Part 3

Colonel Carter's S.G.C., shortly after the departure of S.G.-0.5 + 2

Chapter 14 - In which the shit hits the fan.

Khadim was gone for a long time. We suspected that this was indeed just a stalling tactic, designed to keep us away from General O'Neill, and we hoped it was a sign of their concern about the general's will to fight the possession. It also gave the rest of our party plenty of time to return from the bathroom which deprived us of that excuse for stalling.

Our three men returned looking quietly satisfied. Even Daniel didn't look unhappy as he passed Nirrti's device on to me. I surmised that all those wooden boxes and closets, whose function seemed to be a display of affluence for the most part, had now been put to better use. So far, so good. Apparently. Shame the zat blasts fried the circuits of the out-of-phase devices though.

While we waited for Khadim to return, we ate a few more of the substitute 'moon cakes', just to show willing in case anyone was counting, and discussed our progress in low voices. We were a little surprised that Lankesh had either not noticed our predations on his house guards, or had noticed, yet had taken no action against us.

"If he's a goa'uld, it's not entirely surprising," Major Carter said. "They aren't noted for under-confidence."

"Apophis had no doubt about his own superiority," Teal'c agreed. "It did not occur to him that mere humans would not share his belief in his supreme power. The occasional revolt therefore always took him by surprise. Then he exacted extremely harsh retribution against those who rose against him."

"If Lankesh is playing a waiting game," General Makepeace suggested, "maybe he's prepared to take a loss or two, and if he has a strong force of Jaffa out back, perhaps he doesn't feel threatened, and he has our whole world to play for."

"But he knows who we are," Daniel said, "so he must know what we're capable of. I think we'd better watch our backs very carefully."

I had a sudden worrying thought.

"Oh-oh, I think I lost a button," I said, bobbing down below the table top and slipping on the device.

When I sat up again, I saw two more guards standing to either side of the main doors into Lankesh's audience chamber. I bobbed down again to remove the device before reappearing.

"Shit," I murmured, then aloud I said, "Oh dear, I think I lost two buttons. Thought I felt something drop the last time we went through those doors to see Lankesh." I nodded towards them, then in my best girly high-on-mooncakes voice added, "General O'Neill will be all over me if he has to requisition any more this month. I must be getting fat or something."

"I will help you search, Colonel Carter."

Teal'c stood up as I grabbed my pack, hoping the guards weren't sharp enough to wonder why. We wandered towards the doors, backs bent over and eyes focused on the floor.

"They're gonna be darned hard to spot on these fancy tiles," I lamented as I slid my TER from my pack.

When I was to the left of the door, Teal'c beside me, I stood up and leveled the TER, revealing both guards in its ray. Teal'c zatted them both before they had time to realize what was going on. The others joined in as we secured them with the plastic ties and gaffer-taped their mouths.

The storage chests here contained a few blankets, so we wrapped the guards up before we dumped them in. We didn't want them knocking to be let out at an inappropriate moment. We'd just finished and returned to our places round the tables when Khadim returned.

"Please to follow me," he said.

We followed him down to Manindra's lab. I was at the rear of the group and just before we entered, I slipped on the device. Fuck! Positioned along two adjacent walls were ten guards, all armed with tranq guns ready to cover the room with cross fire.

There were also six gurneys in the center of the room and we could see why we'd been kept away from General O'Neill; he was strapped down on one of them. This did not look good.

Before any of us could react, Lankesh appeared - or rather his hologram did.

"We are all ready for you," he smiled smugly. "The implants have been prepared and this time you will receive them."

His words were reinforced by the all-too-familiar clunking sound of approaching Jaffa. So he was a goa'uld, and true to type, he couldn't resist a little megalomaniac gloating.

"That fool, Apophis, might have fallen for your wiles, but you are not dealing with Apophis now. You are dealing with me, Ravana. When I have control of you, you will return to your world and hand it over to me."

"I don't think so!" Major Carter snarled, activating her zat gun as tranq. darts zipped across the room.

She managed to get off two shots before she collapsed. The first hit the petri dishes neatly stacked on the trolley, and the second, General O'Neill.

I zatted Manindra and a couple of the guards before darkness closed in on me.

