammed his face with a door."

"Yeah, but he doesn't know that."

"I take it that you will not be apologizing to Major Carter, then."

"You saw?"

"I did."

"Well...no. No way am I saying anything to Carter. Besides all I did was...."

"I know what you did, O'Neill." Teal'c sounded disapproving. "I do not believe it was respectful."

"It was just a kiss."

Daniel's breath caught in his throat.

Jack had kissed Sam.

"Hey," Jack called casually as he walked through his front door.

"You kissed Sam." Daniel immediately grimaced. He really hadn't intended to blurt that out first thing.

"Excuse me?" Jack said, his movement toward the kitchen arrested.

"You kissed Sam."

"During the time loop?" Jack asked.

"Were there any other times you kissed Sam?"

Jack put his hand up and thought.

"Beer," Jack said before resuming his journey to the kitchen. Daniel forced himself to wait patiently until Jack had his beer and was seated on the couch.

"Okay, so you were saying?" Jack said, his casual attitude a little too forced.

"Why?" Daniel asked.

"I was just goofing, Daniel. It didn't mean anything." Jack took a pull at the beer. "You were the one who pointed out the 'no consequences' angle."

"Don't blame this on me," Daniel said quietly.

"I didn't realize there was any 'blame' involved," Jack said.

"You can't have it both ways, Jack."

"I've never lied about the fact that I'm bisexual," Jack countered.

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning that I'm a normal healthy guy," Jack said. "If a good looking woman crosses my path, I'm not going to pretend I don't notice."

"Fine. You want to graze the grass on both sides of the fence--be my guest. Just don't expect me to be the grass on this side."

"Is that a threat?" Jack asked, his voice cool.

"No, Jack. Just a simple statement of fact. If I'm in a relationship with you then it's an exclusive one. And that applies to either sex."

"I'm not having a relationship with Carter."

"But you're letting Sam believe that you are. That you're having as much of a relationship as you can for the time being." Daniel got to his feet and walked over to the fireplace, his hands clenched in frustration. "You're letting everyone believe that."

"What do you want me to do? Go around and tell every single person on the base that, despite what happened with the zatarc thing, I'm not in love with Carter so just forget about it?"

"I want you to stop encouraging the rumors," Daniel said. He looked Jack straight in the eye. Daniel didn't think he was asking for much, and he refused to let himself beg for it.

"I'm not encouraging anything," Jack insisted.

Daniel dropped his head and turned back to the empty fireplace, defeated by Jack's refusal to acknowledge the effects of his own actions. He heard Jack moving behind him, and then Jack's arms wrapped around his waist as Daniel stood, immobile.

"You know you're the only one I want to be with. For chrissakes, Daniel, every time we're together I run the chance of losing my rank, my career and my reputation."

"I know that," Daniel said, allowing his head to fall back against Jack's shoulder. He wanted to believe Jack. He wanted to believe that he was overreacting and Jack really was just being as oblivious as he appeared.

"It wasn't easy for me to decide to risk everything on a relationship with you. But I did and I don't regret it. I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Yes," Daniel said, more a sigh than a word.

Jack's hands became more eloquent, more insistent on Daniel's body. Daniel responded to Jack's touch, pushing into the contact, reaching out to return the caresses. Jack broke off a kiss and took Daniel's hand.

"Come here and let me show you what I really wanted to be doing during all those loops."

"Have I made an error?" Gharen asked, his hands twisting together in worry. The Prime Minister of P8D-993 looked from one member of SG-1 to another as they stood in one of the hallways of the alien's large home.

"Don't worry," Daniel hastened to assure Gharen. Daniel grit his teeth against the headache that, having grown steadily through the evening, threatened to explode into a blinding, 'please just kill me now' migraine.

"What's he saying, Daniel?" Jack stood just behind Daniel, Sam at his side while Teal'c stood slightly apart, his dark eyes constantly alert for danger.

"Nothing," Daniel snapped. "Just a little misunderstanding."

It wasn't Gharen's fault. Of course their host had arranged for Jack and Sam to share accommodations. The way Jack had been eyeing Sam, and she'd been happy and blushing at the attention, it was only natural for anyone who didn't know them to think they were together. Hell, Daniel did know them and he was having some serious doubts.

"What kind of misunderstanding?" Jack asked, his gaze sharp and suspicious.

"Gharen has arranged for you and Sam to share quarters," Daniel said, curious to see Jack's reaction to the alien's assumption.

"Tell him that just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I belong to someone," Sam said indignantly.

Daniel wished Sam's 'I am woman hear me roar' attitude had made an appearance earlier in the evening. Gharen hadn't put Sam together with Jack because she was a woman. He'd done it because she and Jack had been inseparable since arriving on the planet.

Daniel let out a long, slow breath. He couldn't take this out on Sam. He couldn't blame her. She didn't know Jack was already...involved. As far as she knew, the flirting was all real and her response to it was perfectly natural.

"Just explain it to him," Jack ordered.

"I was trying to," Daniel said. Right before you interrupted me, he thought. "The problem is that they've prepared one room with a double bed and two rooms with single beds. Now he's going to have to wake the servants to prepare another room."

"Give Carter one of the singles, Teal'c the other, and you and I can bunk together." Jack raised an eyebrow at Daniel's hesitation. "Is that a problem?"

"No, no problem," Daniel said. Normally he would've already suggested that, but he wasn't entirely certain that Jack would want to share a room with him. At this point, Daniel wasn't sure he wanted to share a room with Jack.

Without getting into all the whys and wherefores, Daniel explained to Gharen that Jack and Sam weren't allowed to share a bed. Relieved that SG-1 were not angry and were willing to make the necessary adjustments without disrupting Gharen's household, the alien bowed gratefully and wished them a good night.

Still a little flustered by the misunderstanding, Sam said a quick good night and retreated to her room. Teal'c merely nodded his head and went into his own room.

"Come on," Jack said, opening the door to their room. "Been a long day. Let's not dawdle."

Daniel followed Jack into a room lit only by a single bedside lamp, but lingered in the shadows near the door as Jack rapidly stripped down to his underwear.

"Jack, this has to stop."

"What?" Jack asked, lifting his head, and then turning quickly as he suddenly realized that Daniel hadn't joined him at the bedside. "Stop what?"

"The looking, the smiling, the...."

"I thought you liked my smile," Jack teased as he stretched out on the bed.

"You're flirting with Sam," Daniel said, refusing to be distracted by Jack's attempt to flirt with him now.

"Oh, for God's sake, Daniel," Jack said, his irritation plain. "Would you quit with that already?"

"I'm not imagining it," Daniel insisted.

"Carter's a friend as well as a colleague. We joke and tease and get a little silly sometimes," Jack said with exaggerated patience. "You're just seeing it differently because you can't get past that damn zatarc crap."

"Jack...."

"Daniel, do you trust me? At all?" Jack asked.

"Of course I do." But even as he said it, Daniel realized that wasn't completely true. He had trusted Jack. He wanted--very badly--to continue to trust Jack. But it was getting difficult to hold onto the blind faith he'd had in Jack's love for him.

"So trust me on this," Jack challenged. "I'm with you and only you."

"Are you?" Daniel asked. He raised his head and looked straight at Jack, glad that his own face was still hidden in shadow.

"Oh, screw it," Jack said angrily, yanking the sheets up and turning to his side.

"Jack...."

"Just go to sleep, Daniel. You're not listening and I'm tired of talking so just...go to sleep."

"So. What the hell is Colonel O'Neill's problem?" Janet asked as she gestured for Daniel to get dressed after his post mission physical. "You want me to prescribe an enema for him?

"Um...excuse me?"

"The two of you obviously aren't happy, and he's been making eyes in an entirely different direction. Seems to me he needs something to straighten him out." Janet paused. "In a manner of speaking."

Daniel remained silent as he tugged his pants up. He wasn't sure if Janet meant what he thought she meant. And if she did, he wasn't really free to discuss the subject with her.

There certainly wasn't anything wrong with her perceptions, though. At work his relationship with Jack had taken on a sharp edge. Jack was keeping his distance. He almost never touched Daniel anymore. Away from work the tension wasn't as strong. They still shared their homes, their meals, even a bed. But there were too many silences, too much that was going unspoken between them.

"This is strictly doctor-patient here, Daniel," Janet said. "Anything you say will be completely confidential."

"How did you know?"

"That the two of you are together?"

"Yeah."

"Logic," Janet said with a shrug. "I started seeing evidence that you had both become...active around the same time. Now, it's possible that you'd each gone out and found someone, but I figured the simplest explanation was the best and that you'd finally found each other. And I'd really like to know what the two of you got up to on your Christmas leave last year. The hickeys were spectacular."

Daniel flushed, unable to meet Janet's eye as he recalled what Jack liked to refer to as the 'anniversary debauch.' A sense of misery washed over him as he considered the fact that they might not make it to another anniversary.

"I'm not trying to pry," Janet said kindly, seeing the sadness in Daniel's eyes. "But I'm worried. About you. And about Sam."

"Did you know Sam had feelings for Jack?" Daniel asked.

"No," Janet admitted. "Nothing like that anyway."

"I didn't either. Honestly, I thought they were just making a mountain out of molehill. Especially since neither one of them seemed to give their 'feelings' a second thought until Anise forced the issue." Daniel sighed and leaned against the gurney. "I thought they'd come to their senses and realize how ridiculous the whole idea is."

"Instead, the colonel's being complete prick to everyone, especially you. And Sam...I hate to say it. Sam's my friend. But she's acting...very unprofessionally." Janet sighed. "I just don't know what the hell they could be thinking."

"I don't know," Daniel said, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to ease the pressure there. "I can't explain it."

"You've talked to the colonel about it?" Janet asked hesitantly.

"Oh, yeah. I've talked until I'm blue in the face and Jack always has some excuse, some facile explanation." Daniel shook his head sharply. "He just refuses to face the facts."

"What can we do?"

"I don't know."

"What are you going to do?"

"That is the question, isn't it?" Daniel said, looking at Janet with a painfully bemused expression. "One that, frankly, I don't know the answer to."

Daniel lay curled on his side on the bed, staring through the gloom at nothing in particular. He held his breath as a muffled grunt signaled Jack shifting position in the bed. When it was clear that Jack hadn't awoken, Daniel slowly let out the pent up breath.

Normally, Daniel preferred that the two of them stay at his apartment because his bed was big. Bigger than Jack's. Big enough to allow plenty of room for enthusiastic carnal activity. All it gave them now was room to distance themselves. Funny how the middle of his bed had become a no-man's land, an expanse of fear and longing and mistrust. Or not so funny, actually.

