"No! How can you just expect me to turn and walk away from this? Why bother having me tag along if you've got no intentions of letting me do my job? Just what is the fucking point?"
He sounded bitter: looked it too, an ugly little twist to his lips as he fired the words at me. Couldn't really blame him, I suppose. I could even sympathize. I've been in the military a long time; I know how it feels when the orders sound wrong. Difference is I've had a lot of years to get used to it. Still don't like it some of the time, but I am used to it.
"Daniel --"
"Don't!" One of his hands was up, palm out, pushing me away even though I hadn't moved an inch. He was building up a good head of steam there. Oh yeah, he was good and mad at life, the universe and everything already, but still working himself up to be even madder. "Don't even try to explain this as anything other than pure cynicism and expediency of the very worst kind."
I just shrugged. When he was in this mood, determined to be as pissed off as possible, there wasn't much point in trying.
"Daniel --" Carter decided to have a shot at restoring the peace. I could have told her to save her energy. Knew it wouldn't work before she even thought of it.
"And don't you start with the party line either!" He snarled the words at her, eyes flashing. Her head snapped back as if he'd struck her, and she looked taken aback, hurt almost just for a split second. Then her eyes slid towards me and she sent me a message, unspoken, soldier to soldier. Just a tightening of her lips, but I got it.
Teal'c didn't bother. Just watched us all, eyes traveling slowly from face to face. Doing the impassive Jaffa thing.
I looked at Daniel standing there, pissed as fuck at me, and I knew. Don't ask me why, I just finally knew: knew that I wanted him. More than that, I loved him. Had probably loved him from day one. Otherwise, why the hell would I put up with this shit? It was a shock though. All those years, denying what I was, hiding it so far down that I wasn't really sure what I was any more - not easy to deal with in a matter of moments.
Hiding, I could do that. Had a lot of practice over the years, one way and another. Did it right there and then, didn't let myself react at all to what had just hit me. The training kicked in, same as always. So, I shoved the personal shit on the back burner: one problem at a time, that was the way. And the immediate problem? Daniel, as usual. Not the wanting, the getting him to hit the bricks. Because the stubborn little s.o.b. was quite capable of defying me if I didn't push hard. He'd tried that before and hadn't quite pulled it off: there was no way in hell he was getting away with it now.
"There isn't enough here to hold our interest. This place has been toast for a long, long time. So - we move out. Get your gear packed, we're heading for the gate in ten."
He stood his ground. "Not enough to hold your laughably short-sighted interest, maybe --"
I cut him off. "Carter, there's no naquadah here, right?"
She shook her head. "No sir. Only a trace, probably from the staff weapon damage."
"And no trinium?"
She shook her head again with a rueful sideways glance and an apologetic shrug of one shoulder at Daniel. She might be on my side but she didn't want to get completely on Daniel's wrong side either. Fair enough, I could live with that.
"In fact, nothing animal, vegetable, or mineral at all, am I right? Nobody to contact. No sign that the Goa'uld were ever here except to blast the place into oblivion --"
"Aren't you in the least bit interested why? Why they were considered so much of a threat that they had to be wiped out?" His voice rose in pitch, never a good sign. I needed to head him off, do it fast and do it good.
"No, Daniel, I'm not. For all we know this happened because some snake wannabe got two sugars in his coffee instead of two and a half. The Goa'uld came, they saw, they obliterated. That 'obliteration' thing is the clue: these people couldn't defend themselves in any meaningful way, therefore there's nothing here of any interest to us in terms of our mission objective. So we're outta here."
"And to hell with advancing our knowledge."
"In this instance, yes. I'm sorry." And I very nearly was at that moment. I could understand his frustration even if I didn't share it this time. But not sorry enough to cave: I had my orders too and besides, this place was a boring ball of dust. Nothing much of anything at all.
"Yeah, right. That's just fucking typical. Military types have no imagination. If it doesn't go bang, it's not worth a dime."
There wasn't any answer to that, other than the obvious. So I didn't make it, just faced him down.
He stared at me for a long moment, lips pressed tight together, before he spoke again. I watched one hundred and one smart-assed arguments slide through his mind before he seemed to think better of them all and said merely, "At least give me an extra fifteen minutes to do some filming."
"You've got ten. Get your packing done, campers, we move out at," I looked at my watch just to underscore my point, "15.45. Prompt." I get totally pissed off with Daniel when he insists on locking horns with me all the damn time about stuff that doesn't matter. Otherwise, I might have given him longer. But as things stood? No chance.
The comments Daniel was muttering under his breath as he headed for his pack didn't sound at all complimentary. Far too many four letter words. He was inventive though from what I heard, I had to give him that.
The trip back to the gate wasn't the chattiest. Actually, it would pretty well have taken the record for the least chatty stroll in recorded history given that there were four of us taking it. Daniel stomped along alone, way ahead of the rest of us, tight lipped with irritation, too mad for bickering, too mad by now even for swearing under his breath as far as I could tell. Carter was siding with me - the military thing and all - but silently, so as not to make things any worse, and Teal'c? Who knew? Even on a good day he wasn't great on the social chitchat. Me, I concentrated on getting us back there in good time and in one piece, and very determinedly didn't think about meaning of life stuff. That could wait for downtime and the bottle of scotch that I had at home. Besides, Daniel had riled me up too and I wasn't about to back down. Not over a command decision.
I didn't particularly stress over Daniel storming up to the DHD and dialing out, nor about him stalking down the ramp in the 'gate room with nothing but the briefest of words with Hammond and disappearing through the doors without a backward glance.
Even the debrief didn't phase me. We got through it same as usual even though Hammond knew there was something up. He didn't push it though. I earned an uncomfortable extra ten with the boss after the debrief was officially over was all, on the subject of cutting the civilian some slack while holding my team together. Rank may have its privileges but is also has its share of drawbacks.
