It was broken by six or seven guys breaking cover from behind the trees. They were wearing dark green cammo and holding what looked like some sort of ray guns.

"Freeze! Drop your weapons!" the leader cried in Romanian. Three of his men fired their ray guns at the AVCOP, disabling it.

"We mean you no harm but time is vital!" the leader continued.

Maxine translated and, faux de mieux, they laid down their Calicos.

"Good. Now you have to trust me," the leader said, then started dialing out. "It's the only way to save your friend."

He waved his team through the 'Gate. Pausing before stepping through after them, he said, "Do nothing but wait -- and trust other senses than your eyes and ears." Then he was gone and the 'Gate shut down normally.

Luc checked the AVCOP but it seemed completely dead.

Maxine sat down on the edge of the plinth beside the 'Gate and passed on what the invaders had said. "I have a really bad feeling about this..."

In the lab., there was consternation. The activation meant they had to abort the operation before it had been completed -- or they'd lose both men. The chief scientist angrily gave the order.

In the center of the lab., side by side, were two circular podia about three feet in diameter and six inches high. These looked like small horizontal Stargates with thick glass panels over active wormholes. The light from one of these was a greenish blue, the other emitted purplish blue light. They were about a foot apart.

Behind each of these podia was a large, vertical-sided chemical flask, half filled with a swirling inky liquid that was effervescing with golden bubbles. The two flasks were connected by inch wide tubes at the bottom and halfway up.

The effervescence was dying down as two streams of scintillating particles flowed upwards along the glass tubing from these flasks, round a right-angled bend, and spewed down on to the two circular podia, where they coalesced into two men.

The one on the purple podium looked annoyed. The other, on the greenish podium, looked disoriented.

The latter looked at the man to his right and thought for a moment that he was looking into a mirror. He looked around, bewildered. Apparently he was in a science lab with banks of computers along three sides. Small lights were flashing in several colors, and a number of people in long white robes, like priestly vestments, were dashing around, looking like they were in a mighty panic.

One of these men - the leader? - pointed to a computer on a stand in front of the podia. Another white-robed man ran to it. The leader was holding up a hand and seemed to be counting down. His hand dropped and the priest-scientist touched a button on the computer.

The man didn't know why, but he leapt across to the purple podium and wrapped his arms round the other guy as the leader's hand dropped.

The leader cried out. Too late.

The two men were converted into a single matter stream and disappeared up into a small horizontal 'stargate with a purply blue event horizon some ten feet above the purple podium. There was only one of those.

Five minutes after SG-24 sat down to wait, the 'Gate on P4D-131 started to activate, but an event horizon appeared without the preceding 'kawoosh.' The team sprang to its collective feet as J, grappling with another man, tumbled out on to the 'Gate's plinth. They seemed to be fighting over J's Calico.

J tried to grab it, but the other guy kicked it away, out of reach and rolled out of range himself.

SG-24 raised their Calicos and Luc yelled at the fighters to get their hands up, which they both did. Maxine and Luc went over to J, guns trained on the other guy. Theo went over to the dark-haired stranger with the intention of cuffing him.

"Are we glad to see you," Maxine smiled at J. "What happened?"

J gave her a stony look, then nodded to the stranger. "Kill him!"

Maxine sneezed, big time, and lowered her weapon as she did so.

"I said, kill him!" J snarled. "That's an order."

Luc gave him a very old-fashioned look, wondering what had happened to J's dedication to the Bushido code. "What's he done?"

"Are you questioning my orders, Captain?"

"Guess I am," Luc said.

"Then I'll do it myself," J said, reaching for Luc's Calico.

Luc stepped back out of reach. "Not until I know what's going on."

"He's an evil bastard and he tried to kill me. That good enough for ya, Captain? Now kill him, or I'll have you on a charge for insubordination."

"Do I get a say in this?" the stranger asked.

"No. You don't," J snapped.

"Yes. He does," Theo said, adding snarkily, "and you can't do me for insubordination. What d'you want to say, guy?"

The stranger nodded at J. "Ask him what his middle name is."

J looked baffled and Maxine sneezed again.

The stranger growled, "Yeah, he doesn't know. Because I don't have a middle name, do I, Max?!"