What Daniel found most unfunny was that he and Jack weren't fighting anymore. Not really. It was as if they instinctively recognized that the tether connecting them was so frayed, so fragile, that angry words might finally stress it past the snapping point. And maybe it would. Daniel didn't know, not for sure.

Daniel rolled to his back and looked across the bed at Jack. Jack was lying on his stomach, the side of his face mashed into the pillow and his hands drawn up under his body. A melancholy smile tugged at one side of Daniel's mouth. He never got tired of looking at Jack. Even as angry or disappointed as he sometimes got with the man who played such a big role in his life, the sight of him always made Daniel's chest tighten with the strength of his feelings.

"I don't know what to do," Daniel whispered to himself.

"Daniel?" Jack stirred groggily. Daniel bit his lip, waiting to see if Jack was truly awake. He sometimes forgot how easily Jack's sleep was disturbed. "Daniel?"

"It's nothing. Go back to sleep," Daniel said quietly. Between the darkness and lack of his glasses, he couldn't make out Jack's face clearly. All he could see was that Jack was looking at him. Waiting.

Jack had a tendency to treat problems in their relationship like open wounds. He thought they'd heal better if you left them alone, didn't keep picking at them. Daniel thought of it as more like an abscessed tooth. Sure, you could mask the pain and ignore it. But it wouldn't go away. It would, in fact, only get worse.

For a moment longer, Daniel lay there staring at Jack, frozen in indecision. He didn't know if he should reach out, ignore the problem and protect the fragile peace by offering, and seeking, physical comfort. Or try, again, to talk.

Jack made a small grunt and rolled over, his back to Daniel. Daniel turned his eyes to the ceiling, feeling the sharp sting of another thread snapping.

"Well, this is...a challenge."

Daniel followed Jack's dismayed gaze to the cliff. They had just hiked through several miles of desert and were now facing a steep climb on stairs carved directly into the rock face. Two very brief recordings from the UAV had shown a cliff dwelling similar to Mesa Verde in Colorado. Except that this site was going to be an even bigger challenge to access than any cliff dwelling Daniel had ever seen before.

"Why couldn't they have lived on the ground like normal people?" Jack complained.

"A number of Earth cultures have used cliff dwellings. It provides protection from the elements, from enemies...."

"Yadda," Jack said sharply.

"Sir?"

"Daniel, take point. Then Carter, me and Teal'c," Jack ordered. "Let's get a move on. I'm not getting any younger here."

Daniel moved cautiously at first, but the stairs, though worn and weathered, were stable. He set an easy pace all the same. It was a long climb to the recessed living area and the hot, arid atmosphere would sap their energy if they weren't careful.

If Daniel had been in his normal position, just in front of Jack, he would've heard the little grunts that meant Jack's knees were giving him hell. Daniel would've asked for a breather, giving Jack a chance to rest his battered joints without having to admit that he needed to. As it was, Daniel was startled out of his thoughts when Jack's irritable voice called for a five minute break. He looked back to see Jack grimacing as he lowered himself to sit on the stairs.

Daniel awkwardly reached into a pocket on his pack, pulling out a blister pouch of Aleve. He'd started carrying doses of the drug after he and Jack had become involved, after he'd realized just how often Jack suffered because of the degeneration of his joints and after he'd learned that the Tylenol they were issued didn't help. Daniel tossed the packet at Jack.

Jack scowled when he saw what Daniel had given him, but he tossed the pills into his mouth and took a swig from of his canteen to wash them down. Sam watched, a mild frown marring her features, but she didn't question the wordless exchange.

Daniel shook his head and looked back up the remaining third of the staircase. It wasn't the fact that Sam didn't know these things about Jack. There were aspects of Jack's life that Daniel hadn't discovered until after they'd become intimate. No, it was that she didn't question him. She was too much the subordinate. She accepted too easily Jack's tendency to hide.

Daniel wondered if that weren't the crux of the problem. With Sam, Jack could hide as little or as much as he wished. He couldn't do that with Daniel. Daniel never let Jack get away with his deflections and camouflage. He might let Jack think he was hiding, for a while, but Daniel always went digging eventually.

"Let's go," Jack said behind him. Daniel shook his head to clear his thoughts, took a last quick sip from his canteen, and started up the stairs.

When they reached the top of the cliff face, they all stopped and caught their breath. The sun had moved far enough across the sky that the alcove in the cliff wall, approximately 100 feet deep, was almost totally in shadow. Teal'c wandered along the edge of the cliff face, studying the ground carefully.

"This place does not appear to have been heavily inhabited," Teal'c observed.

"Not right here, no," Daniel agreed, making his own survey. There was little left of the original buildings. Just piles of crumbled rock and dirt, none more than knee high, that roughly approximated the structures that had once stood there. Daniel frowned slightly, feeling that the number and size of the buildings weren't sufficient to denote a thriving population.

"I don't think they actually lived here," Daniel speculated.

"Where else would they live?" Sam asked, perplexed.

"I don't know....yet. And look--see this?" Daniel moved his hand as he walked alongside a low mound, in some places no higher than Daniel's ankle, that made a parallel line just three feet from the edge of the cliff. "There was a wall of some kind here. It crosses the entire length."

"Of course," Jack said, walking up to Teal'c and looking at the line Daniel had indicated. "Second line of defense. If your enemy makes it all the way up the cliff this is your last chance to stop them."

"Makes sense," Sam said.

"But you have to wonder why they needed such heavy defenses," Jack said, his ingrained need to assess any potential threats kicking in. Before Teal'c or Sam could respond, Daniel spoke up.

"Here." Daniel stood about one third of the way along the cliff front, staring at the ground and shaking his finger at nothing in particular. "I think there was a gate or entrance of some kind right here. There's no sign of the barrier between here and here." Daniel spread his hands, indicating two heaps of rubble about twelve feet apart. "And it looks like there were small rooms of some sort on either side."

"Guard posts," Sam suggested.

"That would be a logical assumption," Teal'c said.

"Are you still getting that energy reading, Sam?" Daniel asked.

"Stronger than ever," Sam confirmed as she slowly wandered toward the back wall of the cliff opening. "It seems to be coming from inside the rock itself."

"Well, there's no convincing evidence of a strong civilian presence out here," Daniel agreed. He stared at the fissured and jagged stone that formed the back wall of the cliff dwelling. "There has to be an entrance."

"But not there," Jack said. Daniel turned to him with a puzzled look. "They wouldn't put the entrance to their...town directly in line with the gate. It'll be offset."

"More defense," Daniel said. "Don't give the enemy a straight path."

"Yep."

Daniel joined Sam at the back of the cliff opening. Using their flashlights in the artificial dusk, he and Sam slowly walked along the back wall, searching for some sign of an entrance. Daniel peered at the few carvings on the stone while Sam used her equipment to try and pinpoint the origin of the energy.

"All this rock is so badly weathered," Daniel said with frustration as he brushed his fingers along the shallow impressions in the rock. "Some markings may be completely obliterated by now."

"Give it your best shot," Jack said calmly from where he was brushing aside some rubble with his foot. Daniel's instinct was to tell Jack to stop, but he just sighed and turned back to his examination of the stone. He knew no one would ever get to do a proper excavation of this site. He knew damn well that the only reason he was getting to look at it at all was because of the energy readings detected by the UAV. Energy meant technology and that was the only reason they'd been given the go ahead on this mission.

"Here," Sam said sharply. All three of her teammates looked over expectantly. "There's a definite spike in the readings right here. But I still can't find any sign of a door."

Daniel added his flashlight to Sam's as they both got right up close to the stone face. After fifteen unproductive minutes, Daniel turned, running his eyes thoughtfully across the remnants of the protecting wall out along the cliff edge.

"Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c said.

"Defense," Daniel said absently.

"Excuse me?" Sam said, puzzled.

"The entire layout of this place is defensive," Daniel said as he walked back to the mounded ruin of the wall.

"And?" Sam prompted as Daniel walked slowly, carefully along its length.

"And," Jack interjected. "They didn't put the key next to the door."

"Like a security apartment building," Daniel said, nodding in agreement. "You probably had to be 'buzzed' in. Maybe by the guards at the gate."

"Or a doorman," Jack suggested.

"Or a...." Daniel stopped speaking and knelt down by one of the remains of one of the guard posts.

"Daniel?" Jack said, moving several feet in Daniel's direction.

"This is the logical place," Daniel said with a shrug, beginning to carefully clear the debris. He labored steadily as Sam continued her assessment of the rest of the cliff complex. Jack and Teal'c just loitered near Daniel. Daniel could feel Jack occasionally rolling his eyes, but as long as he kept his mouth shut Daniel let it slide.

"That's it," Daniel finally said, pointing at the now cleared floor. A row of carved bricks still ran along the base of the wall.

"You sure?" Jack asked, moving even closer in order to see the carved stones.

"No, not entirely," Daniel admitted.

"Well, as long as you're firmly ambivalent about it," Jack said dryly. "Give it a shot."

Shrugging, Daniel studied the markings carefully, running his fingers along the carved lines before frowning.

"Daniel?"

"I think...." Daniel got up and crossed to the other guard post. "We need to clear this one, too."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm sure we need to activate the door from both places. I'm just not sure why."

"More defense," Jack said as he walked over to the second guard post. Daniel looked up at him with a puzzled frown. "Standard protocol in missile silos. We use the same thing at the SGC with the auto-destruct. Two keys that are too far apart for just one person to be able to turn both at the same time."

"You're right," Daniel said, mildly surprised.

"Of course, I'm right. Paranoia's my middle name," Jack said. He gestured for Teal'c to help, and he and Teal'c quickly cleared the other section of wall. Daniel watched, comparing the carved symbols with the ones from the first post.

"This must have been a real pain, opening and shutting the door like this," Sam observed as she rejoined them.

"Most likely the doorway remained open under normal conditions," Teal'c said. "Closing only in the event of an imminent threat."

"And from way up here, you'd have plenty of time to see the enemy coming," Sam said. "Plenty of time to get everyone to safety and close the door."

"Jack," Daniel called, recalling Jack's attention from Sam and Teal'c's theories. "You need to push these two symbols. This one first, then wait for me to push mine, then we have to push the second one together."

"Okey dokey," Jack said, sounding bored. Daniel returned to the first post and nodded.

"One," Jack said, using the toe of his boot to activate the symbol. Daniel pushed his on the two count. On three, they both pushed the final symbol.

Sam's startled yelp was nearly drowned out by the grating slide of stone on stone. The previously 'solid' rock developed vertical seams as the back wall opened up just where Sam had detected the highest energy readings. Daniel stared in awe as a massive slab of rock shifted upward.

"I really, really want to know what these people were so afraid of," Jack said with a little shake of his head.

"Maybe they were just very cautious," Sam suggested as they gathered in front of the door. Daniel listened with only half an ear. He was too interested in trying to discern what lay within the newly opened cavern.