Two days of avoiding us all though - that was something else. Keeping it up that long moved things to a whole new level. That was one thing I wasn't prepared to sanction even if Hammond hadn't been on my back about it. No way was that helping the team.
The meaning of life stuff I'd done and gotten over: did that on the first night back. Sank the scotch, thought it all through, and pretty much arrived at the conclusion that I needed to get over it. Yeah, second glass, or thereabouts, it all seemed crystal clear. Taking Daniel to bed just wasn't gonna happen. Rules, regs, team, yadda - all the things that mattered one hell of a lot to the military, a couple of them that mattered one hell of a lot to me. I went over and over it - it didn't help. Completely black and white, no shades of gray there.
Third glass, it all started to fuzzy up a little round the edges. I'd pretty much bled camo all my adult life, yet I never had that much respect for the rules when I knew they were wrong and in that, I wasn't much different from a lot of good officers I knew. Occasionally broke 'em, most usually bent 'em into a shape that suited me better - when it didn't work out, you got a haul on the choke chain; when it did, you got congratulated for creative thinking and sometimes even got a commendation thrown in, especially in the SGC. Hammond was cool, gave us a lot of leeway. He understood about rules: didn't discount 'em exactly, but was shrewd enough not to worry over much about the ones that weren't useful to him. So long as no one was too in his face about stuff he didn't crack the whip.
Fourth glass and it all snapped into place. Purely practical consideration, I couldn't think how to go about suggesting it to Daniel. He and I were close, very close, but not close enough when it came to this kinda stuff. I had no indication that he'd be willing. His track record was straight according to everything he'd ever told me and if that wasn't enough, he was recently widowed. Different back in the day when I'd gone to the bars, there were rules there that covered it and everyone was on the same page: you asked, you got an answer, and if it was 'no' - well, no harm, no foul. Coming on to your same gender, apparently straight as a ruler best friend and work colleague was kinda out there though; there was no protocol for that. Especially for dealing with the fallout if - hell, who was I kidding, when - the answer was 'no'.
You didn't get medals for screwing with command efficiency and coming on to Daniel would screw with that big time. I wasn't dumb enough to think Hammond would be happy with that, no matter how loose his command style was. So - end of wet dream. I didn't have to like it, but I could make myself live with it, possibly even forget about it altogether. Nothing very different there to what I'd managed most of my life.
Second night, I headed out of town to try and get me some ass. Not something I'd done for years, but the closet door was currently wide open, even if I was still inside, and I really needed to get laid. Snap decision if you will, and probably a dumb one. At the time I figured it'd help. I got lucky too - a pleasant, anonymous guy picked up in a pleasantly anonymous bar in Denver, itch scratched in a room in the local roach motel, home again by three, a done deal.
Third morning, I went to mend some fences. It worked out pretty much like usual: I hovered, Daniel ignored me; I played with his stuff, Daniel started bitching; I bitched back, Daniel got serious and we talked it out in our usual oblique fashion - nothing much said and everything addressed. It ended up, pretty much as usual, in a state of armed truce so we adjourned for lunch. Where 'armed truce' finally shaded into something approaching cordiality again. Hammond was delighted.
It didn't last, go figure. The aggravating little bastard got under my skin like a burr under a saddle at just about every opportunity. Every single damned thing he said some days seemed like it was tailor-made to push my buttons, every single damned reaction to every single damned situation diametrically opposed to mine. And it reminded me of everything I'd decided to forget. Every damned time.
Maybe I hadn't dealt with the meaning of life stuff as well as I'd thought. Well, there was a remedy for that, one that I was more than used to: when it came right down to it, all I really needed was my porn stash and my own right hand for a little bit of R&R - I was happy with that, had been for a long time. And hey! When it got bored, or boring, there was always my left. The O'Neill definition of 'playing the field'.
I thought I was happy with that. I wanted to be happy with that. Turned out that I wasn't as happy as I'd thought. Might have been happy enough if my libido or whatever hadn't taken to sticking it to me in connection with Daniel at just about every opportunity. But it did, big time.
I chalked it up to mid-life crisis and soldiered on. Just not quite in the same way as before. For one thing, my little trips to Denver started to happen on a more regular basis: I'd gotten a taste for human contact again. The pleasant, anonymous guy became a lot less anonymous: not quite a relationship, that was never an option, but a bit more than a casual fuck. Having an outlet eased the tension, eased it a lot, and if I was fucking him and thinking of Daniel, which happened a couple of times, I was never crass enough to show it. Daniel and I managed to play a lot nicer on the day-to-day level. Yeah, we still butted heads, and regularly. And sometimes each of us was maybe harder on the other than we might have meant to be. But the foundation? Solid and getting more so all the time. And that's the way it stayed, despite occasional appearances. He was there for me; I was there for him.
In other news, anonymous guy didn't last that long: nice enough while it lasted, but it was never an option for life. He drifted off, found himself another guy from out of town who could offer more than I could and moved away. No hard feelings, he was a nice guy. I went back to spectating at the great slideshow of private life.
Work went much as usual. We saved the planet a couple more times, and that never got old. We sought out new life and new civilizations in the grand tradition. Sometimes it paid off, most times it didn't. Supposed friend and outright foe alike shafted the SGC, time and time again. Same old.
P3Z 551 was a perfectly routine mission, a coffee and cake run. Pleasant enough planet, apparently deserted. Nice climate for a change; wasn't too hot or too cold, too dry or too damp. Some interesting ruins for Daniel to poke around, some promising naquadah readings for Carter to enthuse over. Nada for Teal'c and me, but we weren't complaining - after the run of missions we'd had, something nice and simple sounded just fine. Restful. Relaxing. A vacation. And all on the government's tab.
It was pure bad luck that the 'gate was activated about ten minutes after the wormhole had collapsed behind us. Even worse luck that there wasn't enough cover to hide the average sized roach within half a mile of Daniel's or my position. Teal'c and Carter got luckier, they were off to the side, but we were pretty well stuck.