Maxine, green eyes flashing, began to react as she had when J had called her Max before. Before--. Her jaw dropped. "J?" she said. It was little more than a whisper.

He nodded and rubbed his bewhiskered face. "What's happened to me?"

The team looked from one to the other.

"Just shoot him," ordered the one that looked like J. "Can't you see he's just trying to stir up trouble in the team?"

"Well, somebody sure is," Luc declared.

"Then, let's go back to the SGC and sort it out there." 'J' went over to the DHD, but before he could start dialing out, the chevrons lit up, announcing an incoming wormhole.

When the event horizon settled, the men in dark green cammos came running back out.

"You!?" 'J' exclaimed. He grabbed the discarded Calico but was hit by a blast from the group leader's ray gun before he could fire. It seemed similar to a zat blast. The leader then cuffed him.

"You seem to have worked things out, more or less," he said in Romanian.

Maxine translated.

"I haven't," said the dark stranger who seemed to be J. "What's going on?"

"I apologize," replied the leader in English. "We can speak English. There are several linguae francae around the galaxy. English is one of the newer ones. Others are Greek, Latin and Khemian, though these are falling from favor. And Romanian, of course. I am Eneas, leader of the Prasinos Team of the Contra-Bruxai. We are descendants of the Archaioi whom you may know as the Furlings."

"The Furlings," everyone exclaimed. Theo said, a little sadly, "SG-1 never got to meet the Furlings."

Eneas continued, "Many centuries ago, the Dwimmerlings taught the Strigoi how to take over other people, body and soul, and replace them, using the mindless, memory-less originals as slaves in their Bruxan Empire on the other side of the galaxy. I'm afraid they've recently discovered the Tau'ri and they're working on making Earth a part of that Empire."

"Okay, back up," Luc said. "We've heard of the Furlings, but who are these others? Strigoi? Dwimmerlings? Bruxan Empire? What are they?"

"Ah, not as well informed as we thought," Eneas commented to his team. "Very well then. The Bruxai are your friendly neighborhood bad guys bent on galactic conquest. Sort of. They achieve their ends by stealth. As I said, they replace people in power with their own people, and run things for their own best interests, specifically so they can enjoy an idle, sybaritic life-style and delegate all the work to others. The Strigoi claim to belong to a kind of priestly caste, but they're really Bruxan scientists. They do the replacing. The people they've replaced are sold as slaves."

"At the Agora?" Maxine asked.

"Sometimes, but usually not. The Bruxai have their own slave market which is as bad as the worst cattle market you can image," Eneas said, looking like he'd found a dead rat in his soup. "Oh, and the Dwimmerlings are what you might call dark Furlings - Furlings gone to the bad."

"So why did they try to replace J?" Luc wanted to know.

"Their targets are usually either people in power over others, kings, political leaders, the heads of banks or industry or the military. Alternatively, they're people who might 'rock the boat' - ones who are honorable and can neither be bought nor bullied into toeing the line. I suspect your friend may belong to both categories?"

"Certainly the latter," Luc said.

"And he's the leader of our team which is kind of military," Theo added.

"Then we are your friends for sure," Eneas said. "The Contra-Bruxai, as the name suggests, are working against the Bruxai and trying to put right the wrongs they have done. We feel responsible for their rise to power because the Dwimmerlings are - well, our 'brothers' I guess. Their actions have led to this scourge spreading all over our galaxy. We are few in number so far - fewer than we need anyway, so new members are always welcome."

There was a groan from behind them. J's would-be replacement was coming round. Sulkily, he asked, "What now?"

"How about giving me my face back?" J asked. "And you can have your own back, whoever you are."

"Dragomir," Maxine murmured.

"What?" J asked.

"I think his name may be Dragomir. An assignment came my way by accident yesterday. It disappeared before I had time to decode the whole thing, though I made a copy. It mentioned someone called Dragomir and it read like it was a plan for an assassination. Now, I think the target of that assassination was you." Then she gestured at the Bruxan guy and added. "He wasn't just going to replace you; he was meant to kill you - or somebody was."

