"So since all teams happen to be on world and since I've been informed that the gate has gone past its regular maintenance check-up, I've decided to put the entire base on stand down for the next ten days so that engineering can have free access to all systems."
As expected, Major Carter managed the math before the rest of the team. "Ten days takes us until December 27th, Sir."
The general nodded. "Yes, Major, it does."
"We're actually going to have time off over Christmas?"
He turned toward Colonel O'Neill, half inclined to show a little umbrage at the disbelief in the colonel's voice. "I believe that a stand down until the 27th includes Christmas, Colonel."
"You think the universe can manage without us pulling its nuts out of the nutcracker for that long?"
"As difficult as it may be for you to believe, Jack, you are not essential to the smooth running of the universe." He sat back in his chair and swept his gaze over his premiere first contact team. As little as he wanted to admit it to Jack O'Neill - the man's ego was doing fine with no help from him - the universe had acquired the bad habit of screaming for SG-1 more and more of late and all four of them were running on fumes. This stand down was as much for their benefit as for the tech boys - no matter what he'd told Sergeant Siler. "Finish up any loose ends today and then I don't want to see any of you until dinner at Dr. Fraiser's on the 26th."
"General, you can't just order us to take a holiday."
Tapping the pair of stars on his epaulets, he grinned at Dr. Jackson. "Want to bet on that, son?"
Jack pulled into Carter's driveway and parked. Teal'c's driver had picked Daniel up on the way in from the mountain - hence Daniel's lack of wheels and his request for Jack to come and get him if he wanted help buying Cassie's Christmas present. Which he did. Janet had told him in no uncertain terms that he was not to buy her daughter a new car, a trip to Italy or a twelve hundred dollar leather trench coat even if they were the only three items on her Christmas list. Unfortunately, spoiling Cassie had become habit and he needed Daniel to keep him from a new year filled with rubber gloves and instructions to bend over...
"Bend over, Jack."
Pulse pounding from the heat of Daniel's mouth against his throat, Jack managed a nod toward the open curtains and a gasped protest. "Living room window."
"It's dark in here and with the Christmas lights along the edge of the house, we can see out but no one can see in." Daniel lifted his head, eyes blazing, and growled, "Bend over, Jack."
So, forearms braced against the back of the couch, Jack followed orders. Felt long clever fingers undo his jeans, felt his shirt bunched high over his back, felt cool air against his ass, then wet warmth. Stared out at the glowing plastic Santa on his front lawn and the line of red and green lights down the driveway and the nativity scene just barely visible on the lawn across the street, his heart pounding so loudly he was amazed the neighbors couldn't hear it. Weren't heading up the driveway to see what was wrong.
"Daniel..."
"Shhhh."
And then strong hands wrapped around his hips, thumbs spreading his ass, a nudge, blunt and slick then...
"O'Neill. Why are you standing outside? And why are you..."
"What?" He pushed past Teal'c and into the house with every intention of blaming the color of his face on the cold. It was December in Colorado Springs, for crying out loud. Thank God his jacket came down to mid-thigh. And then, as the Jaffa's appearance sank in, his condition became of secondary importance. "What the hell are you wearing?"
Teal'c glanced down at the bright fabric wrapped around his hips. "I believe it is called a sarong. According to DanielJackson, it is the colorful native garb of the south Pacific."
Jack took a deep breath and released it slowly. "And why has Daniel stuffed your ass into the colorful native garb of the south Pacific?"
"It was not DanielJackson's idea."
"And thank God for that." Because Jack hadn't been looking forward to the 'you want to explain why you put Teal'c in a skirt' conversation.
"It was MajorCarter."
Okay. Not sure he wanted to have that conversation either.
"MajorCarter has promised to show me a part of this world not currently covered in ice and snow."
Ah. Hang on; Carter was taking Teal'c to the south pacific? "You and Carter are..."
Teal'c raised an imperious brow. "I believe the word is vacationing."
"Right. So, where is Daniel?"