Mahishmati

Chapter 15 - In which five are in the dark and one is missing

When I opened my eyes again, I wasn't sure whether I had or not. All around was that can't-see-your-hand-in-front-of-your-face shade of black. I could hear small scuttling sounds which I took to be rats - not my favorite animals. The stench in there was pretty ripe too. Stale urine and vomit seemed to be the principal components of the odor.

Based on the pains I felt as I went for the sitting up maneuver, I guessed they hadn't taken too much care when they dumped us in this cell - dungeon - whatever. I could've done without the pounding head too. Exploring fingers found a lump the size of a duck's egg on my right temple. I winced when I found it and hoped I wasn't concussed. Of course I couldn't do the usual test as I couldn't see any fingers at all.

This wasn't terribly bright of Lankesh's men, as our condition - assuming I hadn't been singled out for brutal treatment - would be a dead give-away that all was not well when we were sent ho— Oh no. My heart sank as my brain diverted my thoughts into an unwelcome siding. Goa'uld... Sarcophagus...

"Argh! Fuck a duck!" came a welcome familiar voice from about ten feet away.

"I take it it worked, sir?" Major Carter's voice came from a little to my right.

"Oh it was you who zatted me was it?" General O'Neill said grumpily.

"Er, yes. Um— sorry, sir."

"Don't worry about it, Major. I will be fittingly grateful in a little while. Anyone else here, please his - or her - hand."

There was a pained chuckle from Daniel. General Makepeace and I both said, "Present."

Then there was silence.

"Teal'c...? Are you there...? T-buddy, answer me..." General O'Neill ordered, sounding increasingly anxious at the lack of response.

We felt around in the dark for a while, but came up empty. Teal'c wasn't with us. It seemed like the temperature suddenly dropped several degrees. I didn't like to think about the possible - probable - reason for his absence. Nice as it would've been to think that maybe he'd managed to elude capture and was currently out there working on a way of rescuing us, we knew it wasn't the case. It was time to take stock.

"Anyone know how long we've been out?" General O'Neill asked. "My chronometer's... missing."

It was only a matter of moments to ascertain that we'd been stripped of all our possessions except clothes and boots.

"And this," Major Carter said.

General O'Neill gave an exasperated sigh in darkness prompting an explanation.

"Sorry. I keep a few of my lock pick tools hidden in my boots. Figure they might come in handy some time."

"Well let's hope this is one of them," General Makepeace said. "Don't suppose they missed Nirrti's device, Colonel?"

"'Fraid not, sir. The out-of-phase guards could definitely see me, but I guess the Jaffa couldn't. Bit of a give-away."

"Let's just hope this cell has a door," Daniel said gloomily.

"What? Of course it has a door. How else would we have gotten in?"

"We might've been dropped in, Jack. It sure feels like it!"

"A trap door? Shit," Major Carter said, "Hadn't thought of that."

"Yeah well, Daniel has plenty of experience of falling into rooms. Seems to go with the territory when you're an archaeologist."

There was an indignant snort from Daniel as the general continued, "Okay folks, let's see if we can find a way out of here."

It was a case of first find your walls. I concluded that the cell was designed to accommodate several dozen prisoners at least as we stumbled around in the dark. There was an assortment of 'things' on the uneven dirt floor. I didn't like to speculate about what they might be. When we'd all found a wall, General Makepeace suggested that we move clockwise to make sure we didn't miss anything.

"Just allay my curiosity, Major," General O'Neill said as we felt our way along the rough stone walls. "What inspired you to zat me?"

"I thought it was possible that the bio-chip might be an electro-active polymer, so I figured— "

"That the electrical charge from the zat would disrupt it?"

"Oh— Actually, yes sir."

"Good thinking, and don't sound so surprised. I may not be a scientist, but I'm not stupid and I can follow your logic. I am also profoundly thankful for it," he said, adding with venom, "Fuckin' snakeheads!"

"She zatted the bio-chips they'd got lined up waiting for the rest of us too," I said, "so that might buy us a little time."

"I zatted Manindra," Daniel put in.

"Really? So did I," I said.

"Well if he's dead, that's the end of it surely?" General Makepeace grunted.

