Well, this is new, Jack thought as consciousness returned. Not the regaining consciousness; that was so far from new it approached standard operating procedure. No, new referred to the naked, strapped to a vertical slab of what looked to be polished black granite, floating in a black abyss part of the proceedings. On the bright side, other than the naked and strapped spread-eagle part, he seemed fine. Not even a residual headache from whatever-the-hell whoever-the-hell had used to knock them out.
Them.
"Carter? Teal'c? Daniel?"
"Here, sir."
"I too am present, O'Neill."
"Right beside you, Jack."
It looked like once again he was the last to wake - something he hoped was due to age and not to the cumulative effect of drugs, zats, and blunt objects. "Beside me?" He cranked his head around to the left but could only see his arm, the broad metal clamp around his wrist, the edge of the slab, and black. Lots and lots of black.
"It's not a slab," Daniel told him when he said as much. "It's a cube. We're each strapped to one side."
"We don't know it's a cube," Carter interjected. "We have no empirical evidence that there's a top or a bottom."
"Sorry Sam, but square just doesn't sound three dimensional to me."
"Yes and technically it isn't a square, it's a..."
"Not important, kids." The argument had the sound of been there/done that. "How long have you guys been awake?"
"Eight minutes. I have been counting my heartbeat while DanielJackson and Major Carter discussed the situation."
Impossible not to grin at Teal'c's emphasis. "Any injuries?"
"No sir, we're all fine. Naked, but fine."
"Any contact with our captors?"
"Not so far, Jack. I've tried every language I know and I'm getting no response."
Daniel sounded more put out by the lack of communication than he did about the naked and spread-eagled thing. And thinking about Daniel naked and spread wasn't helping Jack concentrate. He fought back the buzz. "All right, we'd just stepped off the gate platform - I said we needed to be careful and keep an eye open for the energy readings the MALP had picked up."
"And I said that I was getting the same reading as the MALP," Carter's voice picked up the reconstruction.
"And then I observed that I saw no source of the energy nor did I hear or smell any sign of an industrialized society close at hand."
"And then I saw something glitter in the grass and stepped forward and, eventually, we woke up here." The silence that followed Daniel's contribution was so weighted with accusation that he sighed. "I didn't touch anything."
"Are you sure?"
"No, Jack, I've lost all contact with my fingers. I have no idea what they're doing these days." The snort was significantly louder than the sigh. "Of course I'm sure."
"I do not believe DanielJackson's hand had time to reach the ground, O'Neill."
"All right, so Daniel -- we -- didn't trip any specific booby-traps; it seems to have been a general, all purpose catch everyone who comes through the gate. Why?"
"Our positioning says laboratory to me, sir."
"Or display," Daniel suggested. "We could be in their version of an art gallery."
Of the two possibilities, Jack was voting for the latter. Art galleries seldom came with vivisectionists. "So the question becomes, where are the scientists? Or the art critics?" He raised his voice to parade ground volume. "Hey! Aliens! Front and center! Let's get this show on the road!"
The surrounding black seemed to absorb the words. No echoes. No definition of the chamber they were in at all.
"Very diplomatic, Jack."
"We're starkers and strapped to slabs, Daniel. I've moved past diplomatic into seriously pissed off."
"Technically sir, I'm not sure we're strapped down. The metal clamps around our wrists and ankles don't seem to be holding us to the slab. In fact they're not holding my weight at all. In a vertical position like this, my wrists and arms should be under some strain even with the support of the ankle clamps -- and they aren't."
Neither were Jack's. Nor as it turned out were Teal'c's and Daniel's. All four of them could move their hands, feet, and heads, but everything else refused to lift off the slab. Well, not everything. By working his abdominal muscles, Jack managed to get his cock and balls swinging slightly but before he could mention it, he heard a familiar sound of exertion.
"Daniel? What the hell are you doing?"
"Testing the attachment. I can still move all my muscles and it doesn't feel like an adhesive has been used on my skin but when I try to buck my hips up, the parts that are in contact with the slab stay that way."
"It's a fascinating technology, sir."
"Yeah. Fascinating." He might be answering Carter but he was definitely finding himself more fascinated with the thought of Daniel spread out on the slab, his skin gleaming against the polished stone, his hips bucking up, his cock and balls swinging... Given his own recent activities, this time the buzz got away from him.
"Finally. An energy we recognize." The voice was sexless, pleasantly modulated, and seemed to come from all around them. "We are pleased to have acquired a point of access."
"We are peaceful explorers from the planet Earth," Daniel began.
Jack cut off the rest of the spiel. "And we're not happy with the accommodations!"
"Do not be afraid." The voice held no actual reassurance. Or threat. Or emotion of any kind. "We are confused by your variety of form and are attempting to determine the better design. You will not be harmed."
Harmed. Jack didn't like the sound of that. "During what?"
"During the testing. You will be returned to your point of egress as soon as we have the information we need."
"What if we don't want to be tested?"
"Then all communication between us will cease. We must understand your form."
"Jack..."
"Daniel?"
"They said we wouldn't be hurt."
"We don't know how they define hurt."