"He and MajorCarter are in the room she refers to as her den although I see no connection to fur bearing mammals."
Deciding it might be healthiest if he didn't voice his immediate response, Jack headed for the bedroom Carter had turned into a home office.
"O'Neill."
He paused but didn't turn. He wasn't sure how much more of that sarong he could handle.
"Are you aware of a way to sit in this garment?"
"Uh... with your knees together?"
Carter's leather recliner creaked and, after a moment, Teal'c murmured, "Indeed."
"What idiot wrote this thing?" Sam ran both hands up through her hair, stomped the three steps it took to cross her office and then stomped back to glare at the monitor over Daniel's shoulder as he typed. "That's not going to work, Daniel, I typed my destination in a hundred times before you arrived and all this stupid website did was flip me right back to the home page. Or it crashed my whole damned system. Froze it solid."
"It's nearly Christmas..."
"I know that! What does Christmas have to do with morons who apparently learned their programming skills from DOCTOR FUCKING SEUSS!?"
Daniel half turned and grinned up at her. "Whoa, Sam, language!"
"Sorry." She took a deep breath and tried to stop envisioning the complete incompetent who'd designed friendlyskies.com strapped to a target on the firing range. "I'm just a little frustrated!"
"Ya think?"
She turned at the sound of the colonel's voice but Daniel spoke up before she found the words.
"You're looking a little discombobulated, Jack. What's wrong?"
"Teal'c's in a skirt."
"Sarong."
"Potato. Pahtahto. So, Teal'c in a skirt have anything to do with you being so frustrated, Carter?" he continued which pretty much distracted her from the whole quoting Gershwin thing.
Straightening, she folded her arms and met his gaze with a scowl. "No sir, it does not!"
"Because I'm just saying..."
"Maybe you'd better not," Daniel interjected calmly. "Sam, are sure you can get back to the Springs on the 24th?"
Sam reluctantly turned her attention back to Daniel and the computer. "Yes."
He pushed the chair away from the desk. "Then you're set. Waikiki to French Polynesia, tomorrow evening, then on the 23rd French Polynesia to Waikiki. All you have to do, is hit enter."
She bent forward, considered her morning, and paused. "Maybe you'd better do it."
As Daniel depressed the key, the colonel snorted. "Okay, Carter, two things. First, you got Daniel over here to do your computing for you?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I am in the habit of working with systems designed by those who actually have a friggin' clue about WHAT THEY'RE DOING!" Realizing she was yelling at the computer again and that both men were staring, she flicked an invisible crease out of her sweater. "You said there were two things?"
"Uh, yeah. How are you planning on getting to and from Waikiki?"
"We're catching a flip from the base to Pearl. Colonel Carlson owes me for reprogramming the GPS in her new car. Reprogramming it PROPERLY I MIGHT ADD!"
Her computer blew an electronic raspberry and began printing out an itinerary.
"Why not stay in Hawaii, then?"
She sighed. "I have air miles to use up and I'm trying to get Teal'c away from the rampant commercialism of a North American Christmas."
The three Tauri members of SG-1 shuddered in unison.
"Probably a good idea," Daniel allowed. "I'm not sure SG-3 is up to another round of Tickle-me Elmo."
*
"So are Carter and Teal'c...?"
"Vacationing?" Daniel asked, buckling his seatbelt as Jack backed the truck out of Sam's driveway.
"Euphemistically speaking."
"Not yet."
"But Carter's hoping she'll get to unwrap her Christmas present a little early this year?"
"Jack, why can't you just ask if Sam and Teal'c are in -- or hoping to begin -- a relationship?"
Jack snorted. "They've been in a relationship..." He took his hands off the wheel just long enough to sketch the most sarcastic set of air quotes around the word relationship Daniel had ever seen. "...for years. I want to know if they're screwing."
Daniel snorted in turn. "What makes you think Sam would tell me if they were?"
"Because you and Carter are in the habit of getting drunk and spilling intimate details."
"Hey! I never told her about hanging that Christmas ornament, it was a lucky guess."
