Daniel opened the door and he and Jason went inside. While Jason placed the sack of leftovers down in the kitchen, Daniel went over and turned on the stereo. The radio came on and he turned the volume up a notch. Eric Clapton was currently playing his 'unplugged' version of "Layla."
"Turn it up a bit, Daniel."
Daniel did. They both liked classic rock and roll, even updated standards, as long as they were redone by the masters themselves, like the Clapton song.
Jason made himself busy putting the food away in the fridge while Daniel simply stood in front of the living room window, tapping his foot to the music. Jason kept an eye on him.
Daniel had become silent on the drive home and Jason wasn't exactly sure why, but he knew Daniel was thinking about the way he'd acted in front of Jack at the restaurant. There wasn't anything untoward or revealing in what they'd teased each other about. Daniel was just a worry wart when it came to Jack's opinion of him.
Jason sighed a little sadly. He knew that one day he might just lose Daniel to Jack; provided that Jack ever came around. Jason also knew that he was in love with Daniel, something Daniel didn't know, and at this time, Jason had no intention of telling him. There wasn't anything he could do about it, either. Loving Daniel was as inevitable as the wind. He wouldn't back off or go away in order to 'spare' himself or Daniel. That would hurt him, no matter how Daniel felt about him, and Jason couldn't, wouldn't do that. Ever.
The song on the radio changed to Stevie Nicks' "Leather and Lace" and Jason smiled. This one he could sing. His sister always told him he'd had a voice like Don Henley's, and though he could carry a tune and sing well enough, he always thought she was biased and full of shit.
Daniel was humming to the song, standing content in front of the window, hands in his pockets. Jason thought it was time that he got a second opinion about his voice. He strolled over behind Daniel just as the male lead to the song started and began to sing in his ear.
The song was strangely appropriate, especially the chorus.
"You in the moonlight, with your sleepy eyes,
could you ever love a man like me?
And you were right, when I walked into your house,
I knew I'd never want to leave.
Sometimes I'm a strong man;
sometimes cold and scared, and sometimes I cry.
But that time I saw you, I knew with you to light my nights,
Somehow I'd get by."
"Lovers forever, face to face.
My city or mountain,
stay with me, stay.
I need you to love me,
I need you today.
Give to me your leather,
take from me, my lace."
Daniel felt his skin shiver and rise with goose bumps when Jason began to sing in his ear. The only people who'd ever sung to him were women; his mother and Shau're. The sound of a man's voice in his ear - and that it was Jason's - made him weak in the back of his knees.
Jason's voice faded as he snuffled against Daniel's neck, hugging him as close as possible. They stood like that for what seemed like an eternity. Jason felt this urge to tell Daniel he loved him, but he didn't dare. It might just scare Daniel off, and he couldn't risk it. Not yet. How could he tell him that he'd been in love with him for a long time?
Daniel interrupted his thinking with almost the same line of thought.
"Jace, what's going on here?" He turned in his arms but didn't move away.
Jason became a bit guarded. "Um, what do you mean?"
"Well, I mean, we've been...well, best friends for lack of a better term for two years, and now we're...more. This feels natural and very comfortable but it's also not something I'm used to having. So...is this for real then?"
"As I said at the base, I'm offering more than just intimacy, Daniel. This is for real." He still couldn't bring himself to admit his full feelings but he did want Daniel to know he cared...a lot.
Daniel smiled at him then. One of his charming smiles...and Jason smiled back at him...a little distrustfully. Daniel was thinking.
"What?"
"Nothing," and he pulled him into a tight hug. Truth was, Daniel was thinking. Thinking how it was he'd become so lucky as to have Jason in his life to help offset all the other bad in it. Then, blinking, he next asked an out-of-the-blue question.
"Jason, when's your birthday?" he asked into his ear, his voice vibrating and sending a shiver down Jason's spine.
"Daniel...you forgot?" he asked, pretending to be upset but he wasn't really.
"I'm sorry. I remember August and I remember 1962, but I can't remember if it's the 20th or 23rd."
"August 20th, 1962. What happened to that brilliant memory of yours?" he asked, biting his neck in a teasing punishment for forgetting.
Daniel twisted his mouth with a bit of embarrassment. "Um...I don't know. Maybe I got sidetracked."