"They've made us pretty comfortable so far."
"We're strapped down naked on a floating cube, Daniel!"
"But we're not uncomfortable."
"If you ignore the naked and strapped down part!"
"We're not physically uncomfortable, Jack."
Daniel sounded so reasonable that Jack wanted to smack him. Only Daniel could sound that reasonable under these particular circumstances.
"And they do seem to have a very high tech level, sir. These seem to be beings we could benefit by knowing."
"Yeah, yeah." Carter's subtext was obvious. They might have weapons to help us fight the Goa'uld. He still didn't like their attitude. "Teal'c?"
"Both DanielJackson and Major Carter make good points, O'Neill. I am not pleased with this situation but as there appears to be nothing we can do at this time to change it..."
"We might as well see if there's something we can get out of it?"
"Indeed."
He tested his restraints one last time and, when he was clearly going no where fast, glared out into the black. "All right you can do your tests on these conditions: no harm comes to us and we are returned to the place you found us, in the condition you found us, the moment the tests are through."
"Agreed. We will not speak with you again until that time."
And then nothing happened. For one hell of a long time.
"Still counting heart beats, Teal'c?"
"Three minutes, O'Neill."
"Seems longer."
"Perhaps they are also testing our patience."
Jack flexed fingers and toes. "I can be as patient as the next guy."
"As I am the next guy, I find that unlikely, O'Neill."
Out of sight to the left, Daniel snickered. It sounded a bit forced, a bit like he was snickering in the face of being strapped naked to a cube and waiting for unspecified tests but Jack grinned at the sound. Sound was, after all, the only way he had to determine his team was all right.
"You've been pretty quiet, Carter. Busy figuring out just how we're attached?"
"Actually sir, I was thinking that if I'd known there was going to be a test, I'd have stu... Oh."
"Carter?"
"I'm all right." Her breathing began to speed up. "It's just the light..."
"What li..." Which was when the light struck. Jack closed his eyes against the brightness, felt his body reacting to the warmth, muscles he hadn't realized were tense relaxing. There was almost a tactile sensation... Nerve ending sizzled along the right side of his jaw. Scratch that almost. Replace it with a definitely. He felt himself responding as the light stimulated the exact path Daniel liked to chew on the way to his...
Nipples!
First the left then the right! Warm and wet and just the right amount of suction. Squinting slightly he dropped his head forward and stared down his body. No mouth, no fingers, just li...
A moan from his left snapped his skull back against the slab so hard he saw stars. "Daniel!"
"I'm all right, Jack." A pause for some panting. "It's just..."
"Stimula...TING!" JesusFuck! The light had found that spot in the curve of his hip.
"Yeah."
"Not exactly... the test I... expected, sir." Carter's voice was about half an octave higher than usual.
"I am not impressed." And Teal'c's was about half an octave lower.
So they were all going through the same... thing. That was... well, reassuring in a way. He wouldn't have to worry about what was happening to the rest of his team. Nor would he have to worry about any embarrassing sounds he might make under the influence because in a very short time Daniel would be making enough noise to drown out a colonel, a Jaffa, and an astrophysicist combined.
GodDAMNIT! Fingers rough with just the right amount of callous were ghosting over his balls.
On the other hand, the situation was also just a bit weird. If asked, Jack would have put 'listening to either Teal'c or Carter get off' pretty damned near the top of his 'never want to go there' list. In fact, it'd be right under having Teal'c or Carter listen to him get off.
Daniel...
...whimpered. From the sound, the light had just discovered the very, very sensitive spot on the inside of Daniel's upper thigh. Jack's cock jerked in response; a Pavlovian reaction he couldn't control. It suddenly occurred to him that if the aliens took this test all the way to the big finish, there'd be some explaining to do. He might be able come without screaming Daniel's name. The odds of Daniel not screaming his were low.
He was hard now. Firm pressure stroked up and down his cock while the invisible fingers continued to work his balls. Now that's what I call magic fingers! Almost too bad he and Teal'c were never going to talk about this because that was pretty damned fun...
Holyfuckinggoddamn!
Hot moist suction engulfed him.
"Sir! It's POSsible that THIS light isn't acTUALLY light!"
"Ya thinK?" Light could not apply pressure where this light was now applying pressure. The place wasn't referred to as 'where the sun doesn't shine' without a reason.
"They said our fORMS confused them. PerHAPS the li... i... i.... oh god..."
"Carter!"
"Perhapsthelightisthealiens." She gasped it out as one long word and then settled down to gasping. Or maybe panting. With a bit of whimpering thrown in.
No. Wait. The whimpering was coming from Daniel - closely followed by a sudden, almost incredulous intake of breath. Jack knew that sound. It was the sound the younger man first made when a slick finger slid...
INSIDE!! That was impossible! Although it was moving toward incredible pretty damned quick. The moist suction still worked at his cock as his ass was being slowly filled with... Jack's eyes snapped open. Daniel. Daniel's mouth. Daniel's way of swirling his tongue around the glans. And Daniel's cock. He knew the shape of it. The feel of it. The heat of it. The way it...
Sonofabitch!
...moved inside him.