The head honcho of this outfit was a nasty one, name of Wang. Spiteful little shit with a supersized grudge against anyone taller than him, which at five-four max, definitely included Daniel and me. We ended up kneeling in front of him, side by side to make it easier for him to look down on us: so far, so much as usual.
I needed to keep their attention on us, give Carter and Teal'c enough time to do something. Wasn't too much of a chore: more than anything else, I like making life difficult for the snakes. Daniel too, we're always on the same page there. Sometimes though, we take it too far. It's like playing 'Chicken': sometimes I can hear Daniel saying 'I double dog dare ya' without him saying a word. This was one of those times and I started getting sassy with them.
Bad move. I saw the butt end of the staff weapon aiming for my head but I couldn't duck fast enough to avoid it. You know what? Sleeping is overrated when it's compulsory.
"Hey! You back with me again?" I came round to the very pleasant feeling of my hair being mussed and pushed back into place, which I couldn't understand. I don't think my first words were exactly deathless prose. I'm not that certain they were even English. One thing I did get though, I was lying with my head in Daniel's lap, one cheek snug against his crotch. The minute I realized that, I struggled upright in short order. The wall I ended up against was no way near as comfortable.
"You okay?"
"I've been better, but yeah, more or less okay. A bitch of a headache, but that'll pass. Where are we?"
He was frowning, patting down the leg pockets of his BDUs as I spoke. I remember that clearly because I was holding out some hopes for Tylenol, and I got lucky. He gave a grunt of satisfaction when he located the blister pack and fished it out.
"Oh, some Goa'uld shit hole or other. Still planetside I think. We were moved by rings, but the layout isn't the same as a ship from what little I've seen. Here, have some water and take these, they left me my canteen."
The water was warm and stale, but at the time, it tasted great. Made me feel like I wanted to hurl not five minutes after I'd swallowed it but I managed to hold it and the pills down.
"How long was I out of things? And where are Carter and Teal'c?"
"Not that long. About twenty minutes, half an hour tops. I haven't seen Teal'c or Sam. I did hear a 'gate activation just before we were ringed out: I'm wondering if it was them."
With any luck at all it had been, and they'd soon be back, loaded for bear.
"So, whose hospitality are we enjoying right now? Who pulls Wanker's strings?" He didn't call me on the nickname, guess he was used to them by now.
"Zhou."
"Yu?"
Daniel always could do an impressively dismissive eye roll. "Don't start. Zhou. Different other guy, Chinese pantheon. Not a very prepossessing specimen, even for a Goa'uld."
"Ah. Different. Ugly. Gotcha." It was an effort though. I was awake, sure enough, but I wasn't quite sure I wanted to be. Still, I was trying. "And he would be?"
"In Earth terms, the Chinese emperor Zhou Wang, late Shang Dynasty. Noted for his debauchery and cruelty while he was emperor, he died and ascended to heaven, where he was made a god. Uh, those are the Cliff Notes. I don't know that much about him."
"But you've seen him?"
"Spoken with him via one of those little ball things, yes."
"And? Did he have anything much to say other than the usual snakey-assed bluster and gloating?"
"He's on his way here. He wants us to fuck." Daniel was quite matter of fact about it. Guess he'd had time to mull it over some while I was enjoying my enforced sack time. It kinda came as a bolt from the blue to me though.
"Say what?"
He looked at me steadily. And talked to me like I was five years old, precise voice, hand gestures, words of one syllable, the works. "When he gets here, he wants us, as in you and me, to fuck. He wants to watch. You and me. Fucking. And after that," he shrugged, "he may, or may not, allow us to live. I uh, I get the impression that depends on how much he enjoys it, how good a show we put on. The alternative seems to be summary execution by the method he sees fit. Although I get the feeling that it won't be particularly quick, or pleasant."
"What the hell?" I couldn't quite get my head round that, so I said the first thing that came into it. "Any idea why? Some kind of ritual humiliation thing, what?"
Daniel shrugged and his voice went flat. "Possibly. I didn't get much of a chance to ask."
No surprises there. But he was still talking. It was an effort to concentrate, though I was doing the best I could.
"But it's maybe more straightforward than that. Considering exactly what his area of expertise was supposed to be."
"And that was?" I had to know, but I was getting a sinking feeling from the tone of Daniel's voice that I really wasn't going to like the answer much.
"Fucking. Specifically, sodomy." Yeah, I was right. I didn't like that answer at all.
"So then, this is some kind of variation on the whole 'kneel before your god' shtick they've all got going on? Clichéd, don't you think?"
"I suppose it could be, at that. I hadn't really considered it in those terms. Or it could just be that he's a jaded s.o.b. who's living up to his reputation and sees a good chance to get his rocks off."
"Or any combination of the above. Yeah, I got that." Even though this whole gig sucked, I was pretty close to laughing. I could feel it lurking under my ribs, waiting to sneak out and ambush me. I mean, how many times over the last year or so had I fantasized about exactly this? Not the coercion thing, that so didn't cream my coffee, or the voyeuristic aspect either, but the whole fucking Daniel thing. Or being fucked by Daniel. Either or both, didn't matter. And here I was, apparently getting it handed to me on a plate. Not funny, but real funny, know what I mean? Because I didn't want it, not like this.
"You're thinking too loud." Daniel's voice sliced through the wool in my head, jolting me back to the present with a disorienting thump.
"What?"
"Thinking. You. Too loud. Sometimes you can over think things, you know what I'm saying?"
"Yeah, right. This from the prince of the overactive brain cells."
His voice was sharp. "Thinking too much about this isn't going to make it any better. Accept that it's going to happen - I have. And if I have, you can. Chalk it up to the fortunes of war, or something. Because you know you don't want to put on a show for them and that any sign of reluctance is quite probably going to make the show all the better. Personally, I'd rather not pander to Zhou's idea of fun any more than I have to. And not quite incidentally --"
He broke off abruptly.