"Lucky...?"
Jack loved Christmas and he loved Daniel and so combining the two had seemed like a good idea. Maybe the brandy had a bit to do with it. Okay, maybe the brandy had a lot to do with him finding himself standing naked by the fireplace, hands tied loosely with a silver garland then lifted over his head, garland looped over a hook in the masonry that had recently held a mirror. The ends of the garland wrapped around both arms, crossed over his chest, again over the small of his back and once last time around the base of his erect penis. His very erect penis. Erect and leaking and... Jesus!
The constant light scratching was driving him insane.
"Daniel..."
"Almost done." Naked, on his knees, his own eyes brandy-bright, Daniel approached holding the tiny replica of the gate - with working lights - Siler had made for Jack for Christmas last year. Cast in resin, it was the heaviest damned thing on the tree; he always had to be careful he hung it from a sturdy enough branch.
Daniel had added a length of red ribbon to the ornament.
"Hang on a minute there, Daniel, you're not..."
He was. He did.
The ribbon went snuggly around Jack's balls, the weight of the ornament pulling them down away from his body.. Jack groaned. Groaned louder a moment later when Daniel used one hand to nudge his legs further apart and set the gate swinging slightly, used the other to rasp the garland against already over- sensitized skin, and finally to close his mouth over...
"All right. I may have mentioned decorating."
Jack stepped aside as three screaming children chased a panicked teenager in an elf suit past the giant white plastic Christmas tree set up in the center court of the shopping mall. "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
"We never were," Daniel sighed grabbing his arm and dragging him toward Electron Junction. "And for the last time, stop calling me Toto!"
"Carter's already got her a PDA?"
"She has." Daniel plucked the item in question out of Jack's hand and set it back on the display shelf. "And besides, you know the rules. Sam buys Cassie's computer equipment."
"Yeah, and that rule would hold more weight had she not needed you to book her flight this morning."
"Sometimes Sam gets confused by the simple things." He grinned as Jack raised a cautioning hand and decided to consider the comment essentially made. "Besides, I think the flyme.com website threw her."
"Porn?"
"Porn. Including some interesting positions with an F-18."
"With? You mean on."
"That too."
"How do you figure Carter managed to rack up enough air miles for the South Seas at Christmas."
Daniel shrugged. "A secret addiction to the home shopping network?"
"That would be Teal'c."
"Teal'c's addiction isn't exactly a secret, Jack."
"Point." Jack overcame his baser instincts and stepped around a display of carol singing mice. So, what are you planning to hook your clapper up to?" He shook his head at Daniel's explicitly raised eyebrows. "Don't even think about it."
A few moments later, as they stood jammed together to let a dolly stacked with large cardboard cutouts of the entire cast of The Return of the King roll past, he murmured, "You know what I think would be good?"
"Yes. And get your hand off it!"
"Not that. Well, that too," he admitted. "But what about air miles for gate travel? Zing! Six light years, free trip for twelve to Disney. Zing! Twelve light years, cash in for a new Harley!"
Daniel moved his ass out from under Jack's hand. "The gate doesn't go zing."
"Well, it should..."
"So this MP3 player doesn't mean we're going to be bailing Cassie out of jail, right?"
Daniel grinned and braced himself as Jack pulled out of the mall parking lot on two wheels. "No, there's sites you can download legally now."
"Because you know what Janet would say if we got her daughter arrested."
"Um... Not again?"
"You say that like it's something I make a habit of. Did I suggest Cassie go snowboarding in a restricted zone? No," he continued before Daniel could answer. "I merely said the powder by the guardhouse looked great and it was too bad she couldn't make a run down the mountain."
"And when the SF's grabbed her, you didn't tell her to give them name, rank and serial number?"
"I may have said that."
"And offer to bake her a cake with a file in it?"
"That was Carter. And given Carter's cakes, the file seems a bit redundant."
"So you didn't walk behind them all the way to General Hammond's office humming the theme from The Great Escape?"
"That was you."
