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Coming Out 4


Summary: A surprise for Daniel, happy pills, alcohol, Armani and a love potion

Ugh. Mouth feels like the bottom of Gandhi's flip flop. Wassa? Noise. Yeah, noise. Ringing. Alarm? No 'sSunday. Phone, yeah, thassit, phone. SHIT! Phone!

"Hello!" I manage to get that out without sounding too out of it - I hope - and not in the slightest like I've gotten a hangover the size of the Empire State, a tongue as thick as a Jaffa's dick and a stomach that's gated to Netu and left me behind.

"Good morning, Dr. Jackson!" Oh God, it's the General and it's Sunday and it's FUCK 8 o'fucking clock in the fucking morning!

"What's wrong General? Is there a Goa'uld invasion? It the SGC under attack? Is somebody's life in danger?"

"No, no, nothing like that."

Well what the fuck are you doing ringing me at fucking stupid o'clock on a fucking Sunday?

Of course I actually say, "So, what can I do to help, Sir?"

"Is Colonel O'Neill there?" Is he there? Stupid question. He's draped all over me, arms grasping my chest tightly, legs entwined in mine, naked, hmm. Shit, where was I?

"Yes, Sir, I'll wake him for you."

I shake him, kick him, kiss him and eventually end up biting his butt.

"Aaarrgghh! Fucking hell Danny what did you do that for?"

I look at him innocently and tell him that the General's on the phone. He goes white; very, very white. Then red. Ooh look, he's going purple. I think I'd better get into the bathroom.

I throw the phone at him and leg it. A few minutes later and he's banging on the bathroom door.

"Open the door Daniel before I fucking KNOCK IT DOWN!"

"Can't, I'm in the shower. You'll have to cross your legs for a moment."

"I don't want to take a leak, Daniel, I want to kill you."

"Then there's no way in hell I'm opening the door, Jack."

"You'll have to open it eventually, Jackson, and I'm going to be waiting for you."

"If you kill me you'll never get laid again." Let's appeal to the lowest common denominator here.

"Er, um, oh." Ha! Won't catch me out Jack. I reach out, unlock the door and head back into the shower.

"What did the General want, babe?" Let's try a little sweetness. I look out of the shower, give him 'the look' and then I see he's still mad. Oh, the General thought Jack screaming like a girl was funny did he? Why do I get the feeling I'm in deep shit? AH! I have an idea.

I grab him by the arm and pull him into the shower, push him against the wall, get on my knees and take him in my mouth. He's still trying to tell me off.

"You are a complete shit, Daniel, ohmygod, yeah, I really hate you sometimes, oh please, more, harder, couldn't you think of a quieter way to, ah, please, yes, oh God Daniel, love you, wake me up, mmore, please, now, Daniel, NOWYESIMGONNA-A-AA!"

With a very smug grin I work my way back up his quivering body, trailing my tongue along his skin, taking my time to linger over the really sensitive spots that he's got. By the time I get to his mouth he's whimpering. After kissing him thoroughly, I ask him again.

"So Jack? What did he want?"


Heh heh heh.

I can't face breakfast. I've managed to avoid throwing up, somehow, but my stomach's rebelling. Okay, perhaps I shouldn't have swallowed. Jack 'the Bastard' O'Neill is currently tucking into a fry up. I hate him.

"Washington." Ok-ay, as non-sequiturs go that's probably not the worst that he's come up with, but how he got from, 'do you want a nice greasy fried egg and bacon dripping in its own fat?' to 'Washington', I don't have a clue.

"Washington, that's what the General phoned about."

Ah ha! The light dawns.

"He wants us to go there."



"Oh!" He watches me as I pour the next coffee, he's waiting for something I think. I sit down.

"TODAY? When?"

"We leave in," he looks at his watch, "one hour and fifty-five minutes."

"Fuck! Damn! Shit! Why?"

"Reception at the White House. The General was supposed to go but he's had to cry off. Wants me to go in his stead. The President suggested you accompany me."

"He did? What the fuck am I going to wear, Jack? My blue suit's at the cleaners. Remember that time? Me - blue suit, you - dress blues, sunglasses, Scotch, bed, fun, stainage."

"How about that sexy black number you've got?"

"What? My leather pants and vest? I don't think they'd be appropriate, Jack."

"No Daniel, your black suit."

"My funeral suit? That old thing?" Okay, it's only a year old, and it's Armani, but who the hell wears year-old Armani to the White House? It would have to be this year's at least. I'll look so out of place, so out of date, so underpaid. Hey, perhaps I could ask for a raise? Fair enough, this might work, I'll wear it.

He shakes his head, mumbles something about fashion victim and carries on. "We'll be staying the night, best hotel in town. A private plane is waiting for us at the airport, it'll take us up there, a driver will pick us up and take us to the hotel. We check in, have dinner, get changed, go to the reception."

"Dinner? It's not even nine o'clock now."

"Time difference?"

"Ah." Of course, factor in travel time, have early dinner, go to reception. Makes sense.

"The General booked us connecting rooms."

"All hail 'George of the Junket'."

He sniggers. Not bad, I can't usually get him to even smile until he's had sex twice. Hmm, thinking of that, my turn.

"You finished yet?"

"Yeah, delicious. How's your stomach?"

"Fine, fine. I do have something you can help me with though."

"Oh yeah, what?" he asks as he throws everything into the dishwasher. I stand up and open my bathrobe.


"And we're walking," he says in tour guide mode, taking me by the hand and straight to bed.

Daniel pushes me on the bed, his eyes twinkling, his features downright naughty. He looks so boyish sometimes that I have to pinch myself and remind myself just how old he actually is. I have never gone for men that are really young (and I'm not talking about under-age here, that's just plain sick, twisted, filthy, sick, depraved, perverted, did I mention sick?), but Daniel is perfect. Not to mention insatiable. Love him, tell him, get it 'rightbackatme'. His turn, he says. I'll give him just what he wants. He has no idea what today has in store for him. Can't wait to see his face tonight. Pity I won't be able to share it in the way that I'd like to, holding his hand or with my arm around him. Fuck the rules, I want him now.

I push him onto his back, kissing his entire body. It can't take too long, we still have to get to my place to pick up my uniform. I'll take my sunglasses, he's got a kink about them. Oh yeah, moaning and writhing below me, I like that.

"Fuck me Jack, now, can't wait," he pants. Okay Danny Boy, anything for you, you know that. Better go in covered, he doesn't need the staining. I slip on a condom, grease him up and away we go. I know what he wants, a quick hard screw, so I'm obliging, nailing him to the bed as hard as I can. Oh jeez Daniel, you are so beautiful. Stroking him, working him up. He calls my name, Jack, Jack, Jack, it's like a mantra. He's pushing me, taking me to the edge.