"And not quite incidentally what?"
"Nothing." He rolled his neck and shoulders, willing the tension to ebb away. I'd seen him do that a lot, one way or another: I knew his MO. I also knew him well enough to judge whether or not it worked. Seemingly not, this time.
"You were going to say something. What was it?"
He grimaced and shook his head. "Doesn't matter. Nothing important." He fell silent, and stayed that way for a change. I just sat there listening to my head throbbing in the silence and fought to stay awake.
It wasn't working: the need for sleep was damn near overwhelming. My head kept on nodding, I kept on phasing in and out. And dimly, in the back of my mind, I kept getting the nagging feeling that this was something I should be worrying about. It hurt to think too hard, made me feel nauseous and giddy, but the idea that I was missing something scared me.
"Jack? Jack! Don't you dare zone out on me here." I half remember swatting at his arm: he'd woken me from an okay half-dream and I didn't appreciate it much. "Jack? Come back to me here. You mustn't sleep. You've probably got a concussion; c'mon, get with the program. Wake up; you have to stay with me. Jack!"
Concussion. Yeah, that was probably what should have been worrying me. I've been concussed enough times to know the symptoms - didn't really care about them right then, but what the hell. Daniel was shaking me, not gently. And somehow it was easier to wake up and talk to him than to be on the receiving end of that damned shaking. Talking hurt my head marginally less.
"Okay, I'm with it." Yeah, barely. "You can lay off the shaking thing any time soon, it's not helping."
"No more shaking, check. How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Two and a half."
Daniel gave me one of those looks - you know the one, the 'does it even have a brain?' one - and rolled his eyes. "Funny. Seriously, is your vision okay? Straight answer, please."
"Yeah, it's fine."
"Good. One less thing to worry about."
Now that he'd gotten me awake, Daniel seemed at a loss. "Uh, we should keep talking, or something. You should really stay conscious until the headache's worn off."
"Okay, so talk."
"About?"
"I don't know. Whatever pops into your head. C'mon, that's never usually a problem. Whatever's uppermost in your mind. Shoot."
Daniel's glasses gleamed in the bar of dim light that fell across the top of his face as he turned his head and said quietly, "Whatever? Okay. I was wondering... that is... oh shit." He scrubbed one hand through his hair - nothing much to catch there now that it was shorter. He gave a little snort of frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses frames.
"What?"
"There isn't a good way to say this, so I might as well just come right out with it. Have you ever done this before?"
I tried to keep my face neutral, but it can't have worked too well because he plunged on after one quick glance, his eyes fixed firmly on the floor between his knees, "I'm sorry. It's more than academic curiosity, believe me. But it seems to me... uh, that is to say... oh, fuck it. If we're gonna do this, and it doesn't seem like we've got a lot of choice... well, I guess I'm really asking..."
I had an absurd urge to fill in the gaps: either something along the lines of 'will you make it good?' or 'will you still respect me in the morning?' But that wasn't gonna happen, mainly because Daniel was still babbling. Besides, he'd probably have given me hell for it. But he broke off, took a deep breath, and suddenly he seemed to have found his balance again. He looked straight at me.
"I guess I just need to know that this isn't totally repugnant to you. I wouldn't want that to be your last memory of me. Repugnance, that is. Because once we've done the nasty, we'll be disposed of, one way or another. Forced labor, Goa'uld sex toy, or stone dead, I don't see that it makes much of a difference. And seeing as dead seems the likeliest outcome anyway, we might as well put our cards on the table here."
Nope, I wasn't touching that one with a twenty-foot pole. Not here, and probably not ever. "No. No cards. We're not dead yet, Daniel. Teal'c and Carter know where we are. They'll come back for us if it's humanly possible." Chalk that one up to desperation, or to the concussion if you're feeling charitable: whatever, there was no way I was going to believe that we weren't going to get out of this in one piece and preferably with no non-consensual sex involved.
He gave a quiet huff of laughter and his voice was very low when he replied: so low that I wondered if he was talking to himself. "Humanly possible? That's pretty much the point, isn't it? So, they'll fight their way through several battalions of Jaffa, get through it unscathed and haul our nuts out of the fire, all without the aid of Kryptonite. Then they'll whisk us back home again and this will all be like it never happened. Uh huh, right. That's exactly how it's going to go down." The look he shot me after he finished that little speech convinced me that he was talking to me after all.
"No, not exactly. We didn't see that many Jaffa. 'Sides, they'll sneak in and bust us out. That's the way I'd do it." I always was one stubborn son of a bitch.
"Yeah, that's the way it'd work if this was primetime TV. It isn't though, unfortunately. Seems like we have some choices to make here, Jack."
"Survival." I was quite positive on that point, as positive as I'd been some fifteen years previously in a similar situation. "We do what we have to in order to survive. Anything else isn't an option."
He looked amused. "Yeah, well - I kinda figured that would be top of the wish list. It's pretty much at the top of mine too. But short term, when I said 'choices' I was actually thinking more along the lines of um, who pitches and who receives. Do you, uh, do you have a preference?"
Nope, not going there either. "Well yeah, obviously. My preference would be, oh, neither, under the circumstances. You?"
His expression was unreadable in the half-light, but the eyebrows were working overtime. Exasperation probably, but he answered straightforwardly enough. "Uh, not fussy, given that 'neither' isn't a serious option. Why don't we just take things as they come?"
If that was meant to be humorous, it fell kinda flat. I didn't give any answer other than a look and Daniel subsided into silence. It lasted for a good long while. I thought he might have been going to say something a couple of times; he did that sharp little intake of breath and sideways glance thing, but then seemed to think better of it. The peace and quiet did me good: the headache receded gradually and I could feel my head clearing with every minute that passed. I was leading the cheers for modern medicine.