Daniel frowned. After a moment, he nodded. "Oh yeah."
"And now you've got that stuck in my head..." Jack flicked on the radio and kept his finger on the program button until they hit a station playing Christmas music. Playing specifically Santa Claus is Coming to Town.
"Don't sing!"
Jack grinned at the rough edge on Daniel's voice and, as the other man began to squirm within the confines of the seatbelt, caroled: "I know what you're thinking..."
The door barely shut behind him, Daniel grabbed two handfuls of red velvet and slammed Jack up against it, closing his mouth over an off-key "...knows if you've been sleeping." and rather a lot of polyester moustache. He worked around them both. With Jack's mouth already open he thrust his tongue inside - plunging, stroking, teasing, sucking Jack's tongue in turn.
A little lightheaded when he finally pulled away, he fought to catch his breath as Jack raised a trembling hand toward the hat, wig and beard and gasped, "Just let me get rid of this..."
"Leave it on," Daniel growled and dropped to the floor.
It was dark and warm and getting warmer under the Santa coat as he yanked open button and zipper, shoving jeans and briefs down together. Then he bunched the coat up until he emerged into the light, Santa's erection dancing in front of his face. He glanced up once, almost came at the sight of red and white and whiskers and cock, let go of the coat with one hand, wrapped it around the base of Santa's cock - Jack's cock - licked once, then took it into his mouth until his lips touched his fist. Hollowing his cheeks, he sucked hard, working his tongue against the underside, maintaining the suction as he slid out and back, skin growing slick from saliva and pre-come.
He heard Jack groan, adjusted his grip and took a little more, keeping the rhythm hard and fast.
His breathing labored, Daniel nodded toward Jack's crotch. "Looks like you took a little trip down memory lane too."
"Yeah, and you know what they say about grown men who sport wood at the sound of children's Christmas songs..."
"That they're going to get fucked senseless the moment they get home?"
Jack downshifted, hit the gas, and roared past a trio of SUV's driving at just over the speed limit.
Hitting the inside of the door with enough force to knock the air from his lungs, Jack barely had time to catch his breath before Daniel's mouth closed over his, his tongue thrusting hot and wet and insistent to the same rhythm his crotch was grinding out, denim to denim.
"We've got nine more days," he gasped as Daniel's teeth chewed a line of pain/pleasure along his jaw. "Maybe you should slow down."
Daniel pulled back far enough to look Jack in the eye, his pupils so dilated the blue was nearly gone. "What's the matter old man? Think you'll have to pace yourself?"
"Old man?"
Daniel licked lips already wet and swollen. "It's not the years, it's the mileage."
His leg thrust between Daniel's, Jack took them both to the floor. Avoiding a flailing elbow, he flipped the other man onto his stomach, folded his arms over the small of his back, and grabbed his thumbs in his left hand. They both knew Daniel could break the hold if he wanted to but that 'if' was the whole point...
A matter of moments to reach under the heated hard planes of his stomach and get belt and jeans undone. A moment more to shove clothing down around Daniel's ankles, haul his ass up off the floor, and spread his knees.
An instant after that to free himself.
Problem...
Solution. The bags of Christmas shopping were just inside the door. Still holding Daniel down one handed, Jack spilled the contents of the top bag over the floor. They'd bought an assortment of lotions for Janet...
"Jesus, Jack..." Daniel was laughing now. His chest still pressed against the tiles, his head turned to the side; his cheeks were as flushed by mood as position. "...anything but the strawberry cream!"
"Tropical peach it is then."
"That's not much bet... fuck! Oh god!"
After one final twist - and the profane response elicited -- Jack removed his fingers from Daniel's ass, grabbed the bottle, and slicked himself down. Releasing Daniel's hands, he gripped both hips, set himself against the entry to the other man's body... and paused. "You know, I might just be feeling too old to go on with this..."
"Bastard!"
"Old man?"
Daniel braced himself against the floor and pushed back with enough force to slap skin to skin as his ass impacted with Jack's belly.