"You're forgetting, Robert. We're dealing with a goold here. Manindra's probably as fit as a flea by now."

"Unless Teal'c managed to zat him too," Major Carter said, though without any conviction in her voice.

"Found it!" Daniel cried.

The door was made of metal and by good luck, it had a keyhole on our side. It'd occurred to me that this might not be the case. Major Carter called for silence while she put her ear to the door. If there was anyone outside, he or they must've been quiet as the next thing we heard was a metallic scraping interspersed with the occasional expletive.

"Broken a nail, Major?" General O'Neill asked with as much concern as humor.

She didn't dignify the comment with an answer. Eventually there was a satisfying clunk. Everyone was silent again as she listened. Hearing nothing, she cautiously edged the door open a fraction. A thin sliver of very dark grey appeared along its edge. Still no sound. She opened it further and peeped out.

The door gave on to a passage that was almost as dark as our cell. We weren't sure whether this was because it was still night, or we were just a long way from daylight. In the opposite wall of the passage was another door. With our luck, it would be a Jaffa guard room. Or maybe Teal'c was held in there. Finding out might be a risk too far.

Mahishmati

Chapter 16 - In which things go with a bang

Major Carter stuck her head out into the passage and looked around. To the right, there was another pair of doors opposite each other and then a dead end; to the left, there was another passage across the end. It was illuminated, though dimly.

She slid out into the passage and went up to the corner and looked round. At that point, we heard the echoing sound of marching boots, hopefully just a regular patrol. Thank goodness the Jaffa were unfamiliar with the concept of stealth. The major had plenty of time to return and push the door to before the Jaffa turned into our side passage. Then there was the sound, muted but audible, of the door opposite being opened.

"Throw the shol'va inside," came a stentorian voice. "Lord Ravana will deal with him later."

Finally there was a clang of the door being forcefully shut, and the sound of receding footsteps. As soon as the coast was clear, Major Carter was out into to the passage and jiggling a pick in the lock. Knowing which tool was best, the second time was much quicker.

The two generals then located Teal'c and dragged him into our cell. He was unconscious but still breathing, albeit a little raggedly.

"I hope his symbiote can fix this, and soon," I said.

"Your Teal'c still has Junior? Ours lost his, so now he uses tretonin."

Major Carter explained how this happened. Looks like we'd better book Pangara for a future mission. As she finished, Teal'c groaned.

"Hey there, T-buddy. How're ya doin'?"

"I think... I may have several... cracked ribs... but I will survive, O'Neill."

I was worried because just speaking seemed to take a lot of effort, and Teal'c is worse than Daniel at underplaying injuries. However, after about half an hour, he sounded more like his normal self. We'd heard two more Jaffa patrols pass along the main corridor, the last one a couple of minutes earlier which suggested that they had a roughly fifteen minute schedule.

"What we need right now is a diversion," General O'Neill muttered.

As he spoke, there was a dull boom in the distance. The floor shook and there was the trickling sound of falling mortar.

"Uh-huh. Someone leave some C4 lying about with a timer?" he asked.

No one accepted responsibility. There was a second loud bang that sounded closer. Major Carter opened the door as the reverberations died away, then came a third explosion and a fourth. We heard Jaffa running. They passed on by our side passage and continued running in the direction of the blasts. It sounded like a whole platoon.

"Carter, take point," General O'Neill ordered. "I'll help Teal'c. Makepeace—"

"I'll watch your six."

The two generals helped Teal'c to his feet then we left to the sounds of departing Jaffa. There was a flickering reddish glow filtering through from the right so we turned left at the junction, hoping we wouldn't run into any more Jaffa.

About a hundred feet along was a well-lit flight of steep stairs. As we hurried up them, another explosion shook the building. We could hear masonry collapsing in the distance.

At the top of the stairs, a short landing led to a guard room. Its double doors had been left open. Obviously the Jaffa had left in great haste. A couple of zats and a staff weapon had been left behind— or their owners were elsewhere... We figured they were better in our hands than theirs. I took the staff; Daniel and the major grabbed the zats.

We carried straight on through another pair of doors which gave on to a passageway. The only option was left. Before we continued, we closed the doors then fried the lock to slow up any pursuit.