But, of course, Daniel being Daniel, he couldn't just let it go and take things as they came. That's one thing I might have laid money on. Just when I thought he'd given up worrying at it, he started up again.
"So you're okay with this? You're happy to run with it?" His hand flapped vaguely in the space between us.
"'Happy' is probably pitching it a little strong. It's... doable. You?"
"Yeah, like you say. Doable." He didn't seem to say it with much conviction and I rushed right in there to convince him.
"Daniel, it's a sucky situation, no argument from me, but we do whatever buys us time. I'd rather get out of this alive if I could."
"Dishonor before Death," he agreed, with a little snort of laughter. "Of course. I got that. But --"
There was a rattling sound from the other side of the door, the sound of a sliding bolt. I looked at Daniel, he looked at me, and we both got to our feet, backs to the wall. The room tipped some from the head rush as I got vertical but it steadied up quick enough.
"Looks like it's show time."
"Yeah." Daniel's voice was steady but his face was grim. Mine too, I dare say. A second bolt shot back, and a third. Typical Goa'uld overkill, always going for the theatrical effect. Someone really needed to have a quiet word with those motherfuckers, set them straight on a couple of things, like the difference between effective security and the taste for pure melodrama. The door started to swing slowly inwards - it was a heavy sucker, took its own sweet time to get moving.
"Uh, Jack?"
"Daniel?"
"You pitch, if it's all the same to you." It was the last thing he said as the door swung wide. I didn't have time to call him on it.
I'm guessing Carter was a tad nonplussed when her head followed her P90 around the door and Daniel and I both started to giggle weakly. It probably wasn't the reaction she was expecting.
"Sir? Daniel?" A puzzled frown flitted across her face, quickly replaced by brisk professionalism as we pulled ourselves together. Behind her, I could just see Teal'c's solidly reassuring bulk in the corridor, staff weapon at the ready as he stood guard.
"Are you able to walk out of here?"
"Yeah, Carter. Ready, able and more than willing. Did you bring spares with you?"
"Of course," she answered, relief making her cheerful. And handed me a P90 and an extra clip. I felt about two hundred per cent better already as I hooked the strap over my head and shoved the clip in a pocket.
"Teal'c?" she tossed back over her shoulder. "They're here and they're both okay."
"That is most gratifying. However, I believe delaying further would be dangerous. We need to reach the stargate as quickly as we can. The other SG teams will be starting their diversion soon and they might not be able to sustain it for long."
The slight rebuke in his voice was enough to sober me up completely - although I couldn't resist the obvious gag. "Daniel? Never diss primetime TV again in my hearing, okay?"
Carter just shrugged and shook her head as Daniel stuck out a hand to catch the weapon she tossed towards him and grinned a little shakily back at me. "Okay."
"Okay, kids, let's move out. Teal'c, Carter, lead the way. Daniel and I'll take the rear."
"Mind where you tread, Sir. The light's not good and some of the help's sleeping on the job out here. Wouldn't want you to turn an ankle or anything."
Oh yeah, go Carter. There were days when it really paid to head up the flagship team.
Hammond got the very abbreviated version when I was sprung from my totally unnecessary overnight stay in the Infirmary for the morning debrief. No sir, I have no idea what Zhou had in mind for us although I can imagine it wasn't a walk in the park. No sir, we had no impression that it was anything but chance that brought Zhou's Jaffa to '551 at the same time as us. No sir, his goons seemed to have standard Goa'uld tech. Yes sir, we were fortunate to escape before things got too unpleasant. Yes sir, we are indeed indebted to Major Carter and Teal'c for having the tenacity to bust us out. And SGs 3 and 5 too. No sir, we weren't able to gather any intel worth the name. Only one outright lie in the whole bunch and I figured that was perfectly justifiable. That was a can of worms probably best left unopened in front of a superior officer - and inferior officers too, come to that. Although it did cross my mind to wonder if Daniel would be able to resist.
He came through for me though. Sat quietly through the debrief; hardly said a word by his standards. And not in a bad way either - not pissed, not strained, just -- self-contained. I caught a couple of glances in my direction and one amused twist of his lips, but that was all. He spoke when he was spoken to and everything he said was germane to getting us all out of there as quickly as could be expected. I was more than grateful: I was itching to get home, kick back and work through a close encounter with some form of alcohol. The report could wait 'til tomorrow. I was headed for the door within seconds of Hammond's 'dismissed'.
Got away with it too: which surprised me. I'd half expected Daniel to follow me, insisting that we talk. He'd kinda had that look about him in the debrief. I know that look of old but this time, I was damn sure I wasn't playing along. I wasn't ready to do that yet. But he didn't, although that didn't stop me feeling like a cat on hot bricks for the rest of the day, waiting for the shoe to drop. No, I got lucky: nada. No phone call, no knock at the door, zilch. Just me, a few chores, a couple of beers, and then bed.
Next morning I hit my desk at oh-eight-hundred and got another surprise: Daniel's report was ready and waiting in my inbox. I scrolled through it: it was a masterpiece of brevity, almost to the point of being terse. Zhou was ID'd, placed in historical and mythological context in a scant couple of paragraphs (the whole ass-fucking thing neatly buried in a quoted, dry-as-dust, mid-Victorian précis of late Shang cultural norms and labeled 'unusual congress', which made me laugh out loud), discussed vis-à-vis the Goa'uld hierarchy as we understood it in a couple more and the conclusion drawn that he'd been a minor player for at least four thousand years. One to watch maybe, but no immediate threat.
Very nicely done indeed. I buckled down to mine and made sure it matched in tone and content. The phone rang just as I hit 'print'.
"Jack? Lunch?" Daniel sounded pretty normal, like this had been a completely mundane week. I'd expected him to be skittish, but no. Well, if he could do it, so could I.
"Sure. Commissary?"
"Uh, I was thinking of going into the Springs. I need some fresh air. Feel like playing hooky?"