So suddenly sheathed balls deep in tight silken heat, Jack had all desire to make another smart ass comment blown completely out of his head along with any possibility of coherent thought. Nothing left but instinct and want. Adjusting his grip, he arched his back, pulled almost all the way free, and pounded forward. Again. Again. Again...
Daniel moved from inarticulate noises to dead languages. His head whipped from side to side. His skin, exposed where his sweater had been pushed up his back, glistened with sweat.
They were neither of them going to last long. Jack's breathing matched his rhythm.
Harder.
Faster.
Teeth clenched to hold back the roar he could feel building, he slammed forward one last time. Vision gone just a little blurry, he reached around to wrap his fist about Daniel's cock. One stroke. Two. Jack knew Daniel's needs as well as his own. Tightened his hold. A little rougher now. Three. Four. His name. Some gutter Arabic. The long, smooth muscles of Daniel's thighs and back tightened, tensed, trembled as he spilled over Jack's hand.
Jack slipped free as they collapsed together to the floor. "You okay?" he asked after the necessary pause to catch their breath.
"Oh yeah." Daniel rolled over and winced as his hip settled in the mess on the floor. "This is becoming a habit. We didn't make it out of the foyer again."
"Foyer?"
"French for we are both too old to be this horny all the time."
"Saving the universe is a high stress job." Rising up on one elbow, Jack gently pushed Daniel's glasses back into alignment on his nose. "This is a response to the constant threat of having our asses, not to mention other assets, blown off."
"Reaffirming life in the face of death?"
Jack snorted. "I was thinking more of getting our fucking in while we still can, but your translation works too."
Sitting up, Daniel put one hand down in a puddle of snowmelt by the boot mat and sighed as he stared at the imprint of Mexican tile on both his knees. "You ever think of putting down mattresses?"
Putting his empty beer bottle down on the coffee table, Daniel settled back against Jack's side. "We're going to have to go back to the mall. Unless you want to explain to Janet why there's an inch of tropical peach missing."
He felt Jack's arm settled across his shoulders. "Slouch a little, you're too damned tall." Grinning, he shifted his butt forward on the couch as Jack added, "And for a change, we've got plenty of time to shop."
"You hate shopping."
"Not my point."
"You really think the universe will leave us alone for nine more days?"
"I think General Hammond's taken the phone off the hook."
"What if..."
"They'll just have to manage without us. This is the year we get a peaceful Christmas."
Daniel draped his arm over Jack's leg and worked his thumb in slow gentle circles against the inside of his thigh. "I have to admit, I could use the break. You think Sam and Teal'c are in Hawaii by now? They're probably sipping Mai tais on moonlit beach."
"Honestly Daniel, I wasn't thinking about Carter and Teal'c." Warm fingers curved around the back of Daniel's neck. "And I would never simultaneously think of Carter, Teal'c and Mai tais."
"Sequentially."
A soft chuckle of breath against the top of his head. "Shut up and watch the movie."
The flickering black and white light from The Bells of Saint Mary's supplemented the embers from an earlier fire as the only light in the room. "Why do they show this at Christmas? It's not a Christmas movie."
"It has Christmas in it."
"I suppose. And Ingrid Bergman does make one hot nun."
"Thus speaks the man who never went to Catholic school. Hot and nun are two words that do not go together. Thinking of Sister Mary Magdalene is my one sure fire way to lose an erection."
"When have you ever wanted to lose an erection?"
He could hear the smile in Jack's voice. "P2Y WW7. Dr Jackson strips down to show a bunch of naked natives we're just like them."
Shrugging moved his shoulder up and down against the warmth of Jack's chest. "It worked."
"So did thinking of Sister Mary Magdalene. I'm telling you Daniel, thirty odd years later and after everything I've been through, there are still nuns who give me nightmares. Hell, occasionally penguins give me nightmares by association."
Daniel flicked a languid finger at the television. "So why do you insist on watching this every year?"
"Oh I don't know. Force of... Ow!"
--end--