"That was their big mistake - telling us to execute this guy," Luc commented, pointing at J. "No one who knows J would believe he'd kill someone out of hand - someone he couldn't have known for more than about ten minutes at that."

"So you used your other senses," Eneas smiled. "Ok then - Dragomir. You're going to take us to the Strigoi lab."

"No," Dragomir said, his chin jutting out at a defiant angle.

"Fine. Then we'll take you to the Fagaras 'Gate and send you back here, closing down the wormhole early, and you knows what that means..."

This was obviously a serious and credible threat as Dragomir capitulated almost immediately. He led them several hundred yards into the woods. In a small clearing, he indicates a square of different colored turf with his foot. One of Eneas's men lifted a trapdoor.

Dragomir took his chance, bent over the hole revealed, and opened his mouth to yell a warning. He got no further as the butt end of Luc's Calico made contact with his skull, knocking him out.

J winced. "Hey! Watch the head!" he groused. "It's mine!"

"Sorry!"

SG-24 stayed to guard Dragomir as Eneas led his team down stone steps carved into the bedrock. They continued along a dark curving passageway towards a faint, multicolored glow.

There was a brief skirmish as the Contra-Bruxai burst into the underground lab. The Strigoi were quickly subdued. Eneas sent one of men to fetch SG-24 and Dragomir who was still out cold. They dragged him along the passage into the lab.

"Well, this place looks familiar..." J commented drily.

Maxine just sneezed.

Skender, Eneas's chief scientist, set things up to return J and Dragomir to their proper forms. "And no cracks about reversing the polarity this time, please, Toma," he scowled at the youngest Furling who grinned.

J and Dragomir were placed on the podia, Eneas' men holding Dragomir upright on his. They were converted into glowing golden matter streams which traveled along the tubes into the connected glass flasks.

As they all watched the golden particles bubbling vigorously through the swirling inky liquid, there was a violent sneeze.

"Bless you!" Theo said to Maxine.

"It wasn't me. I didn't sneeze."

"Okay, reveal yourself!" demanded Eneas.

There was a faint glow in the middle of the lab next to Maxine.

"And the rest of you..."

There a grunt, and a bundle of glowy tentacles appeared.

Maxine and Theo exchange glances.

"Grandfather Daniel?" they both said doubtfully.

Daniel put a glowy finger to his lips. "Ssh, I'm not supposed to interfere."

"I'd say you've already been interfering," Eneas said tartly.

"But how did you know?" Theo asked.

"The Ancients are allergic to dark matter," Skender said.

"'M not an Ancient - just an ascended human."

"Oh?" Eneas sounded impressed. "Should've realized. Much more hands on and damn the consequences," he grinned.

"You were there on my eighteenth birthday, weren't you? At Aunt Claire's?" Maxine asked.

Daniel frowned. "Will you shush? I'm not supposed to be here!" Then he grinned. "Yes I was. How could I miss it?"

Maxine was suddenly serious. "They won't kick you out again, will they? I mean, I'd love to see you for real, but it might be a bit embarrassing for you, and heaven knows what the Warriors would make of it!"

Daniel laughed. "Don't! They'd either think it was the second coming or-- well, let's not dwell. Though either of those scenarios would probably put them off kicking me out, as you so elegantly phrase it, on Earth."

Maxine looked horrified. "You mean you might get dumped on some unknown planet like you - um like you were last time--"

"With no clothes?"

"I was going to say with no memory. That would be awful!"

Daniel gave her a gentle smile. "Don't worry, they aren't cruel," he reassured her. "Now I'd better be off before someone does notice. Oh, and I would keep this little jaunt strictly between the four of you - and Ash of course. Good luck and take good care of each other."

"We will."

With that, Daniel turned back into ethereal form and drifted along the passageway to the outside. By this time, the process in the lab was coming to its end. The two men reappeared on opposite podia. J collapsed but was caught before he hit the floor. He groaned, shook his head and groaned again. "Definitely seeing double here. What did you hit me - him - with?"

"The stock of my Calico," Luc said sounding contrite.

"Clearly you don't know your own strength then!"

"What are we going to do with him?" Luc jerked a thumb at Dragomir.

"We'll take care of him," Eneas said, "and no, he won't be harmed."