Now this was unheard of. Doctor Jackson playing hooky?
"Daniel? Play hooky? Should I be ordering you to see Fraiser?"
"Funny, Jack. Contrary to what you seem to believe, I'm not a total workaholic. It's a beautiful day, I'm sick of being cooped up, and neither of us is actually on duty today anyway."
When I listened closely, he sounded brittle, taut. Not such a good combination. Getting out for a spell maybe wasn't such a bad idea at that if he was feeling a little testy. And when I thought about it, it'd probably do me good too. I was still feeling a little jumpy myself.
"So when has not being on duty stopped you before? But okay, sure. That sounds good. Meet you topside in twenty?"
"Make it thirty and I'm there. I'll meet you in the lot. My car?"
"It's a date."
I was finished up, signed out and topside in twenty-five, but he got there first. I found him leaning against his car, arms folded, frowning at the ground.
"Hey. Penny for them?"
He looked up with a quick smile, unfolded his arms and pushed himself away from the car. "They probably wouldn't turn out to be worth that much. You good to go? Door's open - jump in."
We cruised downtown to Panera for supplies and ended up in Quail Lake Park, sitting on a bench to eat and watch the world go by. It was a beautiful, early fall day, still warm in the sunshine, slightly chilly in the shade, the turning leaves starting to hint just how colorful they were going to be in a week or two. It was quiet and peaceful, and exactly what I needed to be reminded of - that there was still ordinary life outside the mountain and the crazy schedule we kept. A woman strolled by with a kid trailing behind her: the kid was scuffing through the few leaves that had already fallen, watching them intently as they whirled around and settled again, totally absorbed in the patterns they made. Normal, soothing, everyday stuff. When Daniel spoke, his thoughts were eerily close to mine.
"Do you ever wish we lived a normal life? No stargate, no interplanetary travel, no big scary bad guys to zap or who could equally well zap us?"
"Well... yeah, sometimes, I guess. But this is my normal life. I'm used to it." I balled up my sandwich wrapper and tossed it into the trashcan beside the bench. "Besides, if it all stopped tomorrow, we'd both miss the adrenaline rush, right?"
"True," he gave a quiet ghost of a chuckle, "though I doubt our reasons would be the same. I'm not sure I'll ever come to terms with being shot at regularly." He methodically folded up his wrapper with quiet concentration, smoothing out the wrinkles in the greaseproof wrap, getting it smaller and smaller until he couldn't fold it any more. It was weird: the whole scene was off-balance, out of kilter in a way I couldn't quite put my finger on. I don't take kindly to undercurrents, and there were undercurrents there in spades. Daniel was wound up seriously tight despite putting on a good front: let's face it, what straight guy wouldn't be after all that weird shit back on '551? It'd rattled me even though I had no objections in principle to fucking a guy's ass. So it was obviously time for me to do the whole 'concerned commander' thing and try and talk him down.
Abruptly, he tossed his wrapper into the trash, stood up and stretched. "What now? Back to the mountain? Home? Your call."
I looked around - it really was a beautiful day and a crying shame to waste it. And it was easier to talk out here, less intense away from the pressure-cooker atmosphere of the Mountain or the intimacy of either of our homes. "Nah, let's walk for a bit before we head back. Catch some rays while we can."
"Yeah? Okay. I mean, sure. Why not?"
We walked in silence, following the shoreline of the lake. It was that dead time of the early afternoon, too late now for midweek lunchtime picnickers and a little too early for the afternoon shift of leisurely strollers. We'd hardly seen a soul since we'd started walking.
Daniel was doing that thing again, that little 'eyebrow of doom' thing he gets going on when he's psyching himself up to say something that he doesn't quite like the taste of, or that he isn't quite sure how well it'll go down. Which didn't bode well for the conversation as a whole; still, it was now or never. "Daniel --"
That was as far as I got. He beat me to the punch after all.
"I would have gone through with it, you know. If it had come right down to it."
"What?" Whatever I'd been expecting, it hadn't been this.
He looked at me with an infinitely patient expression, usually a sure sign that he was gearing up to get pissy if necessary. "I said --"
"Yeah, I heard what you said. I just wasn't sure I believed what I heard. You're saying you'd have --?"
"I'm saying that if the situation warranted, yes, I'd have let you fuck me." He was remarkably calm. "I just wanted you to know, because you've seemed a little -- unsettled -- since we've been back."
Now that was funny, funny in the FUBAR sense of funny. Straight-boy here was trying to spare my feelings.
He took a deep breath - so, maybe not as calm as he seemed on the surface. His next words came out in a rush and were addressed to an inoffensive pair of ducks paddling about in the shallows. "I don't want you to beat yourself up on my account over what might have happened. It's not a big deal. I've done it before. Not in those exact circumstances, obviously, they were pretty far from ideal, but you know what I mean."
I must have looked like a smacked guppy. Hell, I felt like one so I had to have been looking like one. But then my brain caught up with my ears. Sorta. He'd just come out to me and that took guts. Least I could do was let him off the hook, let him know that we really were okay and that wouldn't change.
"Daniel --"
A quick sideways glance in my direction, eyebrows flying, and then he turned his attention to studying the ground beside my left boot.
"Yeah, I know. Uh, I know we probably shouldn't be having this conversation, strictly speaking, but I thought it needed to be said. And I'm sorry if it's making you uncomfortable, that really wasn't the idea at all. But you were right when you said that we should do what we have to in order to survive. I just wanted you to know that; you were right and if you were okay with it, I'd've been okay with it."
Well, damn. The dots had been connecting, little by little, with every word that he said. Bullet point summary - he was what? Bi? Had to be bi. And I was queer even if I was firmly in the closet. We hung out together all the damn time, bitched and snarked and all-out argued - and still went back for more. And now here he was trying to reassure me about volunteering to let me fuck him. Suddenly, it was staring me in the face that Daniel had maybe been doing some covering up of his own.