"People aren't normally that cautious without a reason," Jack said skeptically. "Human beings happen to be a pretty careless bunch in general."

"The inhabitants of this place may not have been human, O'Neill," Teal'c said. Jack shrugged, not in the least comforted by that possibility.

"All right--heads up everyone. Doesn't look like anyone left a light on in the Bat Cave so it's going to be black as sin in there. Stay together."

"Damn it," Daniel muttered through clenched teeth. He wasn't completely clear on how or why the room had collapsed. But it had and now he was trapped between the debris of that collapse and a remaining upright wall.

"Damn it, Daniel!" Jack shouted from behind the obstruction.

"I'm fine," Daniel called out. Except for the fact that his back was killing him and he was completely pinned, he was fine. The slab resting against his lower back shifted slightly and Daniel shouted in panic as the pressure increased.

"What?" Jack called.

"Don't...don't do that," Daniel said breathlessly. "This thing's about two inches from squishing me flat."

"All right," Jack's voice called, muffled. "Stay cool and give us a minute to figure this out."

"I'm not going anywhere," Daniel said, more to himself than to Jack.

Trapped in the dark, waiting for Jack, Sam and Teal'c to find a way to get him out, Daniel had nothing to do but think. And nothing more important to think about than his relationship with Jack. Daniel turned it over and over in his mind. He realized, with bone deep regret, that he simply couldn't live with the new status quo. For two years, he had known implicitly that he'd had all of Jack. No matter what had happened, no matter how much they argued--Daniel had always known that at the end of the day Jack would be with him.

Now it appeared that Jack's heart was divided. Wanting both Sam and Daniel but not giving enough to either to sustain a true relationship. Daniel sighed. Sam might be okay with that...probably was okay with that because she was no more inclined to give up her career and her position on SG-1 than Jack was. But Daniel was not even close to okay with that.

Surprisingly, even with all the recent discord between them, they could still work together. This mission itself was proof of that. Jack was a little colder, Daniel a little more reserved, but they worked. Daniel supposed he should be consoled by that, but he wasn't. Yes, he and Jack could still carry out a mission, but they'd lost everything else.

"Everything check out okay?" Jack asked as he stepped up beside the gurney, ignoring the intent of the privacy curtain that had been drawn part way around it.

"Aside from a bruised kidney and what are apparently going to be some pretty spectacular bruises on my ass...I'm fine."

"Get an airman to drive you home," Jack said, automatically taking charge. He glanced around, making sure that no one was close enough to listen in. "I'm going to be tied up for a while--Carter's already arguing with Hammond about a return trip to the Bat Cave--but I'll be home later."

"No rush," Daniel said, keeping his voice calm. He grimaced slightly as he pulled on his shirt.

"It won't be long."

"No, really, don't hurry home on my account," Daniel said, forcing himself to look Jack in the eye. "I won't be there."

"You want to stay at your place?" Jack asked, puzzled.

"Yes. In fact, I'm going to be staying at my place permanently."

Daniel supposed it was somewhat cowardly of him to drop this on Jack here. No--forget the "supposed." Daniel knew it was out and out cowardice. Jack couldn't respond directly as long as they were surrounded by the military machine of the SGC. But Daniel wanted to avoid an all out blow up. They'd been through it all before. Arguments and recriminations served no purpose and Daniel didn't feel there was anything to be gained in putting themselves through all that again.

"Define 'permanently'," Jack said in a low, hard voice.

"You know what I mean," Daniel said. Jack wasn't stupid and no one knew that better than Daniel. Jack knew exactly what Daniel was telling him...and why. Although apparently he'd rather slit his own throat than admit it.

Jack glanced behind him as a nurse passed by. He turned back to Daniel with eyes dark with anger.

"We'll talk about this later."

"Well, there's a twist," Daniel said dully.

"What?"

"You want to talk and I don't." Daniel decided that bending over to tie his boot laces was going to cause far more pain than it was worth. And he certainly wasn't going to ask Jack for help. Daniel slid off of the gurney, shoved his feet into the boots and left the laces loose.

"Goodnight, Jack." Daniel tried to walk past Jack but Jack moved to block his way.

"We will talk about this."

"Is that a threat?" Daniel asked, standing toe to toe with Jack and refusing to back down.

"It's a simple statement of fact," Jack said, his mild tone not giving away the fury Daniel could see in his eyes. "We will talk."

"I've said everything I need to say," Daniel said wearily when Jack showed up at his apartment. He'd considered not opening the door, but it would've been a pointless gesture. If Jack wanted to get in, he'd get in.

"Don't, Daniel," Jack warned. "Do not do this to us."

"Do what, Jack? To who?" Daniel shook his head. "I'm sorry, Jack. But you can't even acknowledge our relationship...."

"What the fuck do you want from me?" Jack yelled, exasperated. "Should I bend you over the briefing room table and fuck you raw? Would that be an acceptable acknowledgement?"

"Of course not!"

"Christ, Daniel. I'm risking everything just to be with you and it's not enough."

"Don't give me that crap!" Daniel said vehemently. "I've worked just as hard to prevent you from suffering any adverse effects because of this relationship. I understand the rules we've had to live by. I understand the risks we took. I accepted the risks and the price we had to pay because I thought it was worth it. I've done my damnedest to safeguard what we had, and I'm sick of hearing about how you risked everything."

"What?" Jack said incredulously.

"You haven't been in this alone, Jack. I've had to make the same sacrifices, the same concessions that you have. Would I have lost my job if we'd been discovered? No, probably not. But do you really think it would've made my life any easier if everyone knew I was Colonel O'Neill's fuck toy? Certainly it would've undermined my authority. People would've started wondering if I'd ever contributed anything to the project or if I was only there because the colonel liked my ass."

Jack just gaped at Daniel, both embarrassed and outraged.

"Ultimately, yes--it was your position, your career, that made all the hiding and lying necessary. But we've both been paying the price."

"What do you want from me?" Jack repeated, apparently unwilling to address the other issue.

"I want you to stop playing both sides."

"I'm not playing both sides."

"You are," Daniel insisted. "You've let this thing with Sam fester too long already. You can't continue to play into her idea that the two of you are...that you're anything. And you can't keep telling me to shut up while you act like a racehorse that's been put out to stud. You have to acknowledge what we are or...or leave."

"Fuck you, Jackson," Jack said with barely controlled fury.

"No, I'm not seeing that happening in the near future," Daniel said.

Jack growled inarticulately and stomped into the kitchen. Daniel felt numb. Too physically battered and emotionally exhausted to deal with Jack's mule-headedness. Daniel wondered what it was going to take to get Jack out of his life. Or at least out of his kitchen.

"Couldn't you have a least a little faith in me?" Jack's voice intruded sharply on Daniel's thoughts. He'd reappeared in the kitchen doorway looking a little less furious but just as stubborn.

"That's not the point, Jack," Daniel said, rubbing his forehead, aching with frustration. "Or...or maybe it is. Maybe my faith is too little. I don't know. All I do know is that I can't continue like this. It's not fair to either of us. Or to Sam for that matter."

"For the hundredth time--this has nothing to do with Carter," Jack insisted.

"You couldn't make the choice, Jack, so I'm making it for you."

"What?" Jack asked, looking blindsided. Looking like he hadn't really listened to everything Daniel had been telling him for weeks.

"You're free to pursue a relationship with anyone you want," Daniel said. "Just as long as it isn't me."

"Daniel!"

"Now I need to go piss about a pint of blood," Daniel said, shuffling toward his bedroom. "You know where the door is. You used it to get in. You can use it to get out."

"So, three weeks of just you, a trowel and a bunch of dead Goa'uld."

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it," Daniel told Janet with a smile. He hopped up to sit on the side of the gurney, already rolling up his sleeve for the routine blood work.

"You and Rothman: I'm wondering if I shouldn't set up a field clinic," Janet teased.

"Hey!" Daniel said in mild protest. "I'm not that bad. And Robert's fine as long as he remembers to take his medicine."

"It's over, isn't it?" Janet asked quietly when she leaned over to tap on his arm and raise the vein.

"It's been over for a while," Daniel said, knowing immediately what she was referring to. "It just took me a while to admit it."

"You okay?" Janet asked, seeing the shadows both under and in his eyes.

"I will be," Daniel said, offering a small smile. "Not right away, but I will be."

"Well, if you need someone to talk to--or just get stinking drunk with--you know where to find me."

"Thanks."

Daniel held the cotton ball in the crook of his arm while Janet passed off the blood sample to a nurse. She made a few notes in Daniel's already voluminous file before checking the puncture site.

"You might want to keep an eye on Sam," Daniel said as Janet put a band-aid on his arm. "I don't even begin to know what Jack might be thinking but...."

"Consider me on guard," Janet agreed. "The last thing either of those two needs is to push the relationship issue. Especially when the colonel's on the rebound."

"I'm not sure it's exactly 'rebound'."

"Well, it isn't 'true love'--I'd put money on that." Janet shoved her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. "I swear--it's worse than Cassie and her crush of the month. And both the colonel and Sam are old enough to know better."

"If it is just a crush," Daniel said.

He hadn't figured out for himself what Jack's feelings for Sam were. Part of him still found it difficult to believe that Jack could be in love with Sam. Another part of him hoped that Jack was in love because he'd hate to think that their own relationship had been destroyed by a pointless infatuation.

"Jack and Sam are together in other realities," Daniel continued with a shrug. "Maybe they're supposed to be together in ours."

"You haven't done something stupid, have you?" Janet asked, her eyes suddenly suspicious.

"Stupid? Like what?"

"Like sacrificing your happiness so that Colonel O'Neill and Sam can be together?"

"There wasn't any happiness left to sacrifice," Daniel said bluntly. "I ended our relationship because there wasn't anything left of it. Nothing but the habit of being together. I deserve more," Daniel added, looking at Janet over the rim of his glasses with a mixture of defiance and uncertainty.

"You do," Janet assured him. She gave him a friendly pat on the thigh. "Now get out of here and go dig up some dead snakes."

Daniel stood near the foot of the gurney, staring dispassionately at his bandaged wrists. He recognized that his brain was going into an inactive mode, the way it tended to do when he'd simply had too much to take in. And P3X-888 had been too much. The fun and the scientific challenge of the dig. Finding, or being found by, the Unas and the initial attempts at understanding both its language and culture. The unsettling discovery of the Goa'uld infestation of the waters.

And the dying.

Daniel slowly, methodically, began to dress. He was exhausted. The emotional fallout, both positive and negative, of the last couple of days had pushed him to his limit. He needed to switch on the internal auto pilot until he could get home. Then he'd crash. He'd throw himself across his bed, most likely still fully clothed, and fall into a sleep that he knew would be deep and dreamless...at least for a while.

