Crown Infernal

. . . Last Words

Series 7

part 1

So far...

Fragile Balance


'Thanks, Jim...'


I gotta say, Daniel, it's really wonderful to have you back!

Well, thanks, Jim.

Of course, I could soon revise that opinion...

So no hug, then?

Ya know, I thought that was a bit off - although you were being a little stand-offish at first.

I'd lost my memory. Or had you forgotten?

No, I— Oh, very funny.

Sam was very pleased to see me.

Yeah, she was bouncing, wasn't she? Couldn't tell a lie to save her life though, could she?

What d'you mean, Jack?

Well, she tells you how caring and passionate you are, then you ask her if there was anything between you. I mean, come on! Can you think of anyone else who wouldn't've lied at that point?!


Well, there you are!

You think Teal'c would've lied?

Daniel? Are you sure you haven't got a 'thing' for our Jaffa?

Well, he was so emotional when we talked about Sha're...

Emotional? Teal'c?

You've never noticed?


I liked that scene in the locker room. It was just like old times.

Yes, it was, wasn't it? I hear they wanted you to do it wearing only a towel...?

Yeah, but they were afraid you might start hyperventilating.

Daniel, whatever happened to 'don't ask, don't tell'?

Jack, they only have to see the look on your face when I'm around... That cute little smile...

Hey, I don't do cute! No way!

You do from where I'm standing...

So, Daniel, how does it feel to be back in the old routine?

Er, which one?

Uh? Oh. Going through the Stargate and so on.

I was a little surprised that they sent me up to Anubis's invincible big black battleship before I'd fully recovered my memory and without any proper back-up.

Yeah well, see, the plot needed someone to play around with Anubis's spiky little golf ball of doom. Normally, that would've been you, but we didn't think you'd appreciate getting whumped first trip out, so we had to find someone even more inept—

You're saying I'm inept, Jack?

Well, it took ya long enough to get those target co-ordinates.

You thought maybe Anubis's computer was linked up to the Internet and I'd just do a search on Google maybe?

Something like that, yeah.

By the way, "Red Leader"? I thought you'd never seen 'Star Wars'.

I hadn't until we read our scripts. Teal'c said I ought to watch it with him.

You? Watched 'Star Wars'? With Teal'c...?

Ahh... ye-eah. Um, Daniel? Hug now?

...Last Words...

Daniel gets in a little lurking practice.


We-ell, that was a series of cock-ups wasn't it?

I don't know. Was it? I was mostly trying not to get caught.

Yes, that's the third time you've spent a double episode lurking, skulking and sneaking around on a goo'uld ship.

Is it?

Well, I can understand you'd prefer to forget playing Yu's lotar. Not the most flattering outfit you've ever worn - Pajama Boy!

Two words, Jack - knitted hats...

Looks like Teal'c's got a new little friend to play with.


Bless you!

That's the name of Yu's First Prime— Oshi.

Whatever. His opposite number was a damn' sight better than the folks I got stuck with.

The Colonans?

Yeah. An objectionable bunch, the lot of 'em. Stupid and pig-headed too. Using a naquadria bomb on their own people, for cryin' out loud!

We did have some good luck, though.

Like what?

Finding the transporter rings that just happened to connect with the Colonan wharehouse.

Yeah, very convenient machina for you to play deus ex... Nice timing, by the way.

So you said at the time.

And we didn't get publicly executed. That was lucky too.

Yeah, ironic that, isn't it. You owe your life to Baal.

Well, he needn't think that means we have a reciprocal arrangement!

I doubt he even realized he'd saved our lives. Wonder what happened to that orange crystal?

Don't know, Daniel, but fifty bucks says it'll turn up on E-bay eventually.

Hm, I don't think you'd get many takers. By the way, you never got around to telling me about all the cock-ups I missed.

Oh, well, you disappearing into hyperspace on Anubis's ship, us getting suckered into throwing in our lot with the Colonans... Oh but hey, there's one cock-up you're gonna like...

What's that, Jack?

This one—

Oh yes, now that one I definitely like!

...Last Words...

The eyes have it...

Fragile Balance

Well, that was scary...

Ya think?!

Yes. I thought I'd lost my lover. Guess that's why you asked for Sam first instead of me?

Something like that. At least you realized it was me, even if it was just the loud, grating bits.

Grated a bit, did it?

A bit.

But not as much as the props crew getting your name wrong and adding five years to your age, I'd guess?

What? They did what?

On your I.D. tag. You didn't notice?


They called you John instead of Jonathan and gave your year of birth as 1952.

They didn't?



They thought you lied about your age to Kynthia - to minimize the age gap.

What?! Given that she was only thirty-one days old, for crying out loud, five years here or there isn't going to make a deal of difference.

Besides, at the time, you were going ballistic about Pelops stealing the Argosians' lives - and yours - so you weren't likely to reduce his crime.

Too right! And did they seriously think was I going to stop and do the math in the middle of a rant?!

They obviously don't know you as well as I do...

Sam was way out of line too.

She was?

Yes. "Cute", my ass!

Well, you have got a cute ass - not that Sam should be noticing...

And Teal'c was practically giggling - in fact the whole damn' lot of you ganged up on me.

I didn't.

Yes. You did.


Daniel, you went through my underwear drawer! In public! Are you a knicker-fetishist, or something?

Just looking for clues, Jack.

What, just checking that I haven't been borrowing Sergeant Davis's thong?



That was another scary thing.

Sergeant Davis's thong?

No, the cloning thing. Not only did Loki clone your body - sort of - he also duplicated your mind... As if one Jack O'Neill in the world isn't enough!

Well, that's what happens when you clone someone. Isn't it?

Not really. I mean, technically, identical twins are clones, but they don't have the same personality, the same interests, the same life experiences - or even the same fingerprints...

So what? If you cloned Hitler, he wouldn't be a megalomaniac trying to take over the world?

Possibly not. He might be a successful artist, a pacifist maybe, or a chat-show host...


But in your case, you and mini-you had identical minds. Like I said, scary.


By the way, want to know how I really knew it was you?

Okay, I'll bite.

Your beautiful brown eyes. They hadn't changed.

Actually they had. That wasn't me.

Well, I know that really. Spoil the moment, why don't you?

The kid was good though, wasn't he?

Oh, yes. I'd give him an Oscar.

And I could too have taken that S.F.


'All right! That's it! Now, I'm mad!'

...Last Words...

The usual disclaimers apply:

a) they ain't mine - sadly - would look after them better than the present crew if I did.
b) ain't making any money out of this - just having a little fun...

Begun 30 SEPT 2003
Updated 20 OCT 2003.

Edited: 8 AUG 2009
Thanks, AmyCat! 8-)

Crown Infernal