"Oh god, Jack..."
"Daniel..."
"It's... it's... sensory memory!"
"Wha...?" If Daniel was experiencing the same sensations, Jack was amazed he could still think.
"Not tou... ching us. Using sen... SORY mem..." And then he slid into Aramaic. Very loud Aramaic.
Daniel's mouth around his cock. Daniel's cock in his ass. Jack's brain dribbled out his ears and he lost all ability to form words. Which was okay because, as usual, Daniel was doing enough talking for both of them. He moved against the restraints, his body caught between two rhythms. Thrust forward into Daniel's mouth. Thrust back against Daniel's cock. It was like a threesome where Daniel was both other people. And the thought of that was nearly enough to throw Jack over the edge. Nearly. Not quite. Because if he came now he'd have to stop enjoying the most incredible sensation he'd ever...
JESUSFUCK!
Long, hard strokes driving past his prostate; pounding into him exactly the way he liked it.
Daniel's voice drowned out both Carter and Teal'c and made it easy for Jack to believe it was just the two of them. Or three of them. Or.... FUCK! Jack let himself be caught up in the rising volume and increasingly desperate timbre and when Daniel finally screamed out something that could have been a name, he bellowed out an answer and exploded.
Almost literally. He'd never come so hard in his life.
Hanging limp in the restraints, his cock still twitching, he heard a loud roar to his right and tried not to think about Teal'c shooting off into the blackness. And then...
"Ah ah ah aH AH AH AH AH OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD...."
Jack frowned. It wasn't that he was listening to Carter's orgasm; he just couldn't help hearing her. And thank god he was too wiped to respond because he didn't want to go anywhere near there. As her voice headed toward shrill, he winced. "She sounds like she's in pain."
"That is not pain, O'Neill."
"...OH GOD! FUCK! YES! YES! YES...."
"I know that. I do have some experience with human women; but is there something you want to tell me, big guy?"
"Only that Aramaic is very close in structure to Goa'uld."
"Right." No one was asking. No one was telling.
"...FUCK YEEEEEEEEEES!"
"That sounds like the big finish."
"Wait for it, Jack." Daniel sounded exhausted. And amused.
"Ah ah ah aH AH AH AH AH OH GOD, OH GOD, FUCK YES! YES..."
"What, again?"
...OH GOD! FUCK! YEEEEEEES!"
"There, that's got to be..."
"Ah ah ah ah..." Carter's vowels began to build up once again.
Jack had always known Carter was an over-achiever but this was starting to get ridiculous. Under the rising sound of OH GOD and FUCK, he heard Daniel murmur, "I'll have what she's having."
"...yes, yes, YES, YEEEEEEEEES.... Enough. Please. Enough..."
Jack glared into the darkness. "Yeah. Enough. You heard the major! She can keep going indefinitely but we haven't got all day to hang around. Gather your data and..."
...they were back on the gate platform; fully clothed, fully weaponed, and post-orgasmic. Daniel and Carter were about six shades of flushed and even Teal'c seemed less impassive than usual. "Everyone all right?
Apparently, everyone was.
"Sam, you're trembling!"
The smile she flashed at Daniel could have lit up a major urban center. "Aftershocks."
Which was much more than Jack wanted to know about his 2IC.
"O'Neill!"
Pulled around by Teal'c's voice, Jack stared across the clearing. There was some definite movement under the trees.
"Heads up. It looks like the welcoming committee's on its way out."
"What do you say to people who just put you through something like that," Carter murmured as SG-1 fell into defensive positions.
"Thank you," Daniel suggested from his place behind Jack's shoulder.
A dozen people, blonde heads gleaming in the sunlight, were walking toward them. Every single one of them was female.
General Hammond rubbed at his temples and then stared around the table at his premiere first contact team. Teal'c was wearing his best poker face, Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson seemed amused by something and, although her cheeks were pink, Major Carter's expression suggested that all three men had better watch what they said if they planned on leaving the briefing room alive. "Let me just see if I've got this straight. Based on Major Carter's reaction to their tests, the aliens determined that women were the better design?"
"Yes, sir. It's all in the report."
He tapped the hard copy on the table in front of him. "That's pretty much all that's in the report, Colonel. You were a little short on details." He glared around the table and wasn't surprised to see everyone but Teal'c drop their gaze. "What reaction specifically?"
"Specifically?" Colonel O'Neill stared across the table at the major. After a long moment, she nodded.
Hammond sighed. "Well?"
"Stamina, sir."
Major Carter looked relieved. Hammond couldn't help but wonder what she was afraid Colonel O'Neill might have said. There were days when commanding the SGC was remarkably similar to commanding a middle school and a smart man knew when to let go. "Well done, Major. Your... stamina... has allied us with an alien race who just might be able to help against the Gou'ald."
She couldn't meet his eyes. "Thank you, sir."
"Dismissed." As SG-1 left the briefing room, he gathered up the report and headed for his office, ignoring - for the sake of, oh, any number of things -- both Colonel O'Neill's murmured comment and Dr. Jackson's reply.
"She just keeps going and going and going."
"Wrong verb, Jack."
--end--