"Hey."

As Daniel's head emerged from his sweater he turned to peer at Jack.

"Hey," Daniel said dully. He leaned over to pull on his shoes.

"I'll give you a lift home," Jack offered. Daniel looked totally zombified. Not surprising under the circumstances. Jack knew what Daniel's limits were and how he reacted when pushed to those limits.

"Why?" Daniel asked.

"Why?" Jack repeated.

"Yes--why. It's a simple question."

"Why not?"

"Jack." Daniel pushed himself away from the gurney and stepped right up to Jack. Even though his body language was defiant, even aggressive, his expression continued to be flat and unemotional. "I do not need even one more piece of bullshit. Not from anyone. Especially not from you."

"I didn't want to do it. If there'd been any other way...." Jack's voice trailed off. He searched Daniel's eyes for understanding, if not forgiveness. He simply hadn't had any other choice.

"Another way?" Daniel asked, genuinely confused.

"Rothman," Jack reminded him reluctantly. Christ, he had an idea of how it must look to Daniel. Jack, the spurned lover--and yes, damn it, he was still angry about that--shoots Robert Rothman, one of the few friends Daniel still had left from his pre-stargate life.

"I never even suspected," Jack continued, needing Daniel to recognize the truth. "I sure as hell never wanted to have to kill the poor bastard."

"Yeah, well...shit happens," Daniel said. He broke the eye contact between them and looked around the infirmary without seeing it. His mind was focused inward again, retreating once more into his zombie state. "I'm just going to go home, if you don't mind."

"Daniel...."

"Jack," Daniel cut him off. "I didn't expect half of what happened on 888. There's no way you could've known."

"I know. I just--I wanted to make sure you understood."

"Understood?" Daniel asked. Daniel wasn't sure he was capable of understanding much at the moment. But he recognized the emotion on Jack's face. The same emotion Daniel was wrestling with. Guilt.

"Fine, Jack, you're forgiven," Daniel said wondering why the hell Jack had to lay this on him right now. Why he had to be the one to lighten Jack's burden. Why didn't he just go to Sam? Daniel had his own load of crap to struggle with at the moment.

"You're absolved. Pardoned. Exonerated. Exculpated. Free of all blame or guilt your soul remains unblemished can I please go now?"

Jack stared, stunned by Daniel's bitter, anguished plea. Daniel gave an impatient grunt and pushed by Jack. He'd given Jack what he wanted. May not have been the way he wanted it, but beggars can't be choosey yadda yadda yadda.

"Daniel!" Jack called out. His sharp tone managed to hold Daniel at the door. Jack wanted desperately to take at least one small part of what was wrong between them and make it right. But he bit his tongue; his clumsy words seemed to only exacerbate the problem.

"You okay?" Jack finally said.

"No, I'm not," Daniel admitted with a small, bitter laugh. "But then, 'okay' is something I'm not sure is even possible anymore. Good night, Jack."

Jack just watched him go. He wanted to help, was willing to do damn near anything if Daniel would let him, but chances were he'd only add to the discord between them. Jack was starting to feel like the poster boy for 'damned if you do, damned if you don't'.

Daniel picked at his scrambled eggs listlessly and glanced around the dining hall. He and Jack had already exhausted the short list of mutually acceptable small talk, and Teal'c was just eyeing both of them with frustration from his seat next to Jack.

It was ironic, really. Jack had always encouraged the team to share mealtimes but so often Sam or Daniel--especially Daniel--had been too caught up in whatever they were working on to take a break. But today Jack and Daniel had, quite unintentionally, found themselves together in the food line. And they had to eat together otherwise it would be an admission that they couldn't handle working together, or even being together.

Jack grimaced at his tray. He pushed his chair back and was just about to get up when his face suddenly lit up.

"Hey, Carter. When did you get back?"

"About an hour ago, sir," Sam said, slipping into the chair next to Daniel and stealing a slice of toast. Daniel shifted his tray closer to Sam, silently inviting her to help herself.

"So...what's the news from the Bat Cave?" Jack asked.

"It's amazing, sir," Sam said.

"Isn't it always?" Jack asked with an indulgent but slightly sarcastic smile.

"You really should have come with us, Daniel," Sam said, smiling politely at Jack's little jibe. She stared at Daniel's plate and gave him a pleading look, waiting for his nod before grabbing a strip of bacon. "That city is incredible."

"Any structures more intact than what we saw?" Daniel asked, interested despite himself. He'd deliberately opted not to return to cliff dwelling for two reasons. One: he knew the follow up was aimed at identifying the energy source, not studying the ruins. And two: it was the mission that marked the end of his relationship with Jack. He wasn't in the mood to revisit those kinds of memories.

"No, not really. It's just the fact that it's an entire city carved out inside of a mesa." Sam shook her head. "It boggles the mind."

"Even yours?" Jack asked.

"Yes, sir, even mine," Sam said with a smile. Daniel grit his teeth; he really didn't want to hang around if Jack was going to turn this into an overt flirting session.

"What of the energy you wished to study?" Teal'c said. "Were you able to locate the source?"

"Found it," Sam confirmed. "We're just not completely sure what it is. I mean--we know it's nuclear and I think...hope, actually...that it's a cold fusion reactor."

"Cold fusion? Isn't that what the...um...." Jack gave a quick, sideways glance at Daniel.

"The Eurondans used?" Daniel finished for him, annoyed by Jack's hesitation. They'd dealt with the whole Euronda situation long ago. Euronda was not a problem. "Yes, it was."

"Do we really want something like that?" Jack asked.

"Oh, yes, sir," Sam said emphatically. "Cold fusion would be a huge step forward for us."

"There wasn't anything inherently 'bad' about the technology, only with the way the Eurondans used it," Daniel said a bit testily. Christ, they'd discussed this way back when. In fact, Jack was the one who'd insisted, somewhat defensively, that technology wasn't good or bad on its own. Daniel wondered if Jack ever even listened to himself. Or if he simply lost a few IQ points every time Sam showed up.

"So I suppose you'll have this thing...'fusing' down in your lab now," Jack said to Sam.

"Hardly. It's much larger than a naquada generator," Sam told him. "No, I assume the Pentagon will authorize a long term off world mission. That's the only way we'll be able to study it."

"Would not the generator need fuel?" Teal'c asked.

"Heavy water," Jack blurted out. He looked mildly chagrined when the other three stared at him. "That's what it used--heavy water."

"Yes, sir, the Eurondans used heavy water as fuel, but that's not necessarily the only substance that can be used. And Teal'c has a valid point. If that site has been deserted as long as Daniel thinks it has, common sense would dictate that the reactor would've run out of fuel long ago."

"Well, it's a rough estimate, granted," Daniel said. "I'm going by the extent of decay of the buildings, but I don't know enough about the climatic conditions to be certain. Erosion, humidity, seasonal cycles of heat and freezing; they can all affect the rate of degradation. And I don't know exactly what raw materials were used in the construction...."

"Yadda," Jack said sharply.

"Right," Daniel sighed, knowing that Jack, at least, wasn't the least bit interested. "I'm pretty sure it's been at least a couple thousand years since the area was inhabited, probably more. And even if I'm off by a few...hundred years...."

"It wouldn't explain why the reactor is still going," Sam agreed.

"This is one of those things we're never going to figure out, isn't it?" Jack asked.

"Someone will. Eventually," Sam said.

"I thought so. Anyway," Jack said, checking his watch. "I suppose you have a debriefing scheduled?"

"1100 hours," Sam confirmed.

"Daniel...."

"I have to prepare for my mission with SG-7," Daniel said quickly.

"Right," Jack said slowly, staring at Daniel. "Teal'c?"

"I will be assisting Dr. Fraiser this afternoon," Teal'c said.

"Assisting?" Jack queried.

"Dr. Fraiser," Teal'c repeated.

Jack threw a slightly befuddled look at Daniel and Sam. Sam was obviously taking the high road and refusing to question Teal'c any further. Daniel smiled, distracted by an image of Teal'c standing over reluctant examinees with his staff weapon, promising them that while a needle was just a little sting, a staff weapon hurt like a son of a bitch.

"Right," Jack sighed. "Well, I guess it's just me and my memos."

"Have fun, sir."

"Well, fancy meeting you here."

Daniel looked up from the file he'd been sorting through as he walked into his office. Jack stood next to Daniel's desk, a determined look on his face.

"This is my office," Daniel said, slightly perplexed. Although, given that Jack hadn't been to his office in weeks, it wasn't entirely unbelievable that Jack might have forgotten what it was.

"Not here here. I meant here in the SGC."

"What's so strange about that?" Daniel asked, his confusion not in the least mitigated. "We both work here."

"Not usually at the same time. I was beginning to wonder if you'd transferred to another team."

"No, of course not."

"Are you planning to?"

"No. Why?" Daniel asked. He walked to his desk and set the file down, puzzling over the intent behind Jack's words. "Do you want me to?"

"I've checked the schedule. You're racking up a lot of mission hours. Just not with SG-1."

"SG-1 hasn't needed me for anything lately and there have been several other assignments of archaeological interest." Daniel shrugged. "It seemed like a reasonable allotment of resources."

Jack just stood in front of Daniel, staring. Daniel couldn't even begin to read his expression. Seemed he'd lost that ability when he'd lost Jack.

"Allotment of resources?" Jack repeated.

"That's what the Pentagon calls it."

"You're a person, Daniel, not a resource."

"Not to the Pentagon," Daniel said. He still couldn't understand that kind of mentality but he'd reached the point where he no longer tried to deny that it existed.

"Yeah, well--screw the Pentagon," Jack said. That wasn't the point anyway. "I want to know what SG-1's archaeologist is doing traipsing around the galaxy without SG-1?"

"Look, Jack, I don't understand what the problem is. Do you want me to turn down other opportunities? Or do you want me to permanently transfer off of SG-1?" Daniel threw up his hands in frustration when Jack didn't respond. "You're going to have to tell me because I don't know what you want."

"You know what I want."

"Aside from that. Obviously." Daniel paused. "To be honest, I don't think you want that too badly."

"How would you know?" Jack said, planting his hands on the corners of Daniel's desk and leaning toward him. "How could you know what I want when you won't listen to me?"

"No." Daniel held up his index finger, holding Jack at bay. "That's not true. I've listened. I've also observed. You're familiar with that old cliché about actions speaking louder than words?"

"Daniel...."

"It's true, you know," Daniel continued in a mild tone. "You just have to open your eyes."

"You didn't open your eyes, Daniel. You closed your heart."

"Well, that's very...poetic."

"Don't patronize me," Jack said, his voice low and determined.

"You're right. That was.... But the truth is I had to 'close' my heart, Jack. It can only take so much wear and tear."