"So what's our next move?" Theo asked Luc as J was, if not incapacitated, not in a good position to think straight.

"I think we go back home. J needs treatment and I don't think this world is the one we were supposed to come to, given it isn't as described in the files for P4D-131."

"Given that," Maxine said, "I think this whole mission has been a set-up from the very beginning, with the aim of replacing one of us with a - a cuckoo in our nest. "

"I think you're spot on the money there," J said, groaning. "If you remember, I was held up for a few moments before I came through the 'Gate. There was a message for me. I thought it was funny at the time, as it certainly wasn't as urgent as it appeared at first."

"That's what the Strigoi do," Skender said, indicating the unconscious scientists. "Grab the last guy through and collapse the wormhole so the energy pattern is stored in the memory buffer. It's transferred to the flask when the other guy is ready. If the procedure had been completed then, after your appearances had been exchanged, your memories would have been duplicated and downloaded into Dragomir's brain. He would retain all his own memories, but yours would then be suppressed leaving you with no idea of who or what you are. Dragomir would have been sent to join your team and, under normal circumstances, you'd be on your way to the slave market. You must be a really special guy for them to want you dead."

"Yeah, we think he is," Luc smiled.

"You've a funny way of showing it," J growled, rubbing his head. He turned to Skender and co., and added, "That was some bullet to dodge and I thank you wholeheartedly."

"The memories are just suppressed?" Maxine asked. "Not destroyed altogether?"

"No, they're still there," Skender replied. "Removing the block isn't easy though. Unfortunately."

"We were damn' lucky you came along when you did, then," Theo said to Eneas.

"Not luck. We've been keeping an eye on several 'Gates in this quadrant. We got advance notice of this one."

"Who from?"

"I'd rather not say. Don't want to compromise our sources."

J nodded then winced. "Yeah, I get that."

"Now that we've taken control of the lab under this 'Gate," Skender said, "we aim to keep control of it, and I can work on finding out how to release the memories of the anticatods when we find them. I can't do anything about restoring appearances though unless I have both people, as I did here."

Maxine gasped. "Oh. My. God.! Like Ash said, I am so stupid sometimes and we have a very big problem..."

"What?" Theo asked.

"My sudden 'allergy' problem. Maybe I'm allergic to dark matter too? Or Grandfather Daniel somehow makes me sneeze when I'm around dark matter?"

"So how is that a problem? More like a useful tool."

"Think about it. My sneezing seems to have a connection with dark matter. Now, who thinks J's too straight, could have sent him that message right on cue and makes me want to sneeze - though I didn't and thanks for that, Grandfather."

A disembodied voice said, "You're welcome! Oops..."

"President Warren?" Luc exclaimed, stupefied. "Fuck me!"

"Yeah. I think our country's leader is one of these Bruxai."

"This is most likely," Eneas says. "It's the Bruxai way."

"A silent revolution," Theo said.

"Just so."

"Well, I guess we just joined the contra-Bruxai," Luc said to Eneas, "in spirit at least."

"You are most welcome to join our fellowship."

"I don't really know what we can do against these Bruxai though," J said ruefully.

"Information is always useful."

"I don't know how we'd contact you though. It's not like we come and go through the Stargate at will - not yet anyway - and we don't get much advance notice about where we're going to go next either," J sighed. "Hopefully, there will come a time when we have a little more freedom, but it could be a long way off."

"There is one Bruxan we know about though," Maxine said. "King Tobias of Noucincu in Ceresc-tara on P5R-772. I think he may have been swapped with one of our people, a Major Toby King, whose daughter used to work with me. He looks like her father - though a lot younger than he should."

"Sounds likely. Though it would be difficult to track him down. He's probably been sold as a slave--" He gave a bitter sigh.

While Eneas and Skender were talking with SG-24, the rest of their team had been carrying out the unconscious and zip-cuffed Strigoi. Toma came running in to say they were ready and could use some more muscle - if there was any... He stayed behind to help Skender and the rest filed out, J leaning on Luc. The able-bodied then lent a hand with pushing the Strigoi through the 'Gate.