Jason grinned at him, then pulled his head back, gazing at him with curiosity. "Why are you thinking of my birthday all of a sudden?"
"I don't know, I just couldn't remember it...and for some reason, it became important. Silly, I know, but I had to know."
Jason snorted and grinned wolfishly. "Well, this year I turn another landmark, so I expect gold or silver or something extraordinary."
Daniel laughed softly at him, surprised. "I'll see what I can cook up."
"Good," he replied, then he was suddenly reminded of something he wanted to do and he stepped away, looking about him. "Hey, with all your books, you wouldn't happen to have a book on names, would you?"
"Um, sort of. None of them are modern," Daniel asked, curious. "What's up?"
Looking back at him, "My sister Lysa is gonna name her baby, Dylan. I wanted to know what it meant."
Daniel smiled slowly. "Well, there's something else new that I've learned. I've known you for two years, Jason. I didn't know you had an interest in name etymologies."
Jason shrugged his shoulders. "Just a bit of passing fancy, that's all."
Daniel stood there with his 'thinking' face on - head down, brows furrowed - and Jason could see he was trying to remember something. Daniel suddenly did and smiled at him.
"You know what your name means?"
Jason grinned knowingly. "Healer."
"Appropriate don't you think?".
Shaking is head, Jason pretended not to understand, but the lines around his eyes told Daniel different. Daniel slapped the back of his hand against Jason's abdomen. "You know what I mean. You certainly knew what I needed to make me feel better."
"Flattery will get you anything," Jason remarked as a 'thank you.' "So, I guess you don't know what 'Dylan' means?"
"Can't remember off hand. We can check the baby names site on the 'net, if you want?"
"Damn, I forgot about that."
They moved to Daniel's office and Daniel got online and found the appropriate site. Moving to the page, he typed the name for a search. "Faithful."
"Hmmmm," was all Jason said.
"Is that the only name?" Daniel asked him.
"Yeah. Boy or girl, the baby's name is Dylan."
"That's cool-sounding for a girl's name."
Jason gave him a secretive smile. "It was my idea. Didn't occur to me that it would work for a boy's name, too." He nodded at the screen. "Type in Lysa. I call her Lise. I think both are the same as L-i-s-a but I'm not sure."
"Probably," and waited for the page to come up. "I do know that Lisa means 'Consecrated to God'."
Jason wrinkled his nose unpleasantly. "Yeah, I know. I was hoping for something more generic, like 'healer.'"
The name came back the same. "Crap," Jason muttered.
"It bothers you?" Daniel asked, frowning.
"After doing what I've been doing for the last two years, I'm more jaded against anything that has 'God' attached to it."
Daniel nodded. "I understand that. It's hard NOT to think that way after a while. But then, I've always been that way...never one to take to a belief system except my own." Then Daniel had another thought. "Hold on, I'm gonna check something," and he clicked to another letter of the alphabet and started to scroll. "If I'm right...yep, there it is," and Jason peered as Daniel pointed to the name 'Melissa'. "You could always think of Lysa as being short for 'Melissa' which means 'Honey Bee' in Greek."
Jason grinned broadly and kissed the top of his head. "You."
"What?" Daniel asked, trying to look innocent.
"Thanks for trying to make me feel better though it wasn't a big deal," Jason murmured as he leaned over and hugged him with one arm.
"Welcome."
The two didn't need to explain anything else. It was just comforting to know that they'd try to make the other feel better, even if the situation were trivial.
Then, feeling a little devilish, Jason reached over and typed 'Jack' and the computer came back with Diminutive of 'John', meaning 'God is Gracious'. The two of them groaned. Then Daniel suddenly added, "My name means 'God is my Judge.'"
Jason groaned even louder and dropped his head to his chest in a repentant manner. "Crap! I forgot. Jeez, Daniel, I'm sorry."
"Oh, don't worry about that, Jace. I took no offense," he said, turning and pulled him down by his jacket collar for a 'forgiveness' kiss. Pulling apart, Jason was going to say something when his beeper went off.
"Hold on." He checked it. "Can I use your phone? It's Lise."
"Yeah, Jason, you don't have to ask," Daniel said, playfully pushing him at the phone, then disconnected his modem. Jason smiled at him, then picked up the phone and dialed.
"Hey! It's me. What's...Okay....What?..Now?....Okay........What?" and he sighed with a hard measure of impatience. "Yeah, I know where.....okay.....yeah, 'bye."