Fifty feet along on the left was a wide single door. As we reached it, it opened. A bleary-eyed Jaffa came out. Daniel zatted him. Major Carter looked into the room - a dormitory - and caught another couple of stragglers. We bundled the first Jaffa back into the dorm. and immobilized all three. We figured the loss of time was worth not having to worry about them on our tail later.

A little further along, we came to a narrow passage off to the right. The main passage continued ahead, well lit. The side passage was dim and its walls were smooth like marble, in contrast to the rough stonework of the other passages.

"We should go right," Teal'c said.

His voice still hoarse and raspy though he seemed to be resting less heavily against General O'Neill. The general took him at his word. Teal'c was usually right in such matters. I went ahead, feeling my way along the wall, until I came to a wall blocking my path and no side turns.

"It's a dead end, Teal'c."

"I do not think so. I suspect there is a hidden catch which will open a concealed door."

"Right."

Major Carter and I began a finger tip search of the walls around the dead end, but couldn't find any break in the cold smooth facing.

"What I wouldn't give for a flashlight right now," she said.

I agreed.

"I have an idea," Daniel said, then we heard him walking quietly back down the passage.

Whatever his idea was, it worked. The wall at the end slid softly and evenly to the left. In front of us was what, at first sight, I took to be a gold brocade curtain. Then suddenly I knew where we were. Before I could say anything, the silence was broken by Lankesh.

Mahishmati

Chapter 17 - In which Lankesh sees double

My surmise was correct. We were in Lankesh's throne room behind that gaudy baldachin, and we weren't alone.

"I warn you, General O'Neill, my patience is wearing very thin. You will tell me how you escaped and wrecked my palace? Someone must have helped you. Who was it? Answer!"

"What's up? Scared I got an army out there?" came a familiar snarky voice as we crept out of what must be Lankesh's bolt hole.

"I know you have not. Only four people came through the Pathar Anguthi. Now, who are they and where are they?"

"Ah, ya got me there. Don't know."

"What about you, Doctor Jackson?"

"I have no idea— unghh..."

That sounded like another Daniel getting the ribbon device treatment. I looked at General O'Neill. He grabbed my staff weapon and stepped out from behind the throne, leveling the staff at Lankesh.

"Stop it," he said, activating the weapon.

His voice was low, but conveyed both authority and menace. Lankesh spun round in surprise.

"And you - Jaffa - put down your weapons or Lankesh gets it. Ya hear me? Kree!"

"I'd do as he says," said a voice I didn't recognize.

"Maybourne?" Major Carter murmured in surprise.

There was the clatter of staff weapons being laid down.

"You know him?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah," she said as the rest of us left cover.

This Maybourne had come through the main doors and had a P90 trained on the bad guys. Lankesh was looking from one O'Neill to the other.

"Yeah, you're not the only one who can be in two places at the same time," General O'Neill was saying."

Lankesh turned back to address Colonel O'Neill.

"You are a clone?"

"Excuse me?" The colonel looked offended.

"An android, then?"

"Oh for crying out loud! Just shoot him, would ya."

"Don't want to interrupt, but I think we should be making tracks," this Maybourne said, "Sooner would be better than later— If you know what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, sorry, Lankesh," Colonel O'Neill said, "love to stay and chat but we have got to go."

The rest of us joined our rescuers.

"And don't bother to follow us," General O'Neill added as Lankesh's face flushed a furious red. "I can guarantee you'll regret it."

With that, the ten of us left through the main door.

"He'll regret it more if he doesn't," Maybourne said cryptically then broke into a run. "Suggest you guys hoof it a bit quicker."

We ran out into the night. As we cleared the building, two tremendous explosions lit up the sky. Almost simultaneously, they rocked the Dhawal Mahal. Part of the roof collapsed with a dull rumble. Clouds of dust and debris followed us across the walled garden.

There was no sound of pursuit, so once we'd crossed the market place, which was rapidly filling with the curious and confused, we slowed our pace to accommodate Teal'c.

"Harry, what was that?" Colonel O'Neill asked as we threaded our way back through the gathering throng that filled the narrow streets.