As the Contra-Bruxai followed the Strigoi through the 'Gate, Eneas said, "If you want - or need to contact us - our emblem is the last letter. Omega. We hope to put an end to the Bruxan Empire. Some day. Mark it on a stone and leave your message under it or nearby. If you see a 'Gate with omega marked on the plinth, the world is one we visit and is safe. Probably. If it has omega with a cross through it, the world belongs to the Bruxai. If it has this sign," Eneas scratched an omega with two vertical lines down it, "then there's a lab under it."

"And we can add an omega with a tau inside it to say our messages are from the Tau'ri," Maxine suggested.

"Good idea. Now, I have to go, and may good luck go with you."

"And with you," Maxine smiled.

Luc looked at the blackened AVCOP, then waved the team away into the trees. "It seems is totally dead. I hope so or we're going to have a lot of 'splainin' to do. I guess that's why they shot it up at the outset."

"To save us the awkward explanations?" Theo asked.

"I think so. They obviously know what they're doing," Luc said. "Now, before we return, we have to decide how we're going to play this - get our story straight."

Maxine raised a finger. "Thinking back, that accidental message said that Dragomir was to tell the rest - us, I think - that the address was wrong, and to bring them - us again - back. He was to go to GB who would give them the correct one. That would be General Bradfield, wouldn't it?"

"You think he's a Bruxan too?" Luc asked, alarmed.

"No," J said decidedly.

"I agree," Maxine said. "I've never felt the least bit sneezy around him. But I wonder how far under their influence he is?"

"Well, he has to go along with the way things are, or he'll be replaced by someone more co-operative - maybe a Bruxan already in place somewhere on Earth. He's always seemed more nominally in charge than actually in charge - if you see what I mean?" J said.

"Yes, I do. He's a bit like Aunt Claire. Better all round if he's there even if he can't actively do very much. His presence is a stymie."

"Yeah. Something like that."

"Focus, team," Luc said. "We have to account for our time here, and also for our Contra-Bruxan friends. The AVCOP has to have recorded their arrival, and there are probably people at the SGC or WPX who'll recognize them."

"How long have we been here anyway?" Theo asked, checking his chronometer. "Hm, just over half an hour, so not as long as it seemed."

"As I see it," Luc said, "we have two choices. Either J pretends to be our would-be cuckoo, Dragomir, - or - Eneas and co disrupted things before Dragomir appeared here."

"Well, right now, I certainly don't feel up to pretending to be someone I'm not," J said, "plus I've no desire to take on Dragomir's style of leadership."

"We could say that Eneas and friends, a.k.a. the bad guys who attacked us, forced us to go to their camp in the wood," Theo suggested. "We didn't see anything much except people coming and going. J got dragged into the camp unconscious a while later. He'd been knocked out because he'd tried to play the hero. That should prevent Warren saying he should've done more. Then they let us go."

"Why would they do that?" Luc asked.

"That is something we will never know," Maxine said. "Not being in a position to interrogate our captors. We're just thankful that they did."

"We didn't pose a threat to them so they sent us home. And we've no need to mention Dragomir because we never saw him," Theo added.

"Actually, that could work," Maxine agreed. "It covers all the angles I think and Dad always said that if you have to tell a lie, deviate as little as possible from the truth."

"Oh yes, I can just hear Uncle Rufus saying that!" Theo grinned.

With that, SG-24 returned to the 'Gate and Luc dialed home.

General Bradfield, watching from the observation room, made haste down to the 'Gate Room when he saw J arrive with his arm round Theo's broad shoulder. He'd been informed, indirectly, that as the result of a typo, SSG-24 had been sent to the wrong planet. He was concerned to see that it had resulted in injury.

Luc cut off his bee-line towards J with Maxine acting as backstop.

"What happened, Captain?" Bradfield said, taking the hint.

"Major Mitchell's concussed, sir. Don't know how badly-- "

"I see. Then take him to the infirmary straightaway, Dr. Hunter. Everything else can wait," Bradfield said immediately, then turned back to Luc. "How exactly did this happen?"

"We don't really know, sir. Think someone made a mistake with the 'Gate address--"

"So I was told," Bradfield said drily.

"You were?" Luc exclaimed, looking surprised. "May I ask who by, sir?"