"She havin' her baby now?" Daniel asked and Jason nodded. They moved out of the office and stopped in the wide entry way that led to the living room. As Jason hadn't removed his jacket yet, he didn't need to grab anything. He looked at Daniel with a raised brow.
"You've delivered babies, haven't you?"
"Yeah...um, including Shau're's."
Jason winced. "Oh yeah. I remember reading about that. You never talk about it and I....Fuck, Daniel, I'm sorry."
Daniel gave him a long, thoughtful look, following by a gentle rub of his arm. "It's okay, Jace. No one needs to walk on eggshells around me. I've got a pretty thick skin. I'd have to have in order to survive here...like I survived my life before coming here, some of which you know a little about already." Jason answered only with an embarrassed nod and Daniel gazed at him. "Jace, you've been reading about me?"
He shrugged, as if it were nothing and started to look around. "I just wanted to get to know you, that's all. My record's in plain sight for you to trawl through." He didn't meet Daniel's eyes, almost afraid to see any annoyance there. He winced at his own stupidity in mentioning the reading. Daniel grabbed his arm and forced him to look at him.
"I read some of it already, Jace. Curiosity seems to be part of us, I guess...except I couldn't read much of yours. You have...blanks."
Jason grimaced then. "Yeah. That's where Colonel O'Neill and I are the same. We've been on covert missions so naturally, those areas of our records have been wiped."
Daniel snorted. "Considered the secret thing we do every day, I think you could tell me about them sometime."
Jason thought about it, then nodded. "Except that some aren't so nice to talk about Daniel."
Daniel suddenly saw his friend in a much different light. His mind immediately dressed Jason in black covert ops gear, perhaps dirt of camouflage paint on his face. For some reason he didn't understand yet, the image aroused him. He slid his arms around Jason slowly, then kissed the livin' daylights out of him. Jason responded enthusiastically, then groaned as he suddenly pulled away.
"What was that for?"
"Just 'cause," Daniel replied because he really didn't know how to answer him.
Jason seemed to know that. He cleared his throat. "I gotta go, Daniel. I promised to help deliver if hubby wasn't there....and he isn't."
Daniel raised his eyebrows at the changing tone in Jason's voice. "That the reason you sounded a little impatient on the phone?"
Jason shrugged with irritation. "He's okay. I like him well enough. It's just that he could have made himself available. We at the SGC have a good reason when we can't make it. We're not here. But he's at NORAD and has no excuse...so I'm a bit mad at him right now."
"I can see that. Calm down before you get there. You'll do her no good in that mood."
Jason took a deep breath and Daniel noticed he was shaking slightly.
"Jason, calm down," and he drew out the last two words. Then drew him into another passionate kiss, pressing himself as close as possible against Jason.
"Damn. Li'l bugger. I wish we had time..." he whispered, touching his forehead to Daniel's. "But thanks for trying. Next time you kiss me like that, though, you're going down."
Daniel's face spread into a great big grin. "I'll take that threat."
"Ooooh no threat. Promise," and he blew out a slow, exasperated breath and then growled at Daniel. "I gotta go, love."
"I know. Call me, no matter the time, and tell me how she's doin'. If you get worried or anything, doesn't matter if it's 4 am, call me."
Jason nodded. "You got my cell number?" Daniel nodded back. "Good. If you need me for any reason, call. You won't disturb me in the hospital. I'll have the cell on 'vibrate'."
"No problem," and he smiled mischievously and snickered. "Though I might call just to give you a thrill."
Jason snorted, thrusting a little bit of hip into Daniel. "You just had to say that..."
Daniel felt no guilt whatsoever, then separated from him. "You're calming now. That's better."
"You handling me?" he said in mock-irritation.
"Quite," Daniel said with a mischievous grin.
Jason pushed at him. "Thanks. This is her first, so the labor's bound to be long. It's that way with all women in my family, according to Lise."
"Doesn't always tell, though," Daniel added with encouragement.
Jason laughed softly. "Hopefully," and added in a deep tone, "But I might be a while."
"In that case," Daniel said, and suddenly grabbed the labels of Jason's jacket and pulled him roughly against him, then kissed him hard, driving his tongue deep into his mouth. In a matter of milliseconds, both were stiffening.