"Why can't you get past that...that...? God damn Anise anyway!"

"I am past it, Jack. Way past it."

"No, you're not. You're still blaming me for admitting that I care for Carter as more than just a subordinate."

"You really don't get it, do you? That's not the problem. Caring about Sam as a friend has never been a problem. The problem is that you decided you wanted Sam as more than a friend and you wouldn't admit it. Not to me. Maybe not even to yourself. But while the two of you tiptoed around each other, you were...passing the time with me." Daniel shook his head. "I won't be second best. Not even for you."

"That's not true," Jack said vehemently. "You've never been second, to anyone, with me."

"Which would explain why you hauled your ass off to Minnesota, hung up on me and disabled the phone several weeks ago. I needed you, as my teammate if nothing else, and you couldn't have been less there for me, Jack."

"I can explain," Jack said.

"No need," Daniel said sharply. "I heard about how you invited Sam to the cabin. Again. And how she refused again. It's a long flight to Egypt, Jack. I heard it all. If it's any consolation, she intends to give you the first ride."

Jack's eyes widened, flabbergasted by what Daniel seemed to be suggesting.

"The motorcycle, Jack," Daniel said with disgust.

"For god's sake, Daniel." Jack threw his hands up and turned away, battling to control his frustration and anger. He turned back and Daniel was still seated at his desk, his expression cold and unyielding. "Would you please work with me here? I want to try and fix this thing between us but I don't know how. And frankly, your attitude is not helping."

"There is no 'us', Jack."

"Give me a chance," Jack said.

"To what? God, Jack, if you ever...cared." Daniel looked around, suddenly once again cognizant of the fact that they were still on the base. "If you ever did, then please stop doing this to me."

"Doing what?"

"This refusal to admit that it's over," Daniel said, fisting his hands, digging his fingernails into his palms in an effort to control his emotions. "Hope...hope is a difficult thing to kill. And every time you ask, or promise, or.... It's a goddamn roller coaster and I'm not willing to ride anymore."

Hope.

Jack focused on that word. That word gave him...hope.

Daniel hoped. Reluctantly, true--but he still hoped. And if he hoped that had to mean that he wanted. Jack didn't always understand the way Daniel's mind worked, but he understood that Daniel wouldn't 'hope' for reconciliation unless he wanted it. And he wouldn't want reconciliation unless he still cared about Jack. Jack just had to find a way to convince Daniel that hoping and caring and wanting were good things. Convince Daniel that his hope was justified.

"O'Neill."

"Yeah, Teal'c," Jack said, aware that he wasn't exactly being a good host. He'd invited Teal'c over so they could kick back and relax: eat some Mexican take out, drink some beer, diss the latest 'reality' TV show. Instead, Jack had spent the evening floundering at the bottom of the hole he'd dug for himself. "Sorry. Guess I'm not the greatest company tonight."

"Not for many nights," Teal'c said with stark honesty. He turned his penetrating gaze on Jack. "You must find a way to restore your friendship with Daniel Jackson."

"Easier said than done," Jack said, slumping back in his easy chair. Especially when dealing with a stubborn Daniel and a...boneheaded Jack. Jack considered the possibility that it might help to admit to his boneheadedness. Might. As Daniel had pointed out--Jack's words couldn't always be trusted. Jack dropped his head against the back of the chair.

"Still--it must be done," Teal'c insisted. "The longer you wait, the more difficult it will become."

"You're preaching to the choir here, Teal'c."

Teal'c's perplexed expression was almost enough to draw a chuckle from Jack.

"What I mean is--I agree with what you're saying," Jack explained. "I want to make things right between us. I just don't know how."

"What exactly is the nature of your disagreement?"

"It's...complicated."

Jack wasn't in love with Carter. Never had been. But he had flirted with her. What's more, he'd enjoyed it. Hey, not just any guy could attract a woman like Carter. Of course he was flattered. Of course he enjoyed it. He was only human...and to be human was to fuck up. Jack figured he was about the most 'human' person Daniel Jackson had ever had the misfortune to meet.

"Many things appear complicated, O'Neill. But I find that humans have a tendency to complicate even the simplest matters." Teal'c studied Jack, his dark eyes taking in the minutiae of Jack's body language. "Perhaps all you need to do is apologize to Daniel Jackson."

"Why do you assume I'm the one who needs to apologize," Jack asked defensively.

"I know that you have been hurt by this distance," Teal'c said. "But I noticed that Daniel Jackson became unhappy some time before you."

"I hurt him," Jack acknowledged. "I...betrayed his trust."

Jack was grateful that Teal'c didn't ask how. Or why. He simply considered Jack's confession gravely.

"Trust is important to Daniel Jackson."

"Yes, it is."

"He is also capable of great forgiveness."

"Yes, he is. I think he might even be able to forgive me but...." Jack paused. It was entirely conceivable that Daniel would forgive him but still not be willing to resume their relationship.

"He might forgive me, but I'm afraid he'll never trust me."

"So are we drinking or eating?" Janet asked as she slid into the booth at O'Malley's. Daniel looked up at her, blinking, and then back down at his nearly empty glass.

"Ah, I see," Janet said, glancing across the table and attempting to discern Daniel's state of mind. She tucked her coat and purse into the corner of the booth before waving for a waitress.

"Pull up a bottle and join the party," Daniel invited dryly.

"Maybe not a whole bottle," Janet said. She quickly gave her order to the waitress, then turned her full attention on Daniel. "Last time I overindulged a little I had to listen to Cassie's lectures on the evils of alcohol for days."

"Just be glad she has that attitude at her age," Daniel said with a smile. "Where is she tonight anyway?"

"Concert. Stacey's parents are chaperoning." Janet gave him an exasperated look. "You know, I used to think I was pretty 'with it'. But Cassie starts talking about the music she listens to and I don't have a clue."

"That's part of being a teenager, isn't it?" Daniel asked. "Becoming a complete enigma to anyone over the age of 20?"

"It was for me," Janet admitted. "That's why it's so scary. I mean--I know the kind of nonsense I got into when I was that age."

"Cassie's a good kid. And you're a good mom," Daniel said. "She'll be okay."

"It's reassuring to know that she has other adults she trusts, too," Janet admitted. "Cassie's always been close to C...Colonel O'Neill."

"Well, these days, who isn't close to Colonel O'Neill? Other than me, of course," Daniel said. Janet reached over and laid her hand on top of Daniel's. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay, Daniel. You can say that. That's why we're here. Remember?"

"A bitchfest?" Daniel asked ruefully. "I shouldn't. It doesn't solve anything."

"Neither does drinking," Janet pointed out.

"No, but at least it'll help me...." Daniel bit his lip to stop the rest of the words.

"Daniel?" Janet prodded gently.

"Nothing," Daniel said with a sharp shake of his head. "Just...something Jack once said."

"What?"

"He was talking about Charlie. He said he couldn't forgive himself but," Daniel hoisted his refilled glass and saluted Janet, "sometimes he could forget."

"He doesn't drink like that anymore," Janet said.

"Nope." Daniel tried to laugh but the sound just wouldn't come. "I used to think that maybe I was good for him."

"You are good for him," Janet assured him. "The fact that he doesn't realize it proves he's an ass."

This time Daniel's laugh was genuine.

"Thank you," Daniel said. He reached for Janet's hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "I hate to admit it but.... I kind of needed someone to be my cheerleader."

"Just watch me shake my pompons," Janet said, plastering an inane smile on her face.

"You were never a cheerleader."

"No, I wasn't blonde enough," Janet said dryly. "And speaking of blondes...."

"I hate that this is coming between Sam and me," Daniel said with a nod. It was bad enough being at odds with Jack. Daniel didn't want to compound the problem by letting his jealousy interfere with his friendship with Sam. "Sam hasn't done anything wrong. I know that. But sometimes I can't help getting angry at her for not knowing."

"Well, she's not entirely without blame." Janet set her glass down with a dull clunk. "Even now, I still can't believe she built that bomb."

"Which one? She built a bomb for Jack and one for General Bauer."

"I was referring to the one she built for Colonel O'Neill. She didn't have any choice with Bauer. He was her commanding officer."

"So's Jack," Daniel pointed out.

"But a general outranks a colonel, and Sam knew Hammond had ordered SG-1 to find another way."

"Come on, Janet. Jack disobeys orders all the time."

"No, Daniel, that's different."

"Different how?"

"For one thing, the colonel picks his moments. He doesn't defy a direct order unless it's important enough to him to risk the consequences." Janet shook her finger sharply at Daniel to prevent him from interrupting. "I'm not talking about whether he's right or wrong. I'm just saying that he believes in what he's doing."

"That's true," Daniel admitted somewhat reluctantly. He and Jack had been bumping heads since the day they'd met because they each believed, strongly, their way was right. Daniel didn't always agree with Jack's decisions, but he did respect the fact that Jack stood behind them.

"Second--Sam's a woman. She has a whole lot less room for screwing up than any male officer. It's not fair, but it's a fact of life," Janet said bluntly. "If she wants to advance her career at all she cannot afford to do anything that makes her seem to be playing the floozy for her commanding officer."

"Maybe Sam's decided that Jack is more important than her career," Daniel said, staring at the liquid swirling in his glass.

"If I thought, even for a moment, that they really loved each other, I'd do everything I could to help them," Janet said. "Hell, if it ever went that far, I'd plan the bridal shower myself."

"We can't be sure they don't love each other."

"Not only are they not in love with each other, but they drive each other crazy," Janet said with a rueful smile. "Hell, the colonel gets a migraine every time Sam opens her mouth."

"He gets a migraine every time I open my mouth," Daniel said dryly.

"And Sam has very little patience for the colonel's...."

"Juvenile antics?" Daniel suggested.

"That would be one way of putting it."

"Janet, Jack loses his patience with me, I lose mine with him. How are we any different?"

"Because for the two of you, it's foreplay." Janet laughed at Daniel's chagrined look. "Seriously, Daniel, there is a huge difference. You and the colonel are equals."

"And you don't think Jack and Sam are equals?"

"They can't be. The colonel is her C.O. Her superior officer."

"Well, that's at work," Daniel said. "It wouldn't be the same in...private."

"There is no 'private' for them as long as they're in the Air Force."

"Look, for what it's worth I don't think Jack and Sam are good for each other either," Daniel said. "But I can't do anything about it. My motives are more than a little suspect...even to me."

"There's nothing wrong with trying to get him back."

"That's not going to happen." Daniel slammed down the rest of his drink and signaled to the waitress for another. "It's ironic really. I used to resent the fact that we couldn't spend more time together. I hated the fact that Jack actually counted the number of times we spent the night together because apparently there's some magic number that separates normal from suspicious and you never knew if someone might be watching. It wasn't until.... I didn't realize how...quiet it was without Jack around."

