Jack walked briskly through his front door, tossing the mail on the coffee table before continuing on to the kitchen. He entered the kitchen and stopped abruptly, jaw hitting the floor with a resounding smack, as he came upon a completely unexpected sight.
"Um...Daniel?"
"Hey, Jack."
"Daniel?" Jack assumed it really was Daniel because he couldn't imagine anyone else standing in his kitchen stark naked and fondling a coffee mug. Although, to be perfectly honest, he hadn't expected to see Daniel standing in his kitchen, naked or otherwise, ever again. Jack cleared his throat.
"Daniel, what are you doing in my kitchen?"
"My place has been rented out," Daniel answered calmly before pausing to sip at the steaming mug. "And as badly as I needed a caffeine fix, I didn't think it would be polite to drop in on complete strangers unannounced. And naked." Daniel grinned mischievously. "Not to mention it could be considered as revealing some rather classified information." Jack wasn't sure if what Daniel was revealing was classified but it was certainly interesting.
"Yeah, about that naked thing," Jack said as casually as he could under the circumstances.
"What about it?" Daniel asked innocently.
"Why?"
"Well, when an ascended being, um...." Daniel made a vague swooping gesture with his hand.
"Yes?"
"Descends," Daniel said, settling on an appropriate term, "you can create a new body...or recreate your body as the case may be--but clothing is a whole different problem."
"So--just to be sure I understand--you chose to descend in my kitchen because you were naked and wanted coffee?"
"Among other considerations," Daniel admitted.
"Other considerations?" Jack said sharply. "Such as?"
"Well, I figured you probably had a lot of my stuff," Daniel said, finally looking embarrassed. "Like clothes."
"I do," Jack admitted. He eyed Daniel intently. "I notice you haven't gotten around to looking for any of them yet."
"Well, um, no," Daniel mumbled into his coffee.
"And you've been descended how long?"
"A couple...four hours."
"Four hours," Jack repeated. "And yet you're still naked." Jack was doing his best to maintain his unruffled façade but ruffling was definitely in his immediate future. "You were that hard up for coffee?"
"They don't have coffee in other planes of existence," Daniel said defensively as Jack moved closer. "Not that one, at least."
"They don't have clothes either," Jack pointed out.
"No," Daniel conceded slowly as Jack leaned in close enough to smell the rich odor of coffee on Daniel's breath. "But I figured you'd be home soon and clothes would just be in the way of the celebration."
"Celebration?"
"You know--'woohoo, Daniel's home' kind of celebration," Daniel suggested.
"Emphasis on the 'woohoo'?" Jack asked hopefully.
"Preferably."
"They don't have sex in other planes of existence either?" Jack asked.
"Well, actually, they do," Daniel admitted with a sly grin. "You didn't really think the Aurora Borealis was entirely caused by magnets, did you?"
"The Northern Lights?" Jack said incredulously. Daniel nodded. "Holy afterglow!" Daniel laughed, startling Jack. He finally reached out and touched Daniel, poking him cautiously in the shoulder.
"What?"
"You're real?"
"100% all natural. Or au naturale in this case."
"You..." Jack repeated Daniel's swooping gesture.
"Descended," Daniel agreed.
"Descended. Naked. In my kitchen. Because?"
"Because I missed you," Daniel said, sounding almost apologetic. Jack grasped Daniel by the shoulders and kissed him. Not feeling entirely reassured, Jack kissed him again. Hard. The little moan Daniel made in response was instantly recognizable.
"Missed me? Or coffee?" Jack asked, looking pointedly at the mug still grasped firmly in Daniel's left hand.
"How much trouble would I be in if I said both?" Jack did his best to maintain a fearsome glare. "Would it help if I said I missed you more?"
"How much more?"
"I'm still missing you," Daniel said quietly, finally setting his mug behind him on the counter and wrapping both arms around Jack.
"Daniel, you are going to have a hard time missing me because I'm going to be no more than eight inches away from you for as long as I can make it last," Jack whispered roughly into Daniel's ear.
"Eight?" Daniel countered, pulling back to look at Jack with a raised eyebrow. "That's...ambitious. Or possibly just delusional."
"I'm motivated. You'd be surprised what I can do."
"So what are you waiting for? Surprise me."
One hour later...
"I've got some calls to make," Jack said lazily. Muffled questioning noises issued from beneath Jack. Daniel was lying sprawled face down on the bed. Jack was lying sprawled face down on top of Daniel. He didn't suppose it could be a very comfortable position for Daniel, but until the descended archaeologist worked up the energy to protest Jack had no intention of moving. He was feeling quite comfortable, thank you very much.
"There are a few people who'd like to know you're back," Jack explained as he reached for the phone. Another questioning noise, just slightly more intelligible. "Like Carter and Teal'c."
"Now?" Daniel asked, raising his hips slightly, pushing his ass against Jack.
"We just did that," Jack pointed out as he dialed.
"Got a whole year to make up for," Daniel argued. "52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours...."
"I get the picture, algebra boy."
"That's a least 200 orgasms."
"200?" Jack asked, gasping slightly when Daniel wiggled up against him again.
"Three times a week, plus one for each federally recognized holiday, your birthday, my birthday--twice each...."
"Carter!" Jack yelped when Sam's voice and Daniel's latest wiggle hit him at the same moment. "Daniel, stop!" Jack hissed as Daniel began rocking his hips rhythmically.
"Don't want to," Daniel said stubbornly.
"Don't you want to see Carter?" Jack persisted, although he had to admit the idea was rapidly losing any appeal it had previously had to him.
"Do I have to get dressed?"
"Yes," Jack said through clenched teeth.
"But I like being naked," Daniel argued calmly. "And you like me naked, too." Jack moaned.
"No, Carter! I'm fine. I'm just a little...excited," Jack said, suspecting she could hear the near hysterical edge in his voice.
"Maybe Sam would like me naked, too," Daniel persisted. Jack realized he had officially passed beyond ruffled into dumbfounded. Insanity could only be minutes away.
"Carter does not get to see you naked!" Indignant, Jack forgot to cover the mouthpiece and grimaced when he heard Sam's astonished yelp. "Nothing, Carter. Not doing anyone...thing. Anything. Why do you ask?"
"...?"
"Sure I'm sure," Jack insisted hopelessly into the phone. At that moment, Daniel made a move Jack's hand to hand instructor would have been proud of. Jack abruptly found himself on his back, Daniel lowering slowly to lie face to face...and yet, somehow, Jack still had the phone in his hand.
"..."
"Okay, so maybe I have some news," Jack admitted into the phone while his eyes remained fixed on Daniel.
"...?"
"Oh yeah!" Jack growled as Daniel began strategically applying his lips. He wasn't sure if he was responding to Carter's question or Daniel's skill.
"?!?"
"Daniel. Naked. My house," Jack managed to get out.
"!!!"
"No rush, Carter!" Jack tossed the phone in the general direction of the hallway before rolling enthusiastically toward Daniel. Daniel smiled as he gently entwined the fingers of his right hand with Jack's left.
The Ascended might have infinite knowledge, nearly unlimited power, and their dazzling Aurora Borealis. Jack would see Ascended and raise them infinite mystery, limitless philosophical differences of opinion and sweaty, noisy, imperfect lovemaking.
He had no doubt who was holding the winning hand.
The End