"Dammit, Daniel," Jason whispered against his neck. "You are a tease!"
Daniel laughed seductively at being called that again and pulled away. "I thought I was going down?"
"Soon as I get back."
"Promises you will keep," he said, sighing heavily as he released him. "I can't get over how natural this feels. You know...us. Doesn't this feel weird to you?"
Jason grinned. "No. I've been waiting, as I told you. I know it's a bit fast but...we are best friends. And anyway, it does seem right."
"Almost as if..."
"Daniel, if you say 'meant to be', I'm smacking you one."
Taking the dare, he said, "Okay. What if it is...meant to be?"
Jason growled at him, not daring to answer that. Daniel was obviously better suited to answer the question anyway as he was already in love with someone else. Daniel seemed to see the hesitation in his face and gave him a quick kiss. "Don't do that. No second guessing allowed. We'll discuss this more later...if you want." Jason grinned at him and said nothing as Daniel opened the door.
Jack pulled up into Daniel's driveway, noticing the extra vehicle and figured it was Jason's. He walked up the front path and as he started to pass the living room window, he saw Daniel and Jason standing next to each other near the front door. He was going to tap on the window, but stopped. Frozen in mid-movement, he saw Daniel reach out, pull Jason against him, and plant a lip lock on him that would have lit up the stargate. Daniel's hands moved down and grabbed his friends' ass...
Jack stared with his jaw agape, then stepped forward out of the way so he wouldn't get caught peeking in on a private moment. His face felt flushed and he felt very embarrassed. He suddenly heard Daniel laugh in a way he'd never known. A seductive, sultry laugh. It sent a shiver down his spine, reaching around to his groin. His body's reaction surprised him in its intensity. He would have reacted that way anyway, but the strength of it was what garnered the surprise.
He schooled himself because it had looked as if Jason was leaving, so he waited a moment. If he turned around to leave, it wouldn't have been fast enough to leave unseen, so best to...what? Pretend he hadn't seen anything?
Just as he was trying to decide how to ignore the laugh; then what to say, or not to say, to Daniel about the kiss, the front door opened.
Daniel opened the door and Jason stepped through the threshold just as they were both met with the imposing form of Jack O'Neill. Both of them looked at Jack with surprise, then Jason turned and winked at Daniel privately. Daniel irrationally wanted to hit him for leaving him there...with Jack.
"Colonel," Jason said, greeting Jack as he passed him.
"Major," Jack said, pleased that he sounded normal.
"I'll give you a call as soon as I find out anything, okay," Jason said to Daniel as he walked away.
"Okay," Daniel replied, giving Jason a short wave goodbye. Daniel didn't say anything to Jack yet and instead, he stepped outside to watch Jason as he got into his truck and pulled out of the drive. After Jason drove away, he finally turned around to look at Jack, who was standing there getting a little perturbed that Daniel wasn't paying him any attention - like he used to do.
"Jack," he said, moving to the doorway, but leaving Jack to stand there and wait to be invited in. Daniel couldn't help it; he suddenly felt snarky for having his 'goodbye' interrupted.
"Daniel."
"What're you doing here, Jack? Thought you were...uh, never mind. What's going on?"
"Umm, on my way home, it occurred to me that I hadn't seen your place in a long time, and so...here I am."
"Yes...so, here you are."
"Are you going to invite me in?"
Daniel stood there looking at him for a second or two, then stepped in the house and motioned Jack inside without a word. He suddenly wondered if Jack had seen Jason and him through the door window or through the living room window. The thought made him fidget a bit as he closed the door. Jack stood there, looking around, not giving any indication in his body language that he'd seen anything.
Daniel decided to do something he rarely did: play a little game with Jack instead of asking him outright. He knew Jack's private feelings about gays; the man was no more capable of homophobia as he was, and as for the job was concerned, as long as the man did his job, Jack could care less what he got up to. That was at least one thing Daniel was still sure of about Jack. Some things he knew would never change with Jack and that was one of them. Too bad he couldn't say that about everything else about his 'former' friend.