And empty. So damned empty that Daniel found himself roaming restlessly from room to room. It wasn't Jack's tendency to command a room, to fill it with his black humor and gruff charm that Daniel missed. Most of the time Jack was content to putter around quietly, entertaining himself. But there was some indefinable essence, some outgrowth of their joined personalities that filled the spaces in their lives even when they weren't physically together.

"I never gave Jack credit for the effort he put into giving us as much time as possible. All the times he made some excuse for us to be together." All the times, after insisting that they had to spend the night apart, Daniel would wake to find Jack crawling in bed with him...just because he wanted Daniel near.

Daniel lifted his glass, jerking it away when Janet reached for it. Defiantly, he filled his mouth, holding the alcohol there and letting the vapors fill his sinuses and fog his mind.

"Keys," Janet demanded.

"What?"

"Give me your car keys. You want to get drunk, go ahead. But you're not going to drive."

"I should've warned you," Daniel said, reluctantly handing his car keys over. "I'm a bitchy drunk."

"You're a silly drunk."

"I'm a bitchy, bitter, vicious...occasionally silly drunk," Daniel insisted.

"Maudlin, maybe. Never vicious."

"You only say that because I'm not drunk enough yet to tell you about my plan for revenge," Daniel said, wagging a finger at her with deliberate care. Daniel reached for his drink and frowned when he found the glass empty.

"How about some coffee, Daniel?" Janet asked hopefully when Daniel waved the waitress over again.

"No," Daniel said shortly.

"Okay," Janet said with a resigned sigh. She nodded for the waitress to continue serving. "So, what's your plan?"

"Two words." Daniel leaned toward Janet, dropping his voice to a whisper. "Chemical castration."

Janet gaped at Daniel for a moment, then burst out laughing. Daniel leaned back, looking hurt.

"Daniel, you're not serious," Janet admonished.

"Why not? I'll need your help, of course. All you have to do is give him an extra little shot during his physical--he'll never notice--and we'll see how long Sam hangs around when there's no joy in Jack's joy stick."

"Oh, boy," Janet muttered to herself, the humor of the suggestion quickly lost. She took a deep breath. "Honey...."

"If you won't help me I'll do it myself," Daniel said defiantly.

"You don't really want to do that, Daniel. Think about it. The colonel wouldn't be much use to you, either."

"I don't care," Daniel said stubbornly. He would never tell Janet, but between Jack's age and high stress level, they'd had those odd nights when sleeping together really meant sleeping together. It didn't matter to Daniel. He loved having sex with Jack, but it wasn't the most important part of their relationship. Even if Jack could never get it up again, Daniel would still.... No...no, he wouldn't. Daniel frowned, his thoughts getting confused. He wouldn't--not ever again.

"I mean it doesn't matter 'cause I don't want him."

"You may not want to admit it, but you do want him. You wouldn't hurt this bad if you didn't still love him."

"Hate him," Daniel whispered. He leaned his head into his hands and took some deep breaths. He wasn't so drunk that he didn't recognize he was coming very close to losing control. "Stupid, smug, egotistical, selfish bastard."

"You can call him every name in the book as far as I'm concerned. In fact, I can loan you a few I never got the chance to use on my ex-husband," Janet said. "But it won't change the fact that you're in love with him."

"What difference does it make?" Daniel asked sharply, glaring at her. "It wasn't enough to hold us together in the first place. It'll never be enough."

"Daniel...," Janet said, her voice sympathetic.

"Daniel! Janet!"

Daniel froze. Janet's eyes widened as she raised her head to look behind Daniel to the person calling their names.

"Hi, Sam," Janet called pleasantly, one eye watching Daniel with concern.

"Sam," Daniel acknowledged tersely.

"What brings you here?" Janet asked.

"Guilty craving for an order of O'Malley's buffalo wings. Thought I'd grab an order to go," Sam admitted, perching at the end of the seat on Janet's side of the booth. "What are you two up to?"

Sam gave Daniel a puzzled look as he stood up and made a fumbling attempt to grab his coat.

"I'm not interrupting, am I?" Sam asked, looking to Janet for an explanation.

"No. It's fine. You're fine," Daniel mumbled rapidly, panic tying his tongue. "I have to...I gotta go."

"Daniel," Janet said calmly, reaching for him at the same time that Sam put a hand on his shoulder. Daniel flinched away, unable to meet their eyes.

"Sorry. I have to.... Sorry."

Shoving past the incoming diners at the door, Daniel stumbled across the parking lot to his car. He fished in his pocket for his keys before he remembered that Janet had taken possession of them.

"Fuck," he mumbled, slapping the roof of his car. He turned and started back toward the building. When he saw Janet heading across the parking lot, he spun around and headed toward the street.

"Daniel!"

Daniel froze helplessly, his shoulders sagging, caught by Janet's commanding voice.

"What?" he asked as her footsteps grew closer, echoing sharply on the pavement behind him.

"Sam's calling a cab," Janet told him once she'd caught up to him. Daniel's head slumped forward as he let out a resigned sigh.

"I'm sorry. I can't.... If I stay I'll say something we'll all regret."

"Are you going to be okay?" Janet asked softly.

"Yeah. I will." He saw the skepticism on her face. "I will. I've got just about the right amount of alcohol in my system: enough to put me to sleep before I have too much time to wallow in self pity but not enough to get me in trouble."

"Come here."

Daniel let her pull him into a hug. She was so tiny she could barely get her arms all the way around his shoulders, even standing on her toes, but it was the first hug he'd had in too long. He missed being held. Jack had picked up from Sha're, teaching Daniel to share the comfort of touch. Teaching him to need it.

"Sam must think I've gone off the deep end...again," he said, gently pulling away.

"I told her you hadn't been feeling well. She won't think anything of it," Janet reassured him. "Should I stop by later?"

"Please don't." Daniel offered a sad smile. "I'd like to get through this evening with some small shred of my dignity still intact."

"Good morning, Daniel Jackson."

"Teal'c," Daniel said, looking up with surprise. He reached for his jacket before closing his locker. "Good morning to you, too."

"You are leaving for your mission to P4X-347?"

"Um...yeah. I just have to meet SG-5 in the gear up room...in about five minutes," Daniel said, checking his watch as he headed for the door.

"I shall accompany you," Teal'c said.

"Okay," Daniel said with a shrug. He knew it wasn't a question or an offer; it was a statement of intent. But he had absolutely no objection to spending a few minutes with Teal'c.

"Are you certain that the environment of 347 has been thoroughly checked?" Teal'c asked as they made their way down the corridor. "You must be very cautious, Daniel Jackson. Even if the Goa'uld have truly abandoned this world, they may well have left booby traps."

"Yes, I know," Daniel said, bemused by Teal'c's questions.

"You must treat all Goa'uld technology as dangerous. Will you be armed with a Zat?"

"No, just my sidearm."

"Remember to pack extra energy bars and another canteen. Even if any food stuffs remain, they may not be suitable for humans. In fact, I would advise strongly against consuming anything left by the Goa'uld. It may be drugged."

"I know that, too." Daniel stopped, his face twisted in concentration as he held up a finger to halt Teal'c's questions and cautions. "Why are you doing this?"

Teal'c merely stared at him, and Daniel suddenly realized what all the reminders were about. Teal'c was doing Jack's job. And doing it because Jack wasn't.

"Oh. Um...you don't have to do this, Teal'c."

"I disagree."

"No, really, Teal'c. I'm perfectly capable of preparing for a mission."

"Your abilities were never in question."

"Then...why?" Daniel asked, puzzled.

"We are a team, Daniel Jackson. We protect one another."

Daniel stopped walking, embarrassed to be caught off guard by that simple truth. It was, after all, the reason he'd never minded Jack fussing over him, over any of them, when they went off world. It was just Jack's way of caring. It was reassuring. Frustrating, annoying, irritating...but reassuring.

"Thank you, Teal'c, but it's really not necessary."

"It is," Teal'c disagreed flatly. "I will be speaking to O'Neill about his failure to perform his duties."

"Oh.... Please don't." Daniel was touched by Teal'c's concern, but the Jaffa simply didn't know all the facts. He couldn't. Daniel laid his hand on Teal'c's arm as a plea. "Look, I know you don't understand, and I can't explain it to you, but it's really better that Jack isn't here."

"This distance between the two of you disturbs me, my friend," Teal'c said.

"Yeah," Daniel sighed as he resumed walking. "Me, too."

"You have considerable skills at persuasion and diplomacy. Have you not thought to use them against O'Neill?"

"Uh...yes," Daniel said, amused by Teal'c's teasing. "But Jack is more arrogant and pig-headed than any Tok'ra or System Lord."

Teal'c arched an eyebrow and looked slyly at Daniel.

"I...I didn't say that," Daniel suggested.

"You did. However, I will not repeat it to O'Neill."

"Thank you," Daniel said with a smile. They were close enough to the gear-up room now that Daniel could hear the chattering and banging locker doors as SG-5 prepared for the mission. "I think I can take it from here, Teal'c."

"If you are certain there is nothing I can do to assist?" Teal'c said.

"Actually, I may need to call on you," Daniel said. He was momentarily surprised by the intensity of Teal'c's gaze. "For translations. P4X-347? The Goa'uld palace?"

"Of course," Teal'c said, looking disappointed. "I will remain available."

"Thank you." Daniel watched as Teal'c turned and started walking away. "Um...Teal'c?"

"Yes, Daniel Jackson?"

"There really isn't anything you can do about...." Daniel gestured vaguely. "But, thank you for asking."

Teal'c bowed slightly and left. Daniel took a deep breath, gave himself a shake to dismiss thoughts of Jack, and turned to join SG-5.

Jack looked down at his hands. They were shaking and he couldn't even blame the withdrawal for it. That's what he'd tell Carter, if she noticed, but he knew damn well it was reaction setting in. They were all safe now, albeit mildly strung out, and Daniel's most recent near death experience was hitting him. Hard.

"Carter," Jack said abruptly. Startled, Sam looked up from her work. Loran had shown them the command center shortly after they'd all gotten settled in for their detox stay. Sam had gratefully seized on the opportunity to tear apart some Goa'uld technology as a means of channeling her irritability.

"Are you going to be okay here?" Jack asked.

"Sure." Sam shrugged. "We've checked the whole building. There's no threat."

"Aside from the whole fatal addiction thing," Jack said acerbically.

"Yes, sir, aside from that," Sam agreed easily.

"Okay, then I'm going to...I'm gonna take a walk."

"Do you need me to turn the machine back up a little?" Sam asked, noting Jack's discomfort.

"No, it's fine. I just...I need to walk."

"Just don't leave the building, sir. It's probably not safe yet. We're not sufficiently weaned from the effects of that machine."