"Come for me Daniel, oh yeah babe, give it up for me," I moan. It's too much for him and he yells as he lets go, calling out my name so loud I think his entire apartment block knows who I am. The spasms in his muscles take me over the edge, I can't go on, coming hard a few moments after him.

We lay together, holding on hard to each other. He has a determined look in his face and it's scaring me rigid.

"Daniel? What in hell's name are you thinking?"

"Hmm, I was wondering," he says lazily as he draws hieroglyphs on my chest with his finger, "as the President asked for me, perhaps I'll get a chance to talk to him?"

"I'd say there's a pretty good chance of that," I answer warily.

"I wonder what he'd say if I told him 'don't ask, don't tell' sucks and he should ditch the stupid law. What do you think?"

He's giggling, I know my face is doing a goldfish impression. "Ddddaniel, don't you dare. Promise me, please, Daniel, don't do this to me. I can't go any greyer, do this and I'll lose my hair. Come on buddy, promise me."

He cracks up. "Don't worry Jack, just winding you up."

Kill or kiss, kiss or kill? What a choice. I'd better go for kiss, the paperwork for kill is a bitch.

On the plane now, had to stop off at my place to get my dress uniform first. Managed enough time to have a good hard kiss with him there, but no more unfortunately. Never mind, there's always tonight at the hotel. Daniel's looking to die for: navy chinos, pale-blue shirt and sapphire-blue tie. Even under his glasses his eyes are lit up. He couldn't believe that it was a Lear jet; all first-class and very expensive. I'm in my normal uniform and when we got on the pilot asked if I wanted to fly the plane for a while. Daniel's face was a picture.

", don't let him," he begged.

"Daniel, I'm an Air Force colonel, pilot remember. Me pilot, me fly planes, that's what my wings are for, got it?"

"Know that Jack, you fly F15s. Don't feel like strafing Kansas or daisy-cutting the blue grass in Kentucky, not to mention skimming the Blue Ridge Mountains. I know you Jack, you wouldn't be able to resist."

"Ever heard of flight plans, Daniel?"

"Sure Jack, but since when do you do what anyone tells you?"

I gave up, I knew he'd freak if I left him. Hates flying, has a real phobia about it. Must have something to do with his foster parents. His knuckles are white, even if he is trying to read. I've never seen him hold a book so hard. I've got a newspaper. Oh no, they didn't, did they?

"Oh Daniel, listen to this. You'd never believe this. Personal ads:

Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family."

He cracks up. Tells me of one he read before; Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

I know I keep saying this, but how the hell does he remember these things? Good, got his mind going elsewhere now. "Do you remember the proverb hobby?" I nod. "A friend sent me some on email the other night, Confuse-us (sic) he say;

"Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone." I giggle (I shouldn't giggle! I'm a forty-five year-old Air Force colonel for chrissake. Forty-five year-old Air Force colonels don't giggle. Unless they're crazy about thirty-six year-old archaeologists, obviously.)

"Got another; Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day." Groan.

"Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ." Ha ha.

"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth." Yes! Not wrong Daniel. He carries on, telling me loads of stuff like this. I'm feeding him small quantities of Scotch, can't be drunk at the White House, but won't hurt to be relaxed, even this time in the ohmygod early afternoon, no food, he's going to be flat on his back and Hammond's going to have my balls. No more, Daniel, eat something please. I find snacks, lots of snacks and feed them to him. There's no cabin crew, thank God, just the pilots and they're up front. Just as well they can't see us, me feeding him, him licking my fingers.

"Want to join a club, Jack?"

"What club's that, Daniel?"

"The Mile High Club." His voice has dropped, husky, sexy and the effect goes straight to my groin. Oh no, we could get caught and I'd get a court martial. Please let us get there. Soon.

Finally, we're there. The Scotch has gone straight to his head for some reason. Doesn't normally hit him this quickly. Oh no, it's Major Davis waiting for us. Daniel's gone all giggly at the sight of him.

"My God, Daniel, what the fuck has happened to you?" I must admit I never thought I'd hear that from him. He turns to me, looks at me like I'm a piece of shit. "Colonel! Have you got him drunk?"

"I gave him a couple of small Scotches. He doesn't like flying."

"I know that," he says through gritted teeth, "that's why he takes happy pills for it. Ones which shouldn't be mixed with alcohol."

Oh fuck, I am in deep, deep shit. Hang on, how the hell does he know all this? Oh yeah, they flew to Moscow together didn't they? Perhaps Daniel got shitfaced then.

Davis has dismissed the driver, sits in the back of the car and asks me to drive to the hotel. I agree?! I look in the mirror and he's talking quietly to Daniel. Shit, I think he's flirting with him. Keep your hands to yourself, Major, he's mine.

"MAJOR! You'd better look out of the window and give me directions," I yell.

I know exactly where I'm going but he doesn't know that. He can watch the scenery and NOT Daniel. Daniel is now absolutely hysterical. Oh fuck, I'm in even deeper shit than I first thought. If we can't get him down off this high I can't take him to the White House and this whole set-up will be for nothing. I won't even be asked to retire - they'll kick me out of the service so fast and hard my ass won't hit the ground till I reach Siberia.

We get to the hotel, I get Davis to sign in for us while I sneak Daniel upstairs to our rooms. He's flinging himself on me as soon as we get through the door.

"Oh Jack, you know how much I love you, don't you?"

"Sure Daniel, you know I do."

"Then take me, Jack, take me now. I want you." He's flinging his arms apart, hamming it up like an amateur actor drunk on his own ego.

"Daniel, not now, gotta get you sober, okay? I'll make you a coffee." He's sulking, flops himself on his bed. I turn my back, go in to the other room and start to make his drink. There's a knock on the door so I go to open in. It's Davis with the bellhop and our bags. I tip the boy and Davis comes in.

"Where is he, Sir?"

"In the bedroom, I'm making him a black coffee."

"That's a good idea, Sir." He marches off, into the bedroom. There's an explosion. "DANIEL! Get dressed, the Colonel is in the next room. Come on, let me help."

"Donwanhelp, wanna get fucked. Ja-ack, c'mon, want you lover, need you."

FUCK. My career is down the pan. Thank you very much Daniel. I go into the bedroom to find Davis trying hard to get Daniel's shirt back on him but he gives up. I get on my knees with a sigh, grateful that the Doc fixed the ACL in the busted one when we had the injuries. I grab his underwear and try to get it on him. Not easy. He's finally passed out. I can't look at Davis. He heard, he knows. Will he tell? Daniel's covered up, I grab him, put his head on the pillow and stroke his hair. What the hell? May as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb as they say. Love him, won't ever deny that.

