Jee-sus. 2.10 in the freakin' morning and I STILL can't get to sleep...can't even toss and turn while I'm pinned down flat by 160lbs of inert archaeologist...damn, my arm's numb...had so many dead arms in the morning recently, I'm often surprised I can hold my P-90...Christ, when DID Danny-boy get to be so solid? He sure as hell doesn't look it in his BDUs, though thinking about it, he does seem to fill 'em a little better these days than he ever used to...hey, he's moving. 'kay Danny, just a little further and I can get my arm back...good boy! Man, that's a relief, much as I love him...ack! Where did THAT come from? The 'L' word...figure of speech...wasn't it..? ...oh, now, here we go, I so do NOT want to be lying here at, what, 2.17 in the freakin' morning considering my FEELINGS, for crying out loud! No, no sir, NO WAY! I HATE this feeling shit, ESPECIALLY when it's rattling round in my head at...oh, jeez... 2.19 in the morning!
This is getting real old, real quick. Okay, tactical decision here - what you can't avoid, meet head on and kick the crap out of it...okay. So what do we know? First, I want him. That's a given, taking into account present circumstances and all - have done for years, if we're being honest. Which is....weird ...never figured myself for gay before, not even close. Have not been disappointed, no sir....this is surely one talented guy...knew he would be...NOBODY concentrates like my Daniel. My Daniel - like the sound of that....no, wait, drifting off-topic here. So, physically, I've hit paydirt. What else?
Christ, this is one honkin' great can of worms! I need him. It's as simple, and as complicated, as that. Mr. Self-sufficient, Buttoned-up Colonel needs this man in a way that he hasn't needed anything, or anybody, in a long, long time. And by some miracle, Daniel senses that need - nobody else sees right through to the core, and I make damn sure they don't. Not Carter, not Hammond, not Teal'c, no way. But Daniel....Daniel has sifted through the overlying rubbish as painstakingly as he conducts any dig, and luckily he seems to consider that
Whoa! Don't go there! He needs to sleep. Dammit, I need to sleep! Stand down, O'Neill, you're not twenty any more, even though you'd sometimes like to be! You screw up tomorrow on P5X-whatever because you've been behaving like a horny adolescent and Hammond will have your ass - and rightly so! A few deep breaths, a few cold thoughts and...better. Okay, I can do this. Okay. So, I want him - I need him. What else?
He makes me feel sappy. God help me, I want to woo him. Aagh, I can feel myself blushing... I want to put a great, big, dopey smile on his face, send him those Belgian chocolates he loves so much, touch him with little, intimate touches whenever I can, touches that send him a message that nobody else gets...Jack O'Neill, two 'l's, closet romantic....make that closet GAY romantic...who knew? Except, it's not a question of gay or straight, it's just... Daniel. I want to make him happy...I ACHE to make him happy. And judging by tonight's events, I seem to do just that. For God's sake, most times, I even enjoy lying awake, 'cos then I can watch him sleep - and that's even sappier than sappy.
Dammit, he's on the move again....oof! Okay, that's not so bad...my arms are free, anyway.....mmm, that's kinda nice, his leg over mine, his arm across my waist, his head nuzzling into my shoulder...just move that arm a little bit...perfect. Now just gotta sl-i-i-i-de my arms around him...oh yeah. This is it: everything I want in the world right here, right now, with me, wrapped up in a Daniel shaped package.
Where was I? Oh yeah - want plus need plus romance equals..? Sure sounds like love. Okay, Mr. Subconscious, you win, I admit it, I love this guy, capital 'L'.'O'.'V'.'E'. Furthermore, I am IN love with him. And yes, I will tell him in the morning, YES, the 'IN' love part too, now shut the fuck up and let me get some sleep! Sheesh! WHAT a guy has to do to get some sleep around here! Huh!....Huh?....silence - yess! That's better, warm and comfy now...still time to get a few good solid hours before the briefing...man, why does Daniel always smell so good? Feels real good too....mmm, feels like love... starting to drift now....think I'm finally gonna....zzzzzz........
End