As to that, Daniel was almost certain Jack hadn't known about him...but if he'd seen...he did now. He wasn't afraid that Jack would know but he didn't know how Jack would treat him...not as far as their current relationship was. Once upon a time, he'd know for certain that Jack's knowledge of him wouldn't have been an issue - should he have ever shared it with him. Trouble was, Daniel's feelings for Jack were the very reason he'd said nothing. Jack was, above all things, a professional on the job, so knowing Daniel's preference wouldn't have been a big deal, but...knowing how Daniel felt about him...well, it might have made a difference. Might. As a teammate, Daniel didn't think he'd get treated any differently, but sometimes, just sometimes, Jack could be a little flighty, a little flaky. Something which he accused Daniel of being from time to time and that made Daniel smile inwardly at the memory.
Right now, however, Daniel had to test the waters. Coming up behind Jack, he purposely leaned in and spoke close to his ear as he walked by.
"Take off your jacket and stay awhile, Jack. I promise I won't feed you to my fish."
Jack jumped slightly, but recovered as quickly. In a typical response, he said, "Are you sure it's not the other way around?"
"Only if I'm out of food," Daniel answered back immediately as he moved into the kitchen. "You want a beer?"
"Uh, yeah, that'd be nice. I thought you didn't drink beer," Jack asked.
Daniel heard the tone - barely noticeable to others but he heard it anyway. Damn. He saw. So much for games.
"I keep some here for Jason," he said, opening the verbal door for Jack to walk in. Daniel reached in a drawer, opened the bottle, then handed it to Jack, who'd already taken a seat in one of the dining table chairs.
"So," Daniel started as he sat down next to him. "You were coming up as we were opening the door?"
Jack knew Daniel was wondering if he saw; no, Daniel knew he did. He wants to know what I think of him now and if I want to discuss it. God.
"Yes," Jack replied, taking a sip from the bottle.
"Did you happen to look inside?" Daniel asked, forcing himself to look Jack directly in the eye and not to look away.
"Yes, Daniel, I did," Jack answered, meeting his gaze.
Daniel sighed hugely. "And?" Jack didn't look away and his dark eyes were starting to make Daniel feel like...well, like he was being examined...and re-assessed. And he was.
Jack decided that Daniel wasn't any different then he'd ever been, but his previous "lack of" knowledge about Daniel had made him overlook things about Daniel's personality that now made sense. Perfect sense.
"You know I'd never..." Jack began, telling him he wouldn't tell anyone.
"I know, I know..." Daniel finished, saying he understood. It was a shade like their old friendship and the shock of it silenced them for a while but Daniel couldn't keep the strange silence up for long.
"So...we're okay as a team then?" he asked, screwing up his face as if expecting the worst.
Jack frowned. Why didn't he ask if we were okay as friends? He then berated himself. Because I took our friendship away, that's why. "Of course we are, Daniel. Can I ask you something?"
Daniel eyed him somewhat warily. "Go ahead."
"Is it serious?"
The question took Daniel by surprise. Jack saw it and right after he asked it, he knew damn well he shouldn't have. Not because of that stupid don't ask, don't tell thing, either. It was because it was a personal question and Jack had lost the right to ask personal questions. Daniel began wrinkling up his nose, his brow, his upper lip; signs that Jack knew that Daniel was schooling himself for an argument he didn't want to have but would make himself ready for anyway.
Time to get the truth out, O'Neill. No more hiding. Instead of waiting for Daniel to answer, he answered for him.
"I'm sorry. It was a personal question...one that only friends ask and I forgot for a second that I took our friendship away, so I have no right to ask you anything."
Daniel blinked at the raw honesty Jack chose to share. "No...no, you haven't."
"I am still your friend, Daniel."
"You are my team leader, Jack. Nothing more. You made that abundantly clear."
Jack blew out a steadying breath. "I'm sorry, but I really am still your friend."
Daniel's brows creased to a heavy frown of anger and confusion. "Then why? Why did you suddenly decide it was okay to piss down my back and tell me it was raining? Why did you suddenly decide that it was okay to yell at me in front of other SGC personnel when you know damn well that you wouldn't breach that kind of protocol with others? Why did you pick on me, tear my theories apart, never trust my judgment? As of last week, you're still doing that. Now, all of a sudden, it's 'forget it, Daniel. I'm sorry. Friends again?' Bullshit." Daniel grabbed a beer from the fridge and though he didn't care for it, he drank it anyway. He needed something to calm his nerves.