We leave the room, Davis makes the coffee for us and we sit.

"I won't say anything, you have my word, Sir."

"Thanks. Drop the Sir, it's Jack." He's got enough on me now, better make nice with the natives so to speak.

"Paul." I nod. He's got more to say.

"I take it Daniel never said anything to you then."

"About what?"


"You? As in you two?" His turn to nod. Well, I didn't see that one coming. "How long?"

"Six months. After you got back from Thor's ship. The two of you weren't exactly friendly at the time. He's never said a word?"

"Not even hinted. But that's Daniel for you. He knows how important it is to keep quiet about it so he wouldn't even drop you in it with me. If he hadn't been out of his skull now he'd never have let on about us. I guess he trusts you with the knowledge too, 'cause even Apophis didn't get anything out of him with the truth drug. And it's my fault, I was trying to get him to relax a little, I didn't know about the pills. Two small Scotches never make this sort of impression on him."

"You're right about that. Made the mistake of getting into a drinking competition with him one night, on a hundred bucks a bottle Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon. He's got expensive tastes."

"Don't I know it. Not to mention a thing for leather."

"Leather? Oh yeah, the pants. You've seen them?"

"I've fucking worn them."


"You're not kidding. But he does look so good in them."

"Oh yeah," Davis goes all dreamy and I have to clear my throat to remind him just who Daniel's with these days. He apologises.

"Look, Sir, sorry, Jack. Daniel and I broke up mainly because of the distance, but also because we decided that friendship was way more important. What happens to him matters to me, you have my word on that. Not to mention the fact that I'll protect him whenever I can. I do love him, as a friend. I just..."

"Still want to get into his pants now and then?"

He laughs, nods, tries not to snort coffee at the same time. He's a good guy, loves my Daniel. Knows he's mine.

"How long?" he asks.

"Since just before the disastrous Tok'ra mission, Fort Knox." He nods.

"You surprise me though, I mean, finding out Daniel's queer isn't a shock, but you? I'd never have guessed."

"Good, that's the idea. Same goes for you, Paul."

"I think half the Pentagon has guessed I'm gay," he sighs, "I just don't do anything to piss anyone off enough so they want to find out though."

"You need any help, shout, I have some people owe me some favours."

I get a shit eating grin. Yeah, he's a good guy.

Oh God I want to die. I know I don't believe in you, but if you exist, do the decent thing and finally take me, I'll go to hell if it suits, honest. Just no Lazarus routine, capiche? Had enough of the 'catman', 'badchequeman' and 'rubberman' jokes. I think I'm gonna throw up.

"Jack." The door opens quickly and he comes in, who's that with him? Paul, my friend, take me away from all this, wine me, dine me, fuck me till I die if you want, just take me from this please.

"Come on Danny, bathroom." Tha's gotta be Jack, he calls me Danny. Hmm love Jack, he's cute.

"I am so not fucking cute, Daniel."

Yes, cute ass. Who's laughing? Whassa? White, cold, got water in it. Um, don't tell me, I'm a genius, I know these things. Ah. Toilet. Good.

Tha's better, nothing more to hurl now. Wanna pass out again. No? Why not? Tired. White House? President? What? No sleep?

"Come on Daniel, you've got to wake up and eat." Hmm, Paul. Nice voice, yeah, nice hands, nice tight ass.

"Daniel! Don't give away all my secrets!" He's laughing at me. What did I say?

Food? Oh no, gonna hurl again if I eat. Jack says eat first, upchuck later. Gotta get sober or the President will be pissed and he'll get sent to Hadante without the use of a wormhole. Okay, love you, anything for my Jack. Dry toast, I can manage dry toast. I can manage it. Yeah, that's it Daniel, chew and swallow and, oh fuck.

See told you I'd throw up. Shower? Oh, coming with me? C'mon Jack, it'll be fun. Hmm, tha's better, hold me up. I can do this. Kiss? No? Oh, you're no fun anymore. Don't want you, want fun. Paul? Coming? Come and play, huh? Boring, you two go fuck yourselves then, boring, boring, boring. Don't need help drying. Can do it myself. Oops, d'you think they needed that lamp?

Can I sleep now? Dress? Why do I need to wear a dress? Funny party we're going to. Always though that politicians were weird. Oh, get dressed. I get it. Boxers first. Oops! The floor tastes funny. Suit he says. I can do this, find suit, there's the pants, get them on. Zip, I can't find the zip Jack. Why is he laughing at me? Paul? Where's my zip gone? Oh. Take pants off, turn them to face the other way, pull them up and there's the zip. Got it. Jacket now. Put it on. Tie. Jack's laughing again. Stop laughing Jack and help me find the collar. Paul? Why are you taking my jacket off me? We don't do that anymore, but I guess I'm up for it if you're both interested. That could be fun. No? Oh. Shirt first. I see. Put the shirt on, Paul's doing me up. Tell him it makes a change, usually the other way around. Jack's now lying on the bed and crying? What's wrong Jack? Don't cry, baby, love you. Oh, not crying, hysterical. Tuck my shirt in. Paul tucks the back in. Hey! Hands off my ass. You don't get to touch if you don't want to play. He's swearing it was an accident, think he's scared of Jack. Ha!

More food? They want me to eat again? Coffee, gimme coffee. Tha's better. More coffee. Why is the world blurry? Oh, no glasses. Jack's putting them on for me, that's more like it. My world is slowly coming into focus and I'm starting to feel better.


"Yes Daniel?"

"What the fuck am I doing here and how did I end up in this suit? WHAT? Why are you laughing? Paul? What are you doing here?"

The trouble with Daniel is he's funny, just doesn't always realise it, that's all. When his inhibitions are destroyed what comes out of his mouth is truly 'gobsmacking' as John McWilliams says. He said it last night at that party. We'd gone out, taken over a bar and all of us got well and truly blasted. The bar was full of USAF, Marines - Royal and 'Rebel', SAS, SEALS and God knows who else. There were more acronyms in there than in a slang dictionary. Even the Russian forces were there. We cleared the bar - completely. No more alcohol to be had in the place at all. Somehow, I don't know how, Daniel managed to avoid even hinting at our relationship. Mind, he spent most of the night draped over Sam and Janet, so I suppose they kept us safe. Got to love those girls.

Anyway, Daniel is a cruel mimic, really good at impersonating people. Not surprising given his ability with languages I suppose. You should have seen him, on form, taking off the public personae of some very important people, but his Kinsey was to die for. The man voted most hated creature in the universe by the SGC for the fifth year running - beating all Goa'uld by the way - was mercilessly taken apart by my mild-mannered archaeologist. I hope to God that it never gets back to him. Daniel'll be on a hit list if it does.