"I know. I'll stay in the pleasure palace." And if that wasn't a fucking monstrous misnomer, he didn't know what was.

Jack strode purposefully through the corridors, heading for the room Daniel had chosen to occupy for the duration. Jack knew it was a bad idea. A hugely bad idea. But he couldn't help himself. He had to talk to Daniel. This distance between them was unbearable. And he wasn't the only one hurting. He knew that. He'd heard Daniel on that balcony.

"Daniel."

Daniel flinched even though he'd heard Jack's footsteps approaching. He could almost feel Jack's agitation swirling in the air around him compounding his own unease. He had the sense that ants were crawling just under his skin.

"Daniel, we need to talk," Jack continued when Daniel didn't respond.

"About what?" Daniel continued to sit with his back to Jack.

"About what? For starters, how about your little Ophelia scene on the balcony?"

"I don't remember that," Daniel said, gritting his teeth. He didn't want to remember it.

"Well, I do. You were upset, Daniel."

"I was drugged."

"You were talking about how it had gone away."

"Stop," Daniel said in a low voice.

"You were hurting because we...we had fallen apart. You were alone...."

"Stop!" Daniel shouted, climbing to his feet and turning to face Jack.

"Daniel, we have to fix this."

"I asked you not to do this to me anymore. I begged you to stop. And if you intend to spend the next three weeks harassing me, I'll leave."

"You can't leave. You'll die," Jack said pragmatically.

"I don't care!" Daniel shouted.

"You don't mean that!" Jack shouted back.

"Yes, I do."

"Daniel," Jack warned.

"Don't believe me? Just keep pushing and find out," Daniel challenged.

"I won't let you," Jack said, his voice low and determined.

"You can't stop me!"

The two men stood, only a few feet apart, angry and assessing.

"Daniel...."

"Fuck off, Jack. Fuck way the hell off and leave me alone."

Daniel brushed by Jack roughly and stormed from the room. Jack dropped his head. He'd been right. This had been a hugely bad idea.

"Can I come in?" Jack asked. He could see the struggle in Daniel's face before he silently walked away, leaving his front door open.

Daniel crossed the living room, wanting to be busy, to be unavailable, to be...anywhere but here. He finally just jammed his hands in his pockets and turned to face Jack, his expression cold.

"What do you want?"

Jack jammed his hands into his own pockets and stared down at his feet as he shuffled them nervously.

"I want to talk."

"About what?"

"You know what," Jack said, looking up at Daniel and struggling to keep the irritation out of his voice. "You and me. Us."

"What's the matter--Sam have a headache tonight?"

"Daniel!" Jack said sharply.

"No, I'm...that's not fair to Sam."

"No, it's not," Jack said angrily. "She doesn't have anything to do with this."

"Well, she does, but not of her own volition." Daniel pressed the heel of his hand into his forehead, grimacing with the pain that lurked just behind his eyes. "We've been through this before, Jack. I asked you to stop. Please stop."

"No, we haven't," Jack said rapidly, determined to make Daniel hear him out. "We've talked at each other. But we haven't actually...talked."

"If you can't acknowledge what we are--were--to each other then there's nothing to talk about."

"Daniel, there is no professionally or legally safe way for me to 'acknowledge' us. I'm sorry but I can't do it."

"I'm not talking about a public announcement, Jack. I mean you have to admit it to yourself."

"What? You think I'm in some weird-ass denial?"

"I think that, having never been in a long term relationship with a man, you're not entirely comfortable with the idea," Daniel said. "What's more--I think you actually like all the rules and regulations the Air Force puts on you. They're a sort of safety net."

"How so?" Jack asked, genuinely bewildered.

"Look at it. We were together nearly three years. Under normal circumstances, we probably would've moved in together. We would've shared our lives more fully. Maybe even come out--at least to some people. Because you're military we couldn't do that and I think that some part of you was relieved to not have to deal with that kind of commitment."

"Daniel, I have given more of myself to you than to anyone except Sara."

"I know that. I do," Daniel assured him. "But what does that really mean?"

"What?"

"I'm not trying to criticize your marriage. I know you loved Sara. And Charlie. You would've done anything for them."

"Damn straight."

"But there was a part of your life that you never shared with Sara. A big part." Daniel shook his head sadly. "She never really had all that much of you, did she?"

"I was special ops, Daniel. A big part of my life was classified."

"I understand. But I'm not talking about why you couldn't share. I'm simply stating a fact." Daniel hesitated, wondering how much he could say, how far he could push Jack before he lost his temper. "That's part of the reason you're divorced now, isn't it?"

"What are you trying to say?" Jack said, his voice icy calm.

"Without Charlie there wasn't much to hold the two of you together. Not enough anyway."

"That's a shitty thing to say, Daniel," Jack said.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you," Daniel said. He didn't. He just didn't know any other way to get his message through. "I'm just trying to make you see that you've always had excuses to avoid committing yourself completely to another person. With Sara it was your career. With me it's...well, still your career, just a different aspect of it."

"Well, seems to me that I'm not the only one who's having trouble accepting," Jack challenged. It was too difficult to consider Daniel's assessment his own failings. It was easier to attack Daniel's failure to understand Jack's position than it was to defend himself.

"I told you I accepted the external restrictions we had because of your career," Daniel said. "What I don't accept is your unwillingness to take that last step." Daniel moved closer to Jack. He wanted Jack to see him. To see the truth. "You have given me a lot. I know that now more than ever. And I'm sorrier than you'll ever know that I didn't recognize that before."

"Daniel...."

"But!" Daniel said, cutting Jack off. "It's not enough. Love, for me, is all or nothing. You couldn't do that."

"I did!" Jack insisted.

"You didn't. Otherwise you wouldn't have been playing make believe with Sam."

Okay.

Jack conceded that he had been in some weird-ass denial.

Jack had used Carter to deny--and unwittingly destroy--his bond with Daniel. And he'd used Daniel to keep his attraction to Carter at a comfortable distance. Jack had been so certain, so absolutely convinced that his relationship with Carter had not changed in any fundamental way. Part of it was sheer pig-headed stubbornness in the face of Daniel's accusations.

And part of it was the last gasp of a big part of Jack's sexuality. And his youth. Jack had been an enthusiastic participant in all forms and stages of relationships. The key word there being 'had'. Age, the death of his son, and the subsequent failure of his marriage had taken a big bite out of him. And then Daniel had stumbled into his life with reckless enthusiasm and undaunted passion.

Jack loved Daniel. He hadn't expected to but he did. He also hadn't expected the last big relationship of his life, the 'til death did you part' kind, to be with a man. Carter's attention had been a welcome distraction. Kept him from thinking to much about what being with Daniel said about Jack.

Jack groaned. He still didn't want to think about what his actions might say about him. But he had to. He had to figure it out because he had to be able to explain it to Daniel. Blanket apologies and general promises were not going to cut it.

But first--he had to get Daniel to agree to listen to him.

"Sir?"

Jack looked up from the seemingly bottomless pile of memos. Carter's hesitant face peeking in his door was a welcome sight. But to be honest, anyone's face would've been welcome. Hell, if Apophis showed up Jack was likely to offer him coffee just to escape the damn paperwork. Jack shook his head ruefully. He smiled at his 2IC and waved her in.

"What's on your mind, Carter?" Jack asked, shoving the pile of paper to the side of his desk.

"Well, sir, it's Daniel," Sam said, taking a seat across the desk.

"Oh?" Jack sat back, wary. "What about Daniel?"

"Does it seem to you that he's changed?" Sam asked.

"Changed?"

"He doesn't spend much time with us anymore, not professionally or socially," Sam continued. "I don't know--he just seems...withdrawn. Unhappy."

"Daniel has his moods," Jack said carefully. More than Carter had ever known. "He always has had."

"I know. I was just afraid that...that it might be...." Sam made a very small, very vague gesture between herself and Jack. "I talked to him after...after the incident and reassured him that nothing would change, but I'm not sure he believed me."

Jack managed to strangle his groan before it became audible. Carter's well intentioned gesture had been the worst thing she could've done. Having Carter, of all people, reassure Daniel about her 'relationship' with Jack had to have been excruciating for Daniel. Nothing like a little salt for those raw wounds.

"I was just hoping that you might know what was bothering him," Sam continued. "And if there's anything I can do. I tried asking Janet but she says she doesn't know anything."

"Doc Fraiser?" Jack asked, wondering why Carter would expect the doctor to have the answers. He knew Daniel considered Fraiser a good friend, but Jack hadn't thought they were all that close. Then again, if Fraiser knew.... That just might explain why Fraiser's stethoscope felt like it had been in the freezer at his last exam.

"I caught them the other night at O'Malley's."

"Together?"

"Yes. Not together like...'together'. Not romantically," Sam explained. "But they were deep in conversation."

"But you don't know about what?"

"No." Sam shrugged. "When they saw me, Daniel took off and Janet clammed up."

"They could've been discussing personal matters," Jack suggested. "She is his doctor after all."

"Maybe," Sam conceded. "But I don't think so. I think...sorry, sir, but I just have this feeling that it has to do with...you know. Maybe if you tried to...."

"We need to talk," Jack said abruptly, his voice unintentionally harsh.

"Er...okay," Sam said, startled by the interruption.

"Not now. Not here." Jack hadn't planned to do this...yet. But it was far past time. He thought quickly. He didn't want to go to a bar, or any other public place. And not to his house. Somehow that felt like a further violation of Daniel's trust. "I'll come by your place after your shift is over."

"Um...yes, sir."

Jack sat stiffly as Carter left his office looking confused. Talking to Carter wasn't going to be as difficult as some of his conversations with Daniel...but it wasn't going to be easy. Not easy at all, but he owed it to her.

"I'm going to have to move, aren't I?" Daniel asked with weary sarcasm when he opened the door to find Jack once more.

"I'll just find you again," Jack said as he followed Daniel into the apartment. "Actually, no. You don't need to move and I won't track you down. This is it. Just one last time. That's all I'm asking, Daniel: one last chance."

Daniel just sank onto the couch, shoulders sagging. He was so tired of this never ending battle. They could both talk until they were blue in the face but it wouldn't change anything. It hadn't yet, no reason to think this time would be any different.

"Fine. Go ahead."

"No. Not until you promise to really listen," Jack said, moving slowly closer. Daniel opened his mouth to retort, and then immediately closed it. After a moment, he nodded.

"Okay. I'm listening."

"You were right," Jack said, clenching his hands nervously and finally shoving them in his pockets.

"About?"

"About a lot of things. About...Carter." Jack's chest seized up when he saw Daniel's face close off. "Don't! Just hear me out. I don't mean that I was in love with Carter. I mean that you were right about me encouraging the idea."