"You can ask, but this time, I don't rightly know, Captain. The erratum notification with the correct co-ordinates was on my desk when I returned after seeing Major Mitchell off, speaking of whom...?"

"Oh. Yes sir. There was a 'Gate malfunction at the other end and Major Mitchell hadn't arrived. I called in and was told he'd already gone through the 'Gate. Before we had time to find out what had happened, we got jumped by an armed gang."

"Do we know who they were?"

"No sir. They took the three of us away to their campsite in the forest. Trees! That was our first clue that we were on the wrong planet! At a rough guess, there were around thirty more of the gang at their camp. A dozen or so then took off back the way we'd come and a few minutes later, a couple of them returned dragging Major Mitchell. He was unconscious."

"Do you know how that happened?"

"I'm afraid not, though given that he declined to talk about it when he regained covsciousness, I suspect he tried to get heroic. Seeing what their ray guns did to our probe, I think we're lucky they just clubbed him. Or whatever."

"Quite. Do we know what this gang was up to?"

"No idea, sir. I guess we walked in on whatever it was they were doing."

"I see," Bradfield said not looking particularly illuminated by Luc's tale. "Well, at least you're all back in one piece."

"Yes sir. Permission to go check on our leader?" Luc said, wanting to avoid answering further questions on the fly.

"Permission granted," the general said with a smile.

"Nice bull-shitting, Luc," Maxine muttered as they made their way up to the infirmary, "but don't overdo the embellishments. The other two won't know exactly what you said."

"Good point. More of your father's advice."

Maxine grinned. "What else?"

When they arrived in the infirmary, they found Dr. Timmy Flint ministering to J, which was a relief. The SGC was fortunate in that they had one of the few remaining fully functioning body scanners, and she was prepping him for this.

Meanwhile, Dr. Dawson's assistant, Dr. Urmston took over the rest of the team's post-mission checks. Apparently Dr. Dawson was taking one of his frequent half-hour breaks - in company with his good 'friend' Dr. Uisge Beatha...

"At least you've got me," Urmston said smugly, giving them full benefit of his annoying braying laughter. "Saved you from the mongrel bitch! Haw, haw, haw, haw!"

"Excuse me?" Maxine growled, eyes sparking dangerously. "A mongrel bitch? Well better that than a dumb ass! Haw, haw, haaw, haaaaw!" Then she stalked out with Luc in hot pursuit.

"Did I say something wrong?" Urmston said, looking baffled.

The debriefing, minus Major Mitchell, was very short as General Bradfield already knew the salient features, and neither Dr. Pepperday nor Doctor Hunter had anything more to add. Naturally. Least said, soonest mended...

There was no summons to Washington PX. Maxine could hazard a couple of guesses as to why. So the team went back to the infirmary to find out how J was progressing.

The concussion was a bad one with a hairline fracture and slight bruising to the brain, which made Luc feel very guilty. J was his friend, for Chris'sakes. He should've had more control - should've considered that the cranium in question didn't actually belong to the cuckoo.

Timmy was going to keep him in the infirmary for a week and was confident that J would make a full recovery.

The bad news came the following afternoon. Theo, Luc and Maxine had gone to check up on J's progress after lunch. He was looking fine and responded positively to their questions. Then he dropped the bombshell.

"General Bradfield came to visit this morning. There are going to be a couple of changes in the team for the next mission or two. One, you're not going to like, the other Bradfield knew nothing about except that he's been brought in from out of state."

"Who's the one we won't like?" Luc asked.

"Lt. Beck's being replaced by Captain Bachmann..." Everyone groaned.

"Probably the new mole," Maxine surmised.

"I agree," J said. "And they would hardly put him in my team if I was there, given the history between us."

"And I thought Warren was my friend." Maxine said in lachrymose tones, "How fickle! How very fickle!" The rest chuckled.

"My replacement is from Nevada," J continued. "He's a Major Reuben Kellermann--"

Luc drew a sharp breath. "Oh, dear god, no..." he whispered, raising his eyes to heaven. He closed his eyes tight shut then his head sank to his chest.

His team mates exchanged concerned looks. There was clearly some serious history there.