MacKenzie was next in line - another on Daniel's hate list. The new guys don't know him yet, but I can guarantee after Daniel's rant last night he's never going to get any respect from them. He even took off Colonel Zhukov, in Russian, making Svetlana and her compatriots crack up. It's fun working with the Russians now they're on our turf, it's like a load has been lifted off them. They've got a great sense of the ridiculous and share Daniel's black humour. I can see Daniel becoming the unofficial liaison between the two sides. No such barrier between us and the Brits and Canadians. Lots of leg pulling and rivalry, but it's all very friendly. John has taken an instant liking to Daniel. Surprising in a way, Daniel does a good Belfast accent and was taking the Mick, to use an accurate expression. John was howling with laughter. He really likes Daniel now. Unusual for him, he normally takes his time deciding about people. Daniel's gotten himself another protector I can tell.

I'm glad he's more or less himself again, I'd have died rather than expose him to the sharks of Washington in that state. Haven't had such a belly laugh in a long time though, neither has Paul by the looks of him. Daniel's heading back into the bedroom and I'd better hit mine. I come out in my dress blues, no sunglasses though, much as he likes it, it would look a bit silly. Paul's headed off home to get his dress uniform on too, we're meeting him at the White House, he's sending a driver for us.

I go back into Daniel's room and he comes out of the bedroom, clean-shaven, his contacts in, his hair brushed and he has on his polished shoes. He is to die for. I catch my breath as he appears, fighting my desire to pin him to the floor and fuck him into oblivion - or be fucked by him, not fussy really. He's smirking, his eyes are glazing over as he sees me in my uniform. I know he loves this look, but it is still very good for my not inconsiderable ego to have such a beautiful man lusting over me. Hell yeah, still life in the old dog yet. He rushes to me, kissing me, fighting his own desires. Oh God, we are both so hard it's painful. No time Daniel, we have to go.

"Tonight," he whispers into my mouth, making my knees buckle with anticipation.

We head down to the lobby, turning heads as we go. My ego, while still large, takes a knock as I realise that no one is looking at me. How could they? Nothing anywhere looks as good as Daniel does tonight. Smells good too, using my favourite aftershave, a spicy one, reminds me of the desert.

The driver's waiting for us and we pile into the back of the car. He asks me about tonight.

"Just schmooze, Daniel, do your thing."

"Jack, I hate this sort of thing. Brown-nosing so we can have funds for what is the most important thing on the planet."

"Just be yourself. Imagine that they're a new civilisation just waiting to be treated to a Dr. Daniel Jackson introduction to the Tauri. You can do it, Daniel, I have every faith in you." I'm rewarded with a brilliant smile. Oh how I love that smile.

Paul Davis is waiting for us as we pull up. Daniel relaxes at the sight of him. I should be jealous but I'm not for some reason. I think that Daniel's glad he's here because he knows the routine and can guide us through the diplomatic hurdles painlessly. Actually, I'm glad he's here.

The room is crowded, Daniel's gonna get a clue as to what this is all about soon. He's looking around and he sees people that he knew from his academic career. They are turning to look at him, stunned by his obvious success and drop-dead gorgeous good looks. His eyes are widening, I think he's going into shock. A waiter comes, offering champagne. Oh no, no more Danny Boy, let's lead you not into temptation, at least until we get back to the hotel.

Who's that? I recognise that face. Daniel's going over to this guy, brown-haired, not unlike Davis to look at; good-looking, smooth, a charmer no doubt. Hell, where did I see his face? Ah, they're coming over, I'm going to be introduced.

"Steven, this is Colonel Jack O'Neill, and this is Major Paul Davis. Colleagues and friends of mine. Gentlemen, this is Dr. Steven Rayner, an ex-colleague and old friend of mine."

Davis and I grimace as we shake hands with him. This was the guy that shafted Daniel over that Osiris thing, hiding the fact that the amulet was 10,000 years old and proving that Daniel was right. He'd have been allowed that one, it didn't have any obvious connection with the gate or aliens. Daniel could have been reinstated in the academic world. I can see that Davis hates him for that as much as I do. Daniel, however, is on form.

"You work for the military, Daniel?" Rayner's voice is tinged with disgust. I really don't like that man.

"I work for my country, Steven, I just happen to work with the military to fulfil my role. Besides, it's fun, I like being part of the Air Force." Daniel is being cool, snooty even. "I have a good-sized staff working for me, great funding, all the equipment I need. Not enough time, but even the military can't give me more than twenty-four hours a day... well not often," he sighs, shrugging his shoulders.

Rayner's spitting feathers underneath that cool exterior I can tell. Heh heh.

"Come on Daniel," says Davis, "time to mingle. You are the guest of honour, after all." Daniel hides the fact that his jaw just hit the floor very well, holds his head up and bids Rayner goodbye, then saunters off into the room, playing it beautifully. As soon as we get away he grabs me, "Guest of honour? What the fuck is going on, Jack?"

I just grin, "Wait and see Daniel, wait and see. Nothing bad I promise." He looks at me, eyeing me suspiciously but prepared to let it ride, for now. Oh yeah, things are going to get interesting. He's pointing out a few older guys in the room. They were at 'that' lecture apparently. He can see them looking down their noses at him. He holds his head even higher than them; none of them are in Armani, year-old or not.

Daniel's getting another surprise. Sam and Janet are here. Teal'c couldn't come; unfair really but too much of a security risk. What if Junior fancied sticking his ugly head out during cocktails? No, not a good idea. We'll make it up to him though. I'm laughing at Daniel, he has his arms full of female majors. Sam's looking her usual beautiful self in her dress uniform, but Janet? Wow, she looks so sexy in hers, it shows up all her curves and considerable assets. Daniel's ex-colleagues are busting a gut, jealous about his obvious standing and the affection in which he is held by the Air Force, not to mention by the two sexiest majors anywhere - and I defy anyone to contradict me. He has one arm around one now, and the other around the other. He looks so happy when he turns to me. Even though he's beaming, his face gives me one of its shy looks. He's praying that his behaviour with the women doesn't bother me. It doesn't, I grin back. It's okay Daniel, remember, as long as you come home to me. His smile tells me what he told me before. Always.

I ask the girls what's going on, but they just giggle and tell me to wait. Oh no, Professor Johnson is coming over. He made some rude comments about my lecture; well, during it if I'm honest.

"Doctor Jackson. I am surprised to see you here. I thought that this was a reception for the archaeological community, not a military shindig." I can just hear the words 'sell out' in his speech. Fuck him, fuck the lot of them.