Daniel relaxed cautiously into the sofa cushions. Jack's admission was a step in the right direction at least. Most likely it was too little, too late...but he'd promised Jack that he would at least listen.

"I didn't mean to. It wasn't conscious. But you have to admit, Carter--she's something. A lot of guys would give their left nut to find a woman like her."

"Sure--I understand that Sam's a real catch."

"Exactly. It made me feel good."

"And I didn't." Daniel kept his expression blank, but he ached all over again at the reminder that he just wasn't enough for Jack.

"No! I mean--you do." Jack visibly struggled for the words he needed. "But...she's a woman."

"And I'm not," Daniel said dully. He'd had all he could take, more really, but before he could escape, Jack was sitting next to him, grabbing his hand and holding him there.

"Listen. Daniel, please--listen to me. You know I'm not good at talking and every time you start to walk away I panic. My brain freezes and I can't talk."

"What is there to say?" Daniel asked, searching Jack's face.

"I love you."

"But I'm not a woman," Daniel said, closing his eyes.

"No. You're most definitely not. And that threw me. I'm supposed to like women."

"You do like women," Daniel said, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice.

"Yes, I do. And in my mind, that's what I was supposed to end up with. Sure, I like guys. Guys are fun. But they're not, you know, forever and ever love kind of thing." Jack sighed and tightened his grip on Daniel's hand. "And then I met you. You were a pushy, pissy little academic."

"And you were a closed-minded, arrogant son of a bitch," Daniel retorted.

"We were perfect for each other," Jack agreed. Daniel gaped at him, astonished and a little amused.

"I fell in love with you, Daniel, but I never stopped to think about what that meant."

"What does it mean?"

"It means...you know. It.... Fuck!" Jack released Daniel's hand and smacked his fists onto his thighs.

"Jack," Daniel said softly. He took hold of one of Jack's hands and pulled it to him, silently encouraging Jack to look at him.

"I had to get over myself," Jack said, unable to meet Daniel's eyes. "I had to stop thinking that I was...."

"A colonel? A husband...or father?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Jack said in a weary tone.

"Those aren't bad things, Jack. There's nothing wrong with wanting that kind of life."

"Except that I can't have that kind of life and be with you."

"No, you can't."

"I'd rather have you."

"Jack," Daniel sighed.

"I'd rather be with you than have all that other stuff." Jack finally looked at Daniel as he brushed his hand along Daniel's cheek. "I'd rather be with someone who loves me even though I'm an arrogant son of a bitch."

"You forgot small-minded," Daniel said.

"Closed-minded," Jack corrected.

"Same difference."

"And it's not like you'll ever let me forget it," Jack said dryly. Daniel couldn't bring himself to smile. He'd been through hell and he didn't honestly know if he was willing to risk it again.

"Daniel." Jack leaned forward. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I put us through this. But I know what's important now and I know what I want."

"So...now what?" Daniel asked, wondering if it was weakness to consider trying again. Or strength. Did it even matter which? Daniel felt his resolve waver in the face of one fundamental fact: he loved Jack.

"It's in your hands."

Daniel gave Jack a suspicious look. This was no time for Jack to be playing games.

"Seriously, Daniel. It's entirely your call as to how we go on from here. Or if we even do go on."

"I can't make a decision like that on the spur of the moment," Daniel said quietly. He watched as Jack winced, hurt by Daniel's hesitation. "It's too important. I can't risk jumping back into this and having it all fall apart again."

"I understand," Jack said.

"Do you?"

"Yeah, I do. I don't like it," Jack said frankly. "But I understand."

"Well. This is...different," Jack said, his voice deliberately casual as he opened his door to find Daniel standing uncertainly on his porch.

"Can I come in?"

Jack almost tripped over his own feet in his haste to clear the doorway for Daniel. His heart was thumping frantically just below his Adam's apple as he watched Daniel walk hesitantly into the living room. Jack shut the door, a little too hard if the jerk of Daniel's shoulders was anything to go by, and followed him into the room.

"This is...weird," Daniel said.

"Weird?" Jack asked, looking around for the source of the weirdness.

"I mean my being here. It's been a while."

"Too long." Jack walked until he was standing just across the coffee table from Daniel. "So, um...have a seat."

"No. I...I think I should just say this and go."

"Okay," Jack said, hearing, and hating, the fear in his own voice. Daniel's eyes fixed on his. "Mind if I sit?"

"Jack?" Daniel asked as Jack sank to the couch, determined not to let Daniel see his hands shake. Daniel walked around the coffee table and perched on the edge, directly in front of Jack.

"Just say what you've got to say," Jack said gruffly. Daniel took one of Jack's hands between his own, and Jack snatched it away. "Don't, Daniel."

"Jack," Daniel said, grasping Jack's hand again and refusing to release it. "I'm not walking away from this. I'm not ready to give up yet."

"No?" Jack asked, not entirely believing it.

"No."

"But?"

"But what?"

"You're not giving up but.... There's a 'but', I'm sure of it," Jack said.

"But...." Daniel released Jack's hand and walked across the room, buying a little time to think. Jack stood up, but remained rooted to the spot, obviously too nervous, or afraid, to move. Daniel turned back and looked at Jack for a moment.

"First--casual has its place...but not between us."

"I've never been casual about us," Jack said. "Careless, maybe, but never casual."

"If I'm going to do this, if we're going to do this it has to mean something."

"It does. Big something. Important...stuff and...and don't make me have to figure out how to say it," Jack said quickly. A small smile flickered across Daniel's face.

"You don't have to say it, but you do have to know it."

"I do. I know it very well," Jack insisted.

"Second--you have to talk to Sam."

"Daniel...," Jack began.

"No, Jack. I'm serious. You can't ignore what's been going on and you can't just suddenly stop being 'in love' with Sam. You have to give her an explanation. She deserves that much."

"I know," Jack said. "I actually figured that out for myself. And I've already talked to Carter."

"You...did? What, um...." Daniel gestured vaguely.

"I told her that there would never be anything between us and it's time for both of us to move on," Jack said. "But I didn't get into the fact that there never was anything between us. I just.... It's past. Just let it be."

"I can live with that," Daniel said with a nod.

"Really?"

"Well, normally I'm a big fan of 'honesty is the best policy', but in this case, I think honesty would've just hurt Sam unnecessarily," Daniel said. He cocked his head, curious. "How did she react?"

"Oh...good, actually," Jack admitted. "I got the impression that she wasn't entirely unhappy to put that behind us. I suspect she may have realized that those 'feelings' weren't as...powerful as we thought."

"Sam's a smart person."

"Way smarter than I am," Jack said sourly.

"You said it, not me," Daniel teased.

"Or maybe she just realized I wasn't exactly the catch of the day," Jack added ruefully.

"Maybe just not the right catch for her."

"So what else?" Jack asked.

"What else?"

"Yeah. I gotta promise to go steady with you. I gotta free Carter from this...mess. Which I did. What else?"

For a moment, Daniel seriously considered tormenting Jack for as long as he could get away with it. Petty revenge for all the time lost, wasted on Jack's mid-life crisis. But Daniel couldn't bring himself to inflict any more pain, not even in pretense. They'd had more than enough of that already.

But he wasn't about to let the 'going steady' crack go without retribution.

"Dinner," Daniel said.

"Dinner?" Jack asked, a tentative smile easing his features. The relief in his eyes made Daniel glad that he hadn't gotten pissy with Jack. "That's it? Dinner?"

"Dinner," Daniel confirmed. "As in dinner with a capital D. The kind of restaurant where you have to wear a suit and tie. The kind of restaurant where the pretentious waiters affect patently bogus accents. The kind of restaurant where the hors d'oeuvres alone will strike a fatal blow to your credit rating."

Jack just grinned even wider. He stepped closer to Daniel, a little hesitant at first, but then with growing confidence as Daniel's smile welcomed him back. Jack grasped Daniel by the shoulders. Jack leaned in and kissed him, putting everything he had into it. Daniel opened to him, reached for him...and then pushed him away.

"Daniel?"

"Don't...don't start. I don't think we should...."

"Just a kiss, Daniel. Come on, just a kiss, a hug...something." Jack held onto Daniel's shoulders lightly. "I promise I'll stop when you say stop."

"That's not the problem," Daniel argued. "I'm afraid I won't be able to stop."

"Really?" Jack asked, grinning.

"Stop gloating."

"I'm not gloating," Jack said smugly.

"I know gloating when I see it and you're gloating." Daniel gave him a stern stare. "We can't just jump back into bed."

"Why not?"

"Um...because?" Daniel said, the protest sounding lame even to him. He just had a nagging feeling that he shouldn't give into Jack so easily.

"Daniel, when two boys love each other they get naked and...."

"I know what they do," Daniel said, cutting Jack off. Daniel tried to maintain the stern stare, but Jack just smiled back at him. Daniel gave a resigned sigh and slumped gracelessly into Jack's embrace. "I missed the sex."

"Yeah."

"I missed you."

"Me, too," Jack said. He rubbed his hands up and down Daniel's back, slowly reaching farther, kneading the muscles harder.

"We're going to bed, aren't we?" Daniel groaned, wrapping his arms around Jack's waist and pulling them tightly together. Jack's mouth sought out his, Jack's tongue entered boldly, going deep. Jack wrapped one hand around the back of Daniel's head, holding him close so that Jack could fully invade and claim his mouth.

"Oh, yeah--we're going to bed," Daniel gasped when he pulled back.

"I missed you," Jack said with quiet emphasis.

"Okay," Daniel said. Why should he deny himself sex just to spite Jack? "But I still want dinner."

"I'll see your dinner and go you one better," Jack promised after a moment's thought.

"Oh?" Daniel's eyes challenged him.

"Trust me."

Epilogue:

Daniel leaned against the balcony railing, wrapping his hands around a steaming mug and shivering in the chilly dawn air. When Jack came up behind him and slipped his arms around Daniel's waist, Daniel welcomed the added warmth.

"Early bird," Jack whispered.

"Catches the sunrise," Daniel agreed.

They stood quietly watching the day break across Lake Michigan. Daniel still didn't know how Jack had finagled the lakeside condo, or from whom, but he didn't really care. A long weekend of fine dining and culture in Chicago had been exactly what they needed. Daniel smiled to himself. The sex hadn't been bad either.

"Beautiful," Jack said.

"Umm," Daniel agreed, leaning his head against Jack's. "It is."

"I meant you."

"You can stop now," Daniel said, flushing. Okay, so Daniel got a guilty pleasure out of having Jack so eager to prove himself again. Daniel also found it a little embarrassing.

"Uh uh," Jack said, nuzzling Daniel's neck. "I learned something very important."

"What's that?"

"You know that saying about how love means never having to say you're sorry?" Jack asked.

"Yes."

"It's crap."

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