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Saturday, March 25th, 2006

Subject: Needing therapy and getting it...
Mood: . satisfied

Music: 'Two Out of Three Ain't Bad' - Meatloaf

We were really disheartened by the mission. On the plus side we had saved a couple of dozen war orphans - always good. The downside of course, is the realization that humans seem incapable of getting on with each other without this eternal rush to war. No matter how near to perfect a lifestyle is - or maybe because of its nearness to perfection - someone has to come along and spoil it. What's the matter with 'live and let live,' for fuck's sake? I despair, I really do.

And then there's Linea. When she was at the S.G.C., she said there were two people inside of her and one of them was a monster. Then she said that, in time, the monster would win. They're right. I am a wooly-minded idealist - or was then. Not so much now. Not sure if that's entirely a good thing. Yes, it has to be. How many people have died because I chose to see the best in Ke'ra and closed my eyes to what she really is? Folly, thy name is Daniel Jackson!

In search of a little escapism from real life troubles, we went over to Teal'c's apartment again to watch the final two episodes of WX. We were all pleased to see Valda making a return to the show. She brightens things up considerably.

In the 'intermission,' we shared out the food we'd brought and Teal'c provided sodas. I felt I needed something a little stronger and found some whisky.

The final episode, 'Tintagel,' while entertaining in the Jerry and Perry knock-about style, was hardly science fiction. I know Doctor Johnson is supposed to be an expert in mythology, but the plot was more like fantasy.

"Oh, isn't that just typical!" Sam exclaimed indignantly. "If the little girl has what it takes to pull the sword out of the stone, then why didn't she defeat the Black Knight?"

"Because she's a gurrl?" Cameron surmised.

"Yeah right! We know she can use a sword. If we have to have a magic sword in a sci-fi show, why shouldn't it be light enough for a girl wield - like carbon fibre - and supernaturally enhance her ability to use it?"

"Because swords are boys' toys, Sam," Cameron said, a little too smugly for his own good, as Sam flung a throw pillow at him. Teal'c reached and grabbed it from him before it escalated into all out war.

We felt very let down by the supposed cliffhanger ending. The space battle was way too suicidal, even by my standards.

"Completely pointless," Cam grumbled.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed sourly. "Have they not heard of the Tau'ri saying that 'he who departs the field of battle early may yet triumph upon the following day'?"

Cam did a double-take at that, not being as familiar with Jaffa humor as we are. "You mean, 'he who fights and runs away, lives to...' What?" he demanded as we cracked up.

"In all seriousness, Cameron Mitchell, the only chance to inflict damage would be to focus all fire upon the first 'ship through the Supergate immediately it appeared."

Sam's eyes lit up. "Yes! It might be slowed down enough for the following ships to run into the back of it."

"Like a monster cosmic car wreck?" Cam said. "Sounds good. Would it work?"

"Hey, if you're gonna have magic swords in the show, then why wouldn't it work?" Sam said snippily.

I sighed. "It seemed like a monumental waste of human life." I poured myself another whisky.

"Steady, Jackson, you gotta drive home," Cam said.

"No. I don't. I'll leave the car here and call a cab. I'm not completely stupid, y'know," I snapped, adding sotto voce, "Just mostly stupid."

"It's okay, I'll take you home," Sam offered.

"No, I'll take him," Cam said. "It's not so far out of my way."

We stayed a while, brothers - and sister - in arms, just pleasantly chatting until Sam said she was beginning to feel sleepy, and the party broke up.

Neither of us said anything on the drive home. When we arrived, I invited him in for a nightcap by way of thanks. Rather to my surprise, he accepted. As we went in, I took off my jacket and toed off my shoes.

"What can I get you?" I asked. "And sit down, make yourself at home." He didn't take his jacket off so I figured he wasn't planning on staying long.

"I'll have whatever you're having."

"Well, I'm hitting the single malt," I said, a little defiantly.

"Fine. A small one won't hurt."