"Oh? Sorry, you must have misinterpreted the invitation," I say. "Seems you misinterpret a lot of things." I never said anything about aliens in the lecture, shithead. He storms off and I get a "Go Daniel!" from Sam and a kiss from Janet. "Dickhead," she whispers. "Who me?" I get a giggle off her and a poke in my arm.

The President is coming into the room. The civilians stand quietly, the military snap to attention. He's smiling at me. Me? What on earth is going on? He's standing by a microphone - oh no, a speech. I hate political speeches, they are so boring.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for attending this reception. Tonight is a special occasion. It is my profound honour to thank someone here tonight in person for the first time. I cannot go into too many details about the work this person has done, for security reasons, but I think that soon everything will become apparent."

Jack's looking so proud. Oh fantastic, he's going to get a medal, I'm sure of it.

"Rather than elaborate on his amazing feats, I'm going to read an excerpt from the citation that I have here. To read the whole thing would, quite frankly, take too long. This man's courage, ability in the field and personal leadership skills are vast and his exploits are legendary among his colleagues. I quote:

"We the undersigned are recommending that the following person be granted an honour by his country for his heroic deeds, his compassion, his coolness under fire and his ability to solve problems that others cannot even begin to comprehend."

That last bit doesn't sound like Jack. Perhaps it's Sam, but then he said 'he'. I'm confused. What's that? Oh shit.

"Doctor Daniel Jackson has on countless occasions saved lives by his acts of outstanding bravery. He has received many injuries in the face of the enemy while doing this. His compassion for others is only outweighed by his incredible genius. We ran out of superlatives to describe this remarkable and unique man."

I'm blushing, sod it, I'm fucking blushing here. Shut up man, please. He's continuing, oh no.

"There are many instances written here, describing his acts, but I shall read this one particular one, from his commanding officer in the field, Colonel Jonathan O'Neill.

"I cannot go into specifics about the particular mission to which this refers, national security forbids it. However, on this recent mission, Doctor Daniel Jackson acquitted himself with extreme courage, resourcefulness and brilliance of mind, as he always does. I was injured very badly. If I had been left where I was I would have died. This is not in dispute either by myself or those that eventually dealt with us. Doctor Jackson, himself with life-threatening injuries, including a fractured skull, a punctured lung, broken ribs, a stab wound and burns, managed to carry me to our transport which was ten kilometres away from us. Not only did he do this, he managed to evade the enemy, doing what was necessary to save both our lives as he did."

Oh God, he knows about those guys I had to kill.

"The circuitous route that was essential to take to avoid the pursuit added at least half the distance to our transport. This feat in itself was superhuman and heroic in the extreme, made more so when it is remembered that Doctor Jackson is a civilian and has only on the job training for action in the field.

"I would like to take this opportunity to say that in all the years I have served in the armed forces, I have never encountered any individual with such strength of character, determination to see a mission fulfilled, personal bravery or empathy for his fellow man. Doctor Jackson makes us do the right thing, always, even when the result is painful for us to take. He never allows us to hide behind orders, always making us face up to the fact that we have to take the right and moral path. I am proud to serve with him, even prouder to call him my best friend."

I have tears in my eyes, I look at Jack, he has some too. I'll kill him for this later, I have never been so red-faced in all my life.

"There are many descriptions in this citation of Doctor Jackson's courage and humanity. I will read just one more though, and I think that it is one that he will appreciate.

"Doctor J is a good guy. He's always comes through for us marines, even though the flyboys have adopted him as one of their own. Got news for you fellas, he's an honorary Jarhead. He's one hell of a guy; doesn't know what scared is, doesn't know how to, let alone when to give up. We could write about what he's done for us, about the times that he and his team have hauled our sorry butts out of trouble, but we just want to say that we're proud to know him. Even when he runs out of coffee."

There's a laugh in the room, it's the gang, they're all looking at me and smiling fit to burst. I want to cry. Oops, the President is talking again.

"The citation is signed by every single member of the base to which you are assigned. So, with that ringing endorsement in our ears, it gives me great pleasure to ask Doctor Daniel Jackson to come up here."

I try not to stumble as I walk over to the podium. My legs are numb with the shock of it all.

"The Presidential Medal of Freedom is the nation's highest civilian award. It is only given in cases of exceptionally meritorious service. It is my belief that Doctor Daniel Jackson deserves this award. I know that he has the respect of his colleagues and peers at work, I hope now that he will recognise the fact that he has the respect of the President of the United States and the gratitude of this fine nation."

I don't know what to say. For the first time in my life I'm stunned into silence. I manage to gabble out a thank you as the President gives me the medal, pinning it on my jacket. I only hope that I said it in English.

"Dr. Jackson, would you say a few words, please?"

I look at the gang, they're smiling, encouraging me. I look at the academics, they're goldfish. HA!

I take a deep breath and say, "Thank you, Mr. President. This was totally unexpected. Fortunately for my friends I don't have anything prepared, but they can rest assured that when we get home I'm going to subject them to the longest, most excruciatingly tedious Power Point presentation I have ever given them." They're groaning, the President is confused but smiling and I'm trying not to laugh my ass off.

"I'd like to say that I couldn't do a thing without the support staff at the base, my team, some of whom are here, and my doctor who's over there and who has aided me in gaining a reputation as a modern-day Lazarus. I also want to say a particular thank you to Jack O'Neill for supporting me throughout my time at the base, saving my life on countless occasions and being the best damn CO any team could wish for. Thanks guys. I owe you, big time." Got the threat? Yeah, you have. Be afraid, Jack, be very afraid. I step back from the microphone and the President shakes my hand again. Phew, got through it.

Before I leave the podium, the President covers the microphone with his hand as says, "Pink, Doctor Jackson? How did he let you live after that?"

Oh, he's talking about the April Fool I played on Jack. How did he find out about that? I answer, "My life was a living hell for two weeks, until it was all returned to normal."

"Two weeks? How long did it take to pull off the prank?"

"An evening," I reply with a grin. He hoots out loud, shakes my hand and I can finally leave the podium.

Daniel's talking to the President, they're laughing about something or other. His ex-colleagues are looking stunned, surprised, amazed, astounded and ready to kill him. I'm so proud. The General pulled out all the stops for this. The minute I said that Daniel should get the recognition he deserved he just said, 'Leave it to me, Jack,' and went off and hit the red telephone. The President wasn't wrong about everyone at the SGC signing the citation. Even Mrs. Isaacs in the commissary signed it. He has a copy of the citation, handling it like it is some sort of treasured papyrus. I want to go and hug him, but I really can't, not yet. He knows. Sam and Janet are hugging him again though, telling him that they are so proud of him. I can see that he wants to weep with joy but he's holding out well. He can cry later too.