"Daniel, listen to me here --"
Nope, no chance. He was off on his own track, oblivious to everything except getting his message across.
"It doesn't have to affect the way we work together or... or anything. That's all I wanted to say. At least, I don't think that it does, although I guess you might see it differently. It's a far bigger deal to you, obviously."
He finally ran out of steam and I managed to get a word in.
"Yes, it is a big deal to me. But not for the reasons you think."
He looked back at me then, frowning and quizzical. And this time I didn't hide. This was a chance I'd never thought I'd have, and this time I was taking it. I looked him right in the eye and let him see.
"Oh." That was all he said. He was quiet long enough for me to start to get uneasy, standing frowning over my shoulder at the lake. Long enough for uneasy to slide towards nervous as I watched his brain tick over and then morph into downright twitchy as the silence stretched out.
"Uh, we'd better get going, don't you think?" He still wasn't looking at me when he spoke and damn it, it looked like I'd been right all along. Putting all or even any cards on the table was the worst possible idea.
"I guess."
So, that was it. Best shot taken and missed. Time to think about damage control. I turned and headed back for the car, Daniel catching up with me after a few steps.
"You said, 'under the circumstances'."
"What?" It was a complete non sequitur and it caught me flat-footed.
"Back on '551. You said, 'under the circumstances'."
He looked at me from the corner of his eye just as I rolled mine. Of all the things to stick in his memory, that was the last one I expected.
"What? I'm a linguist. I'm trained to remember stuff like that. I thought that was an interesting modifier at the time, and now I know it is. Circumstances are a little different now and I uh, I still don't have a problem with it. I'm about as far from having a problem with it as it's possible to be. So, your place or mine?"
I was gaping at him again as I stopped dead and turned to face him. "What?"
His eyes looked smoky blue behind his glasses, the pupils large and dark. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder, gripping it lightly. "Jack, if you're sure you want to do this, we're going to do it right." There was a sparkle of humor behind the arousal in his eyes. "Much as I'd like to bend you over the hood of my car right here and now and fuck you 'til you scream, I like my comforts these days - especially for a first time. And a public park in broad daylight probably isn't the time or the place, not if we want to keep our jobs. So we'll take a rain check on that one until we can find somewhere a little more discreet."
Jesus. The visual that presented had my dick surging in my pants. Daniel glanced down and smiled broadly when he spotted the evidence. "Definitely only a rain check," he said, sliding his hand up to grip the back of my neck before he let go and stepped away, and that only made it worse. I felt like a horny teenager as I concentrated on getting my dick back under control.
The bastard knew it too, he was grinning at me when he said, "Jack? Getting with the program sometime soon? Your place or mine?"
"Mine's closer."
"So, what are we waiting for?" This time I was left trailing in his wake as he headed for the car.
It hit me hard when he pulled his car up in my drive. We were actually going to do this; I was finally getting what I'd wanted for so long. The idea gave me the head rush to end all head rushes just before the 'what ifs' started crowding in. What if we got busted, what if everything went to hell in a hand basket? What if this turned out to be a one-shot deal? All the options sucked and that last one made me sweat. And of course Daniel noticed, damn it.
"Doubts, Jack?"
"Some."
His face fell. "I guessed as much. This is a bad idea, huh?" He chuckled a little self-consciously. "I guess that's the worst of not striking while the iron's hot. So to speak."
The regret in his voice tipped the balance: Daniel was as hot for me as I was for him and I'd be an idiot to back out now. So I met that one head on, no dicking around. "Oh yeah, it's probably a bad idea. Between us, we probably have more bad ideas than most, and this one's a doozie if it ever gets out. But, I'm thinking not doing this is probably a worse idea, you know? Actually, trust me, even if it turns out to be the worst single idea in the history of ideas, I'm not backing out. I'm not going to pass this up, not for any reason. This is about us, you and me, pure and simple. Yeah, there might be consequences and they might be bad ones - but it's worth the chance in my book. We can deal if and when there's something to deal with. Besides," I carried on, "my iron's still pretty hot. Can't speak for yours, of course." And I hammed it up for all I was worth with the eyebrows.
The expressions that chased each other over his face while I was speaking were a joy to behold before he finally settled somewhere in the neighborhood of amused. He was outright laughing as I unlocked the door and let us both in, and I was crowing inside over being able to get us both back onto the right page. It got us over the whole awkward 'who makes the first move' moment. We just shucked our jackets and kinda walked into each other's arms and that was it, a done deal. Ridiculously simple in the end, like all the best ideas are.
Nothing ridiculous about what followed though.
Daniel was no pushover; he was as determined as I was to be in the driving seat and he gave as good as he got. It took a while before we settled into a rhythm of give and take. The kissing was good, sloppy and wet, and felt better than great. Hell, Daniel felt better than great all over. When I burrowed my hands under his shirt, they met a solid slab of muscle wrapped in smooth, sleek skin that just begged to be stroked and fondled. When I found a nipple and tweaked it, feeling it rise under my fingers, he grunted into my mouth and responded in kind with one hand, snaking the other round to my ass and hauling me in tight.
When we finally broke for air, the look in his eyes was a trip. I'd never seen him really turned on before, but I decided right there and then that I liked it. A lot. Particularly when he was looking that way at me. I wanted us naked and I wanted it now.
Lead by example, that's what they teach you in officer training. I shucked my shirt double quick and Daniel took the hint, shucking his own and unbuttoning his jeans as he turned and made for the bedroom, shooting a quick grin over his shoulder as he went.
"You going to stand there all afternoon?"
Nope, no way. The view was great, there was no doubt of that: broad shoulders, narrow waist, an ass that should be illegal - but the thought of getting to explore what I was looking at up close and personal got my feet moving without having to think about it much.
I was only a few steps behind him but when I reached the bedroom he'd already lost his shoes and socks and was sitting on the bed, sliding his jeans and underwear towards his ankles. I stopped stock-still in the doorway, just looking at him as he finished stripping down.