"Oh just a little project I've been supervising," Maybourne said mysteriously.

"And that would be?"

"Well, if you must know, it's just a little naquadria enhanced C4. Can't think why Sam hasn't tried it."

"What?!" Major Carter exclaimed. "T-That's highly unstable. You must be mad!"

"What's the problem? It worked, didn't it?"

"Naquadria? Don't you mean naquadah?" I asked.

"No. It's the stuff that cost Daniel his life, so if you haven't been to Colona... Well, just— don't."

Mahishmati

Chapter 18 - In which dots are joined

As we walked back to the Stargate, a faint light grew along the horizon, and Major Carter's team filled in the details for us.

Their writers had been torn between a clip show and the comedy option. The appearance of Harry Maybourne (a C.I.A. agent/disgraced U.S.A.F. officer with the knowledge to find our universe), combined with the mention of the return of Jay Felger (whom I do not know and do not wish to), provided the means and the spur for them to track down Major Carter— That and their genuine concern for Major Carter.

As the rest of their S.G.-1 had done this off their own bat without the knowledge or assistance of their writers, we had fun imagining their confusion at having no S.G.-1 all.

"Definitely the clip show," their Daniel laughed. "I mean, they don't need us for that. I'm sure George and Walter can hold the fort."

"They could even bring in the new President," Colonel O'Neill added. "He sounds like a good guy."

"Then at least we have spared our audience a further encounter with the moonstruck mind of Jay Felger."

"And that has to be a plus, T!"

"So how did you end up here?" I want to know.

"Well, initially, your security guys had us locked up," Colonel O'Neill said. "My key card wouldn't operate your elevator and this bright young captain— "

"Ah, that would be Captain Yates. He's very keen - wants to go off-world," Daniel said.

"Yeah, well, he's very observant, I'll give him that," the colonel said drily. They were then 'rescued' by Harry Maybourne, rather to Colonel O'Neill's chagrin.

When the siren had sounded, bringing S.F.s running, Agent Maybourne's curiosity had led him to follow them into my world and had seen them apprehended. He'd returned to Major Carter's lab to collect his briefcase which contained a number of useful items including the enhanced C4. It also had copies of a couple of mimic devices recovered from the alien incursion four years earlier.

Wearing the appearance of Major Davis, he'd managed to see our General Hammond, explain the circumstances and have the S.G.-1 members released. A long briefing had followed during which, the Major Davis disguise had flicked and died, leaving Harry Maybourne.

"I knew it was you all along, Harry."

Harry gave a smug laugh. "Sure you did, Jack."

As several hours had passed without any contact from us, General Hammond had gone along with a covert rescue mission in the first instance. Daniel and I had compiled a sketch map of Dhawal Mahal, Mahishmati and the surrounding area so far as we knew it, which had proved useful.

Well equipped, they'd taken advantage of night on the planet, and exited the 'Gate at a sprint, heads down, hoping that, although it was likely their presence would be noted, their identities wouldn't.

"I take it you didn't have any trouble, Colonel," Major Carter said.

"Well, we were kinda hopin' they weren't watching when we arrived, as it was night, but..."

"They sent a Jaffa patrol out to the 'Gate," their Teal'c explained, "presumably in response to its activation."

"So you got into a fire fight?" Daniel said as if this was a foregone conclusion.

"Actually, no," their Daniel replied. "Harry said it was supposed to be a covert mission— "

"What he meant was that he didn't fancy getting shot," Colonel O'Neill chipped in.

"And you did?" Harry Maybourne hit back drily.

"No. Obviously. I just didn't want them shooting me in the back later on."

"Oh stop bitching and get on with it," General Makepeace snapped.

Daniel took up the tale. "There was a herd of those deer-like animals between us and the city. We saw lights coming out of the 'Gate in distance. We didn't think it likely the welcoming party would be all that friendly, so we just kept the deer between them and us."

"I don't know, Jaffa the universe over have no imagination."

"Well, be thankful for it, Jack."

"I am. Just sayin'..."

General Makepeace gave an impatient cough which prompted Teal'c to continue.