He's being mobbed by the academics, some are schmoozing, wanting a piece of the action. Daniel's tongue is like a scythe, cutting his way through them. They're bleeding, not literally, but you can see how they're hurting. The only one that stays away is Rayner. Daniel's eyes hunt him down and his face drops at the hateful look he gets back.

We both dive for our phones, both are ringing. Mine has the General on the line.

"General, what can I do for you, Sir?"

"Sorry about this Jack, but a situation has cropped up. We need Daniel back at base, not to mention Dr. Frasier."

"What's wrong?"

"Major Ferretti and his team have been taken hostage by the M'losans. We need his negotiating skills."

I agree and we sign off. Daniel's just getting off the phone too as is Davis. Looks like he's been recalled. Daniel looks at me, I nod, Davis gets the nod from Daniel.

He calls to him, "Paul, get them to fire up the jet, we'll have to head out pronto." That really gets the snooty academics' attention.

"All ready on it, Daniel," he calls back as he heads to the President's party. The President sees him coming and asks what's wrong. Davis fills him in as Daniel gets back on the phone to Kovachek.

"Yeah, hi Stan, look, can you head out there first, follow the protocols that I wrote for you and you'll be fine. Tell them I'm coming to negotiate. I know the chief, he'll talk to me. This is probably only a misunderstanding. I know Ferretti, he doesn't screw things like this up. We'll be there in a few hours, okay?"

The President comes over to Daniel. "Doctor Jackson, I understand you are required for a hostage negotiation. If there is anything that you need to get our boys back, please let me know."

"Thank you, Sir, but I think that it's all going to blow over. I know the chief, he's all right really. They shouldn't get hurt. But I'll bear it in mind just in case. I'm really sorry to have to leave so early, I cannot tell you how grateful I am for all of this."

"My pleasure, Doctor, and come back safely, we need you."

"Thank you, Mr. President," he replies sweetly and we make good our escape.

Daniel's quiet in the car, the ladies and Paul are chatting away excitedly.

"What's up, Daniel?"

"Later." Okay, I can play this game. Whatever is bothering him can wait.

I pull him up into my arms, kissing his cheek, telling him how proud I am of him. The blackened windows of the limo including the one to the driver affords us a little privacy. The girls look up and look at Paul. He smiles and shrugs.

"He knows," I say. A light goes on in Frasier's head. "You're who Daniel was seeing that time, aren't you? C'mere you, I owe you a hug." He's bemused by this but accepts it. She explains, "I think Daniel would have left us if you hadn't been together."

Daniel looks out of the window, remembering the worst times of our relationship. I put my arm around him again and pull him in close. He just grabs me and lets out a quiet sob into my neck. He doesn't have to answer her, I know it's true. It's all over now, things will always be good between us. They have to be.

Sam's hugging Davis now, telling him thanks for keeping her little brother happy. I don't think he's ever been in such close contact with women who weren't family, he doesn't know where to put himself. I start to laugh and get shocked looks from them all.

"I was just thinking. What would the President say if he knew that half his flagship team are queer?"

Daniel's giggling. "Three quarters," he says. I look at Sam. "Don't look at me, I am straight." Oh God that means...


"Jack, it's not quite like that. It's the warrior bond thing, not really sexual orientation, but to bring them together. Teal'c likes women, but he's not averse to sex with men."

"You two haven't?" I ask, not wanting to know.

"Oh God, no! Have you seen the size on him? It'd kill me! Besides, the alien thing. I love Teal'c like a brother but oh no, couldn't, not with Junior and all, ugh."

The girls are squealing with laughter, Paul's joining in and soon the five of us are in the back of this limo and laughing our asses off. We get back to the hotel, Paul deals with the desk while the four of us head up to our rooms to grab our things.

We wanted to have so much fun tonight, guess it's not on the Washington agenda this time.

We're all still in our glad rags as we hit the SGC. I get a quick briefing on the hoof from the General. It would seem that one of Lou's team messed up a point of protocol and now the chief is wanting reparations. I can deal with this. We head to the locker room, get changed quickly and we're in the gate room in minutes.

As we step out onto the planet we find a reception committee. Stan's there, telling me what he knows, which isn't too much. I've briefed the others on how to behave and what to say; after our first mission here where we broke virtually every protocol, we're being careful. Only some swift talking on my part and some medical help from the SGC for the chief's sick son actually saved the day. I was taught by the chief every point of protocol that was needed to conduct negotiations for mining. I hope they stand me in good stead now.

The chief is waiting for me. We greet each other and I ask him what the problem is. He explains, it is a minor thing, something that can be dealt with by a very specific apology from the offender. The team are brought out and I tell the sergeant what to say and how to say it. He copies me exactly and SG-3 and the negotiating team are sent home. This leaves us to do the negotiating. Lou had already got to the 'You want what?!' stage, so it only takes a short while to get the treaty signed, sealed and delivered. Unfortunately, I'm dead on my feet. The chief sees me yawn and yells at someone. I apologise, hoping that I haven't broken another point of protocol, but he assures me that I haven't. He also orders us to stay the night. Jack goes back to the gate to tell Hammond what's going on. This is not negotiable, not unless we want to offend them. We don't, not unless we want the treaty ripped up.

Teal'c is supplied with a room full of candles and Sam gets one full of flowers. The chief sees me being held up by Jack and puts two and two together.

"You two wish to share a room?" We look at each other nervously.

"This is a problem?" The M'losans don't have a problem with us, in fact it's common to see men holding hands here.

"It could be." I explain the issue to the chief. He doesn't understand why but accepts it. "You will share a room, it will not be mentioned." We thank him for his understanding and we are led to a room with a huge bed. It must have two or three mattresses on it and the sheets look like crisp, cool, cotton. It looks divine.

We say goodnight and get ready for bed.

"You gonna talk now, Daniel? Why were you upset tonight?"

"Not upset, saddened, that's all. Don't get me wrong, the ceremony, the medal, everything, that made me happy, overwhelmed to tell you the truth. It's Steven. We used to be close."


"Nearly two years."

"Ah, I could see that would be a problem."

"Oh, he's been the snarky ex, but it's not that. I wish, I wish, oh I don't know..."

"You wish you could share your knowledge with him, you wish he could have been happy for you, you wish you could still be friends."

"All of the above, Jack, you know me too well."

"No Daniel, never too well, and I intend spending the rest of my life getting to know you better."

We settle down under the covers, I know I'll be asleep in a mom...zzzzzz.

"'ckoffJ'ck, sleepy." He's trying to wake me, wish he wouldn't.

I can hear him talking.

"Coffee, yeah, it's a sort of stimulant. He drinks it like mad in the mornings, can't get up without it."