Jack was silent for a moment as he fidgeted with his beer bottle, then gave Daniel a long, hard stare. One that practically bore into him. "I found us, our friendship, getting too close and I...panicked. I really panicked. Every time I thought about losing you out in the field..." and he shook his head. Daniel blinked again, his anger abating somewhat with the shock of the words Jack spoke. "I knew that if I let myself be affected in the field, I could make decisions that would end up getting you or all of us killed..." and he took a deep breath that time. "I know it wasn't right to push you away. I'm sorry. It wasn't anywhere near okay to do that. I...knew what a colossal ass I'd been to you, especially after we lost Elliot. I'm sorry for that, too." Jack wasn't done, but he had to pause to gather his thoughts up for the next round.
Daniel cleared his throat then grimaced at the beer. He decided he'd have coffee instead and set the beer in the sink as he made his way for the fridge. "That's, uh, that's a lot of explaining and apologizing, Jack, even for you."
"I'm not done, either," he said softly.
"It still doesn't properly explain why you started all this shit over a year ago. So, is this why you came over? To tell me you wanted to be friends again?" Daniel asked in a wry tone.
Jack stared hard at him and took another deep breath. "Yeah...but now..." and he looked down at the label on his beer, picking at it again. "Because of what I saw, I feel it only fair to tell you some things." He paused and took a long pull from his beer. Just say it, stupid! "I haven't always been straight, Daniel."
Daniel turned swiftly from the fridge, dropping the bag of coffee, fortunately closed. He stooped to pick it up, not saying anything, but he was...well, floored. Daniel felt like the rug had been pulled out from under him. His head felt light, and his heart was beating very fast.
"What?" he yelled, then forced himself to calm a bit. "Why now?" he asked, confused to say the least. Why the hell now? Why not last week?
"I don't know. When I saw you and Maj....Jason....in the restaurant, and you were laughing. When I saw you, I felt...I don't know, like I had just seen what I could have..."
"Had?" He stood there at the sink, not really doing anything. Blood rushing through his ears made it hard to think straight. And he was starting to get more than a bit angry now.
"Maybe, I don't know. I just felt the need to come back here. I didn't examine it or ask myself why or even try to ignore it. I just...showed up. I didn't mean to intrude on you," he added as a kind of admittance for seeing Daniel and Jason kiss.
"You didn't," Daniel said in a softer tone, trying to control his own feelings and sensing that Jack actually had more to say. If he wanted their friendship back, he'd better put a lid on his temper and let Jack say what he wanted to say. Then maybe I'll tear him a new one.
"Go on, Jack, I'm listening if you have anything more to say."
Clearing his throat, he drained the rest of his beer. "Um, do you have another?"
Daniel grabbed the one he hadn't finished and handed it to him. As he did so, their fingers touched, ever so briefly, sending a charge through them.
"Thanks," Jack said, then cleared his throat a few times before taking a long drink from the new bottle. "After I got into the Air Force Academy, I stayed pretty much straight, except for a little stress relief here and there. Anyway, after you saved my ass on Abydos, and I came back here to find that Sara had gone, I retired. I actually believed that I'd be alone for the rest of my life, especially since I'd left you - someone I really started to like - on a planet several billion miles away. I didn't really like it but I was beginning to accept the fact that I'd never see you again. I had unpacked my telescope and started watching the night sky again. It was something I hadn't done since I was in my teens. I kinda felt that maybe it was my way of keeping an eye on you. It sounds silly, I guess."
Daniel shook his head in astonishment. Sappy, but does the man ever stop being protective? He attempted to finish making his coffee, even though he hadn't even poured the hot water yet.
"Anyway, when Hammond called me in, I thought I was being given another chance to do some good, make a difference, even if I had to spend the rest of my life alone."
"You're not alone, Jack."
"Yes, Daniel, I am. You know what I mean."
Daniel didn't answer, he simply stayed quiet, which unnerved Jack. He had a feeling this wouldn't end in a 'happily ever after' way. And how could it? He's with Jason now?
Another deep breath. "I decided that since I'd stopped dating guys for twenty years and the fact that I thought you were straight anyway...that being your friend would be good enough. But then, I...started to feel more...so I just decided to...back off slowly. Even if I had found out you were gay, I would probably have made the same stupid decision. You're my team mate, so you are in just a big a risk as I am in getting yourself killed. Plus, there's the idiot rule factor and I didn't want to ruin what was left of your career if anyone found out and even though your civilian status protects you somewhat, it doesn't really protect you from harassment and..."