"We did a recon. around the rear of the main complex and found a means of entry. This appeared to be a laundry room which was deserted, it being night time. From there, we carefully infiltrated the building, finally coming upon two Jaffa who were less alert than they should have been. They were somewhat surprised to see me, which enabled the others to get the fall on them."

"Drop, T. Get the drop on them."

"I am aware, O'Neill. Farce of habit. Kindly refrain from interrupting. We interrogated the Jaffa," he continued, "then Harry Maybourne zatted them. We placed C4 in such a way as to create the maximum of disturbance without impairing the integrity of the building in the vicinity of the cells. We then withdrew with the intention of returning in the aftermath of the explosions when your guards would be disoriented."

"Unfortunately, as we were leaving the laundry, we ran into those Jaffa that Maybourne wouldn't let me shoot!"

"We don't know they were the same ones, Jack."

"Whatever. We got captured— "

"I didn't," Maybourne said smugly.

"Yeah... About that— ?"

"Got to admit I'm good, Jack."

There was an aggravated snort from the colonel, who added finally, "So then we were dragged before his Lankeshship, and the rest you know."

We'd nearly reached the 'Gate by now and the sky was noticeably lighter. Looking back, there was a red glow over the city and no sign of pursuit.

"I'd like to come back here later," Daniel said.

"What the hell for," General Makepeace demanded.

"To make sure Lankesh is dead."

"What? He must be after those last two blasts."

"Probably, but we can't be sure he doesn't have a sarcophagus."

"Yes, we can," Maybourne interrupted. "He did have a sarc."

"Well, there you are then— "

"Did I hear that right?" General O'Neill said, addressing Maybourne. "Did you say Lankesh did have a sarcophagus? Past tense?"

"Yeah. I put one block of explosive on the door post of Lankesh's throne room and one in his sarc. Couldn't be certain there wasn't someone there stupid enough to put him in it," Maybourne shrugged.

"Back up a moment there," Colonel O'Neill joined in. "Where - and how - did you find this sarc.?"

"Trade secrets, Jack. Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies."

The colonel snorted. "Well, it's not like you and truth are joined at the hip, is it?"

"Jack! You mortify me, and after I just hauled your nuts out the fire. Again. I think 'Thank you, Harry' would be more appropriate. "

After Harry had collected his dues on that score, General Makepeace said, "So we don't have any reason to come back now, do we, Daniel?"

"On the contrary. We have every reason to return." It was the other Daniel who spoke.

"What? Why?"

"Well, this happens a lot in our universe," he said, working up to something of a tirade. "We go to other people's worlds, tell them they're - they're doing it all wrong, start dismantling their social structure, then we pack up and go home and leave them to - to pick up the pieces. It's not fair - it's not right."

"Hey!" General Makepeace protested, "We just freed these people from tyranny! What more can we do?"

"Make sure a worse tyrant doesn't take Lankesh's place," our Daniel said.

General O'Neill turned to Colonel O'Neill. "And then people wonder how come he keeps getting killed..."

"Yeah. And the really annoying thing is that he's almost always right."

"Look, I noticed that quite a lot of people were wearing dark glasses, the same as Jack was wearing after he was implanted, Daniel continued. "I suspect Lankesh was running a semi-voluntary slave culture."

"Semi-voluntary?"

"Yes. People who don't make trouble, who accept Lankesh's rule, are - were - left to get on with their lives. Anyone who made waves got implanted and controlled by Lankesh and his men. We've removed Lankesh - probably - but the system is still in place. It's just waiting for someone - maybe Khadim if he survived - to take over— A - A bit like Pyrus on P3R-636. We have to stop that."

"And how do we do that?" General Makepeace asked, rather scathingly.

"Um - well - we could - ah - we could send in S.G.-9 to discuss trade terms."

"Yeah, this planet has plenty of naquadah, remember," I said. "It would make sense. This mission's just a bust if we don't follow through on that."

"You got a point there," General Makepeace conceded, a little reluctantly.

"Ri-ight," Daniel said, catching on quickly. "And we could send in a couple of marine teams to back them up and deal with any trouble."

"Sounds like a plan," Colonel O'Neill said. "Now, can we please get outta here? Looks like your Teal'c could use a little R. and R."