"Ah, a stimulant, I understand."

I hear footsteps leaving the room and then Jack snuggles up to me. "Hey Daniel, time to wake up. You don't need any more beauty sleep. Come on, up and at 'em."

"Go'way, wanna sleep."

"Daniel, you have to get up, got to go home."

"Nice bed, wanna stay."

More footsteps. Hmm Sam, she'll let me sleep. "Come on Daniel, wake up."

"No, sleep, Sammy, cuddle?" I flop my hand out and she grabs it. Pull her in to me, hmm nice cuddle.

"Daniel Jackson, it is time for you to rise."

"No room Teal'c. You're too big buddy." Why are they laughing at me? Don' care, wanna sleep, nice bed.

More footsteps, what is this place, Times Square?

"Ohh lookie here Daniel, coffee, nice, strong, black coffee and it's all for you."

"Coffee, hmm gimme." Jack helps me up, I can't open my eyes. Smells a bit like coffee, more like chicory, that'll do I s'pose.

"Wow! That's got a kick!" I say as I finish the cup. "More." The M'losan's looking at me like I've gone mad. What do they expect? 0 - wide awake in 60 seconds. God, that stuff is good. He pours me another cup and it goes the way of the first one. I thank him and he legs it out of the room like it's on fire. Why?

"Damn Jack, you're looking fucking sexy this morning, c'mere."

"Daniel! What's got into you? Not off-world and not in front of the others, for crying out loud."

"Oh come on, where's your sense of adventure? Sam'll stay won't you Sammy?" I make a lunge for her sexy curves.

"Ow! What was that for? Come on Sam, you're so beautiful, don't you want to get under the covers and see what I can do for you? Ow! Why do you keep hitting me like that?"

"Okay, Daniel, why don't you just take time to think about what you're saying?" Jack's sounding really serious here, can't figure him out.

"Jack? Love you, want you, what's wrong with that? Sam? Love you too, think you're gorgeous, what's wrong with that? Teal'c, hey buddy, think you're handsome, but you are way too much for me. Don't envy your wife, how can she walk afterwards? OW! JACK! Stop hitting me."

"Stop hitting on Sam and insulting Teal'c."

"Wasn't insulting Teal'c, just telling him he's a big guy, wha's the problem?"

"Sam, Teal'c, head out of here before he gets worse, find out what's in that drink, will ya?"

"Sammy? Baby, don't leave me with him, he'll hit me again."

"Go dammit, and no I won't hit you if you behave. Daniel, stop it, will you put that away please?"

"Jack, please, it hurts, need you, gonna burst. I'll have to start without you." That'll get him, he can't resist. I touch myself, I am so hard they could use my dick as a tent pole. Hmm, start moaning, want you Jack, need you, want to feel your mouth on me, feel your tongue running up and down me, feel you sucking hard, come on, Jack, please.

"Oh God, Daniel, stop it please. Anyone could come in here."

"Lock the door, I need you Jack, don't say no."

I hear a 'what the fuck' and he scoots out of bed. The door is locked and he hits the bed fast. Down he goes, man he's good at that, go on Jack, keep at it, oh yeah, more. Nothing's happening, I mean he's good, his tongue is all over me and I'm really enjoying it, but it doesn't look like I'm going to get any relief here. Oh help.

He's back up the bed.

"Da''y, wha's u' wi' you, I' go' fucking clamp i' my 'ongue." Takes me a moment, oh, cramp in his tongue.

"Sorry Jack, it's not happening, come back up here." I reverse our positions, doing this for him usually pushes me to the edge. Oh yeah, so good, moaning, writhing, I can feel that he's close. SHIT! He's screaming and I'm still saluting. I don't believe this.

"On your stomach, quickly," I order him, grabbing my kitbag and pulling out the sunblock I always keep in it. Have to control myself, I want him now, I could hurt him. Yeah, fingers doing their job, he's begging me for it, won't disappoint. In hard, pushing, oh yeah, feels good, he feels so good, gonna come. Humph. He does, second time lucky bastard. Yeah, yes, yes, YES, NO! It's still not happening. He's exhausted, tells me to stop. What? I can't come! There's banging on the door. Oh, it's the guys. Up and dressed quickly, up being the operative word. I head for the bathroom, maybe a little self abuse will do the trick.

Ow! My right hand's going to get RSI at this rate. Oh hell, this hurts. I'm gonna get the worst case of blue balls ever recorded. Zip up, no need to clean up - humph.

What's that? The coffee? Only it isn't coffee. Jack described it as a stimulant to get me up in the morning. OH MY GOD! It not only does that it hits the brain too, no wonder I'm feeling hyper. It's like Viagra and speed combined. I'm bouncing off the fucking walls here.

"JACK! Next time leave the fucking talking to me, will you? I have never failed to get it up in the morning, or any other time for that matter!"

Sam's cracking up, Teal'c's laughing too, I'll kill the bastard. Jack's looking worried, as well he should, he's going to be on the receiving end of my superhuman libido until it wears off.

HOW LONG?? TWO FUCKING DAYS! Of course, I had two cups of the stuff. I want to cry. How was I to know you should sip the stuff slowly until you feel it start to work? No wonder that guy took off out of here like a greyhound after a chocolate-covered hare. What a cock-up (to use an accurate phrase). I party till I drop, get dragged over to Washington, high as a kite, embarrassed beyond belief, dragged back across to Colorado and then across the galaxy and now I'm going to be like a fucking rabbit on acid for two days? I look at Jack, he's twitching. He's asking Teal'c for help. I'll give him help, help to never sit down again. IT WON'T GO DOWN!

Sam's crying with laughter, I think she's going to wet herself. I look at her, want her, need her, start across the room to her and she screams and legs it. FUCK!

Jack's telling her to hightail it back to the SGC.

"And what?" I ask. "Line up all the available and willing victims? Hell, just put the word out. Anyone that wants to screw with Daniel Jackson form an orderly queue. I'll get to them all in time!" Now Jack's laughing, I hate him. I pick him up and throw him onto the bed. He looks shit scared of me, and well he should. Your ass is mine, flyboy.

"Thank you Teal'c," I pant as he puts his zat away. I thought I was going to get fucked to death by Daniel. Hell, zat blast or no, he's still hard. That's impressive. Trouble is he's going to wake up soon. Other trouble is, there's no antidote. How was I to know these guys had never heard of caffeine? They know now though. Poor Daniel, he's going to either die of embarrassment or frustration. Why can't I stop laughing? Teal'c picks him up, I get the kits and we ship out and to the infirmary as quickly as possible.