I poured two glasses and handed one to him as I sat next to him on the couch. There was an awkward silence for a while.

Cameron cleared his throat. "So what's bugging you, Daniel?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine," I said, thinking that inviting him in might have been a bad move.

"You're not fine and it's not nothing."

"Please, Cam, just— leave out the amateur psychology, okay?"

"It's not okay. I know the mission turned out to be a pain in the ass and we got nothing out of it— "

"Is that what you think?" I snapped, "That I'm upset because we didn't come away with something concrete at the end of it?"

"No! No, of course not. I think you're upset about the war and its human consequences."

"Maybe. Partly," I conceded, focusing on my glass and then taking a mouthful. I appreciated its fiery burn.

"The rest of us don't like it either, but we're not looking for the solution in a bottle so there has to be something else," he persisted.

I watched the sparkle of the light on the cut crystal surfaces of my glass as I swirled the whisky around and took another drink. "But you're not responsible for millions of deaths..."

"Neither are you, Daniel." Cameron actually looked concerned.

I gave a mirthless laugh. "Not those, no."

He thought for a while, sipping his whisky. "It's Vyus then?"

"Not... exactly." I got up and poured another drink. "You want a refill?"

He declined. "Are you sure you want to do that? You're gonna feel really bad in the morning."

"I already feel really bad and nothing's going to change that."

Cam frowned at me. "It's Linea, isn't it?" he asked, laying his arm across my shoulder and giving a gentle squeeze. I filled him in with the salient details.

"Now do you see? How many people have died because of me?"

"Who's to say anyone's died— "

"She's The Destroyer of Worlds! .Whole fucking worlds!". I shouted. I pushed his hand away and stood up, gesticulating at him. "What is there about that that you do not get?"

"It's not your fault," he responded quietly - trying to calm me down with his voice?

"Yes. It is. .But for me, rushing in like a stupid knight in shining armor, she would have died at the S.G.C. six years ago."

"Look, sit down, Daniel. Maybe there's another explanation...?" I scowled at him, highly skeptical. He gave a small smile and patted the couch next to him. I gave in and sat down again. He took my drink and put both glasses down on the coffee table.

"That's right," he said, replacing his arm across my shoulders and pulling me in. It was quite comforting actually, and God knows I needed a little comfort right then.

"Look, this is probably not going to be particularly good for your ego, but isn't it possible that, once Linea found out she really was— Linea, that she was playing you? Manipulating you?"

"No. You weren't there. How could you think— "

"Not having been there gives me greater objectivity," he said, keeping his tone of voice soothing. "Once she took the antidote, she was Linea pretending to be Ke'ra. She had all the memories of— "

"I don't think so. When I descended, my memory came back in bits and pieces. It took quite a while..."

He thought about it. "It's not really the same thing. You were away for a year and your memory loss was manipulated by the Ancients..." (Manipulated again. Am I so easy to outmaneuver?) "... hers was only a temporary loss. The other two got their memories back pretty well straight away, didn't they?"

I had to admit that they did.

"So Linea with memories intact was essentially Linea again, but with Ke'ra's memories of your kindness and your trust, yes?" I nodded reluctantly, seeing where he was going. "So she gambled - at very short odds - that you wouldn't let her die."

"Am I really that transparent?"

"You're just a decent guy, Daniel. Where some people delight in seeing other folks' faults, you look for the good in them. It's not a bad thing. It just leaves you open to being exploited occasionally."

"But Ke'ra willingly gave up her memories of being Linea."

"Of course she did. It was the only way she'd be allowed out of the S.G.C. She's a highly intelligent person - like you - probably curious like you too. She knew she'd find the antidote again, and then she was home free."

"Really fucked up, didn't I?" I sighed.

"Not necessarily. She left the Vyans in peace, didn't she? Not in pieces. Who knows, maybe the fact that you trusted her, even when you knew who she was, might have been a turning point for her - that and the goodwill of the Vyans. Just because she left Vyus, doesn't necessarily mean she went out on a killing spree."