"Okay. Daniel, dial it up."

The A.U. S.G.C.

Chapter 19 - In which decisions are made

After a very long briefing, we looked in on Teal'c in the infirmary. He was adamant that his symbiote could take care of things, but Janet wasn't happy about his injuries and insisted he stay in the infirmary. He was therefore stuck in a quiet side ward to kelno'reem. The two Daniels went and collected candles from his quarters and set them up around Teal'c then quietly crept out.

General Makepeace disappeared to brief his marines for the forthcoming return to Mahishmati, and the rest of us headed for the commissary.

"Mm, this tastes like lemon chicken," Major Carter said appreciatively.

"What's your point," Colonel O'Neill asked.

"It is lemon chicken, sir."

"Oh. Well enjoy it while you can, Carter. It's time we were going home."

She gave an oh-do-we-have-to? sigh. "I've had a really great time here," she said wistfully, "even though things didn't go entirely to plan. Thank you, Colonel Carter."

"My pleasure." It had been interesting and the end result looked promising. "You really don't want to go back, do you?"

"Are you kidding? Back to making doe-eyes at the colonel - no offense, sir, but you're really not my type - making stupid cock-ups and getting away with it, and saving the planet by wiggling my little finger? Well, no shit, Sherlock! Um, sorry, ma'am."

I chuckled. "That's okay, Major. I can see where you're coming from, even o if others" - pointed look at Colonel O'Neill - "can't..."

"Hey, I'm not unsympathetic," he protested. "You think I enjoy looking like an insensitive semi-literate clown?"

"You mean you don't, Jack?" their Daniel grinned, and ducked a playful swat from Colonel O'Neill.

Major Carter and I exchanged a knowing look.

"And while we're at it, Teal'c and I are getting a tad fed up of your 'Big Romance' too."

We all looked at Teal'c. He looked slowly and imperiously around the group.

"I am not saying the 'I' word," he said with great dignity.

It cracked us up.

"However," he continued as the laughter subsided, "I am in complete agreement with my learned colleague in this respect."

All eyes then switched to Colonel O'Neill.

"So what are you saying? That we don't go back?"

Three pairs of eyes lit up and three heads nodded.

"We wouldn't be the first," Major Carter said. "But where would we go? We can't stay here. There's no place for us. And then there's the little matter of our contracts."

"They'd have to find us first," Maybourne offered urbanely.

"Us?"

"Sure, Jack. You need me. They need me. If it wasn't for me, you three would still be hiding out, trying to evade the writers, and the rest of you would quite possibly still be prisoners of Lankesh, waiting to be his Trojan horse..."

"Never been much of a one for modesty, have you, Maybourne?"

"He's got a point, Jack."

With a sigh, the colonel capitulated. "Okay, you can tag along if you really must— if we don't go back."

"Daniel, you remember you said another Sam stayed behind and went to join the Tok'ra?"

He nodded.

"Wasn't there any trouble afterwards?"

"Actually, it was very good timing. Harlan had begged us to rescue his androids on Juna. We switched her with the android Carter."

"Oh. Guess your androids weren't wiped out then?" Major Carter said ruefully.

"And yours were? Yet another asset tossed out with the garbage, huh?"

"'Fraid so," she sighed.

"You swapped Carter with a robot?" Colonel O'Neill said. "What about the little problem of blood samples?"

"Oh, that Sam wrote a message for Janet," Daniel said, "asking her to... er... "

"Fake it?" Colonel O'Neill thought for a moment. "Ya know, I might have gotten a little tetchy about those guys, but the more I see of Jay Felger, the more I appreciate robots."

"So we're not going back then, sir?"

"Well, if the good folks here can find us a better alternative..."

There was a lengthy discussion of possibilities. They needed a world where the indigenous population were neither too primitive nor too advanced and where the Tau'ri were welcome. Colonel O'Neill was much averse to joining the Tok'ra and Juna wasn't advanced enough for the major. Teal'c was concerned about meeting our Teal'c's family on Chulak, and while Daniel loved Kheb, he didn't fancy putting himself anywhere near Oma Desala - didn't want her to think he'd changed his mind...