Man, that was one beautiful long, hard, pink cock, hardening a little more as I watched - hardening for me as he watched me watching, rising out of its tangle of wiry, reddish curls. Uncut, which was an intriguing change. Irresistible, not that I had any great intentions of putting up much of a fight. Half a dozen strides and I dropped straight to my knees and sucked him in. I heard a faint "Jesus!" from above as his hand came round to rest on the back of my head and his hips rocked forward, sliding his cock to the back of my throat.
I was lost. Totally, solid gone. Goddamn, I love giving head, and giving Daniel head was the turn on to end them all. No matter how many times I'd fantasized about this, nothing came close to the reality; his hot, smooth cock sliding over my tongue as I ran my lips up and down its length, the feel of his hair scratching my nose, the taste and smell of him as he fucked my mouth. He was making little sounds, hot, breathy, growling noises that I never wanted to stop. The muscles of his thighs were tense and quivering under my hands and that was a charge too, feeling the effect my tongue was having on the rest of him. My cheeks hollowed as I sucked him good and hard, sucked him hard enough to make my jaw ache, totally getting off on what I could do for him.
His hands tightened in my hair and suddenly he was pushing my head back, sliding his cock all the way out of my mouth. "Jack, Jack - too much. Aah, shit, too much. Stop, or it's all over before it's begun."
I looked up at him then: Christ, he was hot, gorgeous and hot sitting there, face flushed and head tipped back, cock slick and shining with my spit, mouth open and breathing raggedly as he made a desperate grab for his balls and tugged them hard. The sexiest sight I'd ever seen and my dick wasn't just throbbing, it was pounding as I stared at him. He looked down at me with a crooked grin and said on a shaky breath, "Damn, but you're good at that." Made me feel like the king of the world right there and then.
"You're wearing way too many clothes. Strip and get up here, I want to feel you, every last inch." The look in his eyes as he said it, and the hand under my chin urging me up as he spoke, had me scrambling to my feet, shucking pants and underwear as I went.
He was as good as his word when we were settled on the bed. I guess when I'd thought about it, I'd kinda known sex with Daniel wouldn't be hurried: hurrying anything that mattered to him wasn't his MO. And hell, I wasn't wrong; he took his sweet time to get anywhere close to touching anything that mattered to me, until I was panting and squirming, wriggling like a puppy under his mouth. My nuts were tingling, snugged in tight to my body: one touch on my dick and I was gonna blow like Mount St. Helens.
I tried guiding him to my dick but he resisted with a slight shake of his head and a reproving nip high up on the inside of my thigh, way too close to my balls for comfort, instantly soothed with a long swipe of his tongue. Christ, sexy as fuck to be taken off the boil that way - who coulda guessed? I felt his lips move in a smile against my skin. But he still wouldn't touch and I seriously thought about begging him to put me out of my misery. Only until he shifted his attack to my asshole, licking and sucking, tongue flickering around, pushing in along with his fingers - I don't know what I was saying, but it sure as hell wasn't English. Too many vowels.
Then abruptly, he stopped. I think I might have moaned - someone sure did and it was probably me.
"Jack - lube?"
He had to ask twice before I could answer, "Nightstand drawer." Underneath me, the sheets were a crumpled mess. Under my ribs, my heart was hammering so hard I half expected it to burst out and go flip-flopping over the floor. Above me, Daniel sat back on his heels, snagged the lube and slicked up his dick, talking like a porno movie.
"Christ, look at you lying there with your legs wide open for me - I'm so hard for you I could come just at the sight of your gorgeous ass. I'm gonna get this hard cock of mine inside you and then I'm gonna fuck you so good... I'm gonna make you howl... God, Jack, what you do to me... oh fuck..."
Any time before when I'd let a guy fuck me, my hard-on had gone down like a pricked balloon, at least to start with. Not this time though: Daniel had me wound up so tight that I got even harder when he nudged into me. He sank in real sweet and real slow and we just fit in a way that I'd never felt before. I watched him as he rocked carefully in, watched the slow, sweet, horny smile that spread over his face as he looked down at me, saw every hitch of breath and shock of sensation. I felt my ass stretch to take him with only the slightest burn, quickly swamped by the pleasure of being filled up, and loved him so fucking much at that moment it made me quake inside. When he was fully in he paused for a moment before he angled his hips and thrust and it was like a grenade going off in my belly.
"Oh goddamn, yessss! Right there, Daniel, again!"
Another two passes, no more, and I was coming - flashing lights, getting religion, the whole clichéd nine yards - coming harder and longer than I could later remember ever coming in my life before. Daniel's hips stuttered for a moment, found their rhythm again and speeded up, doubling and redoubling the aftershocks I was riding until with one last heave he stiffened, head drooping, gasping as he spilled. Everything got kinda hazy after that.
When I came to again, briefly, he was pinning me down to the mattress. Good, solid body he had, and I just relaxed and enjoyed the weight of it holding me there, the way he was sprawled across me, drowsing and sticky and content to stay exactly where he was, the way one of my hands was cupped round the back of his sweaty head.
Next time I woke, it was full dark outside and the bedside lamp was on. It took me a moment or two to work out what the pressure against various body parts was. Daniel was still there, lying tightly plastered against my side, one long, hard-muscled leg thrown across mine, using my arm as a pillow. His free hand was splayed over my chest, toying with the hair.
When he finally sensed I was awake, he lifted his head and smiled. The look in his eyes, the contentment I saw there - Jesus, that was a kick. Made me feel downright sappy. Which I'm guessing he saw clearly enough when I smiled back because it was damn near impossible to hide the way I was feeling right then.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself. What time is it?"
His smile turned purely wicked as his hand drifted down over my belly. "Time for another round?"
I couldn't hide my enthusiasm for that suggestion even if I'd wanted to.
END