I snorted. "Somehow, I can't see her as an angel of mercy."

"Maybe not, with hindsight, but when you first met Ke'ra, she was like an angel of mercy wasn't she? So she must have that quality in her. Who knows - maybe that side of her won out?"

I gave him a sly look. "Are you trying to manipulate me?"

"No! Of course not. Just trying to give you an different perspective is all," he said, managing to sound both innocent and guilty at the same time.

"Uh - huh."

"You don't sound convinced. Maybe you need a little distraction?" Cam gave me a long appraising look then ran his other had over my chest. His fingers circled a nipple.

I hadn't had so much to drink that my body wouldn't respond. Or maybe it was just a long time since I'd gotten any - onanism excluded.

"You sure you don't mean manipulation?" I growled. Cam's fingers stopped moving as he looked at me a warily. "Wouldn't be thinking of exploiting a drunk, would you...?" He moved his hand right away. I didn't think it was my imagination that he looked disappointed.

I stood up and loomed over him. "Good, 'cause that wouldn't really by fair, would it?"

"No," he said, looking away, chastened.

"On the other hand..."

I grabbed a handful of his jacket and yanked him to his feet. I could've laughed at the sudden shock his face registered, but didn't want to spoil the moment. I dragged him through into my bedroom; it was time my new - big - bed was baptized. Shame it wasn't Jack, but under the circumstances - past and present - I was more than prepared to make do. I shoved him on to the bed then straddled him.

"So I'm 'just a decent guy,' huh?" I demanded, looking down into his eyes which said he wasn't quite sure where I was going with this.

"You think I don't have a dark side too? 'Cause you'd be wrong. I do!. Scared yet?"

Not scared enough not to react. Heh! Unsure or not, he was certainly turned on. }:-) .I ripped his shirt open, heedless of a couple of buttons flying off.

"Hey! What're you doing, Daniel?"

I gave a dirty laugh. "What d'you think I'm doing?"

"This is my best shirt! - Well, one of them..."

"Then don't start something you aren't prepared to finish," I growled, wriggling out of my pants and boxers. I scrambled over him to grab the lube from the night stand, then rolled back astride him. He didn't put up any kind of a struggle which was encouragement enough.

I swiped my tongue over his chest, concentrating on the erogenous bits, while I opened his pants and released his dick which was definitely up for it. Moving down, I licked around the head then blew over it which brought a groan from Cam. I sucked it a little, just to make sure it didn't go to sleep while I reached through and prepped myself.

I settled my asshole over his dick and slowly slid down it. We both gasped, hissed and groaned until he was fully inside me. He cupped my buttocks and after several experimental and highly stimulating thrusts, we really went for it, banging away like the traditional shithouse door in a gale.

It didn't last long but it was soooooooo good! Cam looked like he was going to pass out as he came. Very soon after, with a little more manipulation from Cam, I was shooting streamers of come over his chest - catching his chin too. I collapsed on top of him in a sticky, satisfied heap and we dozed for a while till Cam pushed me off, complaining about my weight. Reluctantly, we decided we ought to get cleaned up.

"Oh God, Daniel, look what you've done to my shirt!" Cam said as he stripped off. It was minus three buttons and smeared with my come.

"I'll buy you a new one," I grinned.

There was no thought of Cameron going home. We crawled into bed and snuggled up together.

"Nice distraction. Thanks," I said.

"Feeling a little better then?"

"Yup. A good fucking beats any other form of 'therapy' hands down."

"Maybe I should start up in business," Cam muttered. "What d'you think?"

"Well I'm not pimping for you," I warned. "Next time I need you - want you - I want you... (stroking his dick) ...standing up straight and ready for action!"

"You wanna go again?"

"Mmmno. Sleep now. Fuck later," I murmured, then slept long and soundly.

Go earlier

...Part 1 December 2005

..Part 2 2nd - 22nd January 2006

Part 3 27th Jan - 21st Feb 2006

.Part 4 22nd Feb - 24th Mar 2006

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