In the end, they settled on PXY-887. They took a little persuading as things hadn't gone as well as they might have on their side of the mirror. Once they were assured that we were on good terms with both the Salish and their shape-shifting guardians, they became positively enthusiastic.

It was also decided that their S.G.-1 would simply disappear. Maybe then, their writers might appreciate what they'd lost through their cavalier treatment of their principal assets. Their Daniel expressed some doubt about this.

That was several months ago. Major Carter has been in touch a few times, mostly to request parts for various projects. So far as I am aware, her S.G.-1 are successfully engaging in missions against the goa'uld, recruiting rebel Jaffa and assisting the Tok'ra - the latter very reluctantly in Colonel O'Neill's case.

At other times, Major Carter has a free rein in scientific development - providing she does it well away from any centers of civilization. Daniel is compiling an anthropological history of the Salish. Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c, along with Tonane and a few of the braves have a spent a lot of time fishing, although the colonel has yet to catch anything. No doubt there will be a grand celebration if ever he does.

Conclusion: Earlier in The Other Place

The two writers were sitting at their conference table, looking around at the cracks in the ceiling, twiddling their thumbs and occasionally heaving lugubrious sighs. The tall thin one finally leaned back and clasped his hands behind his head.

"Y'know, I think we're going to have to face it; they're not coming back," he said.

"They have to. Eventually. They're under contract," the other pointed out.

"So? We go to law. The judge asks where the defaulters are. What do we say? That they're in another universe? Please!"

"No need," said the tubby one. "We just say they've left the country and apply to have their ass— Huh?!"

There was a brilliant flash of light and a small gray being with large sorrowful dark eyes stood before them.

"I thought he was a computer graphic." The short fat writer said with wary look at his companion.

"Apparently not."

"What have you done with O'Neill?" Thor asked. There was an accusing note in his voice.

"Nothing. He's... he's not around at the moment," the short fat one said, trying not to look too shifty.

"He is not around in this entire universe," Thor said mournfully. His eyes looked distinctly watery as he asked, "He is not dead?"

"Certainly not! He's just... er... taking a holiday."

"In another universe," the tall thin one added.

"Then I shall search all the universes until I find him," Thor said in an uncharacteristically tremulous voice, and promptly disappeared in blinding flash.

The two writers looked at each other.

"Jack/Thor slash?" said the tall thin one.

"That's just... sick," said his colleague.

They were still discussing the vexed question of how they might solve the breach of contract problem when a familiar man entered in a more conventional manner.

"Airman, Master Sergeant, Norman, Walter, Davis, Harriman— " the pair began.

"Oh just pick a name and stick to it," the technician snapped. "Sirs."

"Sorry, Sergeant— Um... So - do you have any news?"

"We've had reports coming in from the Springs that bright lights have been seen over the town and certain properties have been cleared of all their contents."

"Uh-huh?" said the short fat writer. "Oh well, we can still gain access to their bank accounts."

"'Fraid not, sir. S.G.-1's banks confirm that their accounts have been closed."

"What?! How the hell did Thor get their account details?"

"I couldn't say, sir," said Sergeant Um innocently, and quietly withdrew.

"Oh fuck! We are so screwed," lamented the tall thin writer.

"No-ot necessarily." There was a speculative gleam in the short fat writer's eye.

"What?"

"Well, as one door closes, another door opens as they say. Our ungrateful characters haven't so much left us in the lurch as cleared the way for a brilliant new spin-off series." The tubby little guy spread his hands in a triumphant gesture of revelation. "We can now unveil... 'Stargate - the Dream Team'!"

"What? Who?"

"We'll bring back Jonas Quinn as the team leader, with that feisty Major Jennifer Hailey as his 2IC."

His companion squawked a disbelieving protest, but the short fat writer was too carried away by his vision to notice the interruption.

"Doctor Jay Felger will make an excellent replacement for Jackson, and with Anise as the eye candy for the guys, we can't fail. The fans will lap it up! —What?"

The tall thin writer was banging his head on the desk, wondering if he could persuade his partner in crime to stand in front of an incoming wormhole. It would be justifiable homicide.

Fizz... Ting!

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This little bit of fun was added on 6 AUG 2005