Janet's stuck him in a side room, no nurses are allowed within a hundred yards of him. She's sedated him, trying to put him out of his misery for the time being. He's still doing a fine impression of a flagpole. Damn, that really is impressive. Janet's lost it completely. Somehow, she managed to treat him with dignity and respect until he was unconscious. Now she's rolling on the floor, laughing until she's crying.

I'm staying in here, not letting anyone in. Jan's trying to keep the situation under control and off the record, but the video footage of him being carried into the gate room by Teal'c, flat on his back and with funny shaped pants isn't doing much for his predicament. How on earth am I going to explain this one to Hammond?

Now she's telling me that she won't keep him sedated for too long, it's not good for him. I ask how long between zat blasts? I mean I don't actually want to kill him, not really. She glares at me. Hell, Daniel can't get it down and with one look Janet has made mine lose the will to live. Somehow, I don't think that even that look is going to work on him at the moment.

Hammond's here. I can't tell him, I just can't. Every time I open my mouth I laugh. I try to get Teal'c to tell him. No point in getting the girls to do it, they're cracking up anytime someone so much as looks at them. I try to write it down, but fail as my writing get scrawled across the paper and the ink runs with my tears. He's going to hate me for the rest of his life, I know it.

Oh no, he didn't ask that. "Nnnnnno, Sir, it's not infectious bbwahahahaaa."

Paul's come into the room, I want to tell him he can have Daniel back if he wants, but he takes one look at the sheet and the bit that's sticking up and the coward runs for it. I can hear the laughter through the closed door. It looks like Daniel's been splinted. Can you get a plaster cast for a dick?

It's the night shift now, nice and quiet outside. Janet's woken him up and suggested I take him home. It wasn't actually so much of a suggestion as an order. Teal'c's taking point, well, Daniel's still taking point, but Teal'c's ahead of us, clearing the corridors as we sneak him out. Oh God, how are we going to get him passed the guards? That's it, hold your coat over it, Daniel. What do you mean it reminds you of school? Oh yeah, those inappropriate moments in front of your favourite teacher. Who was yours? The gym teacher. The male gym teacher. Oh, how awkward. No wonder he's bright-red now. Too many bad memories I guess. Oh no! I just realised, he couldn't cover himself in front of the gym teacher all the time. Bwahahahaaaaa. I'm sorry Daniel, didn't mean to laugh, honest. Let's get you in the car. No, don't go in sideways you'll dent it. OW! You didn't have to hit me.

Er no, Daniel, I think I'd better go to my own house, you just get out here and go to yours, okay? What do you mean, no? If you have to suffer then so do I. Ah.

I can't cope with this, every time I look at Jack he's whimpering. Coward. Oh come on, please Jack, it's been eighteen hours, perhaps it'll work now, you know, what with my ability to hold vast quantities of caffeine, perhaps I'm more tolerant to this stuff than the M'losans. He's coming closer, slowly, I won't jump him, I won't, I won't, oh what the fuck.

"DANIEL! PUT ME DOWN!" Yeah, I'll put you down, on the bed where you belong. Now, where are they? Oh yeah, right there. Silk-lined handcuffs, that'll keep you where I want you. OW! Why do you keep hitting me Jack? Don't you like being tied up? Oh, Iraq, yeah, shit, I'm so sorry, didn't want to bring that up. Forgive me?

"Come here Daniel, let's try to take this more slowly." I want to jump his bones but he's right. Trouble is, even after being sedated I'm still as jumpy as a wallaby. I feel like running but it's really hard to walk let alone run, and besides, I'd probably get arrested. This is so painful, it won't go away.

He's holding me, cuddling me and kissing me. Love this normally, but now I am so frustrated. Oh God I'm crying, this is just too much. He told me that they'd kept this out of the records, that few people actually know what's happened. I appreciate that, I really do, but I can't take much more of this. Why couldn't Janet keep me out for another day? Hell, he's hard now, I suppose I can let him do whatever he wants, no point in making him suffer.

Can't do this, can't help him, it's upsetting me too much.

"Ah fuck it," he says.

"FUCK WHAT DAMMIT? I've run out of things!"

Oh no, he's laughing at me again, I hate that.

"Oh God, sorry Daniel, I'm so sorry, but if it had happened to me you'd be laughing your ass off too."

"That's the only thing that's happening to your ass, Jack. Why don't you let me have another try, please."

"Daniel, I'm sorry, I'm still sore from last time. Ten minutes hard at it is a hell of a long time, you know."

"Sorry Jack, didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know hun, I know." Oh hell, back to the kissing and fondling.

"Let's get drunk," he says. Oh goody, maybe brewer's droop will occur. Only then I'll need the enhanced Viagra to get it back up again should we ever have something that resembles a normal sex life.

"Why not?" I reply. This is more frustrating than I could ever imagine. I mean, I got frustrated when those pricks wouldn't listen to what I was actually saying in the lecture, I got really frustrated in Mac'hello's body. And the frustration that I got in that padded room and the straightjacket was beyond description. This is even worse. More so because it physically hurts. Not to mention terminally mortifying. I think I'm going to die from blushing.

"Look, Jack, God you are so beautiful. C'mere, I wanna eat you all up. Don' worry, he's wilting, at last. Look! No don't grab it, now look what you've done, all this drinkin' gone to waste. He's back 'p again."

"Sorry Daniel, got carried away."

"Yeah, well you should be. Drink?"

How did I get here? I don't remember. What's that? Oh yeah, Daniel. Gerroff you lump. Good, he's asleep. Noise, what's that noise. Ringing. Phone, oh yeah, answer the phone.


"Good morning Jack. How's our boy?"


"Oh dear, do you want to bring him into the infirmary?"

"Not really, spent hours getting him that drunk Sir, don't want the good doctor undoing all my good work."

"Oh. I see. I suppose you two want the day off?"

"You're going to make me stay with him? Please Sir, that's cruel and unusual punishment. Let me come in."

"Oh I'm sorry, Colonel, but he obviously needs someone to look after him, and I couldn't really send one of our pretty nurses there could I?" I can hear the smug bastard grinning from here.

"How about one of the ugly ones, Sir?"

There's a muffled noise, I think he's got his hand over the mouthpiece.

"I'll see you both tomorrow then Colonel. Assuming you can both walk that is."

"General! George, have a heart. I've just spent the last twenty-four hours fighting him off. I'm tired, I'm afraid to sleep too much in case he gets me when my guard's down. HELP ME!"

"Don't worry Colonel, when this is over I'll recommend you for a long-service medal." THE BASTARD! He's taking the piss.

Daniel's stirring. "Who was that?" he mumbles.

"The General."

"What'd he want?"

"Something about a medal ceremony."

He pulls the pillow over his head. I just about make out the words, "Here we go again."