"You're assuming, Jack. Assuming that all the bad stuff would happen. You're also assuming that I would have said 'yes' if you had asked me out or come on to me. What is really the point here is that you didn't take the chance. You didn't want to risk your job, your career. I wasn't worth it. Isn't that what you're saying?" Daniel felt a mixture of anger and fear. He wasn't so sure he wanted Jack to answer. His cheeks felt hot, his throat flushed, and his eyes were suddenly burning. They were also threatening to well up on him so he quickly pinched the bridge of his nose to stem back the tide. No matter what, he had to maintain some semblance of control here...if only his goddamn heart would stop beating so friggin' fast.
Swallowing hard, Jack continued, glad that his voice was stable. "You were...are...worth it, Daniel. What I'm only saying now is that I fucked up. I'm saying that I'd like us to be friends again, and I thought we could be if I shared some things with you, to prove to you that I was serious for you to start to trust me again. I'm saying that your happiness means a great deal to me and that I've been a total bastard to have treated you like I did. I was afraid of you...afraid to love you, I guess. Your love life means a great deal to me...but it isn't any of my business anymore, especially since you're seeing someone...and I...blew it. Big time."
Daniel stopped what he was doing. He stopped because he was shaking. "Yes, Jack. You did." Jack got up and walked over to him, but Daniel backed up, warding him off. "I'll be fine. Just...don't touch me...don't...touch..." and the relief he was suddenly feeling over Jack still caring about him, over Jack's real feelings for him, stopped its delayed reaction and hit him full force. Tears welled up again and he tried once more to hold them back as hard as he could. He really did want Jack to hold him.
And Jack knew it.
"I'm so sorry that I fucked it all up, Danny," and Jack grabbed him, pulled him into his arms and held on to him even as Daniel tried to squirm out of his grasp.
Daniel was torn between smacking the crap out of the man and hugging him fiercely. So, he did what he always did. He compromised. He hugged Jack back, then pushed him away and slugged him hard in arm.
"Fucking asshole..." he growled, not looking at him, "Why couldn't you have done this last week? I'm.....I'm.....goddamn you, Jack." He looked at him then, relieved as hell that he wasn't crying. But he had come close. He wanted to let go, but now was not the time. Things were much too raw and crying would only....confuse things. Besides, it was too much of a 'girly' thing to do.
Jack stood there in numb shock, holding his arm and massaging it. This was so......Daniel. Then he started to laugh a little, and every second that passed, his laughter began to grow.
Daniel tried to remain angry, but when Jack started to laugh at what had just happened between them, he knew then and there that they were still friends, despite the deeper complication. He began to laugh with him, then made it apparent that he was still a bit angry with him.
"Asshole."
Jack quickly reigned in his laughter, though his mouth still twitched because of it. "So, can we be friends again?" He then tensed as he waited for the answer.
Daniel didn't answer right away. Instead he pulled himself together, then drank half his coffee down. Taking a deep breath, he stood in front of this infuriating man.
"Yes," he answered quietly and Jack's body relaxed. "Just one thing, Jack."
"What's that?"
"Don't mess with me and Jason. I really value his friendship and I don't want it fucked with. If we don't make a go at this relationship or whatever it is, then it'll be our fault, and not having anything to do with you. Got it?"
"Got it. I wouldn't do anything to get between you, Danny. Honest."
Daniel sighed, feeling a bit better. "I'd like to be alone for awhile. To process. I'm still a bit angry but...I'm also relieved. Much more than you realize. And anyway, I've got some things to do here so..." and he made a polite gesture for the door.
Jack sighed with relief as well and headed for the door. Grabbing his coat, he stopped in the doorway. "Thanks for listening and for staying my friend. It really does mean a lot, Danny."
Daniel smiled at hearing his old nickname for the third time. It sounded good and he didn't realize how much he'd missed hearing it until just then. "I'm really happy you brought our friendship back. I've missed us."
"Me too," Jack said seriously.
"I'll see you later, okay?"
Jack smiled broadly then and put on those sunglasses of his that he pulled out of his jacket. "Count on it." He sauntered out.
Goddamn man always knows how to make an exit.
Daniel sighed against the door after closing it, his heart no where near slowing down. "Jason, get your ass back here. I need you."